Names in Red Underline

“We need to talk about the article.” Sirius' voice suddenly filled the silence that had surrounded Regulus since he first woke up. It was the first time that he had woken up to a place full of silence, and it wasn’t exactly that he liked it. For a moment, back in his half asleep state, he was sure that he was back in that house.

So he had to admit Sirius’ voice was a relief, like an ease to the anxiety that hadn't left him. But his words made sure to get that anxiety back up again. He didn’t want to talk about it, not with him. “Where is everyone?”

“Moony and Lils went for breakfast, Pete and the girls went sightseeing and James is god-knows-where.”

“And you stayed?”

“I needed to talk to you.” He sat down in front of him, Regulus avoided looking up at him and tried to focus on his half-eaten plain bagel. “I haven’t read it but I want you to explain it to me.”

“Why?”

He was ashamed of everything that was in the article, and in every article that came after it. It wasn’t something he wanted to share with his brother, the only person who also knew what is was like inside that house. What he was like inside that house. Regulus was too afraid to discover that maybe, just maybe, his parents were right about him.

“Because I know what it’s like and I don’t want you to go through it alone.” Sirius explained, he sounded patient, which reminded him a bit of James, it was definitely something Regulus hadn’t seen in years. Sirius wasn’t patient with him since they were 12. “And a married man? Really?”

“I didn’t know.” He snapped, looking finally at his brother, who lifted his hands at the height of his face.

“Exactly why I want to talk about it. I want your version.”

Regulus sighed, feeling cornered. He knew he couldn't avoid the conversation forever, it wasn’t fair to his brother to keep him in the dark forever about what was happening. Nor would he ever help him to accuse their parents if he didn’t know why, or against what. But it still didn’t make him comfortable with the idea of sharing the story with someone. No one knew it, it felt like opening a wound all over again. It was what hurt the most, what ashamed him. The reason he even asked Sirius not to read it in the first place. He took a deep breath, holding his gaze to Sirius for a couple of seconds before nodding.

“In the article they call me a spoiled brat, that I was all cocky and air-headed, that I was disrespectful and constantly used what happened… what happened to you to get my way. That I was a shit person, basically.” He waited to see a reaction, anything, but Sirius kept silent, an attentive expression, so he continued. “They spoke about how I didn’t go to college immediately after graduation, that I started to misused my trust fund, which by the way, I never got my hands on. And so they decided it was time to get me into the business, and since they were too busy to take care of their son for once, they contacted Mulciber, a family’s friend that had worked with them to get me into the administrative part of business. Didn’t give any names in the article though.”

“Wait, Mulciber? Isn’t that the intern that Father used to take to fancy dinners? The one he spoke wonders about and how we should ‘grow up to be like him’?” He sounded disgusted by it, and Regulus had to look away, making Sirius notice.

They were 14 and 13 the first time Regulus saw Mulciber, he was an intern that his Father had taken as an apprentice. They saw him around the house a couple times, always around Orion, who spoke wonders about him every time he could. He came from a wealthy family, working in transport, but he wanted to explore other industries. So he graduated top of his class, in a top university, and managed to get an internship in the Hallow, their family brand. He was a prodigy at what he did, whatever it was he had been doing in the moment, enough for Orion Black himself noticing. He got to attend fancy dinner and parties with the family, and Regulus used to look up at him. Because he managed to make his dad proud, and that’s all Regulus wished for at the age of thirteen.

After Sirius left, he stopped caring about the Hallow, about making his father proud, because Orion stopped being around. He spent all his time in the office, or behind the closed doors in his bedroom, he barely saw him at dinner, where they all kept quiet. It was also the time when they decided that any aspiring career in acting Regulus had, wasn’t what they wanted, along with any contact with the media. So he attended boarding school and disappeared from the world during summer breaks, behind the walls of their country house in France. He didn’t saw Mulciber again until after he graduated.

“Yeah, that one.”

“That’s disgusting, he is like a hundred years older and you-”

“Could you shut up and let me tell you my side?” Regulus interrupts, clearly annoyed by Sirius. He had been told that a hundred times, no need for another reminder. “He was the only person outside the family and the staff that I could talk to. He was nice, and friendly and he cared.”

Or so Regulus thought back then.

“He was kind and said lovely things, he brought me food and took me to nice places when he discovered… well, Mother. He was all I knew, apart from Mother’s screams and Father’s silence, so my days kind of revolved around him. Even if he is, like, 11 years older, it was easy to talk to him… or to listen, actually, he did most of the talking.”

He remembered that day vividly, they were supposed to be in the meeting that Mulciber needed to be in, and insisted on Regulus accompanying him. He started to be more interested in business after he met him. But the meeting finished earlier than expected and they went out to lunch. Instead of a fancy restaurant, Mulciber took him to more private places, like an unknown coffee shop on the other side of the city. “So I kissed him, and he kissed me back, and well, you could guess what it became next.”

“I never asked anyone about his personal life, I was scared it could bring too much attention to our things. He- He said he loved me, and I believed it. At first, he was a gentleman, he was amazing, he took me to “business trips” but we ended up in beautiful rooms. But then it became a five minute thing in the parking lot of a random meeting place. But I loved him, I even was ready to start college that fall thanks to him, and Mother and Father couldn’t be happier with me.”

He could feel his throat going dry at the memories, like his voice was stuck. He was ashamed of himself, how he changed for him, how he complied to keep his parents happy and away so he could continue being treated how Mulciber did. He risked it all for a few moments of nice words and praise. But he loved him.

“One day I came home after meeting him, and in the living room was a girl, his wife, and Mother, who was clearly pissed. She presented herself as Mulciber’s wife and I… Father and Mulciber arrived later, and there was a big fight. They divorced shortly after. I searched for him once and… ” He couldn’t bring himself to say it, how humiliated he had been in that last conversation, how he was blamed for everything, everything that Mulciber called him. Even now, a year later after their last talk, it haunted him late at night.

Sirius kept quiet for a few more minutes, and Regulus was ready to stand up and leave if anything judgeful came out of his mouth. He judged himself enough about it to have someone else.

“Reg, I… I’m so… I’m sorry for blaming you.” He said, softly, and Regulus breathed deep, like he finally could. “It’s not your fault.”

He looked back down, biting his lips as it trembled, trying hard to keep the tears away. He couldn’t cry, he wouldn't. But someone finally knew, it was comforting hearing that it wasn’t his fault. For the longest time Regulus blamed himself. But Sirius didn’t, and it felt like he had been drowning for a year and all that water was suddenly becoming tears as air filled his lungs instead.

It wasn’t his fault.

And he was back in his brother's arms after so long.

He indulged in the warmth of his embrace, crying on his shoulder and it felt like something finally clicked, like something he had been missing for six years. He used to think there was nowhere safer than Sirius’ arms when he was little, and right now, he was starting to believe that he was right.

So he let every resentment he had towards his brother aside for just a few minutes, every pain and suffering Sirius leaving caused. He let himself forget that and feel like he was ten again, waking from a nightmare and running to Sirius’ bed to hide.

“Reg you deserve so much more than that.” Sirius suddenly whispered, his voice was broken but Regulus couldn’t make himself step away to find out if he was crying. “You shouldn’t have gone through it alone.” And Regulus heard pity on his voice, he clenched his jaw.

No, he shouldn’t have. He wasn’t supposed to have many things happen in his life. Because Sirius was supposed to be the heir, the one to take the family’s business, not him. Then he left him there, alone, with their parents hating both of them but now only one had the burden. He was just thirteen.

Blaming Sirius wasn't fair, but Regulus often wondered how his life could have been different if he had stayed with him. Maybe they would have been a little less miserable.

"I begged you on my knees to stay," Regulus whispered, breaking the embrace. He saw Sirius' eyes widen in shock, so he explained, "When you left, I begged you to take me with you, or to stay...I didn't want to be alone. But you didn't listen. You just left, and I took the hit."

He knew it was his thirteen-year-old self being hurt, wounds that hadn't healed, but as time passed, he had come to understand Sirius. However, he still felt vulnerable and angry at being pitied by his brother, who had left him. The tears streaming down his face weren't of shame or sadness anymore; they were of anger.

Sirius looked at him with sad eyes, and Regulus could see the guilt on his face, which gave him some relief. At least he cared. "I'm sorry, Reg, I-"

"Don't. Just don't," Regulus interrupted, unable to keep the anger out of his voice. Sirius needed to know how much he had hurt him, what he had really done the night he left. "You left me alone with them, and I had to face everything on my own. You weren't there when I needed you the most."

"I was dying there!" Sirius' voice mirrored Regulus', taking yet another step back. "I'll never forgive myself for leaving you there, but I'll never regret leaving."

Regulus felt like a dagger was in his back, mostly because he knew and understood. It just made it hurt more because, no matter how justified it was, Regulus couldn't forgive Sirius. So he turned around, walking towards the room where he was staying, although it wasn't really his. Nothing here was his.

Not even his brother.

Regulus shut the door behind him, and the pain that had been held at bay surged forward again like a tidal wave.

It took him an hour to cover the puffy eyes and redness of his face with makeup. He felt worse than he had in years and regretted opening up to his brother.

Just for him to say that he didn't regret leaving.

But he had to be at the party in the busy city of Madrid. Minerva mentioned that directors, actors, and other influential people would be there thanks to a movie festival taking place in the city. So they all had to be there.

He didn't even have the energy to search for James to plan something for the evening, because it was the type of event they should attend together. Today he just wanted to get over it.

The weight on his shoulders didn't leave him as he finally stepped out of his room and towards the living room. The girls were already there, and Lily immediately came towards him.

Her flowery scent was welcoming when she hugged Regulus, but he tried his best to escape the embrace as soon as it started. "You look amazing, Reg," she said, and he barely managed a smile in response. He just hoped it didn't come out as rude. It wasn't her fault. He was feeling down because of Sirius and hadn't told anyone about how he hated being physical with people.

"You do too, Evans," Regulus replied sincerely. Her emerald green dress was simple, too much for Regulus' liking, but it fit her perfectly. And she glowed when she smiled in response, not in the same way James did, blinding, but more of a comforting glow.

After their talk on the rooftop in London, Regulus found that he liked her. She was way more genuine than he ever expected, and she seemed to understand, at least partially, what Regulus felt. But he didn't want to be around anyone, so when she moved to talk to Peter, he didn't argue or follow.

"Finally, you two took so long," James said, and Regulus instinctively turned around to see Sirius. He looked away first, and Regulus felt a lump in his throat tighten.

The half-hour they spent in the car, all laughing and talking, made him feel dizzy. His headache, and when they stood on the sidewalk in front of the building, he had to take a moment to breathe.

He felt someone get closer, a hand wrapping around his waist. It wasn't touching him, but he knew it was there. He confirmed it by opening his eyes and looking at James, who was standing taller than him, and his arm was almost touching his waist.

He felt warm all over because he remembered and made sure to respect it.

“Are you okay?” He whispered to his ear, keeping a distance that made Regulus comfortable but all the flashing cameras that were taking pictures of them at that moment wouldn’t notice. He also noticed he wasn’t doing well, was it really that obvious? What if the cameras could also notice it?

“Just a headache.” It was partially true, but as James took his hand and guided him inside, he felt guilty for lying. He will probably know thanks to Sirius very soon, how seemed unaffected by their fight in the morning, happily walking with Remus and Peter in front of them. But maybe he will understand the lie, or not be mad at least.

The rooftop was very different to the rooftop of the studio in London, here there were white sofas, cocktail tables and music, beautiful flowers and a crowded bar in a corner. It was buzzing with people and string lights were on, even as the sunset had barely started. And as they walked through the place, people were looking, whispering, pointing. He could hear his name, and it made him nervous. He could feel James squeeze his hand a bit, encouraging him.

“Regulus Black?” A voice came from behind, making him turn around. A familiar face, one he hadn't seen in ages, that reminded him when all was more than fine. “Son, it’s been so long.”

He had to let go of James as Horace Slughorn hugged him for a few seconds, before looking at him with his hands still on his shoulders. He tried to gently take a step back, without looking rude, but the hands over him made his chest feel a little tighter, and he couldn’t get rid of them. “You are all grown up, handsome as always.”

Regulus smiled, a little disoriented, but still caring. From the side of his eye, he noticed James leaving, letting them talk. “It’s so nice to see you, Horace.” He genuinely said.

“You have no idea of how terrible I felt when your parents decided you weren’t going to be in movies anymore. You were so talented.” He had that reminiscing look, but he was one of the most eccentric and over active persons he knew. He was the first person to tell Regulus that he was going to be the next big thing, that he was going to be talented.

“How did the premier go? Of that last movie?”Regulus was curious about it, his parents, after deciding he wasn’t going to be in the media anymore, took any contact he could have with the outside world. And it’s not like thirteen year old Evan and Barty were seeing pretentious movies that starred in only big festivals and film houses.

“You did great, everyone was mourning when you retired. The movie went on to win several prizes, receiving very good criticism. Yeah… yeah, i’m very proud of that one.” He smiled proudly, nodding at himself, and Regulus wouldn’t be surprised if he patted himself in the shoulder. “I have this new project, son, you know. If you want to comeback…”

Regulus didn’t know what to answer about it. It could surely give him money, at least what he needed to get away from Sirius. But he hadn't acted in years, and it wasn’t what he really wanted to do. He wanted to design, to study, even model is he had the chance.

“I’ll surely think about it but tell me more about it.”

It was better to talk to him than any other person there, or having to be hanging on James’ arm with Sirius. He really didn’t want to think about his brother. So he drank champagne and heard all about Horace’s new movie, thanking that he was so in his own world that he didn’t asked Regulus anything about him leaving home or the recent scandals.

Soon enough, other directors and people Horace knew joined the conversation, and even as Regulus would love to stay and hear about it, he needed to make his thing with James believable. He excused himself and moved through the people, searching for him.

James was tall, taller than average, and his hair alone was recognizable. It didn’t take him long to finally catch a glimpse of him. He was laughing loudly at a table, pushing Sirius as they both joked about something, the way Sirius looked at James made him stop right where he stood. Maybe he was too tipsy, but he was sure that was the exact same look he used to give him, that caring and loving, with something so brotherly about it. The anger was taking all over him as he walked towards them, unsure of what he was going to do.

Maybe luck finally smiled at him because a slow song started to play, couples were moving towards the center, dancing. Cherry wine played in the background when he finally reached them. He took James’ hand, who looked back in surprise.

“Wanna dance?” James nodded, and Regulus moved without looking towards his brother. No matter how badly he wanted to.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Everyone was too close, and he had enough physical touch for the evening. But now he had to be with James, because people were looking, he could see a few known journalist, probably in the name of big magazines.

As he got closer to James, his hands moved towards his shoulders. He took a deep breath as James’ hands went towards his wait, but his touch was light, barely there. More present than back on the sidewalk, but light enough for it to not feel as invasive. For it not to worsen the tightness in his throat.

“I love this song.” James whispered, as he moved slowly. It reminded Regulus of the formals in school, it felt childish, but not as uncomfortable.

“Who doesn’t love Hozier?” Regulus answered, also in a whisper, even if everyone else around them was probably too busy to pay attention to what they were saying.

“There are crazy people in this world.”

“I have never been to one of these before.”He confessed, looking around them. It felt unusual, so many important people gathered in one place, dancing or chatting, some more drunk than others like a school dance. It was different from what Regulus imagined, because he never got the chance to live it.

“It isn’t that much fun, but it’s always nice to look around and laugh at what people are doing.” He did exactly that, searching for someone. “Over there, the orante trousers guy with the girl, he looks like he is one more drunk from black out.”

“Deserved with those trousers, they are awful.” Regulus scrunched his nose at the pair of pants, denying with his head. “If you ever wear anything like that, I’m fake-breaking up with you.”

He looked back at James, who was staring already at him. He was smiling, and there was something in his eyes, something Regulus couldn’t quite describe nor understand. But there was suddenly a feeling in his stomach, a fluttering sensation that he tried his best to ignore. He suddenly felt nervous, he wanted to run away like in that room in London.

“What?” He asked, but his voice trembled more than intended.

“Nothing, just… yeah, nothing.” He hesitated but the smile didn’t leave his face. Regulus laughed nervously, trying hard to ignore how the feeling that had accompanied during the whole day suddenly faded, as they continued talking about fashion decisions and people.

“Did you see that?”

“Saw what?” Peter said before finishing his glass of whisky, his face contracting almost immediately. “God, that’s awful, remind me again why we drank whisky?”

“To look interesting and it isn’t awful, you are just too soft.” Remus rolled his eyes, taking a sip from his glass.

“Hello? Did you see that?” Sirius instead

“Saw what?” They said in unison.

“That.” He pointed towards James and Regulus, both looking at each other.

“What about it?” Peter shrugged, looking back at Sirius.

“They are all over each other.”

“They are fake-dating, Pads, of course they are putting on the act.” Remus said while looking at them, but Sirius groaned.

“It looks too convincing.”

“Regulus used to be an actor.”

“But James couldn’t act to save his life, and look! look, he seems so…” He didn’t know how to explain himself, but there was something off in the way James was looking at Regulus, something unusual.

Because James looked genuine, and he knew James enough to know he wasn’t acting. But there was no way it wasn’t acting, because his best friend wasn’t really dating his brother.

“It’s normal getting uncomfortable looking at your brother dating your best-friend, Pads.”

“Fake-dating.” He corrected me.

“Whatever, point is, you are being overprotective, right, Moony?”

“Sounds like it.” Remus agreed, more focused on his drink than what was going on between the two of them.

He wasn’t even allowed to be overprotective with Regulus, they weren’t even on good terms. He regretted what he said earlier, exactly in the moment when he thought that maybe, just maybe, things could be like before.

But he had to go and mess it all up.

He was trying to convince himself that maybe he was just jealous of James being able to talk to his brother, to make him laugh, because no matter how Sirius tried, they didn’t seem to get any closer. They were actually getting farther away each time.

“Pads, don’t overthink.” Remus said, hand on his shoulder and voice soft, trying to make Sirius look at him instead of them. “You are still sensible with what happened this morning, maybe you are just being possessive.”

It has to be that, surely. But it continued to upset the rest of the party, trying hard not to look at them, who spent all the time together, talking to people, hand in hand. He was sure he even saw them talking to Rita Skeeter, a big journalist.

There was something off, and Sirius had his mind on figuring out what.

It took him two days to finally feel like himself again after their fight. He couldn’t bear to be at the concert, since the music was accompanied by Sirius’ words repeating over and over again in his mind. So Regulus cried himself to sleep that night.

James noticed, and asked about it next morning, but didn’t insist when Regulus avoided the question. They were all out during the whole day, but this time Sirius was with them. Even as he would had love to go and explore the streets of Spain, he wasn’t feeling well.

Instead, he stayed in his room, finally opening that one bag that he couldn’t bear to open since he left his house. The sketchbook had multiple torn pages, a few of his pencils were broken, as did his watercolors, and looking at it just burned in his chest.

It was his life’s work, ever since he fell in love with fashion, he had to draw and design, over and over every time life felt like it was too much. He was proud.

And Walburga destroyed half of it.

It was hard to do it again, to open a new sketchbook, instead of the old broken one, and try to design again. But as he stared at the blank pages, he felt inspired. So he drew and designed, over and over, because life felt like too much. The music playing in the room was the only thing interrupting his silence, frowning every though.

The hours went by and he didn’t move from the desk, it wasn’t even uncomfortable. He was in his own world, he felt like himself again, not like someone’s brother or son, or as a homewrecker, or anything at all. Just Regulus.

There was a knock on his door when he finally looked up, the sun was setting, meaning it was around ten. He turned around, expecting Lily to check on him, or Mary or Peter bringing him some food, Remus asking him to join them for dinner.

But it was James, standing on the door that he opened, leaning on the frame.

“Can I come in?” James asked, and Regulus nodded in response. ‘Goodbye, my Danish sweetheart’ played in the background. “I heard Mitski and I had to come and check on you.”

“You think you need to check on me because of what I’m hearing?”

“Come on, it’s Mitski, that and the fact that you haven’t come out in hours.” He took a spare chair that was lingering in the room, moving it to sit next to Regulus on the desk. He felt the urge to close the books, hide them away, but he didn’t.

“I’m okay.”

“I know you are.” He complied sarcastically, and looked towards the desk. “This are yours?”

Yes. No. Maybe. Only if they were good enough. So he kept quite, just looking at James passing through the pages of the few ones that he had done during the day.

“They are amazing, Reg, didn’t know you liked fashion.” He looked at him, and Regulus felt proud, his eyes watering just a little. Because the last person that watched his designs was their art professor back in school. No one, other than him, had ever saw what Regulus did.

“I really like this one.” He signaled one dress, red and gold, and Regulus doubted before finally speaking.

“It’s mostly velvet, but it would make the whole dress too heavy and monotone, so this part…” He pointed in the drawing, James quickly following his finger. “It’s taffeta silk, which is less shiny than…”

All of the sudden, he was explaining every design in the book. James asked questions, but mostly looked at him, the same look he had on the party two nights ago.

“You are so talented.” He whispered, and Regulus tried not to let it get to him. He wasn’t sure what effect it would have on him if he believed James meant it. Truth is, he probably didn’t, and was just being nice.

“Could you design something for me?” He looked so excited at the idea, and Regulus' heart rushed. “For a concert, even for several concerts, I would love to wear something yours.”

“I… well-” He was about to agree, it was a chance he didn’t want to let go of. If he did good, if people looked at James and praised what he was wearing, it could help him. And it made him excited to design something for James, because he was James, not only because he was useful.

“Are you coming down to the bonfire?” Peter's voice interrupted, standing at the front door. It was even he noticed how close they were, over the designs, but almost touching shoulders. He stand up quickly, surprising himself as he nodded. “Come on then.”

He couldn’t talk to James again about it, Peter was waiting for them. So he closed the sketchbook and the pencil case. The night was warm, so there was no need for him to take a coat. But he still did, waiting to see if they would leave and he could escape the bonfire. It was his own fault, he could just said no, but it was so sudden that now he was going downstairs with them, towards the patio behind the house they were staying in.

All of them were there, conversations going on, glasses and bottles going around. There were a few empty chairs, but he followed James to the empty bench they ended up sitting in.

“Do you want something to drink?” James asked him.

“Anything…” He looked around, and noticed the wine glasses Lily and Peter had. “Actually, wine would be fine.”

“As you pleased.” He smiled, walking inside again. Regulus wished the vague smile that traced his lips wasn’t there, and his wish came through when he felt someone staring. Sirius was looking, almost glaring at him suspiciously, and Regulus glared back, uncomfortable.

They haven’t talked in the last days, nor did he intend to talk to Sirius. So he looked away, focusing on the fire instead of talking. James sat next to him, offering the glass of wine.

“You've been quiet lately.” James said, sitting with his body mostly facing Regulus, and he did the same. “Do you not like Spain?”

“It’s not that, it’s…” He subconsciously looked at Sirius, who was under Remus arm, talking with Marlene and Dorcas. James followed his gaze, and opened his mouth, nodding a bit.

“So you two fought?” He asked, his voice sounded careful, like he was walking on walking glasses.

Regulus nodded, not wanting to talk about it, or think about it, for the fact.

“So, would you design for me?” James changed topic, and Regulus nodded.

“Yeah, I think so, but I haven’t sewed anything in years, so it might take some time.”

He never had the chance to do it, he tried once or twice maybe, with the old and rusty machine that they had in art school. But it was always rushed and nothing came out of it.

“But I don’t even have a sewing machine, or fabric, or nothing, really.”

“I’ll buy it for you, maybe mm…” He thought for a few seconds, and Regulus was a bit ashamed that he was going to buy it for him. But it’s the only way he could do it. “In a week, we’ll be in Australia, but we are staying there for longer, a week or so. You could do it there.”

“That sounds great.” Regulus head started to think about everything that he could do, every design he could propose, see if James liked it. But he knew it should be special, somehow. “Why Australia?”

He suddenly asked, why of everywhere they could have taken some more time in, it has been Australia.

“Peter wanted to meet kangaroos and quokkas are one of my favorite animals.”

“So you are staying more time… to go to the zoo?”

”Open range one, and our nicknames are literally animals, Prongs, Moony, Padfoot and we used to call Pete Wormtail, I believe we have a thing for them.”

“You called him Wormtail? That’s awful.”

“We were fifteen, okay? We did a quiz on which animal would each be, Peter got a rat. We laugh about it for ages, and we called him Wormy for a like a year, then quit on it.”

“What did the others get?”

“Remus got a werewolf.”

Regulus laughed at it, looking incredulously at James. “They guy named Wolf Wolf got a werewolf… that’s not even an animal.”

James shrugged, laughing. “He said exactly the same thing, but he got Moony.”

“Then I got a stag, so I’m prongs, and Sirius got a Black dog, ironically, and he is Padfoot.”

Regulus was still smiling at the absurdity of it all, and how now the nicknames made much more sense.

“James, want to sing something for us?”Marlene asked, interrupting their conversation. James looked back at Regulus, and then to the guitar that was next to Lily. “Sure.”

“Oh, oh, sing that one song.” Sirius asked him, smiling brightly. James took the guitar and nodded.

“That one? I’ve never sung it like… someone.” He looked around, a bit embarrassed. “It’s too cheesy.”

“Which song?” Lily asked.

“He wrote just for me.” Sirius said proudly, puffing his chest a bit. He was too over dramatic, specially when drunk, which he seemed to be now.

“We were on the summer break before our fourth year, and I was missing Sirius. So I sent this to him, he had forced me to sing it so many times.” He sounded fond about the memory, the guitar already in hand.

“When I got the letters with the lyrics and the next day I was leaving home.” He said it was just a funny story. But Regulus felt it in his chest, it was he just took his heart and squeezed it.

He didn’t want to hear it now, and he looked at James, who was already looking. Guilt was all over his face. They were sitting so close that the guitar almost made Regulus uncomfortable, but he whispered, using the closeness to his advantage. “Go on, play it.”

His words were full with… anger, sadness, resentment? He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, but it wasn’t nice, nor the tone. And James noticed, there was surprise in his face as he reluctantly started playing. Alternating his face between the guitar and Regulus, before he closed his eyes to start singing.

“Please, picture me, in the trees.” Regulus looked around, and everyone was attentively hearing the song. “I hit my peak at seven.”

It felt like he was telling a story, and Regulus couldn’t yet understand what made his brother leave. “Are there still beautiful things?”

“Love you to the moon and to saturn.” As he sang it, the smile that James was trying hard not to show finally escaped. But soon after it disappeared, looking at Regulus before continuing.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted.”

“Your dad is alway mad and that must be why.”

“And I think you should come live with me…”

He continued singing but Regulus wasn’t hearing anymore, his world was turning around him, and he was sure it wasn’t the wine. No, it was him. It was James, who asked his brother to leave.

The guilt in James was piercing, he was staring back and forth from the two brothers. The oldest was unbothered. While Regulus world was slowly crumbling.

“Pack your dolls and your sweater, we’ll move to India forever.” He noticed how far he was from James now, almost on the other extreme of the bench. He felt betrayed.

Because he will never be that for Sirius, or for anyone.

He will never be the reason Sirius leaves someone, he will never be the reason that Sirius stayed.

“Passed down like folk songs, our love lasts so long.” James finished, and Regulus' heart was into a million pieces. He finally got an explanation of why, in the middle of the night, Sirius was leaving. Regulus always thought it was calculated, their parents weren’t home that night, but no, it was impulsive. Because James asked.

But no, it was James asking him to leave. And when Regulus begged him to stay, he didn’t change his mind.

“To my dear brother,” Sirius said, and everyone raised their glasses and cheered. “James, I love you, mate.”