fighting the inevitable

“All right, I would like you all to partner up with the person sitting next to you for our project that will last the rest of this term- Terry, pay attention- ah right, so you will all have to come up with a Potion of your own invention as well as the antidote for said potion to demonstrate your knowledge, given that you have gained any,” Slughorn announced, giving pointed glances to students around the room. “I will not be helping you at all, please use today’s class time to begin brainstorming,” he finished, settling back down in his squashy leather chair to read theProphet.

Regulus was convinced he came up with assignments like this whenever the Prophet had an especially juicy cover story- today’s being that a certain French witch has been gallivanting around in the Muggle world using spells and hexes to climb her way to the top. Regulus had to admit he wanted to snag a copy to see for himself, and if being a death eater didn’t work out, maybe he could do that.

He was forced to come to class today as he was deemed healthy by Madam Pomfrey and fit to resume his regular activities. He didn’t agree but he was no match against a formidable witch such as herself.

It had been a week since coming back and while his self-imposed silence had been lifted, it didn’t mean he had forgotten the horrors that he faced over the holiday. He likely never would and held no doubts that he would face more of the same over the summer.

He hadn’t said a single word to James since before the holiday and was the subject of heavy stares under hooded eyes or quick glances whenever they passed each other in the corridor. He wasn’t sure what they meant or what message James was trying to convey- perhaps he was put off by a certain kiss they shared and was trying to figure Regulus out or see if he’d tell anyone.

He knew James wouldn’t want anyone to know what had happened that night, what slip in judgement or chaos in the universe brought them together. He hadn’t told any of his friends either but it was especially hard to keep a secret like this from Pandora, the one he shared a bed with every single night. 

He could reassure James that it would never happen again but something about saying the words, admitting them, made them more true and while he knew that is what James would want, Regulus couldn’t help the longing that pulled at him when he spotted James and the lips that grazed his or the hands that held him close while snow fell around them. The moment was so perfect he sometimes doubted it was even real. 

While James wasn’t his first kiss, thinking back to that moment made Regulus wonder if he had died now, would he be happy with that being his last kiss? The moment was a definitive yes. 

Even now, James was idly tapping his quill against the black tabletop with no idea that his deft fingers were driving Regulus mad.

Perhaps the problem was that they had only shared one kiss. Surely that wasn’t enough, it was like eating a single crisp out of an entire bag- it wasn’t enough to satisfy the craving for them.

Regulus was debating the merits of this theory when James turned in his chair expectantly, a winning grin already plastered on his face, ready to charm Regulus.

“So partner, any ideas so far?” he asked.

“For the project we were assigned a second ago? I’m going to have to say no,” he replied, rolling his eyes and opening his Potions book.

“Aren’t you going to ask me if I have any ideas?” he prodded.

“Why Potter, do you have any ideas?” he said dramatically, holding the heavy pause at the end of the question while he waited for James’ answer.

“No but it’s still nice to be asked,” he smiled.

Regulus had to resist the overwhelming urge to punch him though it would probably hurt him more than it hurt James.

“Reg!” He heard from behind him the harsh cut of Dorcas’ voice when she pretended to whisper but it was usually louder than her regular voice. “Why don’t we just partner together and pretend we worked with who we were supposed to?”

Sirius, who had yet to even look at Regulus despite the damning postcard that still weighed down Regulus’ bag, looked affronted, “Are you always this charming?”

“I’m just trying to save my grade,” she quipped.

“And what about mine?” he sassed, crossing his arms.

“I doubt it could get any worse,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

He always wondered what it would have been like had their houses been different. He found so many similarities between his own friends and Sirius’ and yet just because their ties were green and theirs were red, they were bound to be mortal enemies. Sure their ‘values’ may be different but what did that mean once they left Hogwarts? 

Without the ties or robes to differentiate them were they not all more or less the same?

They quickly descended into an argument in which Dorcas’ too close eyes were brought up and Sirius’ sorry excuse for hair was mentioned and he quickly tuned that out in favour of scouring their textbook to find something that might spark inspiration.

“How are you feeling?” James asked, voice markedly lower like how it usually was when he brought up something that he most definitely should not have in class.

“Fine,” Regulus answered evenly.

“But you-”

“I don’t want to talk about it Potter,” he replied curtly, not intending to be rude but what was the point in asking if he was okay after the fact? It changed absolutely nothing and just forced him to relive his experiences over and over again.

“Okay,” he agreed, opening his own book and trying to find something of worth.

And there he did Regulus’ favourite thing in the world- he didn’t push him. James had never once pushed him past his limits, tested him without some ulterior motive, or crossed the line in a harmful way towards Regulus. He simply accepted what Regulus said despite his own desires to know more or to dig deeper.

Class ended and he hadn’t even flipped the page, too lost in his own mind to read the words scrawled across the page.

Inspiration would have to strike elsewhere.

_____

Regulus was taking his mediwitch-prescribed walk outside when James showed up seemingly out of nowhere.

Madam Pomfrey believed that he needed to ‘use what the earth gave him’ and go outside more because apparently fresh air and sunshine could combat the after effects of the Unforgivables. If that were the case, they wouldn’t be so unforgivable now would they?

Maybe that’s why Azkaban was so dark.

He was kicking some dirt off his shoes when he looked up and was met with the merry face of James. He nearly jumped out of his skin because there’s no way someone of James’ size could arrive so silently.

“Gods what are you doing?” Regulus asked, trying to calm his heart back down.

“I saw you were taking a walk and wanted to join you,” he smiled, immediately taking off, leaving Regulus still frozen in place behind him.

“How did you even find me?”

He was walking near the boundary of the forest, far enough that one wouldn’t be able to just spot him from the castle on a whim, they’d have to be looking for him. He had even gone so far as to go during lunch so that more students were inside than not.

It was still cold, breezes carrying a slight chill brushing over him every once in a while but it was mildly better than before and he’d take what he could get. The sunlight was still weak through the occasional cloud that drifted by but he’d rather do this than take another sour potion in the hospital wing. 

He wasn’t sure if the walks would actually do anything but he did miss the sense of being outside and completely free with no one to bother him, well except for James, whose presence he didn’t mind too much considering he was the reason Regulus started to enjoy it in the first place.

“My Regulus-radar was going off,” he turned around while walking and explained as though that was completely normal. The sunlight glinted off of a watch on his wrist but it was his bright red trainers that caught his attention. They were scuffed all along the white edge and had little drawings and markings along the top and sides. They surely weren’t in line with uniform but they suited him well. 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you had one,” he continued, shoving his hands in his pockets and trudging forward, forging his own path in the overgrown grass that sprouted up all around them. “But why are you here?” Regulus asked, a cat with an unfortunate habit of curiosity. 

It wasn’t as though he and James were casual friends. The sight of them together would drive the gossipers in the school mad and any of their friends even crazier.

“Is it a crime to want to spend time with you?” James asked, looking out of the corner of his eye at Regulus, his curls already escaping the knit cap he favoured so much. His cheeks were pinking from the chill and it was so damned endearing he wanted to slap him and kiss him at the same time.

He needed to get a grip.

“To some it might be.”

“I don’t rather care what ‘some’ think.”

“Confident, are you?” Regulus asked, partly in disbelief and partly in admiration because it certainly seemed like he didn’t care what others thought about him but was that entirely possible? To not care what anyone at all thought of him?

“Well what does it matter what others think of me? People’s opinions change all the time.”

“So what if people go from liking you to not, that doesn’t affect you at all?” Regulus proposed.

“I suppose that would be…unfortunate,” James responded, already doubting his earlier sentiments. “But as long as my friends continue to like me then I think I’ll be okay.”

There was silence for a moment before, “Is that what we are? Friends?” Regulus asked, scared for the answer. He wasn’t sure which way he wanted James to answer.

“Well I don’t just go on romantic walks by the forbidden forest with just about anyone now do I?” he asked, nudging Regulus’ shoulder in a familiar gesture.

That was partly the problem.

James was so kind to everyone that if he spotted someone walking alone, odds were he would go up to them and join in on their walk and probably spark up conversation about the weather as though it was the most enthralling topic of the day.

Regulus wasn’t more special than Maxine in Hufflepuff or bloody Roger Ravenclaw. He was just there.

It was the struggle of being wanted but not wanting to ask for it.

He remained silent.

“You do know that I-”

“Shut up,” Regulus cut James off harshly with a raised hand.

“W-”

“Shh,” Regulus forced his finger on James’ lips, effectively cutting him off, straining his ear to the side to ensure he wasn’t going mad.

"Bloody hell, I saw Prongs come out here,” a male voice cut through the dim.

“Why would he be here, the forest is scary enough on moons,” the other voice responded, clearly not as interested as the first one.

James and Regulus only had a second to sprint straight into the forest, managing to scrabble behind a tree before whoever it was crested the hill and spotted them together.

They had seemingly chosen the same tree, a thick oak with a berth wide enough to cover the both of them, and James had only narrowly missed tackling Regulus, catching himself on the trunk and swinging himself over the other boy in a move that was so smooth he marvelled at how it was even possible.

James braced his arms on either side of Regulus’ head who was leaning back on the tree, feeling the rough bark cutting into the back of his robes but the pain dulled in comparison to the feeling of James’ towering over him and encasing him in his lean arms.

James ducked slightly, bringing his face even closer to Regulus’ while he peered over his shoulder to see who had come. He wasn’t even aware of their proximity whereas Regulus was wholly focused on it, on the way the sleeve of James’ robes brushed his cheek slightly and his leg pressed into his own.

“I told you he wouldn’t be here, maybe the map made a mistake.”

“When have you known the map to ever be wrong?” a voice, no- Sirius’ voice, appeared, closer this time.

“Like when it said you were in the girls’ dorm alone with Mary last year and you claimed you were just next to it, not in it ” Remus’ familiar voice retorted.

“I was! Well check the map then,” he rushed, the rustling of leaves under their feet crunching as they moved.

James’ breath hitched as he watched the interaction behind them, Regulus wanted to turn around but was afraid he’d make a noise or shock James to move away from him. 

He was forced to watch it all happen in the slight reflection of James’ glasses but the way his brows furrowed and face contorted was enough to scare him as well. 

Of course he understood why James wouldn’t want Sirius and Remus to find out he was there but it wasn’t like they could see them. He wasn’t even sure how they ‘knew’ James or apparently ‘Prongs’ was here. Even the nickname didn’t make sense but it was just as confusing as the elusive ‘map’ they spoke about.

“I didn’t bring it,” Remus replied quickly, the words melding together with his lilting Welsh accent.

James relaxed slightly.

“You didn’t- ugh Moony,” was all Sirius said before two pairs of footsteps faded away, leaving them alone once more.

The tension instantly flooded out of James’ body, all the taut lines of his body relaxing as a breeze from the depths of the forest swept past them, rustling the trees and the faint curls of Jame’s hair, carrying with them the sweet scent of winter and wood.

James huffed a laugh, shaking his head slightly as he looked back at Regulus, his cheek dimpling on the corner and staying there, snagging Regulus’ flighty attention.

“That was close,” James whispered though Regulus was the only one around. In moments like these he sometimes felt like they were the only two in the world for no one else seemed to matter.

Regulus nodded mutely, relieved himself but still carrying tension in his body, unable to relax.

Every breath James took brushed Regulus, hot against his cool skin, and it was almost as sweet as James’ warming charms that he had grown so accustomed to. 

The other boy’s dark eyes flitted between his own, searching for something, and as if needing to close that distance, James dropped his forehead to Regulus’- his entire world narrowing to James, drowning out the fact that they were in the forest in the middle of the day, a stark contrast to their usual meetings.

He looked at the green flecks in James’ eyes that were overshadowed by a chocolate brown casing. His eyes were a constellation of color, just like the stone he had found, and Regulus wanted to pick apart each shade and make a painting out of it. 

“I haven’t stopped thinking about it,” James whispered, his hand a faint touch against the shell of Regulus’ ear, inching closer.

“Of what?” Regulus pushed, asking yet another question he shouldn’t.

James shifted, his mouth closer to Regulus' ear now, his voice barely audible, “The kiss.”

Regulus quickly sucked in a breath, unsure what to do with the war currently raging in his mind. He was sure that James had hated it, it was why they hadn’t spoken outside of class since last term, but his body language was signifying the complete opposite, his leg fully against Regulus’ now, the idea of personal space gone between them.

James’ teasing was driving him mad and he couldn’t form a coherent thought as he felt the cool touch of his wire-rimmed glasses against his temple.

Regulus' hand reached up to James’ shoulder seemingly on their own accord, fisting the material there and it caught James’ attention as he pulled back to look down at Regulus, his pupils blown wide with desire brewing in their depths.

He only had a moment to breathe before James’ lips were on his own once more, finding their mark smoothly, melding against his own as if they were always meant to be there, being created for the sole purpose of kissing him.

James’ hand moved to caress his cheek and Regulus leaned into his palm, tilting his head slightly as James went the other way, their noses brushing against each other.

James pushed forward with Regulus leaning fully against the tree to support his weight now and he brought his other arm up to James’ neck, encircling it and threading his fingers up and into his hair at his nape, the silky curls there slipping between his fingers. 

He gripped slightly, his nails scratching against his scalp and James’ made a small noise in the back of his throat that spurred him on, kissing Regulus with more force now and it only pushed Regulus to keep going, to hear what other noises James made in the heat of the moment.

While their first kiss was light and tentative, a ghost of a touch with both of them scared what the other might say or do in response, this one was sure of itself. Both of them wanted this, desperate for it since they first had a taste of each other, and the fire burned hotly between them.

Regulus’ mind had gone blank in favour of focusing on the sensations that rushed through him, the buzz of James’ strong hands against his face and faint taste of mint against his lips. Every ache and pain in his body had dulled as throbs of pure pleasure took over.

He couldn’t think about why he was doing this or how he should stop- how mad this was and what the consequences would be because he had been thinking of James for weeks, holding onto his memory while at Grimmauld to keep him sane. He thought he was just living in a fantasy but here James was kissing him like he had been dying for this moment, playing exactly into Regulus’ deepest desires. 

They pulled apart just for a moment to breathe, their eyes flying open from when they had been screwed shut and they were both panting, unable to come down from the high they had climbed so quickly.

James bit the corner of his lip as he tried to fight back a swelling smile. His cheeks were bright red and he suddenly looked embarrassed, as though he hadn’t sucked the air from Regulus’ lungs and kissed the sense out of him. He dropped his head into the crux of his arm that was still holding Regulus’ cheek, the thumb brushing his skin lightly.

“What,” Regulus forced out, unable to make out what was so bloody funny.

“You’re beautiful,” he finally said, looking back at Regulus, sharp teeth indenting into the pillow of his lips.

Regulus thought he hadn’t heard the words correctly, unable to connect them in relation to himself. Here he was, in front of James, who was objectively one of the most attractive men he had ever seen and yet he had chosen Regulus out of the masses. 

“And that’s funny is it?”

“I just can’t believe it,” he admitted, his earlier laughs fading into gentle awe, like seeing a deer in a meadow, a once in a blue moon experience. 

“I’m not,” Regulus whispered like a reflex, a kick in the knee, at James’ words.

He had been eating less at meals and trying to fix his hair in a way to make it look somewhat presentable but it wasn’t enough- he wasn’t enough.

“Then I will spend my time convincing you of it,” the other boy proclaimed boldly, his thumb dropping to brush the thin silver- line on his chin as though he could erase it. 

A distant bell alerted them that lunch had ended and in a split second, Regulus ducked under James’ arm and left at breakneck speed, his boots gripping the rocky terrain out of the forest and onto the clearing he was at before. 

He sped past the hills and other students, all the way into the castle and right into his seat in Transfiguration where he tried and failed to focus on turning a shoe into a mug.

He ended up with a leathery mug that spilled water out of a hole in the toe anytime he tried filling it.

By the look on McGonagall’s face, she wasn’t too pleased at the outcome of this afternoon either.

_____

“I’m sure you are all wondering why I have gathered you here today,” Pandora began, sitting at the head of the long table in the Library after dinner.

“You literally grabbed me, told me someone was dying, and led me here,” Dorcas deadpanned.

“Well something is dying- our futures. Not a single one of us has started studying for our OWLs,” she exclaimed, slapping her hands on the table that earned her glares from everyone else in the hall.

“You’re being dramatic,” Barty said, rolling his eyes.

Evan clearly agreed with Pandora, nodding along with her and looking at everyone else with disdain, surely McGonagall was tutoring him because the likeness was uncanny.

“Barty, what happens if you add wood chips to a mixture containing walderberries, ogre spit, and chocolate?” she immediately asked.

“A mess?”

“No! It explodes and you die. I guarantee that will be a question.”

“Okay point made, what should we do,” he sighed, already pulling books and parchment out of his bag.

They got started on studying, each of them taking a subject and mastering it before teaching each other what they learned for extra revision. 

Regulus blocked out his afternoon activities because there was no way he could possibly focus on the five uses of elephant snot when the noises James Potter made while kissing someone filled his mind, echoing and magnifying in the space.

After a while of staring at the same page of trying to figure out what the author was trying to say, Evan stood up awkwardly, “I have to er- get going now.”

“Absolutely not, if we’re studying so are you,” Regulus admonished as though he actually had been doing something. 

“What do you have that’s more important than us? No-” Barty was cut off as everyone’s head turned at someone’s approach. 

“Hey guys,” a voice popped up on their other side.

A boy with Ravenclaw robes stood on the other side of the table, one hand in his pocket, the other waving at them awkwardly. He had wavy brown hair that was styled neatly over his forehead and olive skin that reflected the glowing light from the sconces. His smile was genuine as he looked at all of them and then back at Evan who was looking at him with a hint of surprise.

“And who are you?” Dorcas asked, resting her chin on her hand, interest piqued.

“Er- I’m Nico, Evan told me he’d be here so…” he said, seemingly overwhelmed with all the attention on him.

“Yep, ready,” Evan nodded, gathering the rest of his books and shoving them into his bag. His face was flushed and the tips of his ears were red as he looked up at Nico.

“Oh my gods, is this a da-”

“Bye!” Evan finished, hurrying away, Nico following behind while looking over his shoulder at them in confusion.

They immediately burst into laughter once they disappeared from sight.

“Did you see his face?” Pandora laughed, clutching her stomach, “bless him, his head’s full of wrackspurts.”

Barty was the only one not laughing as his jaw was currently on the ground, “Are you serious? He just left! While we were studying! That’s so rude,” he said angrily.

“I don’t think that’s why you're upset,” Dorcas snickered.

“I’m not upset, I don’t even care, it’s just like…rude,” he finished, slamming his book shut. “C’mon Reg, drop me off will you?” he ran his hand through his hair agitatedly and Regulus reached up to fix it because while some looked cool with a slightly messier look, Barty looked like he had just been attacked by a wild pygmy puff. 

“Aw, is he going to read you a bedtime story too?” Dorcas cooed.

“We’re gonna go make out, how’s it going with you and Marlene by the way? Last I saw she was-.”

He was swiftly cut off by a quill to the back of the head.

“You know being defensive isn’t really helping your case,” Regulus said lowly once they reached the empty corridor.

Barty was quiet as he dragged his feet across the flagstone, “I just- Evan hasn’t been around much and I guess that’s thanks to Nico.”

“Yeah but that’s not either of their faults is it? What happened to your girlfriend, Goldie, anyways?”

He huffed a humourless laugh, “We broke up, apparently I wasn’t ‘romantic enough’ can you believe that?”

Regulus pretended to be shocked but he wasn’t in the slightest. Barty didn’t even think it was relevant enough to mention that they had broken up but had gotten argumentative when Evan left the table. His priorities were clearly a bit out of order.

He dropped Barty off with a supportive pat on the back, turning back around and going the way he came when he heard voices as he came upon a corner which was odd considering curfew started in about ten minutes and prefects were about to start their patrols. He immediately slowed down before approaching, only going so far as to peek around to see what was happening.

He saw Snape first, face contorted with anger as he held his arm out. No, he was holding something, a shift and Regulus could see he was holding someone in place. 

The girl he was holding tried to shake him off but he didn’t let go and the girl didn’t need to move her curtain of red hair for Regulus to know who it was.

“You’re too good for them,” he hissed, his voice gravelly and reverberating off the walls, “No one knows you like I do.”

“Yeah? I thought you knew I was a mudblood, wouldn’t want to get infected by me huh?” she spat the slur, swatting at his hand with her other.

He surged forward, pushing her against the wall and leaned in close, his long black hair falling onto hers, “You’re different. I need you Lily, we need each other.”

“You’re drunk! Let me go!” her voice was louder now but everyone was tucked up in their dorms and by the time the prefects came around…

He didn’t let her go and Regulus watched in disgust as he continuously tried to get closer but kept getting pushed away by Lily who was holding her own as a capable witch but Snape used his sheer size to overpower her.

Before he knew better, he grabbed his wand and stepped around the corner, “She said no.”

Snape turned to him, fury in his black eyes and he was practically frothing at the mouth, his robes stained as he reeked of alcohol, “Fuck off Black, this is none of your business.”

He cocked his head, “You made it mine when you decided to attack her in the corridor.”

“I didn’t attack her,” he growled, looking like a feral animal and before he could get a word in, Snape pulled his wand out and shot at Regulus, firing off a hex that lit the otherwise dark corridor red.

Maybe Bellatrix’s lessons were worth it because he quickly dodged and fired back in a single move.

Snape deflected and let go of Lily to focus entirely on him.

She ran out of the hallway and he didn’t blame her, he’d want to get as far away from Snape as possible too.

They quickly devolved into a duel, rapidly firing hexes that were not entirely school-appropriate but it wasn’t like Regulus was being unfair because Snape was shooting hexes he’d never heard of before. What Snape lacked for in dexterity, he made up for it with complex spells in which some of  the incantations weren’t even in Latin.

“You never know when to leave well enough alone,” he snarled, circling around Regulus who matched his fighting stance.

“Clearly you don’t either,” he retorted quickly, which only served to enrage Snape more.

They shot next at the same time, Snape missing entirely but Regulus snagging Snape on the shoulder, a harsh crack echoing out. Regulus smiled, knowing he had just won as Snape’s now broken arm bent at an odd angle.

Right when Snape geared up to continue, fast footsteps approached them and they were faced with McGonagall who immediately disarmed both of them and led them to her office. 

Lily was trailing them, her face still red with her encounter with Snape and at one point, she had jinxed Snape’s shoelaces together, causing him to fall forward on his face up the staircase. 

Neither he nor McGonagall found that funny but Lily and Regulus managed to share a look and silent laugh at his misery that was brought on entirely by his own actions. 

_____

“What are you doing here?” He heard that first thing when he walked into the trophy hall.

“Hello dear brother of mine, nice to see you too,” he drawled, twisting the rag he’d been given by Filch between his fingers 

“Since when did you get detention?,” Sirius asked, walking past the shelves stacked full with medals and trophies up to him. His boots made his steps loud in the hall and where Regulus’ clicked, the dragonhide leather still crisp, his thunked, the yellow laces stained and the edges scuffed.

His mother hated those shoes, always trying to throw them in the fire or just vanishing them but Sirius always showed up with another pair, even dirtier and more used than the last.

“Is this because of what happened with Lily?” another voice asked, James, standing up from where he was crouched behind a shelf, apparently very dedicated to his cleaning.

“Yes,” he answered, jaw clenched before moving to the far wall, hoping that this detention passed quickly though Filch seemend hellbent on ensuring they spent the entire hour, maybe more, in here.

“But you didn’t do anything,” James argued from behind Sirius.

“Yes, well apparently duelling in the halls is in bad taste.”

The tension in the air was practically tangible.

Just yesterday James had Regulus pinned to a tree, kissing him unapologetically, making him weak in the knees despite the fact that he was his best friend’s brother. 

Sirius on the other hand was a complete enigma, his attitude towards Regulus remaining largely unchanged openly but he still kept the postcard, rereading the words and wondering why he had even left it in the first place. He wondered if James knew about it. He wouldn’t date bring it up though, him and Sirius weren’t quite good at the whole ‘emotions’ thing. 

The only sound filling the room was the glass squeaking against the cloth and soap solution they were using to clean them.

“Did she owl her?” Sirius asked, sidling up beside him though keeping his eyes resolutely away as though connecting their eyes would breach some sort of nonexistent boundary.

“No.”

He loosed a breath.

“After the holiday you…” he trailed off.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But what happened? You just-”

“Sirius, drop it,” he bit out.

Despite the fact that he didn’t want to talk about it regardless, he couldn’t help but feel ashamed that a part of it, arguably the worst part, was what happened after Walburga found out that he had been in Sirius’ room. He was unable to let go of the child within him that yearned for his older brother who didn’t care much in return, at least not enough to stay.

It was a horrible and bitter thought, something he shouldn’t hold over Sirius’ head but he couldn’t help it.

“I told you to stay for the holiday.”

“You know that doesn’t work.”

“You could’ve at least tried.”

“There’s a lot of things I could have done.”

“Yeah there are,” Sirius finished with a cutting undertone, almost as though he was blaming Regulus for something.

“Do you have something you want to say?” Regulus finally spoke up, turning to face Sirius fully, having had enough of the dance they were currently doing around each other.

“I just think if you weren’t such a kiss up to mummy, you wouldn’t be in this position,” he replied, turning back to Regulus with a vexed expression.

“Think about what you’re saying. If I was such a kiss up would she have a reason to hex me? It wasn’t even her, not fully at least.” he shot back, gritting his teeth and feeling familiar sparking at his fingertips.

Sirius’ eyes widened and he dropped the cloth he had been using back in the bucket, “What does that mean?”

“It’s family stuff, you wouldn’t understand,” he snarked back.

“Low fucking blow Reg,” he spat, walking away and putting much-needed distance between them.

It’s like whenever he and Sirius interacted, it had to end in a fight. There was no way for them to ever come to a mutual solution or agree to disagree- they just continued insulting each other until one of them cracked and left, allowing the anger between them to continue brewing until their next spat.

He had to admit that Sirius didn’t have the full story, not anymore, so he didn’t know what had gone on at Grimmauld or his lessons with Bellatrix. He could only go off of memory and assume what it was like but at the same time, he still had a warped view of Regulus- like he was some goody two shoes begging for their mum’s love and attention.

Of course he was ashamed to admit that there were times that he was desperate for it but he wasn’t entirely who Sirius thought he was either.

And Regulus never rushed to correct him or fill him in on the exact details, just continued to let Sirius believe what he wanted and stayed quiet on the truth, not wanting to tell him out of some sort of misguided principle.

Why was he even here anyways?

He sighed as he scrubbed the glass in front of him until he could see his own reflection in it.

He rubbed the side of his head where his hair was still too short for his liking, the complete opposite of Sirius’ which hung around his shoulders in loose waves, the prominent streak of white now lost among the mass of black locks.

A while later, James ended up next to him, as per usual.

“Lily wanted to thank you for helping her, she just hadn’t gotten a chance to” James whispered, washing his cloth loudly in the soap solution in the bucket at his feet and sloshing around the water to cover his voice.

“She doesn’t need to,” he replied evenly, still coming down from the argument with Sirius.

“He’s just in a bad mood because of an argument he got into with Pete, he’s the reason we’re in here anyways. We got caught after hours because he left his homework in the greenhouses,” James explained, already answering his mental question. 

“You don’t need to cover for him, I know Sirius well even if it doesn’t seem like it,” Regulus corrected with a pointed look. He ensured his tone wasn’t rude, never wanting to misplace his anger on James which he tended to do often because he deserved better than that.

He longed to be deserving of James but he wasn’t sure that was possible, he may already be too far gone.

Before they had gotten a chance, a yelp sounded in the corner of their room and they turned to see Peeves flying through the hall, upturning the bucket of soap solution on Sirius’ head before making a quick escape through the wall leaving cackling laughter in his wake. 

Neither James or Regulus could contain their laughter at the sight, Regulus trying and failing to hide his grin behind his hand.

“Merlin you look like Snape,” James laughed, doubling over and Regulus admired the reference because it was terribly accurate.

“Not funny Prongs,” Sirius said with a pointed finger. “Cover for me?” he asked desperately, his hands already picking at his hair. 

James nodded, waving him away and turning back.

The moment he left, James turned his attention back to Regulus, that familiar heat brewing in him and spreading outwards and pulling Regulus under its allure.

“James,” he whispered, not even remembering to call him by his surname.

“Regulus,”- an inch closer.

“We shouldn’t” he said in a moment of restraint- truly he deserved a medal for the way he tried to hold back despite every bone in his body begging him to move forward.

“But?” he whispered hopefully.

Regulus knew it was no use fighting the inevitable- he surged forward, grabbing James by the collar and pulling him down and towards him, connecting their lips so hard their teeth knocked together but neither of them complained, instead shifting to ensure they stayed connected.

James hands went to his sides, past the thick black outer robes and straight over his white collared shirt, the material so thin he could feel each of James’ fingers curl around his waist in desire. 

“Don’t run away again,” James pulled back just enough to breathe, “Please.”

The pure want in James’ voice, the way he begged, settled onto Regulus like a cloak and he spun then around so James was leaning against the shelves and he was in control, guiding their movements as his hand went up to James’ neck, wrapping around it and pushing into the warm sensitive skin there. He slipped his tongue into James’ mouth who quickly welcomed it and matched the movements, a move that loosened a keening noise from the back of Regulus’ throat.

The noise invigorated James who, in an effort to swap positions, tripped over the bucket that was next to them and sent them both slipping right into the exact shelf they had been leaning against.

It fell to the floor in a great smash, shards of glass flying outwards and sending centuries old trophies flying to the ground, probably denting them as well.

They only had a moment to gape at each other before Filch came running in, a sleeping Mrs. Norris clutched in his arms, “What happened!”

“We were- uh- fighting,” James explained, gulping audibly and looking incredibly guilty.

They accepted their detentions with their tails between their legs as they sat cross-legged next to each other on the floor trying to fix the dents on the metal that was far too soft.

He knew Muggles used ‘plastic’ a lot, something he learned from Pandora, perhaps they should start making trophies out of that.

Though neither he nor James spoke, they kept looking at each other when they thought the other wasn’t looking.

What would have happened had Sirius not left? Surely they wouldn’t have kissed but when would the next time have been? It was so soon after their initial kiss since being back that it only made sense to do it again.

Or perhaps Regulus was just making a poor attempt at trying to rationalise what they were doing.

Both of them knew they were walking a thin line, a tightrope in which one wrong move could send them hurtling towards a world of hurt and yet they were still taking that risk, walking further across that rope and holding each other's hands, accepting that if they fell, they would do so together.