Blips
Sunlight streamed through the small window, the rays near blinding as Ash fluttered her eyes open. Her pillow had been discarded at some point during the night, and instead she woke with her face nuzzled against the side of Sebastian’s neck. Her body was pressed against his side as he slept on his back, his arm still wrapped underneath her waist. Their legs were tangled together, one of hers hiked up and over his legs as if she had been halfway between crawling onto his lap.
No nightmares. No, despite the late hour at which they finally fell asleep, she felt more rested than she had in weeks. The only other respite from her plaguing dreams was the night in which she almost died. Ash was no mathematician but there was only one common denominator.
She let her eyes roam across his face as he slept, the tension gone between his eyebrows. He looked untouched this way, as if the horrors he’d seen and dealt could not cross the threshold of sleep.
At least not last night. No, he had slept just as peaceful as she had.
She laid her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. This must be a dream, one of her good ones, because how else could she have ended up in his bed? His heartbeat was steady, a siren song if she had ever heard one.
She wanted to beat herself into oblivion for not letting herself go last night.
They had been alone, half-drunk, and half-naked for Merlin’s sake but once again her fear had taken the reins. What if he had pulled away? What if it ruined the fragile friendship they were slowly stitching back together?
What if he kissed her back?
Her heart begin to race at the thought. What would it feel like with him? Would his mouth seemingly engulf hers like Garreth? What would he taste of?
Sebastian shifted underneath her, and the hand holding her waist pulled her impossibly closer. Her eyes drifted across him, catching on the spattering of freckles across his shoulders. Her fingers reached out and she lightly began tracing patterns in the dots. An entire world of stars lay on his skin, and she was close enough now to feel their welcomed burn.
“You’re tickling me.”
His husky voice broke the silence, and her fingers stilled. She glanced upwards enough to catch his eyes and see their playful glint. A flush covered her cheeks and she sat up in the bed, his arm falling from around her waist.
Her fingers ran through her tangled hair as she murmured, “We better go.”
Sebastian sighed and pulled himself from the bed. His bare feet padded across the room and she watched with a touch of disappointment as he slipped his white button up back on.
She slid from the sheet and walked over to her pile of clothes. She turned her back to him before reach down and grabbing her pants. She pulled her trousers up her legs, and grabbed the hem of Sebastian’s oversized shirt. She slowly pulled the fabric over her head and dropped it to the ground. She heard Sebastian still his movements.
She should have asked him to turn around, but he’d seen her bare back once already. He’d seen plenty of women in different states of undress, so there was no harm.
It definitely wasn’t because she wanted him to see her in a state of undress. That would be absurd.
She imagined however that her scars looked more brutal in the daylight than the dimness of the Undercroft. She didn’t allow herself to dwell on that thought as she quickly grabbed her corset.
She had become an expert over the years of tying the laces herself. Her fingers, however, shook slightly. She didn’t know if it was becuase she could feel Sebastian’s stare burning into her back, but it seemed the most likely reason. She fumbled with the long laces, a whispered curse slipping from her lips. She heard the creak of the floorboards before Sebastian’s breath hit the back of her neck.
“Let me.” He murmured.
Her body stilled as his warm breath left goosebumps across her skin. She gave a quick nod, not trusting her voice to sound steady. Her hands moved to hold the front of the corset, covering herself, as his fingers deftly began lacing up the back.
His knuckles brushed against her scars as he worked, and it was enough to send a shudder through her. She kept her gaze locked on the wall in front of her, and her fingers clenched tightly around the boning.
“Where’d you learn to lace up a corset?”
He let out a soft chuckle, “I didn’t. But it’s the reverse of taking one off.”
Her face burned at his words and she pictured Imelda in her place, Sebastian’s deft fingers ripping through the laces before his hands found purchase on bare skin—
“There you go.”
He snapped her from her vicious thoughts and she felt his warmth depart from her back. She murmured her thanks before sliding her white blouse on, making quick work of the buttons.
She imagined her hair was a sight to see so she quickly ran her hands through the tangled strands as she followed Sebastian out of the room, snatching her wand from the nightstand as they went.
Her eyes lingered on the portraits as they exited his home, and part of her wondered if she’d ever set foot in it again. She drank in the details before the door shut behind her.
The morning sun did little to warm the cool air, the beginnings of fall pressing in more each day. She loved autumn. At the orphanage, autumn was one of the few seasons where she didn’t feel moments from death. Winter had always left her and the other children huddled together by the small fireplace in the foyer, teeth clattering as they prayed to make it through. Summer had left her nearly gasping for air some days, pressing her face against the cold stone floors just to try to cool down.
But autumn?
Autumn was magical, a first glimpse of magic before she even knew it existed. The leaves changing from beautiful greens to vibrant reds and oranges was said to be the work of God, but she had stopped believing in a creator the day her knuckles split on Jacob Hawsworth’s teeth.
Her eyes flickered to Sebastian as they walked from the house. He reminded her of autumn. Autumn was turbulent, ever-changing, a beautiful display of death that left you aching for more. The sun shown down on him, bathing him in a warm light that she always longed to stand in.
They crossed through the stone wall and Sebastian turned to face her. He stuck his hand out, “Try to focus on a singular thought, it’ll help with the sickness.”
She nodded and gingerly laced her fingers through his. He pulled her close, an arm wrapping around her waist, and she felt the sudden squeeze of blackness around her. She slammed her eyes shut as they were sucked into oblivion and spat out on the outskirts of Hogwarts.
Her legs felt like jelly but Sebastian’s grip on her kept her upright. Her stomach rolled and she clamped a hand over her mouth as the nausea rushed through her.
“Just breathe, it will pass.”
He murmured against her head. He was so calm for someone about to be covered in vomit. The thought of retching on him was enough for her to push down on the sickening feeling until she could remove the hand clasped over her mouth.
She let out a breath as the nausea faded. Sebastian let his hands drop and he gave her a smirk.
“Good girl.”
He turned on his heel and headed for the wooden bridge. Heat flooded her body at his words and she had to practically force her body into motion. She didn’t let herself dwell on it, on what those words would have sounded like in his bedroom last night—
“Arsehole.” She muttered under her breath as she followed him. Her feet led her closer to the wooden bridge, but as she walked she had the prickling sensation of being watched. Her eyes slowly looked around the perimeter, and found nothing.
The protective wards around Hogwarts zinged against their skin as they crossed through them, and she let out a breath of relief. As soon as she crossed the threshold, she faced back towards where they’d come. Her eyes scanned the tree line. Sebastian had stopped moving and turned back to face her.
“What’s wrong?”
He immediately stepped beside her, his eyes first falling on her face before he to began searching the area beyond the wards.
“I…don’t know,” she said, “it feels like we’re being watched.”
Sebastian tensed beside her before casting a long-range revelio.
Nothing. Not even a bird in the trees.
That was almost worse.
She forced herself to turn and continue walking down the bridge, though every shred of instinct was screaming not to turn her back to a predator. A remnant of an ancestors fear of the dark, and the thing that dwell there, that lingered on.
Sebastian kept pace beside her, though the tension in his body suggested he felt the same tug of preservation.
They exited the bridge and Sebastian wasted no time grabbing her hand and yanking her through the clock tower courtyard into the south wing. He ignored the few curious stares from students milling about on a Sunday morning as he pushed through the door and shut it behind them.
He didn’t drop her hand even when the tension left his body. She gave him a reassuring squeeze, the rough callouses on his palm brushing against her skin. From hours of dueling she deduced.
They didn’t say anything as they both turned and headed deeper into the castle.
They arrived outside of the transfiguration classroom, their clasped hands finally dropping back to their sides. There would be rumors, she knew. Word would spread like wildfire that the once best friends were close once more.
More than close, the rumors would say. And after Imelda had ensured everyone at school knew about her activities after the Slytherin party…
She shook the thought from her head. She had more pressing issues at hand than being considered the school whore.
Ash pushed the door open and entered the room. Sunlight streamed through the three large windows at the front of the classroom, the desk at the front notably empty. They headed to the small office door to their right and Ash knocked before she could change her mind about dragging professor Weasley into her mess.
“Professor?” She spoke softly.
Nothing but silence greeted them. Sebastian let out a huff and knocked harder, “Professor it’s urgent.”
There was no reply.
Sebastian muttered something under his breath before he cast alohamora. Ash’s eyes widened and she gripped his arm quickly, “Seb we can’t—“
“We need to speak with her. If she’s not here then we need to see if she’s indicated where she is gone off to.”
“Christ Sebastian she could just be in the lavatory!” She whisper yelled back.
He rolled his eyes as the lock clicked and he quickly pushed into the room. She ran her hands over her face before she followed him inside without another word.
Once inside Sebastian immediately headed for the large oak desk while Ash hung by the door, her eyes continually darting between him and the entrance to the classroom.
Her heart was pounding in her ears but…but she let a small smile tug at her lips. She glanced back at Sebastian as he shuffled through stacks of scrolls and paper on the professor’s desk. She’d missed this.
“You know, I’ve actually snuck into all the professor’s sleeping quarters.”
Sebastian raised an eyebrow at her words and a smirk tugged at his lips. His eyes scanned the scroll in his hands before discarding it and grabbing another, “Oh? Anything of note?”
Her smile grew, a lie rolling right off her tongue “Professor Sharp has pink silk bedsheets.”
A laugh bubbled from his lips and he looked over at her with amusement as he deftly slipped a piece of parchment into his pocket. “Makes sense. It’s always the ones you don’t expect isn’t it?” His eyes gleamed with knowing and a laugh slipped from her lips.
His smile grew at the sound and he quickly straightened the desk up before stalking towards her. “Come on, let’s get out of here before Mr. Moon finds us.”
They slipped from the office, a tap of his wand against the handle set the lock back into place. As they left the classroom, Ash turned to him. “Where has she gone off to?”
The smile fell and he pulled out the small piece of parchment from his pocket. “Ministry of Magic. She had some correspondence with Minister Osric, they called her away to discuss ‘blips’ across England.” He handed her the letter and she furrowed her brows.
“Blips?”
“It doesn’t elaborate. Professor Weasley will be gone for the next two weeks tracking these blips.”
Ash chewed her lower lip as she scanned the page herself. The magic began burning in her veins and she handed the letter back limply.
“Should we inform the Headmaster?” She said.
It wasn’t preferable. Honestly, it would most likely be a waste of time. Headmaster Black was haughty, air-headed, and filled to the brim with pureblood ideology. Not to mention he hated Gryffindors. She’d likely get detention for simply stepping foot in his office.
Sebastian sighed, “I doubt that would help. However he could offer insight, he’s a Black after all. He might have additional knowledge about the Azkaban break in.”
Ash nodded, her fingers twitching at her sides as the magic began to simmer under her skin. It had been a few days now since she’d lost control, she was due for a meltdown. Images of bloody mist, twisted corpses, Sebastian and Ominis slammed across the room—
Her eyes stared past Sebastian as she focused on her breathing and not the hellfire beginning to pour through her.
“Cendrillion?”
He stepped into her line of vision, his brown eyes scanning her face. “It’s happening again so soon?”
She felt herself nod though she was detaching from her body, sinking further and further into the burning pit inside of herself. A symphony of screaming and whispered pleas poured through her mind and she clenched her eyes shut with an audible whimper. Sebastian swore and grabbed her hand, pulling her along quickly. She tried to breathe—
One breath
Two breaths
Sebastian drug her along, his thumb brushing over the back of her hand as they went. She stumbled along behind him. The screaming grew and she heard the voices— Rookwood as she flayed his mind with the cruciatus curse, Jacob Hawsworth as she reduced him to a bloody pulp. Other voices pulsed through her and with horror she realized she didn’t know them at all. With the amount of blood on her hands, most of the screams sounded identical, the whispered words turning no loose stones in her memory—
They turned a sharp corner and Sebastian pulled her to the Undercroft entrance. He nearly slammed his wand against the clock face and tugged her inside.
The cold damp air licked at her skin as Sebastian continued to drag her until they stood in the middle of the room. He turned, dropping her hand in the process, and grabbed both sides of her face gently.
“Ash look at me, you need to let some of it out okay?”
She rapidly shook her head, the movement causing a lurch inside of her and she hissed at the magic trying to shove and claw its way out. A high pitched scream sounded in her mind and she cried out, pressing her hands against the sides of her head as if to block out the screams inside. She could barely think beyond the voices and the molten magic flowing through her— she didn’t know if the voices were of her own making or Isidora’s.
He pulled her closer, his chest brushing hers as he stared down, “Try. If you can release small amounts at a time, then your condition is manageable.”
She tried to yank herself from his hands as the heat seeped to the surface of her skin. Images of his blistered hands flashed through her mind. “No— I’ll hurt you again—“
His grip didn’t falter, “I’ll cast a shield charm around myself.” He rolled his eyes, his voice growing harder as he took in how close to exploding she truly was. “Stop fretting about me, I am not as breakable as you imagine.”
Break-ability was inconsequential when her magic could turn him to mist. That thought alone caused the flames to reach an inferno.
She tried to control her breathing, a rapid inhale and exhale as she gasped the words out, “No I need a distraction— I’ll destroy the entire room Sebastian— I need a distraction—“
His jaw clenched in frustration and he tightened his grip on her cheeks, though she knew the heat of her skin was beginning to become unbearable. “That’s not a permanent solution—“
“I know that.” She hissed, heat leaching from her mouth. Rookwood was screaming in her mind, screaming and screaming and she fought to get her words out. “I can’t practice here, the wards aren’t strong enough like the Room—“ she tried to suck in another breath, “I just need a distraction—“
Her eyes met his and she gave him a pleading look. Her body trembled in his grasp, each rolling wave of magic stronger than the last. His eyes flashed with some emotion she couldn’t read.
Sebastian’s right hand moved to the nape of her neck tangling in her hair and before she could scarcely breathe, his lips were on hers.