Chapter 1
Remus stared glumly into his porridge, pushing it around with his spoon. He had been in a bad mood since he woke up and had just snapped at Peter when he asked if he was going to eat his sausages. He knew he should apologize but couldn’t bring himself to do it. They were mere hours away from the moon and his head hurt, along with every muscle and ligament in his body. If he could just rip off his skin he thought it would make him feel better, but it wasn’t time for that yet. The four friends were sitting off on their own at the very end of the table, separated from the rest of the Gryffindors, and although the boys were trying their hardest to be quiet for Remus’s sake, the noise from the great hall still pierced his sensitive ears in the most uncomfortable way.
Sirius couldn’t help but snicker at Pete’s red face. He clapped his friend on the shoulder in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Read the room, Petey!” he said flashing his signature cheeky grin. Sirius, Remus thought to himself, was always cleaning up his messes for him and never judged him for his mercurial pre-transformation moods. He was the first to figure out his werewolf problem and made it his mission to make Remus’ life just a bit easier, starting with changing his silver jewelry to stainless steel and even going so far as to rope the other boys into becoming illegal animagi. He was always going out of his way to make up for the ignorant shit he spat in first year before James had to sit him down and have a little chat with him.
“Sorry, Remus,” Peter squeaked.
“Here ya go, Wormy.” James lifted his plate and pushed his own sausage onto Peter’s. Always the people-pleaser. James was secretly the mom-friend of the group, which contrasted greatly with his prankster reputation around the school.
“It’s okay, Pete.” He tried to smile at him, but it came out more like a grimace. After a few more minutes of trying to force down his breakfast—Poppy was always getting onto him about eating balanced meals on full moon days—he pushed it away and stood to leave. “I need a smoke break before class.”
Sirius leaped up, as expected. He rarely left Remus’ side before the moon. “I’ll join you.”
“Oi don’t be late for class Pads,” James called after them, looking up from the quidditch playbook that had monopolized his attention that morning. “You wouldn’t want to miss out on tonight because Minnie gave you detention again.”
Remus hissed. “A little louder, Prongs, I don’t think they heard you at the Slytherin table.”
Sirius and Remus made their way down to the grounds and sat close together on the icy grass near the edge of the great lake. They were far enough into the forbidden forest that other students wouldn’t be able to see them, but not deep enough that it would cause problems with the more territorial inhabitants. Remus lit one of the spliffs he had rolled in the dorm before breakfast—a skinny little thing since Remus had to ration his stash until Easter holidays-- before taking a few puffs and passing it to Sirius. It was a cold morning in March but the wolf in him caused Remus to run warm, so he was just wearing his school shirt and an oversized and threadbare jumper that hung loosely off his shoulders and came down past his mid-thigh. Sirius, on the other hand, was sporting his shirt (untucked, of course), a jumper that he had likely knicked from Remus’ trunk, a thick scarf that was adorned with a Queen pin that Remus had bought him at a muggle record shop, his robes, and a cloak pulled tightly around him. Despite the heating charm around them, Sirius still had to unfold his hands from his armpits to accept the spliff.
“Are you nervous?” he asked with a sideways glance.
“For the moon? I’ve transformed hundreds of times, why would I be nervous?”
Remus knew he wasn’t talking about the moon but wanted to be difficult. He was in fact very nervous. His 15th birthday was tomorrow, so that meant he would be getting his soul mark at the stroke of midnight if he was going to get one at all. It was a common thing amongst magical folks, but not everyone was lucky enough to have a soul mate.
Sirius had been the first of their friends to get his soul mark. He had tried to stay up that night, to catch it magically forming on his skin, but he fell asleep early after getting severely stoned with the other boys. In the morning, Remus had woken up to the sound of Sirius excitedly jumping on James’ bed and lifting his shirt to show them the intricate design in the shape of a half circle on his ribs. Even in the early hours, the boys let Sirius have his celebration. They knew he had been worried and if anyone deserved a soul mate, it was him. Neither of his parents had one and they were miserable bigots who sneered at any mention of soul mates. Orion and Walburga already had two high society witches, likely related to them in some way or another, lined up to marry their two sons when the time came. Though Remus doubted they would be able to make Sirius go through with an arranged marriage, they might have better luck with the younger brother.
“Don’t be cheeky. You know what I’m talking about, Moony.”
Remus sighed. “I wouldn’t say nervous, more like resigned to my fate.”
Sirius hummed, he seemed to be lost in thought. “I can’t wait to find my soulmate. You reckon it’ll be like what Effie and Monty have?”
Remus smiled. He had spent a few weeks at the Potter estate over the last summer and knew James’ parents well. They had a love that warmed everyone around them. No wonder James was always so positive. Sirius had especially taken to them in the short amount of time he was able to visit during Winter and Easter holidays when the Blacks believed him to be at school.
“Yeah, I reckon it’ll be exactly like that.”
“You know, my cousin Andy was disowned last summer for running away with her soulmate.” Remus hummed. He remembered Sirius telling them all when they came back from summer holidays. “And my Uncle Alphard, too, years ago. I barely remember him.”
Sirius trailed off and the smoke wafted up around them, but neither of the boys was concerned with the smell. The professors tended to look the other way when it came to Remus, due to his furry little problem, even though he caused just as much trouble as the other marauders, if not more, especially in their first year. He had been an angry and misguided eleven-year-old-- opting to fight anyone who commented on the jagged scar that ran from his brow through his upper lip or the many he had on the rest of his body. It wasn’t until he tried to knock out Sirius for calling him a half-breed (who had learned that term from his parents and had not known it was offensive) that James had to intervene. He hadn’t been in any fights since then. He had been a scrappy kid, though, having learned how to fight from the older boys in his neighborhood, so most of the student body still left him alone about his conspicuous scarring, that is except for a few select Slytherins.
The joint was passed between them a few more times before Remus snubbed it out under his shoe. It had helped ease a bit of the nausea and muscle aches. “Do you think things will change for us when you meet your soul mate?” Sirius asked.
“No, never,” Remus was quick to answer. He knew that they probably wouldn’t hang out as much or in the same way once any of the marauders found their soul mates, he knew that, but he would never let anyone come between their friendship. They were the first real friends he ever had. His only friends, really.
Sirius chewed on his cuticle for a moment before letting his signature grin shine. “You’re right, we’ll be best friends forever.”
…..
Remus had ditched his last class of the day to get some much-needed alone time. The classes he had attended that day were rough and he had his head down for most of them. The professors didn’t say anything about his lack of participation, but he knew the other students thought it was weird. He felt their curious eyes on him until Sirius shot them each with an intimidating glare and they abruptly looked away.
He had been sitting precariously on the window with his feet on the roof tiles below him and a lit cigarette between his fingers when the other three boys came back to the dorm from their double potions class. James and Sirius came in like a whirlwind of chaotic energy, throwing their bookbags down haphazardly and making as much noise as possible before remembering what day it was and wincing. Remus didn’t pay them much mind but did a double take as Peter walked through the door. The usually toe-headed boy was now sporting a new vivid pink dye job.
“What happened to you?” Remus spoke, incredulously.
“Snape and his little cronies are what happened to me,” he seethed. “They must have jinxed me when I was mincing the bitter root. I didn’t even notice until Emmeline Vance called me Pinky Pettigrew!”
James and Sirius looked to be holding back their laughter behind quivering lips. Remus tried his hardest not to join in.
“We were supposed to peel the bitter root, not mince it.” Peter turned his red-faced pout on Sirius as he spoke.
“It’s alright, I think the color suits you.” Remus didn’t actually think it suited him, in fact, he thought it emphasized the ruddiness of his skin, but Remus was not about to tell his friend that. He still felt a bit guilty about yelling at him earlier that morning and resolved to try to be a bit nicer to him.
“It’s a lovely shade! Mary even told me she was jealous.”
“Oh, piss off, Padfoot! What am I going to do, I can’t walk around with pink hair! I look like a ponce!”
“Don’t be dramatic! At least Sluggy gave them detention for the week,” James threw an arm around the shorter boy’s shoulder “Besides, that gives us an excuse to play a prank back on them and I’ve been itching to get my hands dirty.”
“Also, it looks like the same spell Evans used on Prongs back in third year,” Sirius cut in. “Didn’t take long for it to wear off. Glad I got a picture of it before it did.” Sirius rummaged through the drawer of his bedside table before producing a moving Polaroid of James ruffling his hot pink hair and blowing a kiss to the camera. “It was a good look for you, Prongs.
“I did look good!” James beamed. “And it was completely faded by the next day, so no need to worry yourself sick, Wormy.”
Peter just grumbled before collapsing on his unmade bed to take a nap before they went out gallivanting for the night. Sirius turned to the record player that his cousin Andy found for him at a muggle charity shop. He had charmed it to work without electricity and usually had it playing any time he was in the dorm. He put on an album and turned the volume lower than he usually would have before kicking off his shoes and lounging on James’ bed.
“Shove over, mate, that’s my bed you’re on,” James tried and failed to push him onto the floor.
“Shh, be quiet Prong, Moony is trying to relax.” Sirius winked at Remus who was still sitting on the windowsill. He rolled his eyes at him but couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his lips.
“Fine, but if I find a single strand of your hair on my pillow then I’m putting hair removal potion in your shampoo.”
The dorm was uncharacteristically calm after that. Eventually, Remus climbed down from the window and lay on his own bed with his head cradled in his folded arms. He didn’t sleep but just lay there as the effects of the nicotine, fresh air, and music hit his system.
…..
It wasn’t long before Remus left the dorm to meet Madam Pomfrey down on the grounds. Sirius and James had promised him that they would rouse Peter and head down to the whomping willow when the coast was clear.
Pomfrey smiled warmly when he arrived. “Hello, dear. How are you feeling today?” He liked her. She wasn’t much older than his mum, but she had a quality that reminded him of a sweet old grandma. She fussed over him in the same way his mum’s mum had before she passed.
“Hello. I’m alright,” he said politely. “Just a bit tired,” he added after she narrowed her eyes pointedly at him. She seemed to be able to tell how achy he felt but she didn’t press him further.
The medi-witch led him through the tunnel and into the abandoned house that was known to the students and nearby villagers as the Shrieking Shack—the most haunted place in Scotland. Every surface in the house was covered in a thick layer of grime and rays of golden light filtered in through cracks in the boarded-up windows, illuminating the dust particles in the air. The upper part of the walls and many of the door frames were scratched up and damaged from James’ antlers, but Pomfrey didn’t seem to notice in the dim lighting, so Remus didn’t worry about it. There was no way she had any inkling of an idea of what the boys got up to every month on the full moon. If she did, they would all be expelled in an instant.
He followed her up to the second-floor bedroom where he was meant to stay for the duration of his transformation. The room had been scourgified several times over, but it still looked worse for wear. The wooden furniture was marred with claw marks and the quilt on the bed had seen better days. He stripped down to his shorts and gave his clothes and wand to Pomfrey who locked them in the wardrobe so they wouldn’t be damaged. She gave him a bitter-tasting potion to help with the pain. Remus knew it wouldn’t help much but he downed it anyway to appease her.
“I’ll come fetch you in the morning, love.” She left and Remus got comfortable on the bed and pulled the quilt around his shoulder. He wasn’t cold, despite the low evening temperature, but wanted to have a bit of dignity left when the other boys came in. The white scars that littered his body were enhanced by his flushed skin and he was too skinny for his tall frame. His mum used to say he was just skin and bones as she tried to get him to eat more. Remus knew he was a sore sight and his friends already had to witness the horrors of him transforming into a beast.
Remus curled up on the bed. The pillow under his head smelled only faintly of mildew but his werewolf senses almost made the scent unbearable. A few minutes had passed when he heard the tell-tale sounds of the other three boys making their way through the tunnel. He could hear two sets—Peter would have already changed into his animagi form to save room under James’ invisibility cloak-- of heavy footsteps on the underground path and then on the floorboards as they climbed up from the basement.
“Alright, Moony?” Sirius was the first to enter the room, barging in like he owned the place. It made Remus smile in spite of the needle-like pain he felt all over. He was followed closely by James with a pink-tinged Wormtail perched on his shoulder.
James flashed him one of those smiles that was both genuine and mischievous. “Fancy meeting you here, Moony,” he teased. “Come here often?”
“Nutter,” Remus mumbled, but the smile didn’t slip from his lips.
Wormtail leaped into the air and materialized in his human form on the edge of the bed. “Brought you a snack from the kitchens, Moony.” He held out a large strip of beef jerky wrapped in a napkin. Remus took the dried meat graciously. He hadn’t tried to eat since breakfast and meat was always the easiest for him to stomach on full moon days.
“Cheers, Wormy.”
Sirius came to sit against the headboard on the other side of the bed while Remus chewed absent-mindedly on his jerky. Peter stayed at the foot of the bed and James hopped up onto the dresser. The wood creaked under his weight and Remus winced at the sound. They didn’t say much as they waited for the moonrise, but the three of them could hardly contain their excitement, though they tried their best to in front of Remus. Remus knew they hated seeing him in pain during the transformations, but the time they spent with the wolf was so much fun for them. Remus didn’t mind—it made him feel like less of a monster.
“How much time do we have left?” Peter asked.
James looked at his wristwatch. “Just a few minutes now.”
“You guys should change then,” Remus told them, he was already starting to feel the wolf pulling him under. He was terrified that one day they would get caught in their human form at the wrong time. He had fought them when they first presented the idea to him, but they were able to wear him down eventually. He had been proud of himself for holding out at all.
Within moments, the pinkish rat replaced Peter's spot on the bed and Prongs stood regal and tall in the middle of the room, having to duck slightly so his antlers wouldn’t go through the ceiling. Wormtail scuttled over to the bedpost and Prongs dipped down so he could take his place between Prongs’ ears. The wolf liked Wormtail well enough but could be a little rough with him. He played rough with all of them, especially Padfoot, but Wormtail was a lot smaller than all of them and they didn’t want him to get hurt.
Remus turned to Sirius who was still in his human form. “You need to change, Pads.”
“I will, in a bit,” he said stubbornly.
“Now, Pads. It’s starting.”
“I will. Before it’s too late. Trust me.”
Remus didn’t have the energy to fight him on it. He clenched his eyes shut and breathed in deeply through his nose and out through his mouth. He had to swallow back the bile that rose in his throat. The shift was happening. Sirius weaved his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close and tight, but Remus was too far gone to register his presence.
Not even a minute later, an unsettling scream erupted from deep in his chest. His bones grew and broke, setting in new and unnatural directions. His nails became talon-like claws, tearing into the fabric of the quilt that had fallen from his shoulders. His flesh tore away to reveal thick, dark fur that had not been there a moment before.
It was a horrible thing to watch but Sirius always stayed with him until the last minute. He refused to abandon him for his own comfort. The first time he saw his friend transform, he sobbed, horrified, until it was almost too late for him to transform in time. He didn’t do that anymore—he didn’t want to make it worse for Remus who would never forgive himself if he ever hurt any of them. He swallowed down any emotion that threatened to surface.
“Now—” Remus’ demand was interrupted by his jaw breaking, morphing into the long snout of the wolf while his teeth grew into sharp points. Sirius changed into Padfoot before Moony bellowed out his first howl. Remus was gone, for the time being, and Moony stood in his place.
Moony rose tall on his hind legs and sniffed at the nervous energy in the room as all three animagi bowed their heads. The wolf had accepted them into his pack since the first night they spent together, but they always erred on the side of caution. Padfoot waited until the wolf visibly relaxed and then leaped up to lick a stripe along the wolf’s face. The wolf lunged back at him playfully and the two tussled on the bedroom floor until the stag ushered them out and into the Forbidden Forest.
The two canines ran, played, and howled together. Snarls and barks rang out through the trees. The stag stayed back a bit to make sure any creatures (or merlin forbid, humans) didn’t stumble into their path and acted as a referee when the play got too rough. The wolf seemed at ease with its pack. Remus never remembered anything from the nights after he changed back into his human form but from the look of the shack he had been locked up in for years, the nights alone were not pleasant for the wolf.
It was hard to believe the boy was in there somewhere under the fur and claws. They were like night and day. Remus had always been quiet and reserved, his wit and humor only came to light when he felt comfortable enough with someone to let them in. He hid parts of himself, even from his best friends. The wolf was loud and energetic and so unlike Remus. James, Sirius, and Peter were both glad to be able to see that side of their friend and they often talked about it when Remus (or anyone else) wasn’t around to hear.
Eventually, the night came to a close and Prongs started to usher the others back to the shack. The dog whined in disappointment, but the man inside understood the importance of getting Remus back inside, so he didn’t end up naked and cold out in the forest. Padfoot ran ahead and the wolf followed close behind.
Back in the shack, the wolf and dog curled up on the bed. Moony started to whimper as he felt the shift happening again. Padfoot nuzzled into his neck. The fur receded into Remus’ body and his bones started to reset. The wolfish whimpers quickly turned into sobs. Sirius changed back into his human form and held his friend close once again. The wolf's claws tore into his shirt and the flesh of his shoulder before they retracted into human nail beds. A bead of blood tickled his shoulder blade as it ran down his back.
“Pads!” James yelled, he and Peter had changed back as well.
“Go wait in the hall!” The other two hesitated but finally did as they were told.
Remus let out one last cry before his head lulled onto Sirius’ good shoulder and his breathing became deep and ragged. His naked body was feverish-- burning up and slick with sweat. Sirius rocked him gently and ran his fingers through his hair. He didn’t know if the comforting was for Remus’ sake or his own. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed.
“We have to go, Pads!” James called in through the hallway. “Poppy will be on her way soon.”
Sirius laid Remus down gently on his side and gave him a last look over. He had deep purple bags under his eyes and his skin was sallow, but there was no blood or major injuries. Sirius began to pull the tattered quilt over his friend and paused. He had almost forgotten it was Remus’ birthday and his eye was caught by a familiar half-moon design above the mottled scar tissue on his hip. It almost blended in with the rest of his scars, but it was unmistakable.
He released a sigh—tension that he didn’t even know he had been holding. His body felt lighter than it had ever felt until that moment. Everything was going to be okay. Nothing was going to change. No one would come between them or cause them to drift away from each other.
He would have Remus and James and Peter, the most important people in his life, with him forever. Someday he would leave his family and they would have careers and friends and a life full of experiences. He would be as happy as this day always.
“What’s taking you so long? We don’t have much time!” Sirius heard from the hallway.
He gave Remus’ sleeping form one last smile. “See you soon, Moons,” he whispered and then turned to join his friends under the invisibility cloak to make the trek back to the castle.