Pride, Pleasure and Pain

Don't look back.

That was what James Potter was telling himself, over and over again, like a mantra. Looking back would be his doom. And he guessed the ragged breathing and the thundering steps he was hearing behind him were good enough hints.

He was close. Too close. But James was already running with all he had, and there was no way he could outrun him without crashing into a tree... The night was dark enough with the heavy clouds hiding the crescent moon that he was barely able to see where he needed to go.

But giving up was not an option. Over his dead body would James let him get there first. He couldn't even think about the consequences, about what would happen...

He willed his body to keep going. His breath was shallow, his muscles strained. Even if James was used to Quidditch practice, he couldn't withstand this much. The situations were different too, the stakes more than a House Cup, more than a game.

The lights were near, and the forbidden forest he knew like the back of his hand less dense, trees growing scarcer... But with each step, he was catching up. To his left, James could see through the shadows the silhouette going forward, it's shape so familiar yet so threatening at the moment. A low growl fought it's way out of James' burning troat. Every breath he took was so cold it felt as if his lungs were on fire.

He was there. Almost. He could see them, his friends. Screaming at him, Sirius the loudest. He had to go faster, for him, had to get past this heartless bastard. He could- No. He must. James just... Must get to them. For Sirius, for the both of them... Don't start getting distracted ! You might still have a chance.

But he didn't.

He wouldn't make it. No, no, no...

James had no strenght left, no trick up his sleeve ; nothing. In a few seconds, it would be over. The lead was his and James couldn't take it back, it was too late. He was going to fail. Fail Sirius, his mate, his best friend. And himself. Oh, how James would come to regret this moment. It all went fuzzy, he didn't even look were he was stepping, but only at him.

Running like him, breathless like him, but still in front.

Still winning.

And then, all hell broke loose. James started screaming, desperate, as if his pathetic proteste would change the outcome.

His last step to the finish line echoed in James' head like thunder.

His knees gave out and he crumbled on himself, falling on the cold hard ground.

Defeated.

James managed to look up, seing his friend, his partener in crime, his ride or die...

"No. No... NO !"

The desparate scream of his brother at heart had James close his eyes. Merlin, what had he done...

The ache in his legs didn't lessen in the slightest when James sat up, ready for whatever may come. Then he turned torwards James, both of them still on the floor, and flashed him the most mischevous smile he could muster in his condition.

And laughed at him like a bloody child.

"My win Prongs." He managed to breath out, sounding as knackered as James felt. "How 'bout that, huh ? The Quidditch King, the true athlete, beaten by the library nerd ? Who would've thought ?"

A sound of pure hatred answered Remus.

Laughing at his expanse, Peter pat Remus on the back, "I did, mate. That's why I placed my bet on you. I knew you wouldn't let me down !"

"That was so unfair !" Sirius came to his defense. "And everybody here fucking knows it, he had no chance of winning your stupid bet to begin with, you wanker."

James fell on his back and embraced the shame. His friend was right, he'd known from the begining his chances were slime... But he couldn't back down from a challenge. And Remus knew that, the absolute tosser.

The worse is, if James' ego had been less big, Remus and Peter would have been the one to have the dirty work. It was the reason they proposed this alternative in the first place, knowing Sirius and him would fall for it.

Ugh. James hated his life at the moment.

Sirius came closer and offered him a hand, pulling him back on his feet before trapping him in a bear hug.

"It's alright, you did everything you could, I know that. We're in this together Prongs, we'll make it through." He promised.

"Thank you Pads," James choked out, throwing his arms around him. "I wouldn't want to do this with anyboby else mate, you're the only one I trust not to let me down."

Sirius backed up a little, keeping his hands on James' shoulders, eyes shining.

"Prongs." He said, emotion spilling out with this simple word.

"Padfoot." James responded, a heartwrenching acknolegment between them.

"Prongs !"

"Padf-"

"Oh, come off it, you two !" Peter interupted, tired of their antics. "You're being overdramatic. Again !"

Sirius scoffed, "Right, well you're not the one who's gonna have to..."

"It won't be so bad ! And everbody's faces will be worth it."

Well, they could all agree on that. Still, that didn't mean James was looking forward to the next bit of their plan.

"It's settled then. We'll get everything we need on the next trip at Hogsmead, so nobody gets detention for this weekend, deal ?"

"Deal." Echoed the other three at Moony's demand.

"It's gonna be epic," He smiled brightly, and James almost forgot he was supposed to hate him at the moment.

Because yeah, it was going to be bloody epic. This prank would be hard to pull, but nothing them Marauders couldn't manage.

He threw an arm around Sirius' shoulder and started heading back, "We should get back to the dorm. We have potion with Slughorn first thing tomorow, and I can't for the life of me rememeber if we had an assignement to do."

A collective groan rose between them, and they begrudgingly made their way torward the castle. Peter pulled out the map so they could make it in safely, and they exchanged a few other jabs. Moony kept taunting him with his victory, and the only response he got was a middle finger raised in his face.

Another normal night for them.

The last one James would have for a while, as the next day, something none of them could have ever predicted took place :

James was walking torward the Great Hall, thighs still sore from his running the previous night, and dreading the Quidditch practice that would come later in the afternoon. Marlene would bitch about his lack of enthousiasme, for sure.

He was suppose to meet her now, along with the rest of their friends. It was lunch break, and James was honestly famished.

So, in his hurry, he almost ignored the voice calling his name. But, in a generous mood, as per usual, he stopped in his track and turned around to come face to face with...

Huh.

With Regulus.

James had not been expecting that. He frowned, taking in the nervous demeanor of his interlocutor. Regulus, looking as sophisticated as ever, had a sullen look on his face and a tensed feeling oozing off of him. His shoulders were rigid, and his jaw clenched.

James cleared his troat and pulled his smile back up, "Regulus. Hey. Hi. What's up ? I mean did you call out to me just now or..."

"Yeah. I did."

James was thankful for the interuption, his rambling habit a real pain in his arse.

"Right. Um... Was there a reason ?" He asked when the silence that ensued edged on ackward.

James wasn't so good with silences, and Regulus' seriousness had him worried. He couldn't think of a single positive cause for the youngest Black to come talk to him. Was there a probleme with his and Sirius' parents ? With Sirius himself ? Could it be that...

"I need to talk to you."

James blinked, waiting for what came next.

Waited some more...

"I'm all ears." He said, hoping that would encourage the other boy to continue.

"Not now." Regulus, glanced at the people around them, uneasy. "Tonight, after your team's practice at the pit. I'll meet you out back, if that's alright."

"Is there a probleme ? Should I tell your brother-"

"No problem, Potter." He assured. "Just... be there."

"Okay. Yeah sure, I'll be there." James promised, frowning.

"No need to tell Sirius."

"Right."

But as soon as Regulus turned around, like any proper bestfriend would, James ran to do just that.

He found Sirius sitted between Moony and Mary, mouth already full with whatever was on the menue that day. Some sort of heavily spiced stew, judging by the scent that embaumed the gigantic room.

Not wasting any more time, he claimed the place in front of his bestfriend, pushing Peter and Lily apart so he could have room to sit. He was a bit shameless like that, when it came to his possesivness.

"Alright Potter, calm down, nobody's stealing your man." The girl laughed, hitting her shoulder against his in retaliation.

James rolled his eyes, "As if you could ever, Evans."

Across the table, Sirius winked at him and pursed his lips to send him a few flying kisses. James pretended to catch and place them in his shirt pocket, close to his heart. Peter swatted the back of his head, making his round glasses slid a little down his nose.

James gasped at him, "Why such violence in the face of love ? Wormtail, your heart in made of stone."

This time, the slap came from Lily.

"Alright, alright, I get it. It's insensitive to shove our love in the face of you poor single people."

James yepled as he was hit again, by both of them and Marlene kicking him underneath the table. Fair enough, this was probably deserved.

"More seriously though, Padfoot... I met Regulus on the way here." He started, cautious as he pushed his glasses back up. Sirius' hand stilled half-way between his plate and his mouth, all his attention now focused on James. "Said he needed to talk to me, after practice today."

He frowned, "About what ? Did he look okay ? Was he hurt ?"

"No. I mean, yes, he looked fine to me, not hurt or anything but... I have no idea what it's about, really. He never wanted to talk to me before, even when we tried to reach out after you moved in with me."

Sirius' brows furrowed even more, clearly confused as well. He'd been trying to talk to his brother for a while now. Their relationship had been bumpy since coming to Hogwart and being sorted in different Houses. Even more so when the eldest ran away, for some reason. James knew this strained bond with Regulus weighted on his friend, and didn't know what to do to help.

Maybe this was what it was about ? Regulus wanting to reconnect with his brother too, but not knowing how after everything that had occured.

"He told me he wasn't in any trouble though," James added, to reassure Sirius at least a bit. "I'll see what he wants tonight, alright ? Until then, no reason to worry about it Padfoot, really. I'm sure it's not serious."

"Well, of course it's not Sirius ; It's Regulus." Moony deadpanned, breaking the tensed silence that had fallen on the group.

The joke took a few seconds to land, and then James snorted.

"Really Remus ? That was aweful." Lily said, but they could hear amusement in her voice.

"I thought you were better than that." Added Marlene.

Remus through his hand up. "I made a Serious joke, sue me."

James chuckled as his friends bickered, but he was thankfull : Sirius was smiling again.

Thank Merlin for Serious jokes, he thought.

But in the back of his mind, it was the other Black brother that worried him. He wondered if he would also be able to make that one smile.

But as he'd proven times and times again, James Potter was always up for a challenge.

.

.

.

Droplets of water rolled on the back of James' neck. His hair were still wet from the quick shower he took after practice, and he hadn't taken the time to dry them.

He was heading torward the meeting place Regulus had set, questions filling his mind, and he hadn't wanted to waste anymore time.

Wiping the fog from his glasses, he rounded a corner and took sight of Regulus already waiting for him, leaning against the stone wall. James' step halted for a second. He searched Regulus' face for any signe of distresse and... Well, the boy didn't seem too happy to be here, actually.

His fair skin was thight beneath his wary grey eyes, and his thin but well shapped lips pressed together. He observed as his teeth came biting the bottome one, in an obvious sign of nerves. James swallowed, and started torward Regulus again.

Finally, his presence was noticed, and the Slytherine immediatly pushed himself off the wall, shifting his weight between his feet.

But just as Regulus opened his mouth to greet him, James supposed, he paused. Lips parted slightly, he inhaled sharply as he looked at James. Before he could ask what was the matter, Regulus blinked once... Then a couple times more, fast, before averting his gaze, looking almost angry.

"Your hairs are wet." He nothing but accused as a way of saying hello.

"Ah. Yeah, I just came out of the shower so..."

"It's unpleasant. You should have dried them." Regulus retorted.

James' eyebrows shot to his hairline. Unpleasant ?

"Um, sorry ? I just didn't want to keep you waiting." He justified himself, passing a hand through his wet and unrully hair.

Regulus eyes were locked on his mouvement, as if he was personnaly offended by the gesture. He clicked his tongue and looked away, hand flexing at his side.

James had no idea someone could be this disturbed and upset about damp hair, but promised himself to never show himself again to Regulus in such a... A condition ?

Anyway, there was a reason he was here, and James intended to find what it was.

"So, what did you want to tell me ?" He resumed, self concious.

Regulus stared at him for a moment with an impassive gaze, which made James more uncomfortable than his usual scowl. The boy seemed to will himself to speak, and when he fianlly did, James released a relieved breath.

"I had to talk to you about something. You know that I..." Regulus sighed, working his jaw as if he were mad at himself. "You already know that I'm quite gay don't you ?"

James blinked.

Why was he telling him about this now ? It was indeed nothing new for him. Regulus had "discovered" it during his fifth year, and more than one had talked and whispered about it. But the Slytherin had remained equal to himself, and no one had ever dared to make fun of it openly, which seemed stupid to James anyway. He was half queer himself, and knew Sirius was very much so too.

When his brother had came out, Sirius had bursted out laughing, and said his parents would have had a heart attack if they knew both their children were gay. Fortunatly for Regulus' safety, they didn't know about it.

Still, James had yet to figure out what that had to do with anything.

"Yes ?" He answered, trying to make sense of this entire conversation.

"And, you know that my friends," Regulus spat the word like a slur, "are a bunch of arseholes, right ?"

James reacted immediatly, "Are they giving you shit ? I'll beat them up-"

"No," the boy cut him short. "No, they are being annoyingly supportive about that. A little too much, actually. It's why I'm here in the first place." He grumbled.

James was... Well, even more lost than he was before. He had absolutly zero idea where this was going, the other not saying anything coherent for the moment. He decided to keep his mouth shut, though. He felt safer that way.

He looked at Regulus, who in turn locked his gaze in his.

The silence stretched betwen them, but James didn't dare speak nor lower his eyes. It was finaly Regulus who looked away, and he could see a faint blush on his cheeks. Oh, that was too much for him : Regulus Black was embarassed !?

Regulus Black didn't get embarassed. His poker face was immaculate, and his stone grey eyes impassible at all time. What the hell was going on ? The situation was getting way to abnormal for James to hold back the confusion that was slowly overwhelming him.

"As I was saying... They're prats who enjoy other people's misery, and I made the mistake of making a stupid bet with them. A really fucking stupid one."

James couldn't help but snort, "Tell me about it. I got screwed over yesterday too, so I understand perfectly."

Though, James doubted Regulus would ever make a bet as stupid as the one his lost yesterday.

"Stop interupting Potter," Regulus demanded, as entitled as ever. "It's hard enough to say as it is. We were pissed, and I'm pretty sure Pandora passed pot around at some point... It's no excuse, but it explains how Barty and I ended up accidentaly making a- well, an unbreakable vow, unfortunatly."

"What the actual fuck ?" James blurted out.

This was more than serious. This could be really bad. As in, someone dying bad.

"Believe me, I was not thrilled about it either. I don't have much of a choice, because apparently, I don't want to die."

"What were the terms ? What do you have to do ?" and how am I involoved in it, James didn't dare to ask.

Regulus glared at him. Right ; no interuptions.

"If I lost," Regulus clenched his teeth, and each of his next words seemed forcefully dragged out of his mouth. "I had to tell you- I have to tell you about the vision I've always had of you. No, more like... The way I think of you. Or about you."

The pause he made allowed James to hear how loud his heart was beating. What was Regulus even saying ?

"I really had a hard time admitting it to myself, but it came back every bloody time I saw you. And honestly, if my life didn't literally depend on it, I'd never admit it to you. But it does, and here I am, trying to say that... Even if it's hard to believe, that I- Merlin, I really suck at this, ça craint...!" Regulus breathed deeply, trying to calm the tremor in his voice. "What I'm trying to say is that, somehow... I like you."

I like you.

The words echoed in James mind, and his brain froze, trying to analyse what he'd just heard.

I like you...

I. Like. You.

I - Regulus. Like - have affection for. You - James Potter.

That didn't make sense.

"What ?" He asked stupidly.

Regulus blushed further, keeping his eyes everywhere but on James.

"It's not like I had a say in the matter. I like you. Have a crush, have feelings- all that crap. I never planned to act on it. It'll probably pass, or fade away." He said, voice strained. "You don't have to do anything, or say anything. It's just... It's all I had to say."

James brain had completly shut down. He didn't know what to make of any of that.

Before he could find a way to answer, Regulus dropped his head in his hands and groaned in utter frustration.

"Actually, that's a lie. Losing the bet meant I had to confesse my feelings to you and, well... "Ask out the Gryffindor's Golden Boy". So, that too, I suppose." Regulus pitifully revealed.

And, Merlin have mercy, but James' heart fluttered.

The boy in front of him was an absolute mess of a human being at the moment, and James had never found him so pretty. It was absolutly terrible of him to think that at such a time, when Regulus was obviously at his most vulnerable, but he couldn't help it.

Regulus Black was confessing to him. About the romantic feeling he arbored for him. About wanting to... Oh hell, he wanted to go out with him. To be a couple with him. He wanted James. Regulus wanted to date James.

The sole possiblility of it had Gryffindor's Golden Boy lightheaded. The thought seemed so wrong, yet, James found himself answering a soft :

"Okay ?"

Regulus' eyes widened, making James realize the magnitude of that simple word.

"Okay ? What do you mean, "Okay" ?"

It was indeed a good bloody question that James was currently asking himself. Was it just an acknolegement, an agreement ?

"I-I don't know," he stammered. "What should I reply ?"

Regulus worked his jaw, looking him in the eyes now.

"Nothing," he muttered. "Rest assured, Potter. Your answer won't threathen my life. The deal was me asking you out, your response is inconsequencial. So just... Think about it, or don't. I don't care, just take your time before blurting out an answer."

"But you didn't technically ask me anything..." James reminded shyly.

"It isn't that hard to figure out, for Merlin's sake. Will you go out with me ? There, do with that what you will. I've done my part."

James fought a smile at the agressiveness of the younger boy. This revelation did not change the unpleasant character of the Slytherin apparently.

"Right. Yeah, of course, that's..." James began, with no idea how to finish that sentance. He didn't even know what he'd meant when he started it.

Regulus rolled his eyes, "Don't bother. I'm leaving."

James is pretty sure he heard the boy add something under his breath, but couldn't discern what.

Then, with no further notice, Regulus turned and... Walked away.

James stood there by himself for quite a while before he found it in himself to move again. He never, not in a million years, would have suspected that Regulus could see him that way. He was damn sure the boy hated him.

When he caught sight of his own reflexion in a window, James was surprised to see he was blushing.

Slowly making his way to the dorms, James thought about how he was going to have a really ackward talk with Sirius.

Those Black brothers would be the death of him.