Chapter 10
He did not know where he was. There was a gentle rocking motion that made him feel like he might be in a car, and there was a soft hand in his hair. He was surrounded by nice white fluffy clouds too.
“We’re here, Harry.” said a voice above him.
Oh right, he thought, I’m Harry.
He felt himself being maneuvered out of the car. The air was cold and he started shivering. It was so cold. The person who held him felt safe though. He wished they would go somewhere warmer though. The clouds were turning darker and not very nice.
Harry decided to take a little nap and ignore the clouds.
He woke up when he felt himself being lowered onto something soft. He was cold again and he couldn’t stop shaking. The clouds were thundering now.
“Here you go.”
He felt something warm and soft being laid onto him. It helped, but it wasn’t enough to stop the shaking. He heard footsteps walking away from him, and he feared he was being left alone. His heart was pounding. He distantly noticed that his cheeks felt wet. He clenched his hands into tight fists. The clouds were very angry and Harry was very afraid.
Suddenly, the person was back.
“Hey now, it’s okay, why are we crying?” he said as he sat down next to him, “Breathe darling.”
“Lonely,” Harry tried to say. He wasn’t sure if it came out correctly.
“You aren’t alone, I’m right here,” the other person soothed. He pet his hair, and Harry decided that that was nice. It helped him shake a little less, and gave him something to focus on. The clouds quit rumbling quite so much.
“Left?” he tried to ask where the other man had gone.
“I’m not leaving, don't worry, you’re home and you’re safe,” the man said, “Do you think you could try to drink a little bit of water for me?”
Harry didn’t know, but the man had asked so nicely so he decided to try anyway. He tried to sit up and failed, so the man helped him and let him lean on him. The man put a glass to his lips and Harry drank a little bit. It was cold, and it made his shaking come back in full force.
“Okay, that’s okay, come here,” the man said. The man helped him lay back down, this time cuddled up to him. The clouds slowly turned white again and got soft and warm. Harry was happy that the clouds were happy. The clouds liked this man.
He stroked Harry’s hair gently and Harry drifted back into the clouds.
Blaise lay with Harry as he slept for almost an hour. He had been saddened to see how absolutely out of it Harry was, and how scared he was. Selfishly, he had been pleased that Harry seemed comforted by him, but he was overall just grateful that he could make the other man feel better.
He knew at some point he needed to get Harry actually in bed, but he was reluctant to move him now that he finally had calmed down.
Harry’s phone started buzzing and Blaise jumped, and hurried to pick it up before it woke Harry. He opened the screen like he had seen Harry do several times.
“Hello?” he said quietly.
“Is this Blaise?” came Kristine’s voice.
“Yes, sorry, I forgot to call, but I got him home,” Blaise answered. Harry shifted on his chest, waking up slightly. His eyes still looked completely out of it, but he was still calm.
“Okay good, just checking, have him text Darla in the morning. Goodnight.”
Blaise put down the phone.
“Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?” he asked quietly. Harry looked at him. Then he frowned and Blaise watched as the blood drained from his face. “Okay, not well, let’s get you to the bathroom huh?”
Blaise sat up quickly, trying not to jostle Harry, but hoping to get to the bathroom before he made a mess.
He carried Harry to the bathroom in the hall and got him to sit down right before Harry gagged.
“Let it out baby,” he murmured. He sat rubbing Harry’s back and brushing his hair back out of his face. Harry was shivering again, so in one of the breaks between bouts of gagging, Blaise summoned the blanket from the living room, along with the glass of water.
Eventually, Harry was only dry-heaving, but he was crying too, and couldn’t seem to catch his breath.
“Breathe Harry, slow down, breathe,” he instructed, rubbing his back. His heart hurt to think of Harry trying to do this on his own. He wondered how common of an occurrence this was.
“I’m sorry,” Harry said with a hiccup. Blaise sighed. There was no use trying to reason with him right now, or convince him that it wasn’t his fault.
“How are you feeling?” Blaise asked, vanishing the sick. He also conjured a washcloth to wipe Harry’s face. Harry’s eyeliner was smudged so Blaise cleaned that up too. Harry had deep circles under his eyes that Blaise hadn't seen before, and he wondered if Harry was wearing glamors most of the time.
“Tired,” Harry said, closing his eyes. “So tired.”
“Okay let’s get you to bed then,” Blaise said standing, and lifting Harry again. Harry was extremely light, almost concerningly so.
“Tired of everything,” Harry murmured, “Don’t want to anymore.”
“You don’t want to do what?” Blaise asked as he carried him up the stairs with a pit in his stomach.
“Live,” Harry whispered, turning his face into Blaise’s chest, “Hurts.”
Blaise felt his breath catch in his throat, “Don’t say that.”
“Hurts, they hurt me,” Harry rambled.
“Who hurts you love?” Blaise asked as they entered his bedroom. Blaise flicked on a lamp and laid Harry on the bed.
“The people in my dreams,” Harry answered with his eyes closed. His words were a little more clear, but Blaise wasn't sure if Harry even knew who he was talking to.
“They’re just nightmares Harry, it isn’t real,” Blaise soothed as he looked for pajama pants or something softer for Harry to wear.
“They were real. It happened,” Harry argued, curling up in a ball, “They hurt me. So much.”
“I’m sorry,” Blaise said, finally finding a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He didn’t know what Harry was talking about. “Come here, let’s get you changed.”
He hoped it wasn’t an invasion of privacy, but Harry’s clothes were sweaty, uncomfortable, and dirty, and he knew Harry would be happier waking up in something clean and comfortable.
He tugged off Harry’s t-shirt and tried not to stare at the several tattoos over his body. The tattoos varied in sizes and shape, but they all had an odd texture. Blaise looked closer and saw that each tattoo was covering a patch of raised skin. Scars. Blaise swallowed the lump in his throat. Harry had a lot of scars. He reached out to touch one gently.
“Who did this to you?” he murmured, not really expecting an answer.
“They hurt me,” was all Harry said.
“Yes they did,” Blaise said, feeling tears come to his eyes.
“Cold.”
Blaise blinked away his tears, “Yes, sorry.” He helped Harry into his t-shirt and then tugged down his jeans. Thankfully Harry was wearing boxers, so it wasn’t too much of an invasion of privacy. Blaise noticed some more scarring on his legs too, but they weren’t as large, and weren’t covered by tattoos.
After Harry had his sweatpants on, Blaise debated what he should do next. He didn’t know if sober Harry would be pleased if he stayed, but he wasn’t sure if Harry was in a good enough headspace to be left alone.
He decided to go back to the kitchen and get another glass of water and grab Harry’s phone for him. When he returned, Harry was curled in a ball, sobbing and shaking again.
Blaise set the cup and phone on the nightstand and fought the pit of guilt in his stomach. He climbed into bed next to Harry and tried to coax him out of his ball.
“Come here love,” he said softly, brushing Harry’s hair out of his face, “You’re alright.”
Harry shook his head, “‘M a bad person.”
Blaise sucked in a breath, “No Harry, you are not.”
“Just want to stop,” Harry murmured, allowing Blaise to coax him up and into his arms. Harry held onto him tightly, and Blaise flicked off the lights with his wand, and tucked them both beneath the covers.
“I’ve got you okay? Everything else doesn’t matter right now, we can talk about it tomorrow.” Blaise told him, stroking his hair. It didn’t take long for Harry to fall asleep. For Blaise, it took much longer, troubled as he was by the events of the entire night. He couldn’t even begin to figure out what had been the most concerning, and eventually his tired mind fell asleep.
Harry woke to the usual sound of his empty apartment. He groaned as his head immediately began pounding and his stomach rolled. He sat up and looked around his room, trying to remember what had caused such a horrendous hangover.
He shook his head and climbed out of bed. It must have been a wild night if he didn’t remember coming home. He noted a glass of water on his nightstand, and his changed clothes. Either he had somehow managed to look out for himself, or Tyler had actually helped him for once. Although he didn’t love the idea of Tyler changing his clothes.
He trudged to the bathroom and took a quick shower and then threw on the same clothes that he had been wearing when he woke up. He didn’t bother to fix his face, but he did slip off his bracelets.
He headed downstairs to get some tea and his painkillers. He was still bleary eyed when he walked over to his tea-kettle.
“Good Morning.”
Harry jumped and spun around. Blaise was sitting on his couch looking amused.
“You look great,” Blaise said after Harry didn’t say anything. Harry knew he was kidding because his eyes were bloodshot and he was haggard looking. Slowly, Harry’s brain started filling in the gaps of what had happened the night before. He’d run into Blaise and they danced for a bit, before they had decided to leave. Then everything started getting really fuzzy.
“Um.” was all Harry could say, “Hi.”
“Hello,” Blaise said standing to join him next to the counter, “How are you feeling this morning?”
“Uh, not great to be honest,” Harry said, still trying to put the pieces together as to why Blaise would be standing in his apartment in the morning.
“I’m not surprised, you had a rough night last night,” Blaise nodded.
“Did I?” Harry asked nervously. He was worried about what he had done or said in front of Blaise.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” Blaise asked.
“Um, I remember seeing you, and we danced, and then we decided to leave?” Harry said.
Blaise nodded.
“And then I went to let Kristine know I think? And then… I’m not sure, something involving Tyler right? After that I have nothing,” Harry admitted.
“Yeah, that’s about right,” Blaise nodded, “Kristine wanted to talk to me before she let you come with me, and then Tyler must have slipped you something. Or multiple things. Anyways, Rob helped me call a car and then I took you home. You were in pretty bad shape.”
Harry’s face turned red.
“I am so sorry. Merlin, I did not mean for you to have to deal with that,” he apologized.
“No Harry, I’m not mad at you, you needed help and I was happy to give it to you,” Blaise said, “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Still, that was unfair to you,” Harry argued.
“I’m not upset about that. I am very concerned though about your so-called friends slipping you strong substances without your consent. Does this happen a lot?” Blaise asked, brow furrowed.
“Um, I don’t really know how to answer that to be honest,” Harry said, and turned to make a pot of tea, “At first no, never. But then they wanted me to try some new things and I just didn’t care and took whatever. But lately I’ve been pulling back a little and they’ve been more pushy about it. I would say last night was the first time that they’ve ever actually gone against what I told them.”
“They don’t seem like very good friends Harry,” Blaise commented.
Harry sighed, “Probably not, but it’s okay.”
“No,” Blaise said strongly, “It’s not okay. Harry you could have died last night if you had had anymore, and who’s to say that Tyler wouldn’t have given you more. He could have done anything to you.”
“I know alright? Normally, he just helps me get home but he does normally respect my boundaries. I’ll have to talk to him about last night and see what the hell he was thinking,” Harry said.
“I don’t know if you should ever talk to him again. Harry, he was allowing someone to molest you,” Blaise said heatedly. Harry looked at the floor and didn’t say anything. “Harry, has that happened before?”
Harry felt his eyes grow hot and he turned away again to check the tea.
“Nothing too far has ever happened I think. I don’t even really know. I’m normally pretty far gone at that point,” Harry said quietly.
“Harry,” Blaise said quietly, “He’s not your friend. Friends don’t do that. That’s horrible.”
Harry just shrugged and reached in the cabinets to grab some mugs. He blinked hard to try to rid his eyes of tears.
“Do you want tea?” Harry offered, trying to change the subject.
“Sure,” Blaise said. Harry could feel his eyes on him. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say. He knew it wasn’t right, but it wasn’t that bad. It’s just the way it was.
They sat in silence and sipped their tea for a few minutes.
“Harry I know you don’t want to talk about that anymore, but I think we should come back to it later,” Blaise said, “But we also need to talk about some things that you said last night.”
The blood drained from Harry’s face.
“What did I say last night?” he asked, dreading the answer.
“You said a lot of things. I think this is going to be a long conversation, do you want to go to the couch?” Blaise suggested. Harry sighed and nodded. He braced himself for the long conversation ahead.