The Kiss
Severus awoke to the faint light of dawn filtering through the high windows. It was not what had woken him. He tried to move in bed but could not. All his limbs seemed to disobey him. He thought back to the events of the previous day. Was it really the night before? Severus allowed his foggy mind to slowly return to normal. OK, fine, he'd arrived at Sirius's house with the potion for the werewolf, then he'd started the incantation. He thought it had worked, although he had no way of knowing at the time. Then he did the Aurora Charm. It hadn't been planned at all. He wasn't sure if he could do it, he'd never done it before and he'd never thought of using such a spell. And it hadn't worked for a very long time. Severus remembered the feeling of despair and madness that had overcome him, the rage that had ravaged his limbs as he saw himself failing to perform the spell properly. Just the thought of how tired he had been then made Severus almost sleep again. He didn't know how long he'd been trying, but it seemed like an eternity. Black had helped him at one point before giving up very quickly. The man wasn't cut out for dark magic, Severus knew that, but he hadn't had the strength to tell him. Then, suddenly, he had felt the spell work.
Lupin's blood had returned to his body. The wounds had closed, life had returned to his limbs. Then he remembered Black looking at him as if he had been Merlin himself. Severus smiled into his pillows as he remembered that look of wonder and recognition. He hadn't paid any attention to it at the time, but now he told himself that he would save Lupin's life as many times as it took if Black could look at him like that every time.
Had he slept all night? After allowing the peace and quiet of the warm bed to penetrate him, Severus decided to get up and find Black and Lupin. He wanted to know what had happened to the werewolf after the previous day's gruelling session. His limbs stiff and aching, Severus stood up and realised he was dressed in the same green and silver pyjamas he had worn all summer. "Shit," he thought, surely it was Black who had stripped him like that before carrying him to bed. In spite of himself, a pang of regret came over him as he realised that he had missed the chance to feel Black's reassuring, muscular arms around him. But he also felt insecure about Black seeing him without his clothes.
He put on his clean, folded clothes, which he found on the armchair opposite his bed, and left the room he was increasingly coming to regard as his own. He descended the stairs into the darkness, his heart pounding against his chest as he heard voices coming from the kitchen. Black was in there, no doubt with his werewolf friend. He stopped in front of the door and jerked it open, not knowing why exactly he was doing it. He froze. Black and Lupin were facing each other, sitting at the table, drinking tea. But that wasn't all. Severus noticed Black's hand on the werewolf's cheek, as if he had been stroking his temple a few seconds earlier.
Without being able to identify the feeling that spread through him like poison, Severus felt his insides burning from top to bottom and he gave Black a look that was meant to be evil. But after all, he had no business being here! What right did he have to interrupt the time of two friends who must have been incredibly happy to be together again?
“Severus!" exclaimed Black, literally jumping out of his chair and rushing towards him. "Our saviour!"
Before Severus had time to turn, Black was clutching him.
"Fuck Severus, thank you! Thank you for saving Moony."
The Slytherin made no attempt to extricate himself from the suffocating embrace. He wished Black would never let him go.
"Sirius," came Lupin's calm, amused voice in the background. "Let him breathe!"
As Black released him, Severus felt his cheeks flush. The Gryffindor gave him a look so full of joy that he swallowed the sarcastic comment he was about to make. Severus met the gaze of Lupin who had also risen to his feet. Damn, this was a very strange situation. Severus hated outbursts of emotion and gratitude, and while it was different for Black under normal circumstances, he was embarrassed that Lupin had witnessed the scene.
"I hope you don't mind if I don't hug you like Sirius did," he laughed.
"No, I'd rather not," Severus confirmed.
"Padfoot was always very affectionate," Lupin said, still laughing.
He approached Severus and offered his hand, which Severus shook after looking at it for a few seconds.
"Thank you, Severus. I am eternally grateful for what you have done. Sirius is right, you really did save my life."
Severus nodded, unsure of how to respond. It was strange to find himself face to face with two of his former bullies. A lot had happened since then and yet Severus couldn't stop the memories from resurfacing in bits and pieces.
"How are you feeling, Lupin?" Severus forced himself to ask.
"Very well," he exclaimed. "Really, Severus, I'm still a bit weak, but I was sure I was going to die and you... you performed a miracle."
"A miracle, that's what it is," came Sirius's happy voice and Severus felt his stomach lurch.
"Sit down," Lupin suggested. "We'll make some more tea. I'm very curious to know how you managed to cure me, of course. Sirius told me what he saw, but we don't have all the explanations."
Somewhat reluctantly, Severus took a seat at the table and wrapped his hands around the steaming cup of tea that Lupin had just summoned.
"How are you, Sev?" asked Sirius.
The Slytherin held back a smile. Here was Black calling him by that nickname again, and in front of Lupin! Severus felt intimidated by this obvious intimacy and he hated the way Black could make him feel vulnerable and so eager to be loved. Severus pursed his lips, hoping that Sirius would take that as disapproval of his familiar tone.
"I'm tired," he replied.
"You've had more than a full day's sleep," Sirius remarked with mild concern.
"What?" exclaimed Severus.
"It's Sunday morning," Lupin pointed out uselessly.
Severus didn't know what to say. He must have been terribly tired. And now the two men wanted the details of his plan. He sighed and took a sip of tea.
"What exactly was this potion?" asked Sirius.
"It was a beverage that has the opposite effect to Wolfsbane. It's called the Plenaluna Filter. It's a potion that forces men who have already been bitten to become werewolves. I adapted it so that the transformation wasn't complete," Severus explained. "I had the idea of using the werewolf's metabolism to heal the wounds inflicted during the lunar eclipse. The main obstacle was that the wounds healed slowly or not at all. Werewolf metabolism speeds up their recovery."
"Why didn't Dumbledore think of this?" exclaimed Sirius, angrily.
"Because it's completely illegal," Severus replied calmly. "And I think he asked you to contact me because he knew full well that I could do it and that I'd have the idea."
"Why illegal?" asked Sirius again.
"Because forcing a bitten man to transform is a form of torture," Lupin answered instead of Severus.
"The Plenaluna Filter was used a lot in the old days when werewolves were hunted by wizards," Severus explained. "So they could check that the captives were truly beasts before killing them. If you or I took it, we'd just get sick," Severus added to Sirius. "I've adjusted the doses to suit our needs, the aim of course being not to end up with a wounded werewolf in the middle of your living room."
No one laughed, but Severus saw the look of admiration on both men's faces.
"Then I remembered something I read on the subject," Severus continued. "It turns out that a few days ago I'd come across an incantation called 'The War Song of the Moon'. It's a very old incantation used to calm the rage of werewolves, to domesticate them, so to speak. Sorry," he added to Lupin. "I thought of it because we still needed to control the wolf strength caused by the Plenaluna Filter. I thought that incantation would keep you still long enough for your wounds to heal. But I was wrong, and... it didn't work as I thought it would."
Severus sighed. Both men drank in his words.
"And it gets a bit more complicated... in fact, the wounds opened during the semi-transformation and the incantation put the wolf's movements to sleep. So Lupin was bleeding to death and I thought... I'd failed."
Severus held the two Gryffindors' gaze. They seemed to be fascinated by his story. He thought back to the horror he'd felt when he'd realised his plan wasn't working.
"And I had to use something else, something I wish I'd never had to do. It's the summoning of the Bright Dawn. The Aurora Frangit," he explained.
He saw the surprise and horror on Lupin's face as he understood. Sirius, on the other hand, raised an eyebrow.
"Will someone tell me why your heads are like that? You look like you've seen death," Sirius growled.
"Didn't you ever listen to your History of Magic lessons?" asked Severus in his teacher's reproachful tone.
"Oh no, I haven't," Sirius confirmed, almost proudly.
"Well, if you'd been paying attention, you'd know," Severus replied. "The Bright Dawn is a reference to the wars between wizards and other magical species in the Middle Ages. At the end of the battles, the survivors would go to the battlefields and collect the bodies of their wounded. Except that in some cases, since healing was impossible, they... well, they used the blood of the dead to repair the wounds of those who had a chance of survival."
Now Sirius had a look of disgust on his face.
"That's dark magic," he said.
"Yes," Severus confirmed. "It's completely forbidden, blood magic hasn't been practised in Britain for decades. That's why... why I was reluctant to use this spell. I must have tried it dozens of times before it worked."
Sirius nodded in agreement.
"You have to... you have to be convinced that what you're doing is right. I think I succeeded because I knew that the blood destined to join Lupin's body was not that of another victim."
Silence fell in the middle of the room.
"I couldn't do the spell," Sirius said. "I felt like I was draining my own life... it reminded me of the Dementors."
He shivered, and Severus had to suppress a movement of tenderness towards the Gryffindor. He knew exactly how Sirius had felt.
"That's a bit like it. Because this spell requires you to empty yourself of your emotions. The act you're about to perform is so contrary to human nature that it implies you no longer have the qualities to be one."
Silence fell again. Severus saw that Lupin and Sirius were no longer laughing. For a moment he wondered if he had done the right thing. What would happen if the two men decided that he had been wrong to use this spell? He could end up in Azkaban and lose Sirius...
"Will there be any... consequences? In my everyday life?" Lupin asked at last.
"I don't think so," Severus replied, grateful that the silence had been broken by a technical question. "Firstly, we're talking about your own blood, not that of another dead person, and secondly, you were still under the influence of the Plenaluna Filter, which means you weren't fully human."
Severus wasn't sure, but he hoped it was true. Lupin nodded slowly.
"Is that what they teach you at Death Eater School?" Sirius asked suddenly.
Severus jumped. But to be honest, he was surprised that Black hadn't mentioned it before.
"It's my personal knowledge," Severus replied calmly.
"You mean, while we were at Hogwarts, you spent your spare time learning how to raise the dead with the blood of their mates? Charming," Black quipped.
"Sirius..." Lupin began.
“I mean that during my studies I listened to History of Magic, Black, and that lately I've been looking for a remedy to recover my memory. And it just so happens that in your parents' lovely library, I read something about this spell," Severus said through gritted teeth.
Sirius looked disconcerted.
“That book you had with you, did it come from here?”
Severus nodded, feeling anger bubble up inside him.
"I should have known," Sirius said pathetically.
Severus rose abruptly from the table. Black really was impossible, impulsive and so immature.
He left the kitchen and headed for the exit, but Black caught up with him in the corridor.
"Severus, I'm sorry," he said hurriedly.
"You're one of the most ungrateful people I know," Severus snapped at him.
"I know, I'm sorry, I stand by what I said, I'll do anything you want, anything at all," Black said plaintively.
"I don't need anything. Or rather I do, spare me the comments about my relationship with the Death Eaters next time," Severus hissed.
"I was a fool, Severus," Black continued in the same plaintive tone. "You saved my best friend and I'm... I'm telling you these things. I'm sorry."
Severus was about to reply that he could go to hell, but something in Black's expression stopped him. He was suddenly terribly aware of how beautiful Black was, with his high cheekboned face framed by black curls. He looked much better than he had on Friday, he'd shaved and looked younger. Severus avoided his gaze, feeling himself blush. Why did Black always have to look like a work of art?
"Severus, do you remember wishing me a happy birthday on Friday? How did you know that?"
Too late to hide the red in his cheeks. Severus knew he looked like he'd had a sunburn.
"I... I don't know," he lied.
"Come on, Sev, tell me," Sirius insisted. "I was surprised, but very pleased. Saving Remus' life was the best present you could have given me."
But what about me? Severus thought. If I'd kissed you, wouldn't that have been a nice present?
"Good," Severus said, backing away from the wall.
Black moved closer to him. Severus felt his heart quicken dangerously. What exactly did he want? Did he want Sirius to put his lips to his? That would be a terrible mistake, he thought. He had enough problems as it was, there was no need to add to them. He didn't have time for that sort of thing, and besides, maybe Black didn't intend to kiss him at all.
“Lupin's next door in the kitchen," Severus whispered without really knowing why.
“I know," murmured Sirius.
By Salazar, Sirius's eyes! Severus thought shamefully that they seemed to shine like stars in a dark sky. They're shining for me, he thought, feeling the red of his cheeks burn. In the middle of his legs, he also felt that what he had sworn he would never do again was waking up. Black had to stay away from him, otherwise... but Black came closer.
He brought his face close to Severus. The Slytherin had to restrain himself from moaning. He would give everything, everything he had, to have Sirius Bloody Black's perfect lips on his own right now. He wanted to taste him, to caress his tongue...
Black placed his beautiful mouth on his cheek. Severus felt the softness of his lips against his skin and closed his eyes. Black's other hand stroked his temple and the hair on the other side of his face. He barely held back a moan. He felt the contact break and Black whispered in his ear.
"Thank you, Severus."
The Slytherin shivered as he felt Sirius's warm breath on his lobe.
"Sirius..."
"Yes?"
Severus didn't know what to say. Or rather: kiss me, touch me, move your mouth and breath over me, hold me, undress me...
"I should go," he said instead, his heart clenching painfully.
"I know," Sirius replied, pulling away and looking at him with a disappointed but unsurprised expression.
Severus wanted to stay so badly. What did it all mean? He could feel the discomfort in the middle of his legs, but this time he had the presence of mind to look at Black. And the man wasn't wearing wizarding robes to hide anything, he was wearing black muggle trousers and Severus could perfectly see the bulge that was forming in his crotch.
"See you soon," he said breathlessly to Black.
"See you soon, Severus."
He gave him one last longing look and stepped out into the fresh air. He had vowed never to think of Sirius Black alone at home again, but Severus knew it would be the first thing he did when he returned to Hogwarts.