If I Kiss You I’m Sorry

You slip out of the door, and walk down the hall. After taking a few steps, you lean against the wall and sigh exasperatedly.

You’ve turned down Connor McLaggen four times this week. You’d thought he’d taken the hint. But judging from the way he cornered you in the Room of Requirement just now, clearly you were wrong.

Annoyed at the fact that you had to leave the party early because of him, you start making your way back to the Gryffindor common room. You only make it a few feet when you hear the distinct sound of footsteps coming up behind you.

“Oh, for fucks sake! Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone?!” you shout, turning around.

However, the boy standing in front of you isn’t Connor.

You take in his dark brown curls, his hazel eyes and round glasses, his robes and his shiny prefect badge. No, this isn’t Connor at all; this is James. James Potter.

He stands frozen, wand in hand, mouth parted in shock as he stares at you. And you gasp, horrified.

“James! I’m so sorry!” you cry, “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I-I didn’t know it was you!”

“Who else could it bloody be?” he asks, finally snapping out of it, “I’m the only one who does rounds in this part!”

“I thought you were Connor.” you tell him with an embarrassed laugh.

“Ah,” he nods, a look of understanding on his face as he lowers his wand. “Yeah, he’s shameless. Gotta say, love. Of all the contenders for your heart, he’s my least favorite.”

“Contenders?” you repeat with a laugh. “You make it sound like some sort of tournament.”

“Isn’t it?” he asks with a teasing smile. “Including him, how many lads fancy you now?”

“I wouldn’t know,” you try to deflect, fluffing up your hair.

“Lucky for you, I do.” he says, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a piece of parchment. “It just so happens the Marauders and I quite enjoy watching them all embarrass themselves in front of you.”

“Can’t be more embarrassing than giving your little friend group their own nickname.” you say, smoothing out your mini skirt before shooting him a smile.

“Ha-ha,” James laughs sarcastically, though his smile lets you know he isn’t upset.

“Now let’s see. So far, for guys who have actually asked you out, there are a whopping eighteen from Gryffindor, ten from Hufflepuff, eleven from Ravenclaw, and and even six from Slytherin.”

“However,” he continues, putting the scrap of parchment back in his pocket. “It’s only a matter of time before more lads start tossing their hat in the ring.”

“So, Miss Y/L/N, how does it feel to be the most desired woman Hogwarts has ever seen?” James asks, pointing his wand towards you as if it were a microphone.

“Honestly? I hate it,” you tell James with a sad smile. “I liked it better when I was invisible.”

James furrows his eyebrows, dropping his wand in confusion. It’s no secret that you changed over summer. You grew a few inches taller, and got curvier in all the right places. While you would get the occasional break out in fifth and sixth year, now your skin was flawless; glowing and free of any blemishes.

Your hair was longer too. And while in the previous years you always had it tied up, not knowing how to deal with the frizziness; you’ve finally managed to tame it, now styling your Y/H/C locks in big bouncy curls or a soft blow out.

You came back to Hogwarts for seventh year and you were beautiful. Everyone noticed and everyone started paying more attention to you. And even though James was still completely enamored with Lily, he’d be lying if he said it didn’t bother him.

It bothered him because even though you weren’t friends, he did know you. Not personally, but sharing classes with someone for six years, you pick up a thing or two about them. He knew you were smart and kind. But after having his seat changed in Defense Against Dark Arts, he learned how funny and witty you are. The smart comments you made to your friend always put a smile on his face. He knew there was a fire in you, he’d seen it in your eyes whenever you’d get in an argument with Lucius.

You’re someone James wishes he could call a friend, but he never knew how to broach the subject. Back in first year, he made his friends and you made yours, and that was that. The more time that passed, the more he thought it’d be awkward to try to talk to you, so he just…didn’t.

But that doesn't mean he didn’t notice you. Because he did. Even if it was in passing, he noticed you. James could always count on you coming into the great hall late on Saturday mornings, waving at your friends with a sleepy smile. He knew whenever you smirked at your friends you were about to say something sarcastic. He knew even though you loved magical creatures, bugs still grossed you out. You were cute before, but apparently that wasn’t enough for people. Because now that you were beautiful every boy in school wanted to bask in your presence. And judging by the fact that you’re literally running away from a party, James can assume it’s suffocating.

“You were never invisible,” James tells you with a shake of his head. “Your friends saw you. Matthew saw you.”

You roll your eyes and gag, pretending to throw up at the mention of your ex.

“Alright, fair enough,” James says with a laugh. “I saw you.”

“Really?” you ask, genuinely surprised. “I didn’t think you knew I existed. You were so busy being obsessed with Lily.”

“Kinda ironic, huh?” James muses, “Me poking fun at all the boys chasing after you when I’m doing the same with Lily.”

“It’s not the same though, is it?” you ask, leaning against the wall and turning to look at James. “These guys don’t know anything about me, and they don’t care. They just want to go out with me because I’m pretty.”

“Beautiful.” James corrects before he can stop himself.

“Sorry?”

“Beautiful.” he repeats more confidently this time. “That’s the word they use to describe you.”

“Oh…right…But that isn’t the case with you and Lily. At least with Evans you know her, the real her.”

James doesn’t answer, too lost in thought. He’s been chasing after Lily since last year but what does he really know about her?

You find yourselves in a comfortable silence, quietly enjoying each other’s company. You stare at the wall across from you blankly, and James stares at you, wondering why he took so long to talk to you. The moment is ruined however, when you hear someone quickly walking down the hall.

“Y/N?”

“Oh, shit,” you curse, looking at James with wide eyes. “It’s Connor.”

You look around before grabbing James’ hand and running down the hallway.

“Why am I running too?” he whispers at you, letting you lead the way.

“Honestly, I would have just felt bad leaving you back there.” you tell him. James smiles to himself at the fact that after only a short conversation you’re already worrying about him.

You turn a corner and reach a dead end.

“You think we lost him?” James asks.

“Y/N?” Connor’s voice calls out again. “Are you out here?”

In a panic, you grab James by the shoulder and pull him closer to you, trying to shield your body with his.

“What are you doing? There’s nowhere to hide.” He whispers at you.

“Shh! Just come here. If he thinks we’re just a random couple maybe he’ll leave.” you tell James.

He nods his head, and you both wait in silence for a while.

“By the way, if I kiss you, I’m sorry.” you whisper at him.

“What?!” he asks loudly, causing you to whack him. He’s just blown your cover.

“Y/N?” Connor’s voice calls out. He’s much closer now. He’s only seconds away from rounding the corner. You look up at James with wide, desperate eyes.

“I’m so sorry.”

The next thing James knows, you’ve cupped his cheeks and brought his face down to yours, kissing him harshly. James’s eyes are wide open as you kiss him. He hears Connor rounding the corner and quickly puts his hands on your waist, pulling you closer.

“Oh! Sorry mate!” Connor calls, turning around to look away, “Was looking for someone else. Have you seen Y/N by any chance?”

James breaks the kiss and turns to face Connor, pulling you into his chest as he does. It seems like an affectionate gesture but really he’s trying to keep you hidden.

“Yeah, I think she said she was headed to the kitchens.”

“Cheers.”

And with that Connor is gone. You immediately push James away, putting some distance between you.

“I’m so sorry!” you begin apologizing. “He’s just been so relentless and I went to the party and then he was there and I needed to get away and when I heard him coming I panicked and I-I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m really sorry James.”

“It’s uh…” James trails off, in a bit of a daze from the kiss. “It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” you ask, “I totally understand if you’re mad. I basically just took advantage of you-“

“I’m sure, “ he says, with a small shake of his head. “But if you wanna head back to the common room, now's your chance considering I just sent him in the opposite direction.”

“Right!” you say, walking past him. “Again, I’m sorry. But thank you for helping me. You’re a good person.”

You give James a smile, a genuine smile, before turning the corner and leaving him alone once again. James finishes his rounds with no interruptions and finally makes his way back to his dorm.

“What took you so long?” Sirius asks with a yawn.

“Hey.” James greets absentmindedly, completely ignoring Sirius’ question.

“Prongs.” Sirius calls when he sees how spaced out his friend is. “Everything alright?”

“Hm?” James asks, taking off his robes and grabbing his pajamas.

“How were your rounds? Did something happen?”

And just like that, James is reliving the kiss once again. He can almost smell your sweet perfume, feel your soft hands on his cheeks pulling his face towards yours before-

“Prongs!” Sirius shouts, throwing a pillow at his head.

“What?” James asks, fixing his glasses.

“Did something happen, yes or no?”

“For fucks sake, no!” James groans in frustration. “Nothing happened!”

When James gets out of the shower, he’s happy to see that Sirius is fast asleep, just like Remus and Peter had been when he initially walked into the dorm. James gets into bed, mind still reeling from the kiss before eventually falling asleep himself.