Delicate
All James ever knew was the spotlight and the flashing lights.
Literally, there is a picture taken by the paparazzi of his mother walking out of the hospital, 2 days-old James in arms, and his father following.
He knew he was born for this, not because of who his parents were, but because something just clicked the moment he performed for a big crowd. Sure, he was used to the attention, his parents were award-winning actors, they broke records, and their life was very public. Everyone loved Euphemia and Fleamont Potter, so naturally, all eyes were on their son, ever since he was born. It was surely a surprise for everyone that instead of picking a role in a blockbuster movie, he was picking up a guitar and debuting a studio album. But he was sure it’s where he belongs.
People were cheering his name, Peter’s name, Sirius and Remus’ as they said their goodbyes to the first night in Munich. The spotlight was on and the crowd was loud. Here, there were no last names, no famous parents or expectations from the public. He was just James here, lead singer of the Marauders, and he was bloody awesome at it.
Nothing had ever made him feel like that. The stage felt like a freedom unlike anything he had ever experienced, and nothing had ever compared to this. He felt the rush in every part of his bone, every muscle, every word, it felt like he was meant to be here, to stay here.
But the thing is, his job was 10% that feeling, and 90% everything else. And well, everything else was just tedious. Sure, he loved producing songs, writing lyrics, but getting them approved, promoting the album, the interviews? He wished he could escape all of that. He knew he was luckier than most, all his life everyone had told him that. Famous and loving parents, a talent in music, he had a foot in everything he would want to do, and people to support him. He didn’t even had to chase it as much.
The first few times that he performed for big crowds, that feeling didn’t leave him for days. He couldn’t even phantom, wanting to run away from everything. But now there are days when suddenly all that high comes crashing down with all the weight it carries as soon as the lights turns off. Today was one of those days. As soon as he put a step down the stage and caught a glimpse of Minerva and Riddle, it all came crashing down. It wasn’t only for him, because the usual excitement that accompanied them at the end of a concert was replaced by silence.
“Is everything okay?” Peter asked, breaking the silence with what everyone was thinking. It wasn’t everyday that Riddle decided to show up backstage after the concert, and every time Riddle showed up, meant bad news, and bad time for one of them, or all of them.
“They published something on Sirius.” James felt his heart stop for a second, immediately looking back at Sirius. He looked pale, but other than that, his expression was blank. “‘He became a heartless playboy who wouldn’t know who to appreciate someone’s love or help, maybe we made a mistake by handing it to him always on a silver platter.’ ”
Riddle finished reading, and then there was a beat of silence, and then Sirius bursted out laughing. Peter, Remus and him looked between each other, and then back at Sirius, who denied with his head as he tried to take his breath back.
“Great, no, no, that’s amazing! Lovely, really, nice reputation the one you built me… that now my shitface parents can back off on it and make it sound believable! That was the only thing that was handed on a bloody silver plate in this whole situation.” He sounded pissed, but the smile was still on his face, it didn’t quite reach his eyes like it normally did, but Riddle didn’t even say a thing, like Sirius wasn’t looking like he was about to bite his head off. It wouldn’t surprise James if he stormed out of the room or punched someone any moment.
“We were thinking of doing some damage control,” He continued, totally ignoring what Sirius said, who just huffed as he sat on the stairs. “Would you be up for doing an interview tomorrow, James?” It wasn’t really a question,but he was already expecting it. Of course James had to take the hit for Sirius. People like the idea of sweet, good, nice, flawless, James, contrary to what they thought of Sirius. So he must go, look pretty, expose his love life, his parents, to try and compensate for ignoring the questions about Sirius, and now Regulus too. If Sirius was a heartbreaker, then James had to be in love. If Sirius went to clubs and people noticed, he had to say he stayed and worked. If Sirius's family caused a scandal, then he has to go and talk about how perfect and loving his parents were. There was no such thing as privacy when it came to damage control.
Even as he hated his job, Riddle, Sirius’ parents and even Regulus and himself a bit, he nodded.
“Sure, what time?”
He had been hearing Sirius talk for at least an hour. James loved his friends, he would do anything for them, and he loved hearing Sirius. But today, he had too much problems on his own to be actively trying to help Sirius sort his mess out.
“I mean, yes, I know I left him but I’m trying to make it up for him.” Regulus seemed to be the recurring problem recently, ever since that night in Paris. He could relate to that, because the last thing James was expecting was his childhood crush coming back to his life during their first world tour, along with all the scandals that had been happening. And now his best friend, who had no idea of his feelings, was in a constant mental breakdown thanks to his little brother and not being able to fix things.
“He had been ignoring me since Madrid, I swear he is behaving like a child, he leaves the room every time I come in.” Sirius let out a frustrated groan and James just sipped on his already cold coffee. “I fucked up with what I said, I know, but didn’t he need my help with his whole revenge plan? He could at least talk to me for that.”
“He did seem pretty upset in Madrid, and you don’t want to come clean about your parents.”
“I know he seemed upset, and no, I don’t want to, but I at least he will talk to me that way.”
“He won’t talk to you, if he’s anything like you.”
“I know but-”
“Reg!” James interrupted as soon as he saw Regulus entering the kitchen, unsure if he should be hearing whatever Sirius was about to say. He glared at him, and James knew it would happen, as Regulus had also been ignoring him since the bonfire in Madrid. “How are you?”
He said nothing, turning around and trying to walk away from the kitchen, so James stood up and almost ran after him. Did he deserve the cold treatment for a song he wrote back when they were fourteen and wasn’t aware Sirius was actually thinking of leaving home? Maybe. Was he about to let Regulus ignore him because he was pissed at his brother and the song he wrote? Never.
Because it had been twelve years since he first wished he could be in the same room as Regulus, that they could talk and get to know each other, that he wasn’t about to let that go to waste. Because he felt something, talking to Regulus, felt like something he had only felt before on stage, so close to the high he had always searched for, but different in all the good ways. He wanted more than just a glimpse of that.
“I’m thinking of dinner tonight, maybe going for a walk first, or a coffee even.” It made him look, in confusion, but now he was paying attention to James. He felt the need to clarify. “For our date- fake-date! For our fake-date.”
“Right, mhm…” He looked around, seemingly uncomfortable, which made James take a step back. He was just trying to get back to talking, maybe they could talk about what happened in the bonfire, or forget it happened and just go back to talking about Regulus’ designs. But going out was part of their deal. “It’s fine, i supposed, a walk and dinner.”
As soon as he was done talking, he turned around and started to walk away. “See you at four.” James called, still half-smiling, and Regulus just threw a thumbs up in response, not turning around or looking back. As soon as he was out of sight, James deinflated, his smile falling. He looked back at Sirius, who was already looking at him with suspicion all over his face. “What?”
He tried his best to hide the panic in his voice, having totally forgotten Sirius was there. But he was smiling now, knowingly, and James needed to leave that room now. “Nothing.”
“Fine… fine, I think I’ll go get changed for that interview… yeah, I’ll go do that.”
“You do that.”
“I’ll do that… But we will talk later!” He remembered, as he was living in the room.
“Sure we will.” Was the last thing he heard Sirius said before he was practically running to his room.
He just got a date with Regulus, a fake one sure, but as he closed the door behind him and thought about it, his heart rushed and his smile came back.
“So James, you and Sirius have been friends the longest, am I right?”
“Actually, Peter and I, we met in kindergarten.”
“But you are the closest with Sirius.”
“I wouldn’t say that but…” He traced, but stopped talking, it was useless.
“Euphemia and Fleamont never talk publicly about Sirius, after they took him in following his leaving of the Black House. Do you believe it has anything to do with the allegations of Sirius being ungrateful towards the people around him?”
James glanced at Minerva and Riddle behind the camera in panic, unsure of how to answer to give an end to the question. They gave off nothing, so he just swallowed. Keep to the truth, he remembered his mother told him once.
“Sirius is loved dearly by both my parents, they decided to not give any public statement on his situation since it wasn’t our place, they were family matters.”
“But haven’t you repeatedly stated that Sirius is family?”
“Yes, of course he is. But it’s more complicated than that.”
“I’m sure we are all waiting on the Potter’s statement on the Black drama going on, especially now that you are publicly dating the most recent scandal.”
He clenched his jaw, trying to breathe deep before answering, count to three, but Lily always insisted he was too hotheaded, and maybe he was a bit right. “Regulus is way more than just a scandal, and if you really want my parent’s statement, an interview with them instead of me will resolve all your curiosities.”
He could see Riddle pinch his nose with his fingers, denying with his head at James’ answer. Was he too defensive? Yes, maybe he was. But he didn’t think about it, and he was getting sick of the questions. But Rita didn’t seemed to catch the hint, so still smiling brightly, she spoke again.
“Talking about Regulus, how is it like dealing with all the allegations of his past? The ones involving his affair with a married man must be thought of as a relationship.” The condescending tone was making James want to leave, or punch her, or both.
But he followed her lead, knowing he was in enough trouble with what he said before. No matter how badly they wanted to speak his mind, he couldn’t. So he took a deep breath before answering. “Things have been great, we are going strong and I think that’s all that really matters to me, not what has happened recently.”
He forced a smile, trying not to think too hard about the lie. His mother has always told him he was a terrible liar, and he wasn’t an actor for a reason. Heritage and all, James couldn’t act to save his life, it was even a recurring joke with his parents and their friends.
But with this, Regulus, he could just pretend. Method acting, if you would like. Because he had liked Regulus ever since he was eight, he was so used to thinking about Regulus, to daydream about him. He was used to being in love with Regulus, it was part of him at this point. That wasn’t the hard part.
The hard part was acting like it was fake, having to convince Sirius’ that he didn’t really like his little brother, to convince Regulus that they should go out and talk just because they were faking dating, not because he was dying to finally get to know him. It was harder to let go every time he had the chance to be around him, way more than to tell the world that he was in love.
At least it wasn’t a secret anymore.
“It was a pleasure having you today, Tom, as always.” Rita was saying her goodbyes, after the cameras were already off and the interview was finished. They were leaving already, and just by the stern face in Riddle, he knew he was getting a lecture. The walk back was silent, and James wasn’t about to insist. Until they reach the parking lot, almost no cars around, and no one except them.
“You got defensive, James.” He said by the time they reach the car. “You were supposed to do damage control, not more damage.”
James was focused on the floor, trying to avoid Riddle. He had never done well with lectures, it made him want to cry.
“I know, but she was getting too invasive and-” He tried to defend, but was quickly cut off.
“But nothing, we are dealing with enough with you going on and dating a walking scandal and then Sirius getting involved. The Black family means problems, and I need you to help me out and go along with this planned if you care about the Marauders career.”
James bit his lip, trying hard to not say anything, and just keep it to himself. He knew the burden was all on him. Riddle had insisted on making James the damage control because of this, because he was loved by the public, because of his parents, because of the personality they showed them, and because he usually went along with whatever someone needed. He had always been theirs’, on display for everyone to see.
So he just smiles and nods for the camera to get those highs the concerts give him, to continue to show their music to the world. Just to keep Sirius, Remus and Peter out of trouble, so they can do what they love without getting picked apart.
So they can all get their fame before another name goes up in lights.
Riddle left after James said nothing, and Minerva just got in the car, so he followed.
“I’m not mad at you.” She said in a red light, and James looked at her, breathing deep. “I believe you did great, and you are taking the hardest part of the job, only being 20. I have seen grown man take the same burden and crushing under.”
He had to swallow the knot in his throat, just nodding, because he was sure if he spoke, he would just break. He didn’t want to break in front of Minerva.
“Now cheer up, I heard you got a date today.” James smiled weakly at it, and nodded, trying hard to just clear his mind.
He had a date with Regulus to focus on.
James was eight when he first saw Regulus. It wasn’t at any event their parents attended, or even in person. It was on their TV screen as he laid on his mother’s lap and his father threw popcorn so he could try and catch it with his mouth.
It was the movie Fleamont choose for their sunday movie night, and it was too boring to James, so he kept insisting ‘Just another one’ because he was sure this time he could catch it, and Fleamont happily complied, even as most popcorns were laying on the floor or the couch.
“Is that Alphard’s nephew?” His mother asked, but Fleamont was too busy throwing another popcorn at James.
“Sirius?” He asked without looking and James finally managed to catch the popcorn in his mouth, he threw his arms up in celebration. As he chewed, he finally looked at the TV to discover who where his parents talking about.
“No, the other one, Alphard said only the little one acted.”
There he was, silver, shining eyes, laughing loudly. He looked his same age, but he felt so different than the other kids his age. Definitely different from Peter and Marlene, his friends from school. There was something about him that made James want to stare and never look away, just laugh with him.
“Oh wait…” His father stopped to think about the name, and James was just staring, his jaw a little open in curiosity and something else that James wouldn’t understand until very later. “Regulus? Yeah, I think so.”
James mouthed slowly the name, it was a nice name, he had never heard it before. It fitted, because it was different, like him, because no other kids had ever made James feel like watching Regulus did.
Now, twelve years later, more than half his life later, as James opened Regulus’ door and saw him standing in front of the mirror, the same feeling was over him. He would just look at him forever.
His Nikes made him look a bit more taller, but he still was a couple of centimeters shorter. He was wearing casual clothes, dark jeans and a blue shirt that looked so simple but made just for him. There was something unique in him, in the way he looked, in the jewelry he used, even in the way he talked, that James wish to understand where it comes from.
“Ready?” James asked, and Regulus just nodded, taking a tote bag from the bed. He didn’t even look at James when he moved past him to leave the room. Great, amazing start.
They walk through the apartment until they reach the front door, always following James. It was there, as he opened the door, that Regulus offered his hand.
“It would make sense, right?” He explained, and immediately, James took it. He had to try hard to ignore the butterflies in his stomach.
He was too old for getting flustered with hand holding.
Regulus let James take the lead of the walk, but they were silent for the first few blocks.
“Reggie, I’m-”
“Don’t call me Reggie.” He cut him off, without even looking.
“Sorry… So Regulus, I’m sorry about Madrid. It wasn’t my intention when I wrote it, it was just a silly song because I was missing him and…” He took a deep breath, unsure if continuing would be the best, because Regulus' face was unreadable. “I knew he was impulsive, but I didn’t thought he would actually leave.”
Regulus barely looked at him, just a side glance before continuing their walk in silence. Great, maybe he messed up just a bit more. Lily was right, what was he thinking when he decided to fake date Regulus?
They weren’t even friends, they were friendly one time before starting to fake date, just a small talk about ELO and that’s all for James to be willing to fake date an almost complete stranger.
Except Regulus never felt like a complete stranger. He had always heard about him, from his parents, from Sirius, from Dorcas, even from some professors and gossips. He felt he knew Regulus, but he didn’t knew the real him, the Regulus behind the star earrings and sun necklace that he was wearing.
“I’m not mad at you.” Regulus finally said as they were waiting at the traffic lights to cross the streets. “I’m pissed at Sirius, and yes, I’m pissed at the song but it’s not your fault.”
There was hurt in his voice, almost unnoticeable, but maybe it was the slight crack when he said his brother’s names, or how he dragged his words more than usual.
“I’m still sorry, for everything, and for what Sirius said at the bonfire, before you left.”
“Not your fault.”
“I know, but I'm still sorry.” Regulus was now staring at him, his face a little softer than a few steps ago, or maybe it was James being positive about it.
“You shouldn’t be taking the blame for other people’s actions, you know? If someone should be saying sorry, it’s Sirius.” He looked back at the floor at the end, and James knew that maybe this wasn’t the topic he would like to have in their date.
“The song was nice, though, you always write so many sappy songs?” James thanked for the change of topic and giggled.
“You know, Lily says the same thing. But yeah, not for the band though, most of the songs I write aren’t for the band.”
“Why aren’t they?” He looked at him with curiosity in his eyes, just a glimmer, and James was ready to spill all of his darkest secrets.
Because I’m in love with my best friends’ brother. Because I’m too scared to actually tell someone what I feel so I just write a song about it. Because everyone believes I have a perfect life and it’s better like that.
“They just aren’t that great, and no one wants the sappy stuff.” He answered instead, as he was starting to gain a little bit more confidence. Maybe this could go nicely, so even without noticing, he was swinging slightly their hands as they made their way through the streets of Munich.
“I’m sure they are great, if they are like that one but yeah, I think the whole rockstar thing you have going one suits you, it looks good on you, the four of you, I mean.”
He almost tripped as soon as the compliment left Regulus’ lips. James had to just restart whatever brain process was going on because he was starting to get flustered, and he couldn’t. He needed it to be as casual as he could.
“Oh, so you think I look good?” He teased, wondering if maybe he was pushing it. What if Regulus punched him and went back to ignoring him? Or worse, what if he said no?
But there, in the middle of his panic, he looked at Regulus, only to notice a faint rose blush on his cheeks, and as soon as he noticed him looking, he answered. “You’re so vain, Potter.”
Regulus Black was blushing, Regulus Black, his childhood crush, was blushing because of something he did. They went back to being quiet, no matter who badly James wanted to tease him, continue talking, just something. But he decided not to push his luck so much.
In the next block, Regulus looked at him.
“Why are you so nice to me? All I have ever been to you is… mean, or not been at all, I think I have spent more time ignoring you than actually talking to you ever since Sirius introduced us.”
“Because like you, Reg, even if we haven’t talked that much, and you haven’t been mean. ”
James couldn’t even remember a single instance where Regulus was mean to him, excluding the first night and a few glances back in high school. Did Regulus think he was mean to James? He didn’t had the bubbliest personality but that didn’t make him mean.
James was even scared that maybe he idealized Regulus a bit too much, but all he had met of him up until this point was way better than the version he had of him in his head. More flawed, yes, but more human, more loveable. Because every new thing he discovered about Regulus just made him want him more.
“You know? People have always come to me because of my reputation, my last name, to gain something.” There was a lingering question there, like he was questioning if James was also using him.
“Your reputation has never been worse, so trust me, I wouldn’t get anything out of it.” James said, and Regulus actually smiled at it, making James' chest feel warmer, if that was even possible.
“Yeah, it would be the first time someone liked me for me.”
“Well, maybe I have something to gain, because I really want one of your designs.”
“What are your plans for the fake date?” He asked, deviating from the topic and James just followed; no matter how badly he wanted to talk about it.
It seemed that Regulus was secretive about it, about what he wanted to do, about designing something. Because when he vaguely mentioned it to Sirius, he had no idea that his brother designed it. Even if Sirius wasn’t his most trustful source. Still, he followed along with the conversation.
“We actually left a little too early, and unless you want to have dinner at 4pm, we could go…sightseeing?” The place he wanted to take Regulus wasn’t open for another two hours, and maybe he should have established that, but when Regulus asked him what time they were leaving he panicked, okay? Not his fault at all.
“Fine, but we are going to the English Garden.”
James had never been the biggest fan of sightseeing, or going around in circles in gardens full of plants that he swears were all the same. Sure, they were beautiful, but he didn’t find it as interesting. But Regulus? Oh, he took his time in every single step to appreciate what surrounded him, he read the signs and explained them to James, even when he could easily just read them himself. But he was more than happy to follow around and look at Regulus eyes light up every time he found something he liked more than the rest.
By the time they were done with the gardens, Regulus was in a better mood than he had ever seen him. They were joking around, even laughing, and he seemed more relaxed, talking more freely than before.
“I have never been to a dive bar.” Regulus admitted as they walked, they were just passing by a bar, probably the reason he decided to mention it.
James was a little taken aback as they stood in front of the bar, the neon signs and dim lights inside turned on even if the sun was still up. “We are literally in a city full of places to drink, and you want to drink in a dive bar?”
“Weren’t you the one saying you were all about new experiences?”
He was reluctant, and no matter how hard he argued, Regulus got his way. The smell of stale beer and cigarette smoke hit him like a ton of bricks. He was sure it was the type of place he haven’t entered since they got a fake id one summer, before his mother founded it and James and Sirius were grounded for a week.
They found a table in a corner, and James had to finally let go of his hand. “It definitely smells worse than what I imagine.” Regulus scrunched his nose, looking around.
“You really never been to one?”
“You think that Walburga and Orion would ever let the heir of Hallow, of the Black Empire, go around and get into some sketchy bar?” There was a bit of drama in his sentence that made him smile, nodding as he accepted his mistake.
“Well, no matter what country, they all smell like this, so you aren’t missing out on much.”
The smell went away a few drinks after, and Regulus was smiling way more than before. James was feeling warm all over by how Regulus was now right next to him, and he could sense every single spot where they were touching. Their legs, their arms brushed, he could even sense Regulus’ aroma, and maybe it was the alcohol, but it made James want to get even closer. It was sweet, surprisingly, there was something floral about it, and he could drowned on it.
“For fake-dating, and the mess we are in.” He said, lifting his glass and waiting for James.
“Cheers.” He answered, smiling before taking another sip of his drink. But his smile disappeared as soon as he saw Regulus' expression fall, looking at his now empty glass. “Alright there?”
“Do you promise it is all going to turn out alright?” Regulus asked, a little more hesitant than before. He wasn’t sure what he was referring to, the fake-dating scheme, them, Sirius and him, everything with his family. He had so much going on that it was difficult to know for sure what he meant.
“We can’t make any promises, now can we?” James answered, surely it worked for all situations. The way Regulus face suddenly softened, smiling just slightly as he let his head rest on his shoulder.
Oh, and he knew, right there and then, that he was in for the biggest heartbreak of his life.
Was the date the best or worst day of his life? James wasn’t sure. But he knew for a fact that this is all going so terribly wrong, for him at least. He couldn’t help the fact that he fancied Regulus, he knew that, but whatever he felt yesterday, made him want to scream, kiss him and run away all together.
He had a concert in less than an hour and all he could do was walk around, trying to clear his mind. He wasn’t even nervous to be on stage, but he needed to focus, he needed to take Regulus out of his mind.
“Don’t say that about him.” Regulus’ voice got slightly defensive, before softening again. “He is way more… I don’t know, he is different than what I thought.”
There was a pause where there was silence, he was talking to someone over the phone. He shouldn’t be overhearing, but he still kept his back to the wall as he stayed. Out of curiosity, sure, not at all just to find out who was “he” and why Regulus voice suddenly because softer when he asks about him.
“Shut up, you’re just jealous, Crouch.”
Jealous? Was Regulus seeing someone? He never asked, he supposed he didn’t but what if he had someone, after all. He doesn’t remember ever hearing of someone named Crouch, so maybe it wasn’t someone famous. After all, that’s all James was, wasn’t him? A distraction for everyone, Regulus’ damage control.
“Yes, yes, I love you too.” There was a beat, and it was almost as if he could hear Regulus smile as he spoke. “I’ll try to go and visit as soon as I can.”
He wasn’t even sure if Regulus ended the call, but he was walking back to the room were they all were, with a sinking feeling in his chest that couldn’t help. He tried to push those thoughts away, reminding himself that this was all fake, just a scheme for the public. He wasn’t even allowed to feel jealous about it.
For the first time in all of James’ career, his mind didn’t clear off the moment he took a step on the stage. But even as he poured his heart into each song, in each note, a part of him couldn’t shake off the thoughts that plagued his mind.
He tried his best to avoid looking at him, but this intro always felt too long, and James usually busied himself with anything, his mic, someone on the barricade to wink at, anything. Tonight, against everything his mind was screaming, his eyes drifted towards where he knew he would find Regulus.
There he was, already looking right at him.
Who thought putting the VIP section so close was a good idea? Because he was wondering if maybe it was the contacts making his eyes blurry, or if it was Regulus really checking him out. It wasn’t an unusual look for him, half-buttoned shirt, black pants, no glasses and messy hair, he had probably worn something similar in all the past so concerts. So why is it until now that he felt Regulus checking him out? He tried to focus on the spotlight, tilting his head back as Sirius’ guitar finally broke the intro.
“Do what you want.” Taking the mic with two hands, closing his eyes, trying to silence his mind. “I’m telling you, let me into your heart.”
He took an earpiece out, all the noise finally making his way into his mind. All he could hear was Remus’s drums, people singing along, screaming and very faintly, his voice. “I know where you’ve been.” It was the one song James could do this, let his voice just go where he felt, scream if he needed to, whisper if he felt like it. “You can see the sun from near.”
He was almost breathless, grabbing the mic like his life depended on it. He refused to open his eyes, he refused to face his reality, so he just let the song take him away, and he finally felt like grinning again. “Let me into your heart.”
Peter first wrote the song in a summer he spent in Milan by himself, about a girl he dated for a month. He added all the psychedelic and screaming vibe way later, high and heart-broken back in LA. It was one of those songs that went with no promotion, barely made it to the album. ‘Too risky’ the label insisted, but someone (Sirius and James) leaked it, so they were forced to add it into the album. And looking at how everyone was screaming with James, it was the best decision.
He took a deep breath, looking where he had been avoiding all out. Maybe it was the stage lights, or people screaming, or the drums making his head not able to think. But he looked directly at Regulus, who had something in his face, something James’ wished to understand, just like everything else Regulus was. “Boy, you really got a hold on me.”
He was changing the lyrics, and minimal things, but as he made eye contact with Regulus, he just wished he understood. “So this isn’t just puppy love.”
“Boy, you really got a hold” James finished, not having moved his eyes from Regulus once, who also didn’t move. The lights went black as Peter and Remus played the outro in the dark.
The four of them had an interview that morning, so he hadn't seen Regulus until now. But according to what he saw, and what they guy was saying, they were all over the media. Regulus and James, last night’s Me and your mama, their date two days ago. For the first time since the tour started, they were talking about this and not to Sirius about the Black scandal.
“Where’s Reg?” He asked as soon as they stepped into the apartment, Dorcas was on the couch, it drove everyone mad, since she never really stayed on one until someone took the remote from her. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your interview?”
“I have…” She looked at the clock on the wall, and back into the passing channels. “An hour, and I’m beautiful effortlessly, so.”
She smiled without even looking. “Oh, and he is in his room, lover boy.”
James felt his cheeks burn at the nickname, he already told Marlene they weren’t actually a thing. So Dorcas must know. He could totally deal with this, surely, the nicknames, the press talking about how in love they were, how in love they looked. But he had to tell Regulus that it was working. He knocked on the door, and he heard steps towards the door, the unlocking sound and the door opening.
Regulus' hair was messy, his eyes barely opened and the clothes he was wearing… He was wearing a big t-shirt and James didn’t know if there was anything underneath— No, no, he couldn’t go there, he couldn’t think about that. Sirius’ brother, fake-boyfriend, friend, so he couldn’t think about that. He was probably staring a bit, because Regulus was now frowning at him.
“Need something?” His voice was rough, his accent much more accentuated and oh, what would James sacrifice to be able to hear that for the rest of his life.
James cleared his throat, and fixed his glasses without even thinking about it, thanking every god above that Regulus had never seen him get nervous. Because if Sirius, or anyone that knew him, saw him like this, they would know. He was seeing pathetically obvious about it, but Regulus didn’t know that. See? Everything was under his control.
“I wanted to tell you something… yes, um, sorry I woke you up, didn’t know you were sleeping.” He shrugged, probably looking awkward but it was better than him noticing he was having an internal crisis. Because why would you be like thisbecause of someone who is barely your friend?
“I hope it is worth it.” His tone made him sound like a threat, but there was a faint pull on the edges of his lips that told otherwise. And Regulus Black’s smile shouldn’t be allowed to be doing all that to his heart. “Because I was having a rather nice dream and you interrupted me.”
James knew Regulus' dream, of course, it was just the normal thing to do. But he was having a nice dream, about someone? Maybe it was about something. Or it was about whoever was on the phone last night. But he could help but wonder — hope — that maybe he was there, in Regulus’ dream, somewhere. He knew the whole idea shouldn’t make his heart rush like it did, but he was a weak man.
What would Regulus think if only he knew who much he was on James’ head?
“Well, I was in an interview this morning, and for the first time in forever, no one asked about your family.” Regulus’ face immediately changed into more of a surprise. “They were talking about us- you and me, the relationship. The articles, the news, the people, not about your family.”
‘Us’ sounded too personal, there were no ‘us’, or was there? It was fake, sure but— Maybe it wasn’t as much in his control as he would like to think.
Because James overthink everything, it was what they taught him to do. Every word, every gesture, every smile was perfectly planned, so everything went on smoothly. He knew how to be pretty, to be popular, after all, he learned in school that’s what everyone loved. He was used to having everything under control, to always knowing his next move. If he failed to plan, he was just setting himself to fail. It always came effortlessly to him. Until two weeks ago, every single plan came crashing down in Paris.
And here he was, Regulus Black, the most unpredictable person he had ever met, hugging him. Hugging him. Regulus Black was hugging him. Regulus Black was hugging. He had told James, already almost a week ago, that he hated physical touch, that he rather avoid it. So why was Regulus hugging him.
“It’s fucking working, fantastique, tu est fantastique. Maintenant j'ai juste besoin que Sirius m'aide-” He was talking so excitedly, looking at James, who was barely grasping a few words. Did he just say he was amazing? He was fluent in Spanish, Hindi, English, but he tried French for Sirius once, and not even all that could help with how fast he was speaking. The hug had ended as song as it started, but between processing that and trying to understand whatever Regulus was saying, he was getting dizzy.
So he just tried to pay attention, forgetting for a second that this was all fake, that Regulus hugging him was out of character, that they were fake-dating. If he could get this Regulus, a pajama wearing Regulus, talking excitedly in French— God, he was starting to fall in love with French every word Regulus said—, the occasional hugging, smiling, then James could handle this, he was sure. He is fine with this even if it means just getting him in these stolen moments of fake realities, all in his head and out of his control, unsure what was supposed to happen next. He was more than fine if it meant having Regulus like this for a little while.