Chapter 15
The first bird comes as she is getting into bed.
Exhausted from answering Pandoras many, many questions on the way up from the ball, Rory relishes slipping into her bed, and is annoyed to be interrupted by the letter.
She can tell who it’s from just by looking. Regulus was an exceptional wizard, his charms were always especially lifelike. She tries to ignore the incessant tapping at the window until Pandora gets up and lets the paper bird inside. It flies straight to Aurora. She bats the letter away, only for it to flutter back with a vengeance. She picks up the bird, snaps its paper neck, and stuffs it into a drawer.
“Wow” Pandora mutters from her own bed “you’re not even going to read it?”
“Why bother? I know what it’ll say: sorry for having an affair behind your back and then proposing to you p.s. James says he’s sorry he ruined the proposal.”
It was perhaps a bit on the nose.
The second comes a few hours later, waking her. She rips it to shreds with her teeth, sending scraps across her bed. She wakes in the early morning to several paper birds scattered across the floor.
She plucks them off the ground and throws them onto her bed with the carcasses of the others. She takes the first bird out of the drawer and unfolds it; then proceeds to unfold the rest, creating a neat stack. She reads through them as the sun slowly rises.
Regulus beautiful script decorates the parchment on the top of the stack.
Aurora,
My Rory; if I have any right to call you that. I am so eternally sorry for keeping this from you for as long as I have. I’m sure I have broken your trust. For whatever it is worth, please know I never meant for that to happen. James and I
Aurora has to pause reading at the wave of emotion that overtakes her body. It rides her, taking effort to be silent as Pandora sleeps on. Rory bites the flesh of her hand to keep from sobbing loudly. She doesn’t quite understand what she is feeling, which is the worst part. She had no idea where one emotion ended and a new one began, they were all at war within her. Joy danced bravely upon the battlefield inside her when she looked at the ring still on her left hand, followed by a swift kick of anguish and confusion.
She turns her attention back to the letter.
James and I were never meant to be a betrayal to you, on either of our parts.
Is he defending James in his apology letter?
My relationship with James was always separate from everything, from the world, from you. Until it wasn’t. No one else knows. I’m not telling you what to do-
He’s a fast learner.
Whatever you want to do. Whatever you want me to do, just say the word. I love you Rory, I’m not giving you up. I hope you will speak with me soon.
Forever yours,
RAB
Aurora blows out a slow, tense breath. Her thoughts an unintelligible roar in her ears. She thinks of how different that sentiment is to when they were first-years.
To the naked eye, Pandora was the one to pursue Regulus. She was the chatty one, the pushy one. She was the one brave enough to invite Regulus to sit with them, shameless enough to be the one to sit with him when he didn’t. Aurora never advised her otherwise, in truth, she was obsessed. It felt like she was always sneaking sideways glances at him, trying her best to gaze at him out of the corner of her eye. Sometimes she swore he was doing the same thing. On the occasions she was brave enough to look straight at him, she would both fear and seek out his gaze. The rush she felt upon him meeting her eyes was like a drug.
Sometimes he would catch her looking at him while he was listening to Pandora and the rest of the room would melt away. There would only be him; only them, staring at each other. The way he looked at her, she felt like she had never been seen before. Breaking eye contact was like coming up from underwater. Sensation would rush back, overwhelming at first. Regulus would go right back to a conversation, making Rory wonder if it was just her, if it was all in her head.
And now, here it was before her, in plain view:
I’m not giving up
Forever yours,
I love you
She reads the next letter as she dresses. This one is in James boyish scrawl.
Batty I am so sorry how can I make it up to you? Please let me apologize in person.
I love you.
I’m sorry.
I never meant to hurt you, I’m so sorry that I have.
Aurora tucks the letters into a drawer and walks quietly into the hallway.
———————————————————
Pandora greets him with wide eyed silence as he seats himself next to her at breakfast. Aurora is nowhere to be found.
“Wow Reg.”
“I know.” He stops her before she gets started. It’s not that he doesn’t deserve the admonition, he just can’t bear it.
“But really, with her best friend? The only way it could be worse is if it was me!”
He groans into his hands, burying his face. “I mean, no judgment if you’re gay. I guess this would make you bi though?”
“Dora please.”
She relents, making a show of closing her mouth and crossing her arms in surrender. “Is Rory ok?”
Pandora shrugs “She didn’t cry about it, I haven’t seen her this morning, she was gone when I woke up. I think she read the letters? The ones she didn’t rip up at least.”
He cringes. She didn’t cry, but she ripped the letters. She must be angry. Which letters did she read?
Where was she?
“Did you check the infirmary?” He asks Pandora, who gives an affronted scoff. “No, what am I? Her keeper?”
She had definitely checked the infirmary already.
“She wasn’t there?”
Pandora shakes her head “I have no idea where she’s gone.”
He checks the Gryffindor table, she isn’t there. And neither is James.
——————————————————————James wakes to a light tapping sound. Groggily, he realizes it’s a knock. Fumbling for his glasses, he hobbles out of bed in the weak morning light to the door.
Rory is standing there, bundled in a sweater. Her arms are crossed in front of her, dark eyes clear, and sad. He closes the door behind him as she begins to speak in a hushed tone.
“I need my friend right now. I just need you to be my friend right now.”
“Always. I’m always going to be your friend, Rory. I’m here.” James replies with zero hesitation.
She nods “Ok. Can we go somewhere? Talk?”
“Yes sure! Let me just” he gestures to his pajamas. She nods again and he hurries back inside to dress.
When he emerges and suggests they go to hogsmeade for something hot to drink she agrees. The walk begins tense and silent as the castle wakes up around them. She waits until they are far enough away from the castle to be very alone before she speaks.
“As my friend, what do you think I should do? I just can’t figure out how to feel.”
“You feel however you feel, Rory. There is no right thing, or if there is I don’t know what it is. Probably getting rid of the lot of us. I should have come to you about this ages ago. I’m sorry.” He kicks the ground as he walks, feeling pathetic.
“Are you very cross with me?” He asks.
Aurora sighs “I suppose I should be. But no. Maybe it’s stupid but I just want to be happy, I want us all to be happy and live happily ever after and ride off into the sunset and all of it. I want it to be easy.” She laughs bitterly “why isn’t it ever easy?”
James itches to hold her. He can see that she needs it, but he doesn’t know if she wants it. From him.
“And Regulus? Have you- are you… still…”
“We haven’t spoken yet”
She came to me first.
He didn’t know what that meant. If it meant anything.
“I still want to marry him, and I feel like a fool for it. I feel like a fool for all of it.” She wraps her arms tight around herself, face grim.
“You aren’t a fool.” James insists.
“Aren’t I?” Rory bites back “am I not just a puppet playing a distracting part? No one will notice you two if I’m his loving wife right?”
“Rory no! That’s not what this is. Regulus adores you. If you asked him to, he would never speak to me again. Please don’t ask him to.” He trails off weakly, feeling worse by the minute. He hates that he has played a part in hurting her. Hurting Regulus. “It’s not stupid to want us all to be happy. I want that too.”
“What would you have me do?” She looks small now, as they near the doorway to the three broomsticks tavern, and he remembers that they are both still so young.
“I can’t tell you what to do, you wouldn’t listen anyway. Just… be merciful.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Aurora bristles.
“It means you have the power, and I hope you wield it with mercy. For all of us. If you told Reg to cut me off, he would. If you told Pandora to cut Reg off, she would. If you told me to never speak to any of you ever again… well I wouldn’t do it because I’m a stubborn bastard aren’t I?”
The corners of her mouth twitch at that, spurring him on,
“Point is, you hold all the cards here, all I ask is you deal mercifully.”
They step inside the building and order, taking a seat across from each other.
“Mercy” Aurora ponders “maybe the real mercy would be to remove myself from the equation.” She takes a deep drink of her hot cocoa.
Alarmed, James reaches his hands across the table “No.” is all he can say at first. He grasps for her hand, and she obliges, slipping her hand into his. He squeezes her hand with both of his as he repeats “No. it wouldn’t- I wouldn’t. I don’t want that.”
Aurora looks at him alarmed at his sudden earnestness, as she nods “Alright. Alright I won’t. And I will, be merciful I mean. I don’t want anyone to be exiled or anything.” She slumps over their clasped hands “I don’t know what to do. I should be furious. I should be hexing the both of you right now. But I don’t want to.”
“What do you want?”
Aurora pulls her hands back to sip her cocoa. James sips his butter beer, waiting.
“I want to forgive you.” She says finally “I want to forgive both of you, and I want to move on and get married and I want everyone to be there and be happy together. I want Sirius and Regulus to get along, I want it all. Sunshine, rainbows, all of it.”
“Pretty simple stuff.” James coaxes a puff of laughter out of her, but her face quickly turns serious again.
“And you? What do you want? I mean, if Regulus and I do end up getting married, what about you?” She looks genuinely concerned about how her wedding will affect him. He feels his heart swell at the same time it withers with guilt.
“I want you to marry Regulus, if that’s what you want to do. I want to be there for it. I want you to save a dance for me. I want Sirius to make a bad speech, and I want to help you and Reg move into your first house. I want to buy the one next door and tear down the fence that separates the yard so we can have big garden parties and long nights filled with laughter. I want us to take turns housing Remus in our guest rooms, because of course Sirius would live with me. I want Lily and Pandora to have to fight over who gets which bedroom because they stay over that often. I want it all too, Batty.”
Aurora puffs out an aggravated breath “I guess I have to talk to Regulus then.”
——————————————————————
Regulus strides over to the Gryffindor table, catching Sirius as he departs.
“Where is he?” Regulus accosts his older brother, who does not stop walking, forcing Regulus to follow.
“Where is who? Use your big boy words now.” Sirius drolls, sounding bored.
Regulus grits his teeth “Where is James?” He hisses.
Sirius shrugs. “Out.”
“Be seri- agh! Every time I talk to you I remember why I don’t talk to you.” He takes measured breaths, running his hands through his dark curls.
“Woah, take it easy. I really don’t know where he is. Why do you care so much?”
His brother is looking at him like he may explode at any moment, and he feels like he might.
He and James had stayed up sending notes to Rory; even after James had left, Regulus had stayed up and sent them through the night.
He knew he probably had dark circles, not to mention the birds nest on his head. But he didn’t care.
No one could give him the information he actually cared about.
“Never mind.” He walks away, Sirius shouts at his retreating back “Ok bye! You’re welcome! Git!”
At the dungeons, Regulus mutters the password to the portrait and freezes with one foot in the door.
Aurora is sitting in her usual spot. Their usual spot. He has just enough time to collect himself and begin walking again before she sees him. He almost stumbles again just looking at her face. Her Angel face. She certainly hadn’t been crying, her eyes were clear and burning. He wanted to lean into the warmth of her fire, but settled for sitting next to her in the loveseat.
He is overly conscious of the other people in the room. Only about 7, but still 7 too many.
“Hi. Can I sit here?” He asks her. She nods.
Regulus shifts in his seat as the seconds tick painfully by in silence.
“Please say something.” He begs.
“Ok. I talked to James this morning.” She says too lightly.
“Oh?” He says, matching her tone. Treading carefully.
She nods, continuing with her hands folded in her lap, ankles crossed, stiff backed.
“James and I agreed we want to be happy” for a crazed moment he imagines James and Aurora running off together, leaving him behind forever. The only thing that keeps him from spiraling is the silver ring on her finger. He stares at it like a beacon, a lighthouse, as he wills himself to focus on her words and not the doom thundering in his head.
“We want all of us to be happy. We just have to figure out what that means. Together.” She looks at him expectantly.
He wills his words to come, his mouth like sandpaper.
“Reg are you alright?” Aurora asks, placing a hand on his arm. He barks out a too-loud laugh, Rory jerking in surprise.
“Sorry” he says, covering his mouth, Rory shakes her head “it’s just- you asking if I’m alright is a little funny given the circumstances. Given what I’ve done.” Shame sat like bags of sand under his eyes. He hangs his head with the weight of it.
Aurora gently takes her hands around his jaw, pulling his face up to look into hers. Her face is fierce as her dark eyes bore into his. “Don’t do that.” She admonishes, “don’t sulk. It does nobody any good.”
She strokes his cheek and he leans into the touch.
“What shall I do then?” He kisses her palm, her wrist.
“Try. We are just going to try.” He doesn’t quite know what that means, but as long as it’s with her he will do it; would do anything.
“Try.” He echoes. He could try.
He hadn’t anticipated trying so early on; but anticipated or not, he finds himself following Aurora to the Gryffindor dining table. Rory can barley get through greeting James before Sirius zeroes in on the ring like a magpie spotting a galleon.
“What. Is. That.” Sirius hisses, tone implying that he absolutely knew what that was. He would certainly recognize the heirloom, as if the presence of a ring on her left ring finger wasn’t enough to catch his annoyingly-attentive bird-brain.
Aurora’s hand recoils to her chest as if of its own volition. She looks to Regulus a bit desperately.
“We’re engaged.” He announces to the table, sparing her. The table erupts in a clamor of congratulations from Lily and Remus, James smiling broadly, but saying nothing.
“You must be joking.” Sirius voice is quiet, but cutting. He sits frozen, until his eyes flick up to meet Regulus “you can’t actually be considering this.”
“You’re right Sirius, we aren’t considering it.” Regulus replies, smooth and cold as a river stone.
“You aren’t actually going to bind her to them. Even you aren’t that stupid.”
“Sirius.” James warns, but Sirius shoves him off.
“No. No, you can’t do this.” Sirius turns to look at Aurora, who is standing in frozen surprise.
“Maybe I didn’t do a good job of conveying just how crazy my family is. Aurora they are evil. They will rot you from the inside out and laugh as you cave in.”
“Padfoot, enough.” Remus tries, but Sirius is on a roll now it seems.
“My father is a spineless fool who lets my mother get away with anything. She beat us, starved us, she used occlumency on our minds since we were children, there was no privacy. It’s kill or be killed in that house. Everything leaves with sharpened teeth and claws, maw bloody, or not at all. Do you understand?”
Sirius gaze flickers feverishly between Regulus and Rory. The group is staring silently, as the rest of the room bustles around them.
“I appreciate your concern, but it’s not for you to decide. You can either play nice, or stay out of it.” Aurora sniffs haughtily. Sirius holds his tongue.
“Good doggy” Regulus sneers, wincing lightly when Rory pinches his arm.
“You too, Reggie! Play nice.” She admonishes him, wagging her finger like a schoolteacher.
“You must be some witch to heel both of the Black brothers.” Mary says in awe.
“Does this mean we get to throw a bachelorette party?” Lily asks, Mary nods vigorously.
“A what?” Rory asks, frazzled from all the attention.
“It’s a muggle wedding tradition. Before the wedding the bride is supposed to do a bunch of silly stuff with her girl friends. I’ll find Pandora later and we’ll plan something.” Lily assures her. Rory doesn’t try to hide the beaming smile she feels on her face. She didn’t think she had a group of girl friends. Until now.
Friends. Where would she be without friends?