Lumos
Ron kept looking at Draco. He just couldn’t look away. Draco looked like he was about to pass out. He looked quite like how Luna had looked when it was Xenophilius’ trial. Well the situation was the same. It was Draco’s mother’s trial. Draco was wearing clothes that probably cost more than Ron’s whole house and yet he had never looked more piteous. He hadn’t bothered with his hair, which lay lank on his head, dirty and greasy. His eyes were big and frightened and fixed on Narcissa’s haughty figure in the middle of the room. Ron sighed. The fear on Luna’s face, though out of place, was expected and understandable. Yet the same look on Draco’s face looked… wrong. He didn’t get to worry about his mother. It made him more human and it was not what Ron wanted. He hated Draco and wanted to continue hating him. But looking at the sad and defeated boy who had just lost his father (to prison, a well deserved sentence according to Ron) and who might just lose his mother as well, Ron couldn’t muster any hate. He only felt a little repulsion and a fair bit of pity.
There were trials of all the Death Eaters and suspected Death Eaters and their supporters. The trio didn’t attend all of them but only the ones that needed them as witnesses. Most were very straight forward but then there were some like that of Snape. As much as Ron had hated him all through the school, he did believe that he deserved for the public to know all that he had done for Harry and the Wizarding community. If only he had been a little kinder, it wouldn’t have been so unbelievable. Maybe he played his part a little too well. Maybe he was just a prick while still a Harry gave his testimony and urged the Wizarding world to consider Severus Snape a hero.
But there were also cases like that of Mr. Lovegood. Ron was surprised to know that he had turned himself in as soon as he found out that Luna was safe. Luna had come to the Burrow a day before the trial. She looked quite unlike Luna that they knew. She was changed by the war just like everyone. She told the trio that they don’t need to be worried about her. When they testify in the court for her father, they should tell the truth. There were a lot of people whose kids and family members were taken away from them. Not all of them helped the dark side. She told them that she would accept whatever they chose to do.
They went to the trial and all three of them spoke about the day they were attacked in Luna’s house. Their testimony was damning. Mr. Lovegood definitely would have been incarcerated had it not been for their plea. They pleaded with the court to show mercy to the people who were trying to save their loved ones. Xenophilius fought as long as he could. Quibbler was the only publication that spoke fearlessly the longest. Xenophilius was punished for that. He shouldn’t be punished further by placing him in the same league as the very people he fought against. He wasn’t a Death Eater, he wasn’t even a supporter. He was a terrified father who took a drastic and desperate decision.
Well Harry pleaded in favour of Narcissa too. She lied to Voldy and gave Harry a fighting chance. Harry knew that it was not for their noble cause, but only because she wanted to find her son but she did what she did and Harry is alive because of her. And when the Golden Boy pleads in favour of you, everyone listens. Like Xenophilius, Narcissa too was sentenced not to prison but house arrest for a year.
While Luna had come running and hugged the trio and started crying, it was different scene with Draco. Draco approached the trio with his mother. Narcissa spoke first and only to Harry. She thanked him for his testimony. Harry was quite curt and told her that he was only doing the right thing something a lot of people choose not to do. Narcissa gave Harry a dirty look and walked away, leaving Draco with them. He stood stiffly in front of them, not looking at them, fidgeting and playing with his sleeve. When he hadn’t managed to speak for more than a minute, Ron snapped.
“Just thank us and get this over with Malfoy.”
Draco looked up at that and stopped fidgeting.
“Actually there was something else I wanted to say- not that I don’t want to thank you. I do,” he said in a quick ramble. He looked pained. Harry was giving Draco the same look Narcissa had just given him. Draco glanced at Harry and looking at his disgusted face, lost his nerve. Ron rolled his eyes and thumped Harry on the back.
“Stop with the look mate. Do you want to stand here with the mumbling ferret forever?”
Draco’s eyes flashed in Ron’s direction. Ron wanted to snort. If Draco was looking for a fight, Ron was more than ready for it. He might find him pathetic but it would still be cathartic for Ron to beat the shit out of him. But Draco looked away over Harry’s shoulder.
“I wanted to apologise,” Draco said with resolve. Ron was surprised as were Harry and Hermione.
“What?” Hermione asked unable to stop herself.
“I am sorry. For… everything.” He stood straighter as if making a point that he was not going to take his words back. They stood in stunned silence for sometime, the trio staring at Draco distrustfully and Draco not looking at any of them. Then Narcissa coughed from a distance and the silence was broken.
“Yeah… well. Ok,” Harry managed to say. Draco just nodded and left with his mother. The trio looked at each other in shock.
“Did Malfoy just…”
“...apologise?”
“Sounded like that, didn’t it?’
---
Hermione was in the orchard with her book. She was lying down trying to read, away from the various distracting muscles that made her hotter than the weather demanded. And yet here she was, lying in the shade with her book propped up over her face and she had yet to take a word of it in. All she could think about was the kiss. Of how he had looked nervous for a second before rushing in the room. How he had pulled her up like she weighed nothing. How his hands had felt rough but so strong against her skin. How when he had leaned down, he didn’t look nervous at all. How their lips met and a tiny gasp escaped her lips. He had pulled back. He looked a little panicked. That had made her panic too. He was going to start thinking all the wrong things. She wouldn’t let him. She had pulled him back. They kissed again. And again and again. She could still see him clearly. So close. All of his millions of freckles, the pale, almost transparent eyelashes, fluttering against hers…
The book fell on her face with a smack and a corner caught her chin. She rubbed the sore spot and swore loudly. She realised that she had been doing that, swearing, a lot more lately. Maybe it was Ron finally rubbing off on her. Well she wanted more of Ron to rub… Hermione felt her cheeks get warm, blushing at her train of thought.
Is that why she did so well in school, because she wasn’t snogging anyone? Everyone else was snogging someone, only she was pining for a certain- rather tragically unaware- someone. Just one kiss has made her brain turn into mush. A rather vulgar mush at that. If she had been snogging Ron at school, she would’ve been taking extra classes with Crabbe and Goyle.
She got up and went inside, feeling rather angry at Ron. When she saw him in the kitchen, stirring a pot but looking lost, she slammed the book down on the table with more force than is ever necessary for that simple action.
“What the fu.. Hermione!” Ron exclaimed as he jumped and the ladle flew out of his hand spattering the floor with stew.
“What?!”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Really?”
“You.. you.. I was the best student in our year,” she said in an accusing way.
Ron looked quite like how he did once in in Potions class when he was asked how properly clean Armadillo bile to remove impurities - alarmed.
“Yes.. you were. Umm.. isn’t that what you wanted? Given all the scores of books you had your nose shoved in all at once?” He asked as he cleaned the mess.
“Yes and… and no. That’s beside the point.. You.. You.. You should’ve..”
Ron looked at her suspiciously and walked to her putting a hand on her forehead.
“Are you feeling ok? Have you been out in the sun?”
He is peering at her in concern, bending down so that his face is right in front of her. She can count his freckles again. His lips are parted a little and Hermione gets an insane urge to bite them.
“I am not going to stay in Percy’s room anymore.” Ron looks more bewildered with every word that is coming out of her. He straightens up and rubs the back of his neck in the boyish way he used to.
“I just thought you would be more-”
“I don’t care. I am going to stay with you. In your room.” Hermione could clearly hear the note of challenge in her voice. She could see his ears turning red. He opens his mouth, she knows, to protest. But she wouldn’t let him.
“If its about Molly and Arthur and what they would think then we can come up with something. We were living in the same tent for the past few months. If you want we can tell them…”
She stops because she sees his face fall.
“I don’t think that they would care about that… right now,” Ron says in a would be offhand way. And then it strikes her. He was probably thinking about Fred, looking all lost, when she had barged in and spewed all sorts of nonsense at him, demanding things when he was already giving her everything she needed. Hot shame swept over her.
“I am sorry Ron. I am so stupid. I wasn’t thinking,” she couldn’t look at him. There was silence. She peeked at him and saw him take a deep breath and shake his head. She was surprised when he smiled and took her hand in his.
“I’ll bring your stuff up or maybe only some of your stuff. My room really isn’t big enough for even half of your library. What else?”
“What else?” Hermione repeated.
“What else do you want?”
Hermione looked at Ron’s face. The face, that she always felt belonged to her, looking so sincere that she felt like crying. She shook her head and looked away, feeling a lump form in her throat.
“I am going to warn you, the room still smells a little like the bloody ghoul who by the way, had very very reluctantly, after much begging and groveling, moved back to the attic.” He was trying to cheer her up. He was trying to cheer her up. Well that is what he did, didn’t he? Cheer her up, make her laugh, take care of her, when he was not infuriating her, that is.
“Well you are in luck Ron Weasley cause I know just the spell for it.” The smile that burst on Ron’s face was brighter than the sunlight streaming through the window. The smile that he smiled only for her.
---
When Ron entered his room that night, an attempt was made at his assassination. He was tripped up by an orange fur-demon and nearly broke his neck on his way down.
“Crookshanks!” Hermione cried as struggled to get out of the lumpy bed to help Ron up. Crookshanks, meanwhile, showed no signs of remorse and demonstrated that by hissing at Ron. Ron managed to get up by himself, so Hermione picked up Crookshanks and tried to put up a good act of admonishing the vengeful creature while trying to fight her own smile.
“Crookshanks stop hissing. What is wrong with you?” Ron saw Hermione’s smile just as she turned away from him. Hermione’s shoulders were shaking and it was clear she was laughing.
“I noticed that you called out for the cat and not me when it tried to kill me,” Ron glared at Hermione’s back.
“He didn’t try to kill you Ron. Stop being dramatic,” Hermione said as she put Crookshanks out of the room and shut door. She looked nervous.
“Umm I tried to do it myself but…” She held up right hand to show the slight tremor that passed through it.
“Do what?”
“Expand the bed. I mean it wouldn’t fit the two of us, would it? “ She was blushing.
“You know you can take the bed. I can..”
“If you tell me you are going to sleep in the fucking chair still, I am going to move to St. Mungo’s myself,” Hermione threatened, walking towards him slowly. “And no. That’s not a good thing Ron.”
Ron was sure that he could sometimes actually see the sparks fly out of her hair when she got angry like this. He held up his hands in surrender and enlarged the bed quickly. Hermione watched with folded arms and as soon as he was done, she marched to the bed and laid down. She looked at him and raised her eyebrow questioningly.
Ron felt his face burn. They were in his room. She was in his bed. He was going to be in the same bed. There were his boxers on the chair. They were going to be in his bed together. His boxers. On the chair. Ron did a double take and quickly picked up the boxers and threw it randomly in one of his dresser’s drawers.
“So umm…” Ron was getting hotter by the second. Hermione sat up.
“Ron I have seen your underpants before…”
“What?! Whe..”
“I have been carrying them with me for the past few months. Remember? We have lived with each other already. Why are you getting nervous?”
Ron relaxed and got in the bed facing her.
“Am not. You are,” Ron mumbled with a smile.
“Real mature,” she said as laid down again, finally smiling.
Ron turned off the light but his room was never completely dark. A little shaft of moonlight peeked in through the gap in the curtains. It fell across Hermione and he could see her face. Ron could feel his heart beating in a frenzied tattoo. He was sure Hermione could hear it.
“You have gotten so tan,” Ron said in a light whisper.
“And you have gotten even more freckly, she whispered too as she put a hand on his cheek and ran her thumb over his many freckles. “How am I ever going to count them all?”
“And that’s something you want to do?”
“It’s the greatest mission of my life,” she nodded seriously.
“How about I tell you now and you can find another mission? Something less stupid.”
Hermione snorted and then got serious again.
“You wouldn’t know,” she said skeptically.
“I do too. If you open the cupboard, you can see the tally I have scratched at the back, counting all my freckles over the years. I started as soon as I learned how to hold a quill,” Ron said in a matter of fact voice. Hermione started laughing. “What? You think I am lying. Go ahead, look for yourself. It got tougher as I grew up especially when I had to go to Hogwarts. I had to count all the new ones and remember them. I had to keep repeating them so I wouldn’t forget. So whenever I came back from school, I would run up here and updated the tally. It was the first thing I did always, lest I forget,” Ron finished trying to be serious but it was hard as Hermione was laughing too much, clutching her stomach.
“You are such an idiot, stop it” she said finally composing herself. “And even if it was true, which it isn’t Ron- I am not going to check your cupboard, I know. Even if that was true, where would be the fun in that?”
“Trust me Hermione, you counting my freckles is not going to be fun. For either of us,” Ron said as Hermione started laughing again.
“You are an idiot.”
“Ah! Just what a bloke wants to hear after confessing his deepest, darkest secret with his girlfriend, to be called an idiot,” Ron said wistfully. Hermione stopped laughing. She looked at him with big, shocked eyes.
“Is that what I am? Your girlfriend?” Hermione asked in a whisper. Ron hadn’t thought before saying that. But he did think of her like that. Didn’t she?
“Ermm.. Yes. If you want to be, that is,” Ron was feeling warm again. What would he do if she said she didn’t want to be?
“I want to be your girlfriend,” Hermione said and even through the darkness, he could see her blush. She rarely looked this shy and Ron couldn’t help but feel proud that he could make her feel like this. One part of Ron wanted to tease her and make her blush even more. That would be fun. But the other part wanted to take her in his arms and hug her so tight that she would forget being shy around him. He listened to the second part but couldn’t muster up the courage to pull her into him.
“That’s sorted then. You are my girlfriend,” Ron said and took her hand.
“And you are my boyfriend. My boyfriend with a million freckles.” Ron snorted.
“You are way off, not even close.”
Ron didn’t know who moved first or who kissed whom this time. He just knew Hermione’s lips were on his and she was in his arms. If this is what she meant by counting his freckles, Ron realised, he didn’t mind at all.
---
Ron woke up. He had heard her voice. Hermione’s. She had been getting better and sometimes even managed to sleep through the night. Tonight was not one of those nights. He opened his eyes to see Hermione sitting at the edge of the bed, mumbling to herself. It didn’t sound like she was crying. Ron opened his mouth to call out to her but then he heard her.
“Lumos,” Hermione whispered. She waved her wand. The tip glowed a little but then flickered out. Her hand was shaking too much. Ron expected her to swear angrily but Hermione slumped forward. She looked defeated. Ron sat up.
“Oh sorry. I woke you up. It’s just..”
“I know,” Ron said as he sat himself behind her. His long legs bracketing her on either side. He holds her wand hand to steady it.
“Try again.”
“Lumos,” she said clearly. The tip glowed. Her hand trembled in his but he held it tight. The light flickered for a second but then got brighter. Hermione’s face was illuminated in the wand light and he could see the joy on her face with finally being able to do some magic. Her smile lighting her face more than the wand light.
Ron realised with a jolt that he couldn’t be any more in love with her than right now. It isn’t possible. He feels as if his heart would burst as she waves her wand like a sparkler in the air. The letters R, O and N hung in in the air in front of their faces.
“I love you,” Ron said without thinking. He wondered why he hadn’t said it before. Why he didn’t tell her every day. If there is anything that is true about him is that he is in love with Hermione. He has been for a long time. Maybe even forever. It is something he can be proud of. That he is in love with the most amazing person in the whole world.
He can still see the letters of his name branded in the back of his head even when after they have long disappeared. And maybe she loves him back too. Hermione had gone extremely still.
“Ron?” Hermione asked slowly.
“Yeah?”
“Did you just say..”
“I love you. I do Hermione. I love you,” Ron said with surety that he had not felt recently.
Hermione turned around. Her hair whipping his face. He didn’t mind. He was also in love with her hair. He was actually in love with everything that was Hermione Granger.
“I love you too Ron,” she said breathlessly. Ron looked at her big eyes searching for a lie but he couldn’t find any. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap. Hermione wound her arms around his neck and kissed him.
They kissed for a long time, hands pulling each other closer, hearts beating in tandem. They fell in the bed, still tangled with each other. Ron was happy as happy as he could get. How did he get so lucky?
Then it hit him. He shouldn’t be happy. How could he when just a few feet away, his mother was probably crying in his father’s arms. When Gearge’s haunted face existed without its twin. When… when…
And Ron was crying. Hot tears were pouring out of his eyes falling on Hermione’s face.
“Ro.. Ron?” Hermione’s worried voice reached him. He pulled back, away from her. He put his face in his hands, unable to stem the flow of his tears. His body was racking with sobs. He felt Hermione’s hand on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his head in her stomach and sobbed like a child.
“He’s gone Hermione. He.. he’s just gone.. and I am h.. here..”
The weight of everything fell on Ron all at once.
Hermione’s small hands were running smooth circles on his back.
“I am so sorr…” Hermione’s voice broke. Ron could feel her body shake under him. Ron looked up and saw that Hermione was crying too and she was clutching her chest. Ron sat up. He wiped his eyes and saw that Hermione was drawing short breaths. Her fingers were looking rigid.
“Shit. Hermione?” Ron quickly took her hands in his and rubbed them. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have,” he said as he looked around for her potions. They were not here.
“I am.. I am fine..”
“Where are your potions?” Ron asked urgently getting off the bed. Hermione pointed at the door.
“Percy,” she managed to mutter.
“Fuck,” Ron said as he ran out of the room and rushed to Percy’s room. The potions were sitting on the bedside table. He scooped them up and ran back.
When he came back, Hermione was curled into herself. He quickly tipped her potions in her mouth and her muscles relaxed. She managed to unwound herself and her breaths evened out. Ron slumped down next to her. He took her hand in his and rubbed it.
“Better?” Hermione nodded. “I am sorry.”
“No I am sorry Ron. Please don’t…”
“Shhh. Just sleep,” Ron pulled the cover over her.
“Ron…”
“I am fine. It won’t happen again,” Ron said. There was still an apology in his voice.
“No Ron. You can talk to..” Hermione’s voice died down as her eyes drooped. She struggled to keep them open but the potions were taking effect.
“Ron…” Hermione fell asleep. Ron looked at Hermione’s drained face that still looked troubled. Ron tried to smooth out the frown on her forehead.
Ron wanted to run away from her. To keep her safe from him. He couldn’t even tell her that he loved her without totally falling apart. She didn’t deserve this. He can’t see her like this. Something had vanished. Something that had made everything hopeful, the light that kept them all warm had extinguished. The world had lost its innocence and Ron didn’t know how it could be brought back. Maybe slowly, over time things would get better. They had to. This sinking feeling that he permanently seemed to carry now would one day be gone. Right?
Till then he needed to keep his tears to himself.