2
Since he ran into Snape in hogsmeade James had been unable to sleep. His mind replayed what Snape had said to him over and over again.
"Potter there's a higher chance of me having a sex dream about you then about her"
He felt his face heat up again and he cursed to himself. Why was what Snape said affecting him so much? He had girls tell him such things before so why was this time different?
'Maybe cause this is the first time a guy said it to you'
James's eye widen at the thought, could that be it? Is all this confusion caused because Snape was a guy? If he were a girl would James be reacting this way?
Could Snape being a guy be the cause for the way his recent dreams turned out.
What use to be dreams of him living out a life filled with love and happiness with a beautiful and smart redhead with eyes of emerald were now tainted.
The dreams started of as they normally would but somewhere along the way his beautiful Lily would slowly turn into Snape. As the nights go by he no longer dreamt about Lily turning into Snape, now his dreams didn't consist of the redhead at all. What started off with small changes, was now just dreams about a boy with pale skin like porcelain, and pitch black hair that he now thought shined instead of thinking it greasy, and who could hold the entire universe within his black onyx eyes.
James groaned softly and rubbed his eyes, he had refused to fall asleep in attempts to avoid dreaming about a certain snake. Ever since that day he had been avoiding Snape at all cost. Since that day he was sure that Snape may have been telling the truth about his sexuality 'There was no way he'd confess to having such dreams about him' He thought.
He use to take a dreamless sleep potion but Poppy and Remus had chastised him for taking one every night, especially after he confessed to why he took it. Remus had refused to make him anymore and Poppy had refused to give him any. He had tried to pay other people to make him some but it seemed whoever he asked Remus had reached them first, and explained, because they all said no. He would have made it himself but he wasn't very good at potions even with the basics, plus it wouldn't be good to brew while sleep deprived.
Lately he had been ignoring Lily too, everytime he looked at her his mind would remind him of a dream he had. He feared that if he saw her she'd turn into Snape again. He had once been snogging her in the gryffindor commons and his mind decided to invision Snape in her place. He had screamed and Lily had looked greatly offended at his act.
She had yelled at him about his strange behavior recently and had asked what was bothering him. James had refused to answer her, he couldn't tell her what's been bothering him he simply couldn't because not even he knew the answer. Lily frowned as he stayed silent and huffed before leaving. James felt guilty, he tried to run after her but it seemed he was practically frozen in place.
Since then he had avoided Lily, who would try to ask about what's bothering him again. After awhile Lily had stopped seeking him out, hopefully one of his friends could help him.
James climbed out of his bed, he wouldn't be able to sleep so he saw no reason in trying. He would simply drink another pepper up potion. He grabbed his wand and casted a quick tempus.
2:36
He sighed softly and left his room, he headed down to the common room in order to be alone. He sat down in the empty loveseat near the fireplace. He casted a quick incendio to start a fire inorder to keep himself warm. He stared into the flames and let his mind drift off. He saw no point in trying to fight whatever it is his mind wanted him to think. Plus he was to tired to fight anyways.
He was so lost in thought trying to figure things out that he failed to notice the presence of another person slowly approaching him. He was staring into the fire when he felt a hand on shoulder. He jumped out of his seat in surprise, he turned around to face whoever touched him and he felt his body relax once he saw who it was.
He let out a sigh of relief "Remus, Merlin, you startled me" He breathed out.
Remus offered him a small smile "Sorry, I assumed you heard me. I've been calling out to you" He stated "Anyways what are you doing down here, it's late" He added.
James felt embarrassment wash over him and slowly rubbed the back of neck "Yeah, sorry, I've just been so lost in thought lately. I can't really sleep with my mind all jumbled"
Remus gave James an apologetic look and placed a hand on his shoulder "Does this have anything to do about the whole issue with Snape?" He asked despite knowing the answer. James looked away shyly and simply nodded. Remus smiled softly and pulled James into a hug, James quickly hugged back and felt himself relax a bit.
"Rem, I'm so confused" James mumbled as he laid his head on Remus's shoulder. Remus simply hummed in response as he rubbed James's back. He pushed James back a bit and guided him to the couch. They both sat down and just as they did James leaned against Remus and laid his head against his shoulder.
Remus gently patted his back before speaking up "James, I think you might have a crush on Snape"
James pushed himself away from Remus and glared at him "That's not funny" He spat out.
"It wasn't a joke, James"
James looked away unsure on what to say. There was no way he could have a crush on Snape, they hated eachother for years, he was a slimy snake that study the dark arts, he was an awful person. Not only that but Snape was a GUY, he wasn't interested in men.
He was into woman, for merlin's sake he's been in love with Lily for years. He's been with women before Lily, there was no way he could be into men, let alone Snape.
"I'm not gay" James breathed out after a moment of silence.
Remus placed a hand on his shoulder "I never said you were"
James went silent again. There was no way he could have a crush on Snape without being gay and he was certain he wasn't into men. James kept his eyes focused on the ground before speaking up "I'm not gay..." He sighed "Look I don't want to talk about this, I'm too tired" He muttered as he stood up.
Remus followed suit and pulled out a vial from his pocket. He handed it over to James "Here, I know I said I wouldn't make it for you anymore but I think you should get a proper amount of sleep" He said softly "Plus you need to stop taking pepper up potions or they'll stop working on you" He added.
A small smile slowly formed on James's face as he took the vial from Remus "Thank you" He said as he pulled Remus into a hug.
Remus hummed and hugged back "You're welcome, now come on we should head back to bed" He pulled back and James nodded. Remus began walking back to their dorm, James quickly uncorked the vial and downed the contents inside before following his friend.
That night James was able to sleep without dreaming about a certain slytherin.
And if his mind was slowly being plagued with thoughts about how nice Remus's smile was and how nice it felt to have him in his arms before he fell asleep then so be it. Luckily for him, life seemed to take pity on him because he wouldn't remember such thoughts when he woke up the next day.
*
As the sun rose once again, its rays of light entering the dorm room belonging to the Marauders by the large window.
Despite the lack of sleep James was the first to wake. He felt a bit better than the day before, so he climbed out of bed and began getting ready for the day.
Luckily for him it was the weekend so he could simply relax. Not only that but now he had something to take away the thoughts of Snape from his mind.
Quidditch practice.
He didn't bother to wake up any of his friends, it was still a bit early and his mind was still racing with thoughts of last night's conversation.
He quietly made his way out of his dorm and out of the gryffindor commons. He headed down to the great hall for breakfast, hopefully he'll be able to finish before his friends wake up.
He entered the great hall and noticed the lack of people present 'Most likely still sleeping or sleeping in' He thought as he went to sit at the gryffindor table. Once he sat down he was able to properly observe who else was in the great hall.
He first looked at his own table and noticed a couple of gryffindors, mostly first years, present and buzzing with excitement despite it being early. Next he looked at the Hufflepuff table that was next to the gryffindors, and noticed many of them present. Seems that hufflepuffs are early risers, he simply shrugged and then turned his attention to the ravenclaw table.
There he noticed that there was half the amount of ravenclaws as there were hufflepuffs, possibly less. He titled his head and noticed that some of them still looked tired just like him. He took a sip of some juice at the same time as he looked over at the Slytherin table that was across the room from the gryffindor table.
This resulted in James choking on his drink. He set his cup down as he coughed, the gryffindors who were present along with a few hufflepuffs looked over at him in both confusion and worry. After a minute or two he had finally stopped coughing like a madman.
Everyone went back to what they were doing after James finished coughing. James had went back to stare at the sight that made him choke and cough in the first place.
Because over at the Slytherin table, in perfect view, he saw Severus sitting side by side with Klaus Mulciber. Not only that but Severus was leaning against Mulciber, who had his arm around him, and reading some book. Mulciber on the other hand was, about every 5 to 6 seconds, feeding Severus some food and then getting him to drink something.
Severus didn't seem to mind Mulciber's actions but somehow James did. James was beginning to feel all sorts of emotions at the sight of them, he had tried to look away but he simply couldn't. He felt the sudden desire to go over to them and pull them apart but he willed himself not too. His head of house was here and he didn't want to get in trouble, so instead he tried to focus on eating breakfast.
Tho his eyes continued to look over at them and all he could do was curse at them plus himself for looking back. James took a bite out of a muffin and practically froze as he looked over at them again.
Severus and Mulciber were sharing small gentle kisses.
And that alone made James's blood boil and he hadn't any idea why. James stood up abruptly, which caused a few people to stare, and before he could pull out his wand he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"James" He was snapped out of his daze and looked to see who spoke his name.
"Lily..."
He felt his anger subside and be replaced with guilt. He had been avoiding her and now that he saw her again he felt awful about it. He frowned as he noticed that she wasn't looking at him. He noticed the pain and anger in her eyes and sighed deeply. He knew full well that she was looking at Severus and Mulciber.
Whatever guilt he felt quickly faded and was replaced with annoyance. He pushed Lily's hand off his shoulder and took in a deep breath.
"Lily, I think we should break up"
"WHAT!!!"
Lily had ripped her eyes away from the sight of her ex best friend and his boyfriend to look at her own. She felt angry, shocked, and sadness at his words and she felt tears form in her eyes.
'This can't be happening...this cannot be happening' She thought to herself, she could feel the stares of everyone in the room and it made her feel humiliated. There was no way that James was breaking up with her, he just couldn't. He had been chasing her for years, he can't just leave her like this not after everything he's done to her.
He ruined what should have been a wonderful experience here at Hogwarts for her and her severus. He also ruined any chance of her and her severus being a couple, and possibly the most popular couple at that.
A halfblood who was sorted into slytherin and a muggleborn who was sorted into gryffindor. Childhood friends sticking together despite the long standing rivalry between their houses, and fighting against the bigotry of their houses.
Their tale ending with them falling in love and showing everyone just how strong they are no matter the odds and everyone praising them for their bravery and loyalty and strength.
Sadly none of that happened because James and Sirius, along with Remus and Peter felt that her Severus wasn't worthy of her. Especially so after her Sev called her such an awful word. She had felt such pain when she heard that word leave her Sev's lips but she knew that if James and Sirius had left him alone liked she asked then he would have never said it.
She blamed them for their friendship ending, if Severus had said anything else to her she would have forgiven him but he had called her a mudblood and she knew she couldn't forgive him. She would have been out casted if she did, so she had to turn him away even tho she wanted nothing more but to jump into his arms when he came to apologize.
Lily had slowly started falling for James, he was attractive and less annoying without his friend around, especially Sirius. So after a month since the incident she had become friends with James, and in the start of their 6th year they began dating. Sadly her heart belonged to Severus and she wouldn't love James the way she loved him, but she still enjoyed every moment they spent together.
She felt guilty admitting that part of the reason she agreed to date James was in hopes of making her Severus so jealous that he would fight him for her. But that dream was crushed as she saw her sev lock lips with Mulciber. She may like James but she was still holding out hope for Severus to win her back. Now all her hope died as she saw her sev blush, laugh, and smile at whatever it was Mulciber was whispering in his ear.
Soon anger began to rise withing her even more so when she heard James speak.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME!?"
Lily didn't care that she was shouting, she was upset. He had been avoiding her since their last date in hogsmeade and now he was breaking up her. She couldn't belive the audacity of this man.
James flinched at she shouted at him, and quickly he began wondering why he ever liked her. He closed his eyes and sighed "I'm sorry, but I don't think you and I are working out" He stated plainly, the excuse was a poor one but if he tried to tell her of the real reason then that would simply make her madder.
Plus it would mean he was admitting to having a crush on Severus and that meant claiming he was gay which he wasn't.
"I'm sorry for avoiding you but in doing so I had time to think and I firmly believe that you and I are no good together. Whatever I felt for you is gone, still you'll always be my first love just not my last. I'm sorry" He stated softly. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek before walking out of the great hall.
Lily stood there frozen and for the second time today she felt her heart break.