Chapter 4
As Remus had suspected, Mary was not angry. She had brushed off his apology immediately when he had found her alone in the common room reading a magazine.
“Don’t worry about it, Remus,” She had said to him. “I’m not mad. But something is going on between you and Sirius. Something big.” Remus nods, unable to lie at the moment. “Just… sort it out, yeah?”
“I’ll try,” He had told her half-heartedly, knowing he wouldn’t really.
In the meantime, some sort of barrier seemed to have crumbled away with the Slytherins, ever since his conversation with Sirius a few days ago. They stuck together more, and Remus found himself walking with at least one of the five more often than not. Something had shifted, that much was clear. The second he heard Regulus’ voice behind him, Remus knew that something had happened.
Remus hadn’t realized how much he missed being a part of a group. No matter how comfortable he may be with silence or the sound of his thoughts, there’s only so much alone time one can take before it becomes lonely. Remus had crossed that line weeks ago without even realizing it, but now with his newfound friends, he wasn’t lonely anymore.
Furthermore, his birthday was in a few days, and it seemed Regulus hadn’t been lying when he had said Remus would be spending the day with them.
“What?” Regulus had asked, “Did you really think we were going to let you wander around all alone on your birthday?”
“I guess?” Honestly, Remus hadn’t overthought it. As far as plans went, Remus figured he would just find a window to read by and enjoy a quiet Saturday for once. It was strange to think about. For the last four years, Remus had celebrated his birthday with the Marauders. Things would be different this year, and it was a bit of a hard pill to swallow.
Remus wasn’t avoiding Lily anymore, and they had fallen back into their friendship effortlessly. He hadn’t realized how difficult it had been to keep so many secrets from Lily. It took her a moment to understand that, yes, Remus was a werewolf and what that meant for him. She had asked lots of questions, and for once Remus was happy to answer them. Telling her about what Sirius had done had also lifted a huge weight off of his shoulders, making it a bit easier for him to breathe.
The only person he wasn’t sure about was Marlene. She and Sirius had been spending a lot of time together, and Remus had caught her glaring at him numerous times in the past couple of days. He tried to ignore it, but the truth is Remus really does like Marlene, and seeing her so clearly upset with him wasn’t easy.
The thing is, Marlene - while fiercely loyal - is not one to hold grudges. She may look intimidating, with her blonde choppy shag and intense gaze, but when it came down to it, Marlene was all bark no bite. Much like Sirius, really. Remus isn’t dumb. He knows what he said to Sirius was fucked up, and in the early hours of the night, guilt chewed at him from the inside out. Those nights are the hardest, he’d found. Sleepless and lonely, leaving Remus with nothing more than the thoughts and feelings he’d much rather ignore.
Memories of Sirius replay behind his eyelids, reminding him of the laughter and fun the two shared. He remembered the banter, late-night talks, and that night in the common room. The warm sensation against his lips. He remembers it all, and it’s then that Remus wants to forgive Sirius; wants to let go of the anger and the hurt, and just be. But then the next morning he would see Snape in the hallways, the scent of silver burning Remus’ nostrils and the anger would return, burning up inside of him like a match. So Remus holds on to his anger, not because he wants to, but because he doesn’t know where to put it down. Doesn't know how to put it down.
On the morning of his birthday, Remus allowed himself to sleep in for once. The snow had begun to melt, replacing the bitter cold with rain and slush. He knows it will only freeze again when a second wave of cold hits the castle, but for now, he enjoys it. The sun leaks in through the windows and sneaks behind the thick, velvet curtains hanging around Remus’ bed, pouring over him. Groaning, he throws an arm over his eyes, rolling over in hopes that he would just fall back asleep.
Something heavy hit the floor, startling Remus enough to sit up. He pushed his curtains away, fully prepared to scorn James or Peter for being clumsy, only to find the dorm empty. It’s strange, seeing it so still and quiet. Realizing that he was not going to be able to go back to sleep, he swung his legs out from under the covers, throwing a warm sweater on for good measure. On his way to the bathroom, Remus tripped over something lying on the floor by his bed.
A package - about the size of a shoe box - sat on the floor, wrapped in brown paper and tied up with twine. Remus realized that it must have fallen off of his bed when he rolled over, causing the thud that he had mistakenly thought came from one of the boys. He picks it up carefully, intrigued and curious. The packaging is simple, sure, but it’s clear to Remus that it was wrapped with care and purpose.
He sits down on the bed, gently tugging at the twine bow until it falls away. Remus unwraps the parcel with great care, making sure not to jostle or shake the box. He then lifts the lid, revealing an assortment of treasures inside. An expensive-looking gold pocket watch lies atop a folded-up jumper with chocolates, quills, and even a few packets of cigarettes resting around it. Remus picks it up, marvelling at the delicate engravings edged into the border of the gold cover. They’re moon phases, he notes, warmth flinging his stomach. At the centre of it, a small dark blue jewel lies at the heart of a star, stretching out as if reaching for the moon. Carefully, Remus opens the watch, admiring the Roman numerals and the dainty arms ticking along smoothly. It's beautiful, unlike any other gift Remus had ever received.
He placed the watch down in his lap, moving aside the treats in the package and pulling out the jumper. It’s soft and thick, made up of dark coffee tones and shades off mossy green. The colours work together to create patterns of lines and triangles. Perfect for the cold winter months in the countryside of Scotland. He pulls it over his head, noting how it fits perfectly over his broad shoulders and long arms. Remus looks for a note of some kind, wanting to know who had given him such a wonderful gift. Then he could hunt them down and thank them profusely. Except, there was no note, tag, or any form of identification.
He tucked the gift under his bed carefully, hoping the anonymous gifter would reveal themself, before going to grab breakfast. The great hall was nearly empty, only a few stragglers mingling, catching whatever remnants of breakfast they could. Remus scans Gryffindore's table for his friends, only to find it oddly empty. Remus grabs a couple of the remaining scones and scrambled eggs, enjoying the quiet of the normally buzzing hall over a cup of over-sweetened tea. It strikes him as a little odd that he hadn't seen the girls, James or Peter yet, not even in the common room. Once finished with his breakfast, he decided to check the quidditch pitch, certain he’d find James there.
The cold morning air bites Remus’ skin as he makes his way to the field where he finds not only James but also Marlene and Sirius flying overhead, showing off their flips and twists and turns. Lily, Peter, and Mary all watch from the stands, Mary yelling her approval while Pete keeps a running commentary and Lily pretends to read a book on advanced charm work.
“Good read?” Remus asks as he approaches, causing everyone to look up. Lily smiles brightly, putting her book aside, and standing up to hug Remus.
“Happy Birthday,” Lily tells him kindly. “Got any plans?”
“No not really,” Remus says honestly. “Mostly just plan on curling up somewhere and reading a book.”
“I’d be happy to join you if you'd like.”
“That would be lovely.”
“Ug,” Mary groans. “It’s your bloody sixteenth birthday and your big plan is reading? No,” She says simply, “I can’t allow that to happen.”
“Unfortunately, that isn’t up to you, Macdonald.”
“It is unfortunate, isn’t it?” Mary smiles then, softening slightly. “Happy birthday, Remus.”
“Thanks, Mary.” Remus takes his seat in the space between the two girls, watching as the three Gryffindors dart through the air above them. Peter, too, wishes Remus a happy birthday before giving him the rundown on the scrimmage they were watching. Remus doesn’t miss the way Lily’s eyes stay fixed on James the entire time, her cheeks a little too rosy. After another ten minutes or so, Sirius glances over at the spectators before flying up to James and nodding over to them. James smiles widely, waving excitedly at them.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY REMUS!” He shouts. Remus laughs, rolling his eyes with fondness.
“CHEERS!”
Sirius passes James the quaffle, and Remus can see the lightness he carries when with his best friend. Remus is reminded that Regulus isn’t the only brother Sirius has. Zipping through the air dramatically, James holds the quaffle under one arm and he pauses to look at Remus.
Pointing at him, James yells, “This is for you, Moony!” Then he launches the quaffle at Marlene. They all watch in bated breath as the ball sores through the air headed straight for the hoop Marlene guards. Only it seems that James’ aim was a little off, as it zipped right past the hoop, completely missing the goal. The stands burst into laughter, cackling as they watch as James blinks, seemingly in denial at the sheer size of his blunder. Sirius’ head is thrown back, laughing so hard he almost loses his balance, forcing him to reorient himself. Remus forces himself to look away, not thinking about how Sirius’ sleeves are pushed up to his elbows. Marlene shouts good-natured insults at James as he flies down to the stands, making a big show of his fake hurt feelings.
“That,” Remus says trying to catch his breath, “is the best birthday gift I have ever gotten.”
“Well, in that case, it’s fine I suppose,” James says, unable to keep the smile out of his voice. “Only cost me my pride.”
“We all know you could do with less of that,” Mary tells him, still chuckling.
“I haven’t seen him pull something like that since third year,” Sirius says, joining the lot of them with Marlene hot on his heels.
“Oh!” Lily exclaims, “I remember that! Only then did he did it to me!” They dissolve into giggles once more, and James - the good sport that he is - laughs too, though his face is a bit red. For a moment, Remus allows himself to sink into the feeling of it all: The laughter, the smiles, the overwhelming feeling of home. Something in Remus seems to sigh a little, relishing in the moment of normalcy. For these few moments, he lets himself enjoy it. It is his birthday after all.
“I like your sweater,” Sirius says, eyeing the way the perfectly oversized jumper hangs off of Remus’ frame.
“Er. . .” You could not be an asshole for once, he thinks briefly before saying, “Thanks.” Sirius nods, and while the interaction is stilted and a bit awkward, it’s not unpleasant. Growth, maybe.
“So,” James says, throwing an arm around Remus’ neck, “got any plans for the big day?”
“Just reading, like the madman he is,” Mary replies.
“That’s our Moony, all right.” The others hum in agreement while Remus smiles gently. Remus catches Sirius studying him, an odd expression on his face. He turns away quickly, but Remus still sees it, whatever it is.
“Well, I should go, then. My books are waiting for me,” Remus tells them, pulling away from James’ arm still thrown over her shoulder.
“Okay, just make sure to keep your evening open,” Peter says, a smiling Remus can’t quite read. Remus’ brow furrows, turning to James whose lips are pursed.
“Got something to share with the class?” James responds by making a big show of zipping his lips shut and throwing away the key.
“My lips are sealed.” Remus drops it, though the curiosity of what the two boys were talking about tugs at him. He makes a mental note to stay in his dorm or the common room after dinner so that he won’t be impossible to track down. Thanking James once again for his display of quidditch mastery, Remus makes his way back to the castle.
After a couple of hours curled up in a window seat reading just as he said he would, Remus has to do something else. His joints are killing him after being still for so long, and with the nearing moon, his hip has been acting up even more than usual. He stretches, groaning when he hears his bones click and pop. Remus realizes that he hasn’t seen Pandora at all, and something tugs in his chest. With a motive in mind, he sets off into the castle corridors in search of Pandora and the rest of the Slytherins.
He walks down corridor after corridor, peeking his head into empty classrooms and searching the library for his sister and her friends, only to come back empty-handed. It’s more frustrating than Remus would ever admit, not being able to find them. He doesn’t know where it comes from. It’s not as if Remus was a part of the lot of them, not really. He was just hanging around, probably to the irritation of everyone except Pandora. So what if Regulus had said that Remus would be spending his birthday with them? He had only come to his aid out of pity - maybe even a little thrill and the chance of getting to take a jab at Sirius. So no, Remus shouldn’t be angry or upset, he has no right. And yet… And yet. There’s a sting somewhere deep between Remus’ ribs that he can’t bring himself to admit is there.
After what feels like an age of searching, Remus gives up, making his way to the common room in hopes of finding James or Pete. However, he doesn’t find James or Pete, not even one of the girls. So he returns to the pitch, only to find Ravenclaw practising. After a very brief conversation with Emmaline Vance, he retreats to the castle. By then, dinner will be starting soon, so Remus goes to the great hall. He searches the sea of students for his friends. Nothing. Now thoroughly pissed off, Remus takes his seat, serving himself his dinner.
Without James, Sirius, and Pete’s orchestration, for the first time in five years, Gryffendore's table doesn’t sing Happy Birthday. Every year Remus burrows his face in his hands, dying of embarrassment while Sirius conducts the table - and eventually the whole school - to sing Happy Birthday to Remus. He’s convinced his classmates find amusement in the way Remus groans, resembling himself to his fate. But in the absence of their shouting rendition, Remus finds himself missing it. Okay, maybe not the singing, but his friends and their excitement. He misses them.
Glumly, Remus makes his way down the corridors he had run down time and time again. It’s shockingly quiet, and everything is painted in a pale blue light from the windows letting in the moonlight. It’s nearly full, and Remus has been feeling it in the way his hip complains and clicks. He pauses, looking out to the night sky. The stars flicker in the midnight blue sky, bringing to life thousand-year-old stories passed down through oral tradition. It’s beautiful, but Merlin if it doesn’t hurt when Remus’ eyes land on that one damned constellation.
So distracted from the burning ache in his chest, Remus doesn’t hear the two sets of feet sneaking up behind him until it’s too late. Someone throws a sac of sorts - a pillowcase, maybe? - over Remus’ head while someone else grabs his hands, forcing them behind his back.
“What the fuck ?” Remus exclaims as he loses his balance, tumbling to the ground. He hisses in pain, his shoulder taking the brunt of his fall.
“Now what?” A familiar voice asks.
“Now we pick him up,” Another infuriatingly recognizable voice responds.
“Barty,” Remus growls, “I swear to Merlin if you don’t untie me right fucking now-”
“Sorry, Mate,” Evan says, cutting him off, “can’t do that, I’m afraid.”
“Yeah, we promised Reg we’d get you to the common room and well, we all know you’re a stubborn bastard-”
“- That’s putting it lightly,” Evan adds, chuckling.
“- so this is the only way to get you there.”
“YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST FUCKING ASKED !”
Barty makes a ‘tsk’ sound. “See, but we couldn’t really.”
“It would have ruined the surprise,” Evan agrees.
“Jesus fucking christ. ”
“Okay!” Remus hears Barty clap his hands. “We have a duty to fulfil.”
“ Barty -”
“Shhhhh, I require complete and utter concentration.” Remus grits his teeth, seething as Evan laughs quietly in the background. “Okay, Wingardium Leviosa .” Remus holds his breath, bracing himself, fully expecting to drop back to the ground not two seconds after being levitated. Nothing happens. “Huh,” Barty muses, “I really thought that would work.”
“I told you it wouldn’t,” Evan points out.
“Worth a shot. Okay, let’s try this again, shall we?”
“No! We shall not!” Remus cries desperately.
“Too bad!” Hands wrap around his waist, and Remus is thrown over who he assumes is Barty’s shoulder. Remus squirms, trying to break free from this torturous event. “Merlin, you’re lanky,” Barty huffs as he starts walking, presumably carrying Remus to the Slytherin common room. Swearing like a sailor the entire time, Remus is carried via Barty’s shoulder to their destination. Somehow - despite Remus’ initial thrashing - Barty manages to keep a hold of him. If he wasn’t currently fucking fuming, Remus would be mildly impressed. Evans’ constant cackling mocks Remus, only egging on his rage.
After what feels like an eternity, Barty puts Remus down. Evans releases the charm binding his limbs and Barty pulls the sac off of his head. Wherever they are, it’s completely dark with all lights off. Remus reels on Barty and Evan, absolutely furious.
“You fucking bastards-”
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY REMUS!!!”
All the lights flicker on and for a few moments, Remus is blinded. Remus blinks rapidly, taking in his surroundings. As he had suspected, his kidnappers had brought him to the Slytherin common room. What he hadn’t expected was students from all different houses had gathered, waiting in a dark room to jump out and surprise him. Punch bowls - no doubt spiked with firewhisky - sit on tables alongside chips and other various treats. In front of Remus, Pandora, Dorcas and Regulus stand, all looking rather smug. Remus looks back at the two idiots who brought him here. Barty has his arm propped up on Evan’s shoulder, and they both look entirely too proud of themselves.
But when Remus turns back to the room, looking at the array of smiling faces that had come, his anger dies right then and there. James emerges from the crowd holding two cups full of extremely alcoholic punch.
“Happy birthday Remus!”
“Thanks, Prongs,” Remus says genuinely, taking the punch in his hand. “You guys set this up?”
“I’m afraid this was all Pandora and Regulus,” James tells him. “Dorcas was also a driving force I believe.”
“He believes correctly,” Dorcas says, approaching them.
“We figured you’d want James, Peter and the rest of your Gryffendore friends here,” Regulus adds, coming up behind her.
“Yeah, I…” Remus trails up, at a loss for words. He watches as wizards and witches move around the room, dancing, drinking and just generally enjoying themselves. “Thank you,” He says sincerely. “Really. I mean, this is- it’s mental. Bloody brilliant, but mental all the same.”
“I’m so glad you like it!” Pandora walks up to him, wrapping him in a hug. Remus hugs her back, ignoring the large height difference and instead picking her up to hug her harder. “Oh!” Pandora laughs. “You know, you’re stronger than you look.” Remus puts her down, smiling broadly.
“Before I forget and we get absolutely sloshed,” James says, “we have something for you. LILY?” From the sea of students, Lily appears - Mary in tow - carrying a beautifully wrapped box in her hands. Remus feels his ears burning as Lily hands him the small box. They move to the emerald green couch, everyone sitting around Remus.
“You guys all know what this is?” Remus asks, looking around at his mismatched group of Gryffindores and Slytherins.
“Yep,” Pandora tells him, “we all pitched in to help.” Remus nods, swallowing thickly. Gently, he pulls apart the shiny wrapping paper and the perfectly tied ribbon holding it all together. He opens the cardboard box enclosing the gift hidden away inside. Remus picks up the small, leather-bound book awaiting him, running his fingers over the smooth fabric. It’s not especially large, about the size of an average paperback. Only this book isn’t average. Not even a little bit.
The pages are full of photos Remus hadn’t even known existed. An image of him reading a book on the window sill, a cigarette hanging from his fingers, the smoke drifting around him. A photo from first year, the four boys splashing about in the lake on the last day of school. Remus flipped the camera over the bird as the photographer clicked a shot of him on a broomstick. That one was from the fourth year, Remus recalls. There’s a photo of Remus and Sirius, too. They're in their dorm, lying on Remus’ bed listening to a record and smoking weed. It's an average photo, one no one would bat an eye at. It shouldn’t be special. But it is. Because Sirius is looking at Remus, and it’s so soft and affectionate that Remus feels himself turn red just looking at a photo of it. It’s from a few months ago, just before Sirius’ sixteenth birthday. Merlin, Remus is fucking screwed.
He turns his attention away from the photo, forcing himself to take in the little notes and doodles his friends have written next to each photo. He takes in all of their handwriting, smiling at the way Pete and Sirius trade petty insults and James flirts with Lily. But it’s not just the Marauders and the girls, he realizes. Home photos that his mum must have taken of him and Pandora, with his sister's loopy handwriting scribbled in the margins. There’s a picture of Remus playing chess with Dorcas, and in another, an image of the lot of them walking down the halls together. Remus’ red uniform stands out amongst the dark green and blue. On the very last page, they’ve all signed their names. Sirius and James, Peter and Marlene, Mary and Lily, Pandora, Regulus, Dorcas and even Barty and Evan. Remus looks up at them in utter disbelief, his throat far tighter than he would have liked.
“It took me ages to bind that,” Peter tells him.
“I had to go digging for some of those,” Pandora adds cheerfully.
“This is. . .” Remus shakes his head, almost in disbelief. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“Say that you like it,” Lily tells him, sinking onto the sofa next to him.
“I love it. I absolutely fucking love it.” He wraps his arms around Lily, engulfing her in a hug before doing the same thing to James, Pete, Mary and Pandora.
“What? No hug for us?” Barty complains. “After all we did for you?”
“You fucking kidnapped me, Barty,” Remus reminds him. “Just be glad you’re standing here instead of levitating upside down twelve feet in the air.”
Barty gapes. “And Evan?”
“Evan isn’t as aggravating as you are.”
“Touche,” Barty concedes, lifting his hands in surrender. Still, he thanks Barty and Evan - they did help after all - and then expresses his gratitude to Dorcas and Regulus as well. Marlene is nowhere to be found, which is odd. Remus has to stop himself from grimacing. She had signed the book as well, and yet she hadn’t shown up. No, that didn’t seem right. Then again, the last time Remus had seen Marlene she had been angry.
Hurt and bitterness threaten to bubble up inside him, but he pushes it down. She’s not going to ruin this party for him. Everyone else is here - except for Sirius, but that had been expected - and, if Marlene had something so much more important to do, then Remus really shouldn’t care. And he doesn’t. Except denial never really does work, and the sting of her absence doesn’t go away. The two of them had been friends since second year, and together they had made quite the pair. Despite their seemingly contradictory personalities and interests, they fit together quite well. What many might not immediately get, is that Marelen McKinnon is clever. Really fucking clever. It had been the thing Remus had noted most quickly, way back when they were only eleven years old. Even then, before they were properly friends, Remus had liked Marlene. So yeah, it sucks that she isn’t at the party, but Remus can bite down his bitterness for one night and ignore it all. It won’t even be hard, considering the copious amounts of alcohol stationed around the common room.
As the hours passed, Remus lost count of the cups of punch or shots of firewhisky he consumed. His condition - for reasons unknown to him - made it far more difficult for Remus to get fully and properly hammered, but he made it his mission to accomplish just that. Students come and go as they please, new faces appearing and familiar faces disappearing throughout the night. So the presence of two new people shouldn’t be on his radar.
And yet, Remus watches from his spot on the couch, his head resting comfortably in Lily’s lap, listening to the pleasant chatter of his friends, when a certain blonde with a choppy haircut appears, that painfully particularly black-haired boy in tow. Remus watches them, his gaze tracking them as they make their way into the common room. Marlene - cool and confident as always - spots the lot of them, the swaths of students parting for her creating a path right to them.
Marlene, though, isn’t the one he’s interested in. No, it’s Sirius who while normally loud and self-assured and outspoken, now appears to be unsure of himself, almost anxious. He keeps his head tilted to the ground, his eyes darting about as he follows Marlene. It’s clear to Remus that he knows he isn’t welcome, so the only question is: Why did he come?
Remus isn’t the only one who notes Sirius’ presence, as Regulus glances over at Remus before nudging Barty. Taking one look at the pair making their way over, Barty grimaces and turns to Remus.
“Want me to throw him out?”
Yes, he wants to say. He isn’t welcome here! But some small voice in the back of Remus’ mind pleads with him, yelling at him to let him stay. He’s so beautiful, it tells him, just this once. Let him stay.
“No.” Merlin, he’s more wasted than he thought. “Let him stay. I want to see how this plays out.” And it isn’t a lie when he says it. It just isn’t the whole truth. Barty gives him a strange look, glancing over at Evan who only shrugs.
“Alright,” He says after a moment, “but if you change your mind let us know.” Remus nods, a strange fondness tugging at Remus’ chest. Turns out Barty Crouch Jr. and Evan Rosier weren’t so bad after all.
“Nice party you’ve got here,” Marlene says once she finally reaches them.
“Yeah,” Remus agreed, only a little cold. “Got this lot to thank for that.” He nods towards Regulus and Dorcas, his eyes darting over to where James and Pandora dance among a group of highly intoxicated teenagers to the record playing.
“I brought a plus one,” Marlene added, “Hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course not.” The worst part is, he doesn’t even think he’s lying when he says it. Marlene smiles.
“Great. I’m gonna go get some punch. I don’t know a lot about you, but I plan on getting very very drunk tonight.”