Chapter 12
Remus sat alone in an armchair, the farthest one from the fireplace that he could find since he was already sweating from the number of people that were crowded into the common room. The Gryffindor quidditch team had just played against Hufflepuff and won. They were now in the finals, set to play against Slytherin for the house cup.
He was nursing the drink Sirius had made for him before he got whisked away for team duties or an after-game ritual, whatever it was. The drink was disgusting, some sort of mixture of pumpkin juice and fire whiskey, but Remus held onto it anyway and sipped on it every so often just to have something to do with his hands.
Peter was off somewhere, talking to Susanna Nettle. After his and James’ almost fight in the dorm, Sirius felt bad. It didn’t help that Peter could hardly look at him when they sat down to dinner that night. So, he took it upon himself to find Peter a ‘lady friend,’ as he called it. James is so hopeless with girls, they’re going to need us, Sirius explained. Remus agreed to help, but really, it was Sirius who did all the work.
It was a genius plan. Sirius picked out the perfect girl, ran it by Peter to make sure he was interested, then proceeded to leave her an anonymous note every day leading up to the game.
“What should I do?” Peter had asked.
“Nothing,” Sirius answered.
Sirius had dragged Remus along to deliver the notes. They hunched under the cloak together as Sirius slipped them into the pocket of her robes. She would turn each time, searching for the phantom hand she had felt, before reading the note. She never had much of a reaction as she read the few lines of writing, but she would refold the parchment neatly and tuck them back into the pocket where she had found them.
“She’s interested,” Sirius said.
“How do you know that?”
“I just know, Remus.”
That morning, they gave her a note as she walked out of the Ravenclaw common room on her way to breakfast, slipped it in her pocket the same way they had done all week. It read:
Will you be my date to the game? I’ll be waiting by the portrait of George Von Rheticus
on the 2nd floor. I hope to see you there.
-P.
Remus was not sure how Sirius did it, but it worked like a charm. He had been watching the game with Lily and Mary like usual when he looked around and saw Peter sitting with the girl they had all but stalked for the week. They were hardly watching the game. Peter seemed to be talking her ear off as she listened with rapt attention, a slight blush upon her cheeks. He caught Peter’s eye, discreetly, and gave him a thumbs up.
So now, Remus was alone since all of his friends were busy. Even Lily had dragged Mary upstairs to their dorm after she had one too many shots and had almost rolled her ankle in the heels she was wearing.
He was brought out of his reverie by someone perching on the armrest of his chair, where he had just been resting his drink. Some of it even splashed onto his trousers as he moved away to accommodate the new presence.
“Shouldn’t you be with the team?” Remus asked.
“They’ll get on without me,” Marlene answered.
“I suppose.”
“So, where’s the boyfriend?”
“Last I saw he was doing celebratory shots with the team, lost track of him after that.”
“Aha,” she exclaimed. “So, you admit you two are dating.”
Remus groaned. He hadn’t really thought about what Marlene had said, just knew she was asking after Sirius. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Yet,” she said, then smiled when he didn’t protest. “Don’t worry, Lupin, I won’t let anyone in on your little secret. Us queers have to stick together, right?”
“Oh, right, I guess,” Remus mumbled awkwardly, diverting his gaze.
Marlene laughed. “It’s ok, I know you know.”
“Sirius didn’t tell me, I swear,” Remus pleaded. “I just…guessed.”
“I know,” she said.
“You know?”
“Yeah, gay people always know when there’s other gay people around. It’s like our superpower.”
“Our superpower,” Remus laughed. “That’s brilliant.”
“That’s why I felt comfortable telling Sirius in the first place. I knew he would get it.”
“And why you’re comfortable telling me now?”
“Yup,” she said, taking a sip of the drink she was holding. It looked a lot more appetizing than the one he had.
Remus felt like he should confess something to her just to even the score, even though she already knew he was not straight. He didn’t know if it was a good idea, but his cup was almost empty, and he was starting to feel the effects of it already. “We’re soulmates,” Remus said quietly. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought Sirius put truth serum in his drink, but he knew deep down he just wanted to tell someone—it felt nice to say it out loud.
Marlene almost choked and spit her drink back into her cup. “You’re kidding me!”
Remus shook his head. He couldn’t help the goofy grin that broke out on his face, probably from all the pumpkin juice and fire whiskey had had already drank. “Honest,” Remus promised. He hoped Sirius wouldn’t mind him telling Marlene, but he doubted that he would. It seemed like their secrecy was mostly for Remus' sake.
Marlene let out an excited squeal and turned her whole body so that she was facing Remus, tucking her feet under his leg. Her level of interest in their soul mate status seemed uncharacteristic for her, but Remus chalked it up to not knowing her well enough. Maybe she was just a big softie under that tough exterior. “How did you find out?”
He considered how he could tell her without revealing his other big secret. “Well, I had already seen his, ya know,” he started to explain.
“Right, he showed pretty much everybody,” Marlene said, remembering the morning of Sirius’ 15th birthday back in November.
Remus laughed. “At least he wasn’t as bad as James.”
Marlene laughed with him, “You’re right, that wanker was showing strangers at breakfast.”
“I don’t think anyone’s a stranger to James,” Remus reminded her.
“Anyways, so you wake up, see your mark, and then tell Sirius?”
“No,” Remus shook his head. “He had seen it while I was sleeping so he already knew.”
“So, you snogged him?” she asked hopefully.
Remus shook his head again.
“So, what did you do then?”
“I apologized,” Remus cringed.
Marlene erupted into a fit of laughter, that made Remus chuckle a bit, too. “Oh, Lupin, you are too much,” she wheezed as she caught her breath.
Remus shrugged, still smiling. “You have to understand, the whole thing was terrifying as hell.”
“Oh no, someone I care about a lot is going to love me unconditionally,” she said, sarcastically.
“I was mostly afraid he would be disappointed.”
Marlene gave him a deadpan look. “Are you blind or stupid?”
“Might be both,” Remus said, and they both laughed, Marlene shaking her head at him.
“—Marlene,” Lily called from behind them and the two of them whipped their heads around to look at her. She had come down the stairs in her socks and pajamas. “I need your help with Mary, she’s been sick all over her duvet.”
“Ugh, I’ll be up in a minute.”
“Do they know?” Remus asked after Lily had pattered back up the stairs to their dorm. He didn’t elaborate, Marlene would know what he meant.
“I tried to tell them,” she admitted. “I wouldn’t mind them knowing, honestly. It’s the having to come out and tell them that gets me every time,” she cringed.
“Maybe you don’t have to,” Remus mused. Marlene looked at him curiously, so he continued. “Maybe you can just start talking about girls you fancy. They’re both smart, they’ll get the hint.”
Marlene laughed. “You don’t think they deserve some kind of explanation?”
“I think you don’t owe them one, and besides, they’ll understand.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Marlene said. She set her empty cup on an end table and rose to her feet, stretching. “Alright, I should probably handle the Mary situation now. ‘Night, Remus,” she said and headed towards the stairs.
“Night, Marls,” he called after her.
Remus had poured himself another drink after he choked down the rest of the one he had been sipping on all evening and was standing by the wall when James and Sirius came to find him.
“Alright, Moony?”
“Alright.”
They both linked their arms on either side of Remus and pulled him to the stairs. “Come on then,” Sirius said. “We have a prank to plan.”
“Shouldn’t we wait for Wormtail?”
“He’s walking Susanna back to her dorm,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. “He’ll meet us upstairs.”
The two of them insisted that they all walk up the stairs at the same time, without unlinking their arms. It was a tight squeeze up the stairwell and Remus realized that James was actually wasted and could barely walk up the steps on his own.
“How are you more sober than this one?” He asked Sirius, indicating to James who was now trying to rest his head on Remus' shoulder. He wasn’t that much shorter than Remus, but he still ended up just leaning on his upper arm.
“Didn’t feel like drinking tonight,” Sirius answered.
“What about those shots I saw you two take with the Prewetts?”
“Transfigured them into cider,” Sirius whispered conspiratorially, but James still heard.
“You what?” James asked as if it was the biggest betrayal, but a moment later, he slipped on a step and forgot all about it.
They eventually made it up to the dorm and Peter walked through the door only a few minutes later. He went immediately to Sirius and threw his arms around him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Peter said, squeezing his neck.
“I take it your date went well,” Sirius laughed, smoothing down the hair that Peter had messed up when he hugged him.
“Very well,” Peter answered. “We’re going to study together tomorrow.”
“Way to go, Wormy!”
“Yes, we're all happy for you, Wormy, but we have a prank to plan,” James said, dismissively.
Remus was surprised at his reaction, but then again they had stolen his project out from under him and, considering what James had revealed about Lily, he was probably using it as a way to distract himself. Sirus just rolled his eyes. James had been acting hot and cold to him all week, but Sirius never mentioned it beyond a quiet scoff or eye-roll. They had all seemed to figure it out at the same time— James was obviously having a hard time dealing with the fact that Lily was most definitely not his soulmate.
“Get on with it then,” Peter said.
James took out his quidditch playbook which probably contained more prank logistics than anything quidditch-related and flipped to an empty page. “Alright, so when are we doing this thing?”
“Term ends in two weeks,” Sirius said. It was almost somber the way he said it, as if he was counting down the days until the end and was dreading it. They all knew that was most likely the case, they all dreaded Sirius going home to his horrible family at the end of every year, but there wasn’t much they could do about it.
“We could do it at the end-of-year feast,” Peter suggested.
Remus and Sirius nodded, but James did not seem happy. “Boring! Everyone will be expecting that!” he exclaimed. Then added, “Plus, I overheard Gid and Fab planning something for that night.”
They all sighed. There was no way they could compete with the Prewett twins. They could collab on a prank, sure, but they wanted to do something that was distinctly Marauders.
“The night before the cup,” Sirius shouted. “We can prank the Slytherins before the game and get them spooked.”
The night before the cup- It would be perfect if it wasn’t for one small detail. “I wanted to talk to you guys about that,” Remus swallowed.
“What is it Moony?”
“The night before the cup is the full,” he said quietly and Sirius’ and James’ faces both fell. It was shite timing really, right in the middle of the busiest week of the year. The full was on Friday, the cup on Saturday, then he would have one day to recover before exams started on Monday. His only reprieve was the fact that he had one last moon at school with access to Madam Pomfrey’s healing abilities. The summer moons never treated him well. “I think you guys should sit this one out.”
“No way,” Sirius said, too quickly.
“You guys need to rest before the cup,” he countered. “And that way you guys can do the prank that night. I’ll even help as much as I can leading up to it.”
“Absolutely not,” Sirius said, pushing James nearly off of his bed when he looked like he was actually considering it.
“Sirius is right, Remus,” James said. “We’re not leaving you and there’s no way we can pull off the prank without you.”
“We can do it on Thursday,” Sirius said, stubbornly as usual.
“Of course, no one will suspect anything on a random Thursday!”
And just like that, it was settled, but Remus still felt a small twinge of guilt pull at him. He was going to be the reason Gryffindor lost the cup, and to Slytherin of all houses.
…
Sirius had spent the entirety of the following week trying to make it through the last few days of classes and grueling quidditch practices, all while struggling to come up with the perfect prank that was the least likely to get them disqualified from the cup. Everyone knew Dumbledore had a soft spot for Gryffindor, having been one himself, so they could probably get away with something really good, as long as no one was hurt.
It was Remus who finally came up with the plan on Wednesday when they had snuck off before charms for a cigarette. It wasn’t like them to wait until the last minute when it came to pranks but all four of them had a lot on their plates.
The plan was perfect. It wasn’t going to hurt the Slytherins or affect their playing in any physical way, but it would embarrass them and hopefully, that would give them a disadvantage when the game came around. Of course, there was the off chance that their prank made the Slytherin team play even harder, but the Gryffindors could take them. They were a good team.
Most of the school trickled into dinner around the same time everyday, but they weren’t so strict on the schedule unless it was a special occasion where Dumbledore was expected to give a speech, so they had to wait until the perfect time to strike. They wanted to make sure they got the majority of the Slytherin team, and if they were lucky, Snape and his dumb followers as well.
Remus and Peter were at the Gryffindor table per usual, trying to act natural. They even sat with the girls so it wouldn’t look weird that they were both sitting on the same side in order to get a good view. Lily had asked them several times where their other halves were, but the two of them just shrugged. You know them, Remus told her, always running late.
James was already there somewhere, though, under the cloak, waiting for the cue from Sirius to set off the prank. They had even been there before anyone else even, staking out the Great Hall since before classes officially ended for the day.
Sirius stood just outside of the entrance of the Great Hall with a view of both the hallway and the Slytherin table, and where James would still be able to see him. He had flagged down Professor Slughorn and had started asking him questions about different ingredients and potions under the guise that he was preparing for the final exam. He didn’t want his loitering to seem suspicious to any of the professors before their prank was underway. It wasn’t hard to get the old man talking, though Sirius was hardly listening to a word he said. His real job was to look out for their targets and make sure they were all sitting down before giving James the go-ahead.
There was also something else he needed to do, something he hadn’t told James or the others about. It was the reason why he had volunteered to be the lookout in the first place.
“The quality of ingredient makes all the difference, it really does,” Slughorn blabbered on, stroking his mustache absentmindedly as Sirius nodded his head every so often, encouraging him to keep speaking.
He tried to be subtle as his eyes roamed between the corridor and the dining tables, though Slughorn seemed to have gotten lost in his own monologue. Sirius had drowned out the old man’s incessant yapping until he heard the mention of one of his relatives. Sirius’ skin prickled with irritation, he hated being associated with his family. “You know I went to school with your uncle, Cygnus,” Slughorn was saying, “and we were always competing for top marks in potions. He was quite the potioneer, if you ask me. Tell me, young man, how is —"
“Thank you for your help, Professor,” Sirius cut him off as he noticed Regulus walking towards the doors. His brother didn’t seem to notice him, but Regulus had always been a master of the poker face. “Enjoy your dinner now, sir,” he said and waved him into the Great Hall.
Slughorn looked confused at the abrupt ending of the conversation. He had no doubt been pleased with the opportunity to converse with the member of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, especially since Sirius had never given an inkling of interest in potions before. He never turned down the chance to network, even if it was with a student. “You as well, Mr. Black, and good luck on those exams.”
Sirius grabbed the sleeve of his little brother’s robes and tugged him back just before he was about to enter the Great Hall. He was alone, thankfully, Crouch and Rosier had already sat down for dinner.
Regulus looked at him questioningly, but Sirius just held a finger to his lips and pulled his brother behind the great wooden doors. “Sirius,” Regulus hissed as he looked around, worried that they would be seen by someone who would tell their parents. “What’s this about? I’m hungry.”
“I promised, remember?” Sirius whispered, peaking around the door, making sure their prime targets were in position. “Don’t worry, no one will notice us back here,” he assured his brother.
He doubted anyone would see them there. The hall was dimly lit, the only light coming from the few sconces that were scattered through the foyer and the candlelight that filtered in through the Great Hall. Not to mention anyone coming from the opposite direction would be too distracted by the hysteria inside to notice the two brothers standing just outside the door. He took one last look at Regulus (it was like looking in a mirror, but one of those wonky ones that made him thinner, more angular, and his hair shorter) and then gave James the signal.
“Not another one of your stupid pranks,” Regulus groaned and turned to leave.
Sirius caught him by the sleeve again. “Trust me, you’re not going to want to miss this, Reg,” he said as the music started.
Everyone in the Great Hall looked to the Slytherin table where the noise seemed to be coming from while the Slytherins looked at each other, confused as to what was going on. They had lost control of their own bodies. It was as if they were paralyzed, yet their bodies moved in synchronized motion in time with the music against their will. Some of them tried to get up, to leave the table, but it was like someone had cast a permanent stinking charm on their butts.
Rufus Jugson, the 7th-year captain of the quidditch team opened his mouth, widely, as if he was about to belch, or vomit even, but nothing came out but a strange melody.
It’s been a long time since I rock and rolled
It’s been a long time since I did the stroll
Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back
Let me get it back, baby, where I come from
Then the rest of the Slytherins joined in, staring cross-eyed at their gaping mouths as Robert Plant's voice erupted from deep within their chests.
It’s been a long time, been a long time
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time
Yes, it has
The whole table was thrust up from their seats and Sirius heard a quiet chuckle escape Regulus’ lips as his housemates were compelled to dance around the table, gyrating their hips to the music as they sang the lyrics to the song. Sirius’s heart swelled up with pride at hearing him laugh so freely, it was such a rare thing for him to hear. He was always afraid of what their mother would do to him, even when he was away at school since word had its way of getting back to her. Sirius placed his hands on Regulus’ shoulders, even though they were nearly the same height, and peered around him as they watched together.
I can’t count the tears of a life with no love
Carry me back, carry me back, carry me back
Baby, where I come from
He wished someone had thought to bring a camera.
The confusion in the Great Hall faded as everyone began to realize it was a prank. The stunned silence quickly turned into a roar of laughter, many of the muggle-borns and half-blood students singing along to the familiar tune.
He could just make out his friends sitting at the Gryffindor table. A smirk pulled at Remus’ lips as he continued to eat his dinner as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Peter had started to turn scarlet as he failed to hide his laughter behind his hand and Mary and Marlene had collapsed on each other in a fit of giggles. Lily was the only one who didn’t seem pleased. She stabbed at the peas and potatoes on her plate, rolling her eyes at the whole affair— she had never appreciated their pranks, but what else was new?
Even Dumbledore seemed to be enjoying the show. A small smile played on his lips, and he nodded his head to the beat. It wasn’t until Professor McGonagall nudged him that he schooled his expression and rose from his seat. His lavender robes trailed behind him as he made his way to the podium to address the school.
Dumbledore let the commotion go on for another moment, then waved his hand over the scene, ceasing the magic that had been placed over the Slytherins. “That is enough,” he commanded in a booming voice.
The Great Hall fell silent once again. Dumbledore peered over his half-moon spectacles and looked around to each table, searching for possible culprits, though it had to be obvious who pulled the stunt.
Sirius gulped as Dumbledore’s eyes drifted to where he and Regulus were peeking out from behind the door. We’re caught, Sirius thought to himself, but then Dumbledore skimmed over them, seeming not to have noticed them at all. He breathed a sigh of relief then let Regulus pull him into the shadows down the hall.
“That was bloody close, Sirius,” his brother chastised. “You almost got us both expelled.”
“That was wicked,” Sirius breathed, ignoring Regulus’s words.
“You’re nuts,” Regulus sighed. He shook his head as if he was disappointed, but he was still smiling so Sirius counted it as a success.