what lies beyond?
chapter two: what lies beyond
hagrid SHITTED HIS PANST in horror!
'JOHNY MY BOY' hargid bellowed 'GO LONG'
hagird threw john like a football 'FOR THREE' said hagrid
john could see everything from up there. he saw the dead body of the dead guy that was dead because hagrid killed him in the last chapter. his segway was still driving around without him. john thot that was very funny. lol
as he sailed over the train tracks a train drove by and blew smoke up his ass. little johnny egbert couldnt see agrid anymore but that was probably for the best but he could still here him being brutally excommunicated!
'golly' excommunicated johnn!
in all of a sudden john went through a wall and ended up on what he thought was platform nine and three quarters. but unfortunately for him he was actually in PLATFORM SIXTEEN AND FOUR NICKELS
'more like nickelbacks amirite' quipped john 'but back in the stone ag
john felt very uncomfortable in this strange new world. their were lost of muggers ad prostitutes trying to tempt john to the dark side. john thumped his bible and goes forth
but nonetheless the forces of evil were closing in! johnny began running real fast because their was nothing else he could do. all of the sudden john was on platform nine and three quarters. 'well that was anti climatic'
john looked around. a lotta wizard shit was taking place. a lotta bird shit was on the ground. 'are those birds' inquired john to no one in particular?
'yeah' said neville longbottom
john looked around. he noticed a lot of british kids waving sticks around and a lot of grey people being openly gay. john was not a homosexual and turned his head in riotousness. at least they werent... john shuddered religiously as he thought to himself... 'trans'
all of a sudden john was hit by a dude on a skateboard. 'woah dude' he shouted 'mondo uncool'
'who are you' questioned john
'i am dave' replied dave 'and i am the killer of dead memes with my sword' john was about to say golly but changes his mind
'theres a lot of preps and pussies around here and im here to punish them with my epic beats and sick burns. you in?' dave extended his hand in invitation and john shook it
'im sure nothing will come of this' prophecised john
just then the train guy shouted 'GE TON MY TRAIN!' and veryon did
john had to sit with some of the grey guys from earlier. they smonked and did drugs ad eluded to satatnism. john told then the smoking car was back there but they flipped him off and called him a weenus
'we should murder this guy out the window and make it look like an accident' murmured karkat calmly. his extremely evil and murderous friends who enjoyed being rude and killing people nodded in approval. there names were tavros and kanaya
john scened the fowl odour of the queer agenda and left to take a piss. when he got back the train was at hogwarts.
'my children' declared dumbledore 'welcome to hogwarts where you will spend the rest of your lives! and then some! please step right up for the sorting hat'
one by one the little ingrates were brought up to the sorting hat. 'HARRY POTTER' professor macgonnagull or whatever the fuck her name is beckoned. everyone was very quiet and stunned because harry was alive.
'gee' whizzed harry 'ive always wanted to go to hogwarts and now all of my dreams have come true!' he put on the hat and it announced 'GRYFFINDOR!' and everyone clapped respectfully
'DRACO MALFOY' shouted macgonagill. draco swaggered up to the hat and made macgonogall put it on for him. 'i am racist' he declarde and everyone civilly respected his opinion. 'SLYTHERIN' decleared the hat.
john wondered where dave was as macgongall called 'KARKAT VANTAS' to the stand. he had trouble fitting the sorting hat on because of his horns which kinda made him look like a demon now that john thought about it. kakrat struggled so much that the sort hat ripped. 'OW FUCK' shat the sorting hat 'JUST FOR THAT YOU AND ALL YOU GREY CREEPS GET SLYTHERIN. BURN IN HELL KIDS' the grey fuckers cheered because they were emo goths who wanted slytherin and hell.
next was that ginger twink ron weasley. 'i sure hope i get gryffindor' ron said. 'ew its ron weasley' reviled professor macdonalds. ron put on the hat, and the hat responded 'NO!'
everyone was confused. but then professor snape appeared and pulled a lever and it opened a trap door and ron fell into the virtually bottomless pit. everyone clapped respectfully. john thought snape was sus
next was that mudblood bitch herminone. 'MUDBLOOD!' jeered draco and under the first amednment to the united states constitution veryone repected his opinion. 'i hate america' siad harmione and the hat responded 'NO!'
snape pulled the lever and down she went. 'NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN' macdonald requested
neville got off his fat ass and ran up to the podium without a word. the hat yelled 'NO!' again. everyone was excited to see meville fall realy fast because hes fat and thats how psychics work but instead he was too fat for the trapdoor and got stuck.
'hogwarts is cancelled' said dumbledoor 'everyone go home. ill be right back'
everyone started packing there things to get back on the train. john was sad because he was excited for hogwarts and he really wanted to know what house hed get. spoilers its griffindor. snape got a plunger and started plunging neville out of the hole when all of a sudan
'JESUS FUCKING CHRIST' screamed macdonal 'DUMBLEDORE JUST JUMPED OUT THE WIDNOW!!!'