Alt. Scene after leaving Harry in his Tower room on the first night
So I loved this scene but it was way too soon for the intimacy to return at that level and forgiveness is hard for Tony despite how much he loves James, so I had to scrap it (a tragedy in my humble opinion). Anyway, enjoy.
Tony backed away and placed a hand on James’ arm as they both moved toward the door, still facing Harry. With one last awkward wave from the kid, they left and closed the door behind them before Tony guided them a bit down the hall and only stopped when they were facing each other inside his own room.
Tony tightened his grip on James’ arm as he just stood there for a moment, taking breaths that scratched his throat like sandpaper and heartbreak. When he finally looked up, James was staring at him with so much emotion that Tony didn’t even try to fathom it right then.
Honestly, he was so overwhelmed and exhausted and wired and anxious and all the other things that it felt like his head was screaming at him to just find a bottle of scotch to crawl inside of. He sighed.
“James, I’m so fucking tired so I’m just gonna say what I’m thinking and you can tell me what’s going on in your head, okay?”
James’ jaw tightened as he nodded, apprehension and a bit of bracing steel coming into his eyes. Tony tried to ignore the resignation in them, like he was waiting for a rejection or something, and he fixed his own gaze on his hand in a vice grip around James’ arm before he spoke.
“I know that Dumblefuck is responsible for a lot of it and you wouldn’t have stayed away if you could help it, but I … I’m still pissed. And hurt. For years you and Lily have been the loves of my life that got away, and I’ve done a shit job of healing from that heartbreak. I honestly didn’t even try. So that’s gonna take some time to work through. But my head is swirling with magic and gods and aliens and wormholes and Lily and all the other shit. But Harry comes first, he needs so much help James, and even with everything else my thoughts just keep coming back to all the ways that our kid was fucking abused worse than we were and groomed as a child soldier and how desperately I need you to fucking hold me so I don’t break.”
Tony didn’t even have time to look into James’ eyes to see his reaction before he felt firm arms around his shoulders, pulling Tony into James’ chest with his head tucked under the taller man’s chin. It felt too familiar, that sense of safety and comfort and fucking love that Tony felt the sob he’d been shoving down all fucking day tear out of him from somewhere in his stomach. He wasn’t a crier, he hadn’t cried in years before today, but James and Lily had always had the ability to break down his walls.
Tony let his weight rest on James a bit as the man started petting his hair, lips moving so they could speak softly in his ear. Tony could hear the wetness in James’ voice when he spoke.
“I know we hurt you, elskan min, I’m so sorry that we ever left you at all. If I hadn’t been so arrogant to think we would be immune to the violence of the war, then we would have stayed and we could have made our family with you and none of this would have happened. I don’t ever expect forgiveness from you, I don’t think I deserve it, but I will do everything in my power to prove that I will never leave you or Harry again. If you’ll have me, I will be by your side always, and we can hold each other together.”
Tony gasped again, trying to control the ragged breaths tearing at his throat. “He’s so strong, James, he’s so strong and tired and brave and kind and broken.”
James was shuddering under his touch. “I know, love, he’s incredible and we’re going to help him heal.”
Tony didn’t really have the capacity to respond aside from nodding as he finally let the floodgates go, crying with his hands fisted in James’ shirt at the small of his back while the other man laid them down on Tony’s bed. Once James had them under the covers, he just tucked Tony into him like he used to do all those years ago and they both held on for dear life while their shoulders grew wetter with the others' tears.
It felt like he was being ripped apart by the knowledge that his son and his loves were all torn away from him to suffer pain and death.
It felt like coming home to be in his soulmate's arms again in the home they were going to make for their son.
Tony’s eyes were dry again when he finally fell asleep.