Nobody
Regulus Pov.
After the conversation with his brother regulus had hurried to make his way back to his dorm. He had told his brother that James might be in love. That was stupid. If Sirius would think about that long enough he would be able to figure out that James and regulus were dating each other. Or maybe he‘d tell Remus about it and he would figure it out. Sirius wasn’t good at noticing that somebody was in love.
But it was still stupid. He was so stupid. He couldn’t make another mistake like this.
Especially because of James. Sirius would be so mad at him if he would find out. James would need him to be there for him in case of that.
But regulus couldn’t. He could barely bring himself to stand up everyday. He felt so guilty. He was not able to look into a mirror anymore. It was disgusting to see himself. But even without seeing it he could feel the dark mark.
It hurt.
Regulus wasn’t sure if it really did or if he was just imagining it. He wasn’t sure if he could feel anything anymore. He just felt empty. Like his worthless life had become even more horrible. And he would ruin other people’s lives too. James deserved someone better. Pandora too. Everyone who was kind to him. He didn’t deserve them. He deserved the pain and the feeling of emptiness.
He was a bad person. He was a death eater.
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On his way down to the slytherin common room regulus changed his mind. He didn’t want to walk past the other students just to get to his dorm. He could hear them whisper. They were talking about his family and of course there were rumours that he had the dark mark. He hadn’t really cared about those before but since it was true now it made him feel horrible.
Regulus thought about going to Pandora. She was trying to help him. It was nice to have someone to comfort him but it was just not working.
So he decided to go to the astronomy tower. He liked sitting there. It was always quiet there. But there was a chance that James would come there too.
Regulus couldn’t bring himself to care. It was better if James found him than hearing people talk. If Regulus would go to his dorm there would also be Barty and Evan. As much as he secretly appreciated the fact that they were his friends they were just so loud. He would probably scream at them if he had to listen to them right now.
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When regulus reached the astronomy tower he sat down at the edge. He looked up to the sky. Regulus had always loved the stars. He knew much about them. He had enjoyed learning about them even though his parents were the ones that made him.
Tears started to stream down his face.
Why did life had to be so hard? Why did he have to suffer like that? It was unfair. Even if it was selfish regulus wished that Sirius would still life at home. It was just easier when he was with him. They were there to comfort each other. So many nights regulus had held Sirius in his arms while he was crying after their mother had tortured him. And Sirius had held him when he was crying. They had been there for each other.
But who was there for regulus now? Who would hold him while he was crying after everyone else had left.
Nobody.
It wouldn’t take long for the few people that he had left to realise that he was a horrible person. Sirius already had realised that. So could he really blame him?
Regulus leaned onto the wall next to him and closed his eyes. He was so tired. He wanted to sleep and never wake up again. He had given up his life a long time ago already but James had been there. He had helped him. But even James couldn’t fix that.
He was done.
Regulus opened his eyes. What if he just jumped off the tower? He could make it stop right now. And who would really be sad? It would solve a lot of problems.
Regulus took a deep breath. Why wasn’t he just jumping?
Right, he was too scared. He couldn’t even end his own life. He was scared to just jump?
Regulus wanted to jump he really did but he couldn’t. And that made him cry even more. He wasn’t sure if it was because of angst or fear or just simply this heavy feeling of emptiness that was slowly drowning him.
He cried quietly and listened to the night. It was beautiful quiet. It seemed like the only thing that was good right now.
“Regulus?”
Regulus flinched. He hadn’t heard anyone coming up the stairs. And now he was caught. Merlin he was so stupid.
“Reggie, are you okay? Wait are you crying?” The voice asked.
And regulus realised that it was James’ voice.