End game
The realization came an hour into their flight to Milan.
“You are still mad at me?” Sirius burst out, sitting straight after trying to sleep for so long, interrupting Remus, who was focused on reading.
Regret came as he saw Remus' expression, as much as he tried to hide it. He is a very expressive person, an open book if you know how to read secret codes. Unfortunately for Sirius, he certainly does, and now he can see as anger and disappointment went through his boyfriend’s face as soon as he opened his mouth.
“Yes, I am mad, Sirius, thanks for noticing” He said, closing his book. Oh, they were going to have a conversation, like right now.
“I’m so sorry for not telling you, but I did as soon as we got to the hotel.” It was a small whisper, though the noise of conversations were around them.
“I am your…” He looked around and over the seat before talking again. “Your boyfriend.” His voice was low when he got to the part, almost inaudible, Sirius still double checked the people around them to see if someone else heard it. “In just one night, you put our reputation on the line -.”
“Technically my reputation, and maybe James’.” Sirius muttered.
“It would affect all of us, you know that. I… we have been so careful with our bloody relationship, hiding behind closed doors. And you come here, willing to put the public against us on a random Friday night.”
“It was for my brother.” Sirius said, trying to explain himself.
“I know, and I get it, I’m not saying it is bad, but you are okay with being seen as the bad boy, rule breaker in everything. You go and do stupid stuff that everyone and their mother will know about, except with our relationship. That’s why I am mad. And you also ditch us in a club without any advice.”
“I don’t want anyone to know, I don’t want everything to be ruined.” Sirius helplessly whispered, the same argument in the same conversation they have had a thousand times.
Sirius’ life had always been out for the public, even if it isn’t actually his and it was just a mirage. Remus has been this sacred, safe thing that had been only Sirius’. But Remus convinced himself it was because he was nothing Sirius’ was proud of, something that had to be hidden because he wasn’t enough for him, not because he was everything for him.
No matter how hard Sirius’ have tried, there was no changing his mind. Lie after lie, interview after interview, he knows Remus’ heart breaks each time they hide.
It wasn’t like it was a total secret, their friends knew. James, Peter, Lily and the girls, they all knew. Effie and Monty did too. Minnie probably suspected something. That’s as far as it goes. Because if the word goes out, they are doomed.
“You haven’t even told your brother.” Remus reproached, looking in Regulus’ direction who was asleep in a couple of rows in the front. The cabin was almost empty, it was only the four of them, just a couple of road crew but they made sure to keep quiet. Especially because Riddle, the PR guy, was somewhere in the front.
“We haven’t talked at all, he locked himself in Prongs’ room after the concert and this morning he didn’t come down to eat breakfast. Prongs had to take him some bloody food and see if he was still alive.” His frustration tainted his words, unable to talk to his brother or do something to change the situation with his boyfriend. He was tired. “I promise I will tell him as soon as I can.”
They both kept quiet for a few moments. There were many things they both wanted to say but couldn’t, not with everyone around. Remus went back to reading, Sirius went back to thinking.
“It feels like you never risk something for me.” Remus whispered, and it broke Sirius’ heart a little.
Because Remus has been this one thing he tried to protect, to keep away from the public eye, something just for himself. It was so selfish, but he feared it would be ruined the moment everyone got their hands on the news.
Nothing came out of his mouth, gaining a sight from Remus as he went back to his book. There was a lot he wanted to say, starting by justifying himself, trying to make Remus understand why it should be this way, but it wasn’t the first time it happened, he had tried to make him understand.
But it always came out as excuses.
Sirius was scared that deep down, maybe they were.
He let himself rest against the window, taking the rest of the flight as an escape for reality. Trying not to think about his brother, his family, the problems with his boyfriend, or Riddle and his PR stunts that just made everything worse.
“What’s with Moony?” James asked, as they walked out of the gate and into the airport.
“He’s mad at me, but it's just the same stuff as always, you know.” Sirius noticed Regulus walking a few steps behind them, focused on the tiles of the floor, headphones on.
If talking to his brother was easy all those years ago, why wouldn’t it be now? After all, it was for Remus; he deserved at least this act of truth in every lie they had been telling.
“Need to talk to Reg, mate.” James nodded as Sirius said, his pace going faster in order to put some distance between the brothers and him.
Sirius breathed in, then out before turning around, catching Regulus attention with it.
“How are you?” Sirius blurted out, as soon as the headphones came off. Not even a day had happened since the article came out. He hadn't read it — his brother asked him not to— but was sure Regulus did, and multiple times.
The eye bags covered patchy makeup and puffy eyes were a clear tell.
Regulus didn’t answer for a couple of steps, reaching where Sirius was just standing. “How do you think I am?”
“Yeah, dumb question, sorry.” He muttered, regretting trying to talk to him. It didn’t feel like his brother anymore. “Look, I know there is a lot going on, but I have to tell you something, very off topic but it’s-” His lips trembled a little, what if Regulus was just like his parents, like Albus? “about Remus.”
He breathed out, barely a whisper, looking towards his brother in order to search for any reaction. Nothing, just like any good Black Heir would react.
Now that he said it out loud, it seemed so insignificant. His brother didn’t seem to care about his life now, probably or worsened by the fact that he was struggling with leaving their house and with whatever they said in the article. His life was probably falling apart and Sirius is, what? Worried whether he knows about his boyfriend?
“I’m happy for you.” He said, without Sirius having to say a word. “I noticed how you look at him, how he looked at you last night at the concert. I just wasn’t sure if it was something.”
Sirius opened and closed his mouth a few times, confused. They weren’t obvious, were they? They would be in a lot of trouble if they were, Albus would have already freaked out and made Riddle find some girlfriend for one of them (Remus), and an affair for the other (Sirius).
“You are not that obvious.” Regulus said, like he just read his mind. The ghost of a smile lingered his lips, and for once since two nights ago, Sirius saw his little brother, the one he used to play all night with.
It hurt how much his brother knew him, inside and out, even after all these years. How bad he wanted to hug him and never let go. But he let go once, and now he doesn’t know how to be like that again.
“Thanks, Reg.” He smiled softly, and continued walking in silence, unsure if he should keep talking. “Can I ask you about the article?”
He knew about it, knew the backlash it was having on Regulus, and it has only been less 24 hours, soon enough they will also put Sirius into the spotlight. But for now, they didn’t know where Regulus is, and they hope to keep it quiet as long as they can.
He took some time to answer, his pace was slower, like something was weighing him down.
“Just Mother and Father being their usual selves, I supposed.” He sighted. “They are trying to protect the industry after all.”
“No, Regulus, you can’t be here defending-” Sirius started.
“Oh no, not at all. If they want me to be the villain, I will be the fucking villain. They are going down with me.”
Sirius was taken aback, looking at Regulus, who just a week a ago he took for just another piece under the influence of his parents. A naive child that couldn’t do wrong to his dear parents. And now he is planning to bring their parents down with a spite in his voice Sirius was surprised someone could ever hold.
He didn’t know what to say next, because he understood the urge to get revenge, but he had been too much of a coward to go against his parents all those years ago. He was just a child when he ran away, no fame or name on his own.
His brother was older but had no name on his own, barely an adult. He was Sirius Black’s brother and Orion and Walburga’s son, not Regulus. He knew it, and he was sure Regulus knew it deep down.
“Don’t worry too much about me, okay? I’ll be fine.” He said, before their ways parted. Riddle insisted on keeping Regulus’ stay with them a secret for as long as they could drag it. So they took him to another exit, a more private one.
To Sirius’ surprise the crowd was already outside, even in the middle of a work day, the exit was filled with people. He was used to it at this point, but it didn’t fail to amaze him a little every time it happened. The first few months were fun, feeling the fame, being on top, having paparazzi following his moves, new pictures of him everyday, but now, three years later, it was the most dreaded part of his job.
Security was trying to keep them away, opening some kind of path for them to cross and get to the van. The questions flew, microphones trying to make their way through the ocean of arms and bodies. Opinions on your parents statement on your brother?
“Do you know where he is right now?” Escaping from you through another exit, as I wish I were. Sirius thought, but this was good for their popularity, Riddle and Albus insisted, being constantly under scrutiny..
The muffled noise inside the van felt like a deep breath of fresh air.
“I swear it just gets worse every time.” Peter mumbled, looking out from the polarized windows.
“They weren’t after us today.” James said, and as the three of them looked his way, Sirius knew.
It was the first time they had been relatively alone after Regulus’ arrival, if it wasn’t for the driver, but it was about as much they could get before either his brother or one of the staff were present.
“I’m okay, I really am.”
It was a lie, Sirius knew it, and feared they could sense it too.
“We ain’t asking anything.” James answered.
“I know you are worried about Regulus and me and my family and how I’m dealing with everything but hey, I haven't even had time to think about it thanks to the tour.” Except for every-time the stage lights went off, or his stylist stopped talking, or during his shower after the stage, and late last night after Remus went to sleep. “So I’m great”
It wasn’t a lie if he wasn’t sure about it, was it?
Remus rolled his eyes, his face now facing the passing street.
“I talked with Regulus, actually, he is okay and that’s all that matters, I even told him about Remus and me.” He waited for a reaction, anything, when nothing came he kept talking. “I think I’m okay with everything that is happening, we are okay.”
Peter raised his eyebrows. Sirius started to explain.
“You know, maybe not with my brother being exposed by my parents and pursued by probably everyone but you know, having him back, kind of… What? Why are you laughing?”
“You are lying through your teeth right now, aren’t you?” Peter said, still chuckling along with James.
“Who do you think we are? You can’t lie to us, Pads, you are a terrible liar.” James said, softly punching him in the shoulder. “Right, Moony?”
“Course.” It’s all he said, but the soft smile let Sirius’ heart rest a little. They would be just fine, again.
“I’m not.” Sirius crossed his arms, looking at them.
“Whatever you say, Pinocchio.” Peter said, laying back on the front seat. “Thanks to your brother, James finally escaped being asked about Lils.”
“Do we have to bring her up in every conversation?”
“Leave my mate alone, it’s enough with singing about her every concert.” Sirius teased, his arm over James’ shoulders.
“And in the shower.” Peter teased back, James moving towards Remus to get rid of Sirius embrace.
“In the studio, too.”
“Shut up, could you?” He mumbled, embarrassed.
“For sure, loverboy.” Peter rolled his eyes, before easing into a different topic. Rome streets passed by them as Remus joined the conversations and Sirius finally felt like everything went back to normal, at least for a few minutes, before stumbling back whatever his life has become since that night in Paris.
Regulus was used to feeling like an intruder. Even before leaving home, he always felt like he wasn’t exactly welcomed, by his parents, by the staff, and later, even by his brother. In school, he was an outcast, quiet kid, not a popular boy with a lot of friends, not exactly a fit in. And now, at 19 almost 20, he felt like an intruder with his brother and his friends. It wasn’t like before, he wasn’t being left out, they try to include him in his activities, hence why he is cutting potatoes into small cubes in a loud kitchen, but rather felt like he didn’t belong there.
They all moved in sync, passing ingredients, cooking, cleaning behind their mess and then Sirius, who apparently was prohibited out of the kitchen.
“I just burnt something once.” He insisted, sitting on the countertop of the fancy apartment they were staying in.
“Yeah, and that something was the whole kitchen stove.” James countered.
“And you cut your finger that one time in LA.” Peter added, as he took Regulus freshly cut potatoes and put them into a bowl. “Couldn’t play for a month and Albus almost had our heads on a bloody pike.”
Regulus let himself chuckle over that, because that sounded exactly like Sirius, something really never changed. Like Sirius inability to be around the kitchen. He couldn’t manage to construct a decent sandwich when they were younger and stayed home alone.
“You could always help with cleaning.” Remus' smile was bright on his lips as he looked towards Sirius, something so homey between them that Regulus felt the urge to look away.
“Oh Moony, how lovely you are, of course not, my dear.” He winked at him as the others just rolled their eyes and continued on the task at hand. They could have easily just ordered food, but it seemed to be some kind of ritual. They cook their own meals and drink the first night in any country they are in, even if it means microwave noodles. Peter told him that it was the very first time they invited someone, that he should feel special, but he just felt like he was intruding.
The music was at least his distractor, old records playing through the speaker they found in the living room, and as the dinner was being cooked, drinks were served and Regulus found a spot in the windowsill of the kitchen, looking down towards the busy streets of Milan.
They got an apartment in the heart of the city, one that Regulus knew so well thanks to how deeply connected it was to fashion. The apartment was a two story accommodation, in a tall and old building, but probably cost more than Regulus even imagined. He could easily take a walk of less than ten minutes and be in the most important places of the city. He allowed himself to imagine living here, studying design in the Istituto Marangon or any fashion school he could get himself into..
Maybe someday He thought, the voices from the kitchen bringing him back to reality. He was a very untalented designer, with no art education and now no trust fund, living with his brother’s band.
Dinner felt almost as miserable, as the conversation flowed without him, inside jokes and anecdotes that he couldn’t take part in, or music discussion, which he understood even less. They were trying to give him ins in the conversation, but Regulus just wasn’t trying. He just wanted to get this over with to continue to sulk in his room, away from his brother and the public, and all the persons that were calling him a home-wrecker and even worse names, and specially of the guilty that had been drowning him.
He needed to escape reality, to be precise.
When they got up to bring more drinks, dinner alright finished, he found his way out. He tried hard to go as quietly as possible, and quickly, but he heard steps in his direction as soon as he put a foot in the stairs.
“Hey, Reg!” Peter called out, Regulus took some time looking at the stairs before turning around and looking at him. “We are going to drink and talk, not leaving yet, are you?”
He looked back at the stairs, a longing stare to finally being alone. But he didn’t want to be rude, they were giving him a place to stay, food and free travel. It was just an hour at most, he really didn’t want to be rude. “Sure, coming.”
He followed Peter back to the living room, where James was sitting on the floor near the table, pouring vodka into shot glasses, Sirius and Remus were sitting next to each other in the closest sofa, Peter found an empty space in the single sofa and Regulus decided that the floor was the best choice. If they were going to drink, at least he could drown his problems somehow. It was around the fifth round of shots that he decided to take the bottle from James’ hand, they all being busier in yet another conversation Regulus couldn’t get the hang of.
“Damn, didn’t take for a straight-out-the-bottle type of guy.” Remus pointed out, as he chugged from the bottle. Sirius’ head was resting on his shoulder, and they were half hugging, all over each other in ways that seem so natural to them now that they are open about it.
“My brother is an alcoholic.”/p>
“’M not, you’ll just be slow drinkers, aging really took a toll on all of you.” Regulus felt light-headed, just a bit dizzy and finally a little bit confident to stop worrying about feeling like trespasser in the room.
“We are just a year older, Reg.” James said, with an expression Regulus couldn’t quite understand, and a soft, almost tender tone that made it even more confusing.
“Still.” He insisted, with his brother suddenly chiming in to make clear that they weren’t old. But Regulus' attention was taken out of the conversation when Last Train to London started to play in the speakers.
“Where’s my phone? This one is boring-”
“Don’t you dare!” Regulus interrupted Sirius, who was moving to search for his phone.
“Keep it!” James almost jumped out, at the same time. They looked at each other, just for a couple of seconds but felt like longer in their drunk haze.
“You like ELO?” Regulus finally spoke
“Of course I like ELO, I’m not loony like Pads.” Regulus smiled. He knew it was a common band that probably only his brother dared to dislike, but it felt like finally having something in common with one of them.
“Favorite album?” He asked, ignoring the now on-going conversation between Peter, Remus and Sirius.
“Discovery is a masterpiece.” James said, after thinking about it for a few seconds. “Yours?”
“Out of the blue, clearly, Sweet Talkin’ Woman alone makes it the best album.”
“I had dreamed of performing Don’t Bring Me Down since I was five and mom played it on the stereo.”
Regulus was about to answer, probably something cheesy about old records he borrowed from the art class being the way he discovered Electric Light Orchestra, or how he became obsessed during his second year and it never fully left him. But Remus suddenly stood up, quite aggressively, and stormed out of the room, Sirius following him in a rush. James and Regulus turned to Peter, who looked just as confused as they did.
“Great, there goes another fight.” James sighted as he took the bottles and glasses, standing from the floor. “Let’s call it a night, lads.”
Sirius is again unsure of how he fucked up.
“What the hell, Rem?” He said, entering the room. The world was moving a little around him, even rejecting the last two rounds and sipping in the third, he hated being as lightweight as he was, especially in moments like this.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe you being so proud of being rumored to be sleeping around with half the music industry bothers me.” Remus fumed, taking off the jacket he was wearing and throwing it to the floor.
“What? I was taking the piss, you know that I’m not proud of any of that.” Sirius explained, confused at how sudden everything happened.
“Yeah, well, nice joke.”
They were used to those jokes, even Remus himself made them from time to time. It wasn’t like they could control it, it wasn’t Sirius’ fault. He felt horrible the first few things it happened, back when their career was just starting, three years ago, by now they were all used to the fake pr rumors and made up stuff that is constantly everywhere about Sirius. It was the image the label wanted to portray of him, so they just kept quiet and played along. Never once in the last three years have they fought over this.
“They are just rumors, Rem, they will be swept under a rug in a week and another one just as fake will replace it. Everything with me is like that.” Sirius insisted, hand on Remus’ shoulders whose back was facing him. He could hear a muffled sob and it broke his heart to cause this, for his image to be the problem.
“I don’t want to be just another rumor someone sweeps under a rug.” Remus said.
“We are endgame, Remus, of course you won’t be.” Sirius muttered, resting his chin on Remus’ shoulder. “I don’t want to hurt you with this, but I can’t control it.”
“Yes, you can.” He said, and Sirius kept quiet, unsure of what to say. Because he knew if he could just make their relationship public. But he couldn't, he was too scared to do it, to ruin the one good thing he got to keep. Remus took a step away from Sirius.
“I don’t want to just touch you knowing there would be rumors that someone else did too.” He turned around to see him. “I trust you… I really do, but I can't help but to feel bad if it isn’t just one time every couple of months, it’s every week. You have rumors all the time.”
It felt like a dagger in his heart, Remus knew how much he hated those rumors, how much he hated the image that the public had of him, how badly they pushed him into that role. And Remus was supposed to be different, be better than to believe them.
“You knew that, ever since everyone decided I should have a bloody bad boy persona, that it would be like this, Riddle decided it should be like this!” Sirius almost screamed, frustrated. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t, he wanted to believe it wasn’t. “I wanted none of that, and you agree to have us even with that.”
“We are not 19 anymore, Pads!” He screamed back, sitting on the edge of the bed while drying his tears. “I want to settle down eventually. I love your flaws, your insecurities, even this whole paranoia about us, and I respect it.” He took a deep breath, and Sirius prepared for the hit, for another hurtful comment full of spite. “I’m not playing around with us anymore and you know, if we want to settle down, we have to tell the public.”
He would have rather a hurtful, spiteful comment rather than this, and that’s all Remus asked of him, to be public about it, to tell everyone. And that’s the one thing that he had been struggling to give him.
“Why? It’s ours, it could be something private, nothing shiny just us, and James and Peter, even Regulus.”
“Of course I’d marry you in any way we could but even then, Albus would know, he would force us into some PR stunts, but if everyone knows he doesn’t get to do so.” Remus explained, Sirius understood.
“I don’t know if I can do it.” He closed his eyes. “I love you but it’s harder than what you think.”
“How can you say you love someone you can’t-” Remus started, but interrupted himself, a sight was all that followed. “It’s late and tomorrow is a long day, we should go to sleep.”
It was all he said before standing up into the bathroom, leaving Sirius alone, the air felt thick with loss and indecision, fear. By the time Sirius fell asleep, the thick air making it difficult to breathe, Remus wasn’t back.
Regulus hated whatever noise woke him up, and the annoying sunlight that peaked through the curtains. He also hated the headache that was utterly killing him and alcohol for giving it to him in the first place. Also himself, for drinking so intently, and Peter for insisting on him to stay. His parents too, for giving him a reason to drink in the first place, and if we are getting into family business, why not Sirius too?
He hated everyone and everything that made him wake up at such an ungodly hour in the morning with a hangover.
He groaned and rolled over a couple of times, moving the bed sheets trying to find a comfortable enough position. But it was pointless, so instead, he decided that it was time to search for coffee and any pill that could make him feel less miserable. The clock in the kitchen indicated barely past six in the morning, and the noise that he wasn’t the only early riser today.
Remus was standing there, still in pajamas, facing an almost empty refrigerator, and open empty pantries next to him.
“No coffee or food, mate, unless you want salad as breakfast.” He said when he noticed Regulus' presence, who just moved towards the stool and let his head fall into the countertop. “I was going out to buy some coffee, wanna come?”
Regulus cursed internally, but he needed something that calmed down the headache and terrible mood he was in. Even if it meant hanging out with his brother-in-law.
“Fine, I’m gonna go get change.” He didn’t wait for Regulus to answer, but it was in his tone that he was now entitled to make him go, for some strange reason.
It took it five minutes to be out on the streets of Milan, the sun marking the start of yet another hot summer day behind Regulus’ sunglasses.
“You too fought last night.” He surprised himself by saying, intruding more than he should.
“You heard us? Hell, I’m so sorry, that must have been awk-” Remus started, but Regulus was quick to interrupt.
“I didn’t, but I know Sirius can be stubborn and fighting with him is easier. And by the way you left yesterday…” He explained, it has been years, but from what he could tell, Sirius hasn't changed as much. Stubborn and hot-headed, unable to hear the people around him. And also, James comment explained a lot.
“He is amazing and I love him, but gosh he is unbearable sometimes.” Remus argued, breathing deeply as they walked. “The whole romance is not dead if you kept it just yours is killing me.”
Regulus knew what it felt to be a secret, how insecure you ended up being, the constant feeling of dying every time a lie covers up the whole affair. It hurt him seeing another person being a secret, even if the situation was totally different and he knew that his brother was nothing like him.
“Yeah, I know.” It’s all Regulus said, and a comfortable silence became part of their walk. His mind was somewhere else, probably a year ago trying to get out of his own secret, the one that now was public knowledge. He felt betrayed, by him, by his parents, by everyone involved. But most of it, he felt guilty.
He managed to get out of his thoughts as Remus ordered pastries and coffee for the four of them, waiting on Regulus to order for himself. A black coffee and a muffin was all he asked for, he wasn’t in the state of mind to try out any local food. He wanted something that felt like normal, not the out-of-his-control life he was living.
“I have been just a few times here in Italy, but never Milan.” Remus said, while they stepped out of the coffee shop.
“I love Milan, I dream of-” The sound of a camera shutter interrupted him, and he turned around to find a professional camera with a person across the street. His day could go better by any chance? “Move.”
He started to walk as fast as he could, hoping Remus would follow. He hoped that maybe they just took a picture of Remus, or Regulus, but not of the both of them. Together. In Italy buying pastries for more than just two persons. There it goes that where is Regulus black secrecy, now he will be very much back into the public eye.
“There is no point in running, they already have the picture, they know you are with us.” Remus took his wrist, stopping him a block after he started to rush away. He was right, there is no way they would only take the picture of one of them, especially being so clearly recognizable. He should have known better than to go outside so casually, some sunglasses wouldn’t hide his identity. He still snapped out of Remus' hand and continued to walk, annoyed, pissed, and with many more feelings he didn’t wish to unpack in the middle of the street.
The walk back to the apartment felt like the longest, most paranoiac walk he had ever done. He was constantly looking around to try and spot any person that could recognize them, a camera, anything, but for the whole walk it was just people in a rush and cars passing by. He was relieved when they got to the apartment, opening the door as quickly as he closed it after they were inside, unintentionally slamming it shut.
Everyone in the living room turned around to look at him, the three of them were up already, and Regulus wasn’t in the mood for explanation. He just took the bag of food and his coffee, walking towards the same stool he was in earlier this morning.
“They spotted us and got a picture.” Remus explained, as all of them came to the kitchen. For explanations or for food, but probably both.
“Why did you went-?” Peter started.
“Don’t.” James stopped him, and he had to be grateful, because Regulus wasn’t sure how he would have reacted if someone blamed him. “We can deal with it, we knew sooner or later they would know.”
“Yeah, but we were hoping it was later, not sooner.” Sirius seemed annoyed. He noticed the distance he took from the table after grabbing a coffee and a pastry, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the fight with Remus or because of Regulus.
They started bickering, about something that didn’t even concern them as much as him. Regulus was tired, tired of being scared, of hiding, bickering and not feeling in place. He wanted some control back, and he wanted for his parents to stop. He saw the comments in every post about the article. He was the bloody villain. The homewrecker spoiled brat, undeserving, untalented, careless and entitled. Apparently trying to escape an abusive household makes you all that and even more.
“I want to get back to them.” Regulus stated, interrupting the bickering and leaving the room silent. He didn’t even look at his reactions, he just stared at the black coffee that was slowly cooling.
“What?” Sirius was the first one to speak.
“To mother and father, I want to expose them for what they are.” He looked at his brother, who looked impressed, surprised mostly. “We are not the bad guys they make us out to be, Sirius.”
The surprise expression turned into fear, Sirius seemed to be thinking of every possible outcome, as he started to deny with his head.
“He is right, Pads, you've been avoiding this but look at the power they hold over you still.” James spoke, he was probably the right person to talk to Sirius about this, not him, so he let him. “They have been out of your life for years and they never got what they deserve for what they did to you… to both of you.”
“I need you to back me up when I tell you everything.” Regulus asked, no one will believe him. He knew he was no one of his own. “And I need for everyone to look at me, at us, in the meanwhile. I need to clear my name.”
“Are you still dating that bloke?” Peter asked, and Regulus felt confused. He hadn't seen Mulciber in a year, but he couldn’t stomach continuing to continue reading whatever his parents had made up about them.
“No, I haven't seen him in more than a year.”
“The article said otherwise.” Peter declared, and the headache suddenly became sharper, he was sure his heart skipped a beat.
“Any context?” Sirius said, and Regulus remembered he asked him not to read it, back in Paris. At least he could keep that one promise.
“The article talked about some affair Regulus had with a married man. He was 32, I think. It said his marriage ended, and apparently Regulus was still seeing him.” Sirius was looking at Regulus, but he was too scared to look back. He wasn’t proud of what he did, and he was sure his brother neither. “They also made Regulus sound like some entitled prat.”
“You mess with a married bloke?” Sirius's voice sounded disappointed, or that was what Regulus interpreted.
“I didn’t know he was married, okay? Not until months into it.”
“Months?”.
“I finished as soon as I knew, okay? I didn’t know. I was barely out of highschool and he was the only person Mother would let me hang out with because he was supposed to teach me about finances or something.” Regulus confessed, his voice breaking a little as he finally looked at his brother, who just sighted.
“Dating someone else would take their focus out of that situation.” James interjects, in an effort to stop the growing fight between the two brothers.
“I need someone that everyone will know about for it to work.” Regulus sighted. “And it’s not like I want to date someone right now.
“You can always fake-date someone.” Peter proposed.
“Where are you going to find someone famous willing to fake-date in something that gives them no benefit whatsoever and is only a PR disaster?” Remus intervened, exposing exactly Regulus ' thoughts. No one would want to date him, especially not now and not a famous person.
They looked around the room, between each other, and that just worried Regulus even more. They were scared to sink when suddenly all gazes were fixed in one single person.
James Potter.
Regulus looked at his brother, confused.
“Well, he is kind of the person everyone is drooling for.” Peter broke the silence. “Quite famous.”
“That would for sure catch everyone’s attention.” Remus mumbled.
James looked probably more confused than Regulus, who was trying to find one single disapproving look, someone with a better idea. But there probably wasn’t. James was loved by the public, the ideal boyfriend, he was probably a sensation everywhere he went. Even back in highschool, before being famous, it all gravitated towards James Potter.
They stared at each other, brown, deep eyes right into his soul. Regulus noticed a little star he had on his eyebrow, and how perfectly his eyes complemented his bronze skin, even if they weren’t a unique color, they looked specially on him. There was something about him so endearing that it even scared Regulus a bit.
He was attractive, people loved him, lead singer and all, and another nepotism baby. It would get his parents pissed off, the press interest and the public going wild. Probably exactly the person Regulus needed to cause an impression on the audiences.
He was still staring right at Regulus. But now he looked daring, not the sweet gaze he normally has, almost as if he was expecting for Regulus to back off, it felt challenging. “Fine, I’ll do it.”
It was probably the craziest thing he had ever done, but he needed to secure every camera on them. It was a terrible idea but lately his life has consisted of only those.
“Announce it at tonight's concert.” James smiled at the instruction and nodded. Regulus' mind was reminding him that there was more to this agreement than just this, that they should talk about. He had seen enough rom-coms to know they should always talk about limits. But he just couldn’t tear his eyes from James’ and bring himself to speak about it.
Peter cleared his throat. “But shouldn’t we talk to Riddle or Albus first?”
“Don’t act like you actually follow rules, Pete.” Remus said, finally taking the bag of pastries and handing them out, along with the coffees. “Enough evil planning for a morning, I need to eat and sleep or you search for a new drummer.”
Something felt off the rest of the day. Sirius and Remus weren't speaking, and they generally avoided each other even during lunch. James was nowhere to be found since breakfast so he hasn't had a chance to talk to him about limits. Peter and Regulus hang out until the rehearsal, talking about trivial stuff, and he was now sure that from all of them, he was the one he liked the most so far. He hasn't seen any of them since, he stayed back in the apartment for the rehearsal, not sure if he wanted to be spotted with them again and trying to deal with the fact that he will be in a fake relationship at some point during the concert.
The arena was sold out, he could see it from the barricade spot he and Minerva were in, along with some other guys from the staff and people Regulus didn’t know. They were supposed to come out in minutes, and you could tell by the energy that crowd was giving since the lights went out. It was Remus’ drums, still in total darkness, that gave an end to the expectations and an open for the screaming that filled the arena.
Sirius’ guitar and Peter’s bass soon accompany, a melody that felt familiar to him but couldn’t quite pinpoint from where he knew it.
“Everybody’s got their demons.” Lights came on along with James’ voice soothing and dreamy. It caused even more of a madness in the crowd, as the boys came into focus. James’ black fitted sleeveless t-shirt confirmed that it was a good choice to fake-dating him. He had been athletic all his life, but Regulus never once paid attention to how fit he actually was. Or maybe it was the lights on the stage making his skin glow.
Maybe those teenage girls simping over James were justified.
Maybe.
“Cause I’ve got a jet black heart.” James sang, and suddenly the melody made sense. It was one of the songs they used to play back in high school, one of the few they had at the time, and even the lyrics had the angsty teenager boy feeling. He found himself enjoying the concert way more than he would ever liked, as the setlist passed and his mind totally forgets what was supposed to happen during the concert.
“This concert is special, very special for me.” James talked, taking the mic from the stand. “Since it’s the first time my boyfriend is in one of my concerts.”
Regulus has been to concerts, he is used to the crowd screaming, being surprisingly loud. But any concert would have prepared him for the noise that suddenly emerged when James used the word “boyfriend”. He could hear people screaming questions, asking who, and James looked pleased with himself.
“I wrote this song for Regulus back when we were in high school.” He explained, now looking right at him, a smile on his lips. “And I was so committed to hiding it that I used some other name.”
He chuckled, looking more sincere than what Regulus expected. The whole story was more than what Regulus expected, he would have eaten it up if he didn’t know. Just like Minerva, who was confused looking between him and James.
The first strums from Sirius’ guitar gave everything Regulus needed to know.
Because it was the one song that everyone knew of them. The one that made them The Marauders.
Why that song, of all of the ones that they may have. Why the one song that made them who they are.
“Layla.” James sang, looking right at Regulus, who was sadly close enough to the stage that he could be spotted. “You got me on my knees.”