Rest
Hermione has never been this frustrated in her life and yes it included the camp trip from hell. Even if she was constantly on edge and prepared to be attacked any second during the Horcrux hunt, she was able to hold her wand and knew she could at least put up a fight. Now she wasn’t sure. Her hand shook most of the time, there was a constant dull ache in the centre of her chest and she felt fatigued all the time. The potions were helping. Her shaking was getting better but she was still unable to hold anything. She was using her left hand but it just wasn’t the same. She had become clumsy, needing assistance with the simplest of tasks and it made her feel useless.
She was frustrated also because there was so much to do and she wasn’t doing anything. The wizarding world needed every hand that can be spared. There was so much to be repaired, to be rebuilt.
Professor McGonagall overlooked the restoration of Hogwarts. The professors and the students, ex and current, were helping out. Well almost all except those who were not still recovering from the injuries from the war. It was a big task, the school was all but destroyed.
Hermione didn’t know why she insisted on coming to Hogwarts everyday. It wasn’t like she was helping out in anyway but as useless as she thought she was there, she just couldn’t not come. She would sit in a room with a book, while others repaired the castle. She tried to keep out of the way; generally just sitting wherever Ron, Harry or Ginny were working. She knew they didn’t want her to come here. Her nightmares had not subsided and after the battle Hogwarts had become a source for a lot of bad memories for everyone. But Hermione wasn’t going to let the battle pollute what she felt for this place. This place was home to her. The first place where she felt like she belonged. The place where she met her best friends. The place where she met Ron. Another reason for coming out here everyday was that she was scared that she was going to become agoraphobic.
The first time she had gone out after the battle was when Kingsley had addressed the public. He wanted the trio, mostly Harry, to stand beside him. He even asked Harry to say something but Harry declined.
For Hermione it was a harrowing experience. Leaving Burrow was in itself quite a daunting task for her, add on all the reporters, the flashes of the cameras, the questions. Hermione was surprised to see how composed Harry was. He didn’t get flustered or angry. It felt like he was finally at peace. Hermione knew he was hurting about all the people they’ve all lost but he looked calm. Well the target was off his back for the first time in his life and he must feel the loss of the burden he was carrying for so long. He was on his way to healing and moving on. Hermione couldn’t say the same for herself. As soon as the briefing started, Hermione’s hand started trembling and she could feel her breathe stalling inside her chest. A deep gloom started creeping in. She could see just how much the whole world had suffered, how much damage it had taken, and just how much was to be done to fix it. She could feel the hopelessness grabbing her from all sides. For a second she thought if there were dementors around. She just wanted to be back in the Burrow, tucked in her bed and away from any complications and questions. She would have collapsed or thrown up had it not been Ron’s hand that grabbed her shaking one in that moment. He held her hand for the rest of Harry’s speech. She didn’t know if he did for her or for his sake. He had smiled at her encouragingly but the smile looked forced. While Harry looked free, Ron looked the opposite.
That is what Hermione saw everyday. Ron just wasn’t himself. She would watch him all day, at Hogwarts, at home, in her room in the night when he would finally fall asleep. He never looked at peace. He would smile and talk to people but something inherently Ron, was missing.
Hermione didn’t know exactly when she fell for Ron or why. She remembers the first time she looked at him differently was in the second year. After she was revived, she was told of all the things the her boys had been through and she could not just believe that Ron went and faced the Acromantulas, willingly. She had seen how he reacted to the small house spiders in the castle and to imagine that Ron would go and do what was needed despite it meaning that he had to face his worst fear just made her feel something she hadn’t felt for him, or any boy for that matter (maybe Lockhart but that’s beside the point), before. That must have been where everything started.
For the why, Hermione had many reasons. Ron was brave, he was funny, loyal, he was always looking out for her and he had the most amazing forearms.
As Hermione sat in the classroom, watching Ron clear the debris with his wand, she couldn’t help but stare at his forearms. All three of them lost a lot of weight over the last few months but Ron’s forearms managed to persevere and Hermione was quite grateful for that.
That was what Hermione was doing most days she was at Hogwarts. She would try and read while others worked but her mind would keep getting distracted by Ron and he gorgeous forearms. And now that it was proper hot, he had started rolling his sleeves up and Hermione just couldn’t not stare at him. She would sometimes catch him frowning at her and the book she was reading (or trying to read as reading and checking out Ron were mutually exclusive tasks and she was definitely favoring one over the other) and she would have to look away quickly. She didn’t know what was happening with Ron and her herself and where they stood in terms of their relationship.
Since she had come to Burrow, Hermione has never been alone through the night. Ron would come into the her room and sit next to her bed as she slept. She would wake up and find him dozing off in a chair. He would spring to his feet if she made the slightest movement and start fussing over her. Even while he was asleep, he would be clutching his wand in his hand.
Hermione could see Ron was doing too much. He would wake up before her. He would then prepare breakfast. He would try to get his parents to eat some. Then he would go to Hogwarts and help with the repairs or to the Ministry for trials. He would come back and then spend all his time just cleaning around, doing random chores, make dinner and then go and check on Percy and George. He would come back and then sleep on the chair next to Hermione.
Hermione was with him for most of these tasks but she tired easily and Ron would make a fuss bigger than Grawp if she even took a breath deeper than normal. He would force her to take her potions and sleep.
“Rest Hermione. You need to rest,” had become his mantra that he would tell her fifty times a day. Any other time she would have loved all the attention and the fussing but now it felt like a statement of her ineptitude. She couldn’t even handle de-gnoming the garden. The day she tried helping Ron out with the garden, they had the biggest row since the war. She had fallen to her knees and had lost her breath in record time of five minutes. Even the gnomes had gathered around to laugh at her pathetic attempt. Ron had all but carried her back to her room.
“I’m alright Ron. Or I will be in a second,” she said as she laid down. Crookshanks (who was at the Burrow all through the war) had taken up with Hermione in her room since she came back. The cat came and laid down over her stomach, purring and comforting Hermione.
“Crookshanks shoo... Go away!” Ron had snarled at Crookshanks. Hermione could sense that the snarling was not for the cat though.
“Don’t shoo him Ron!”
“That can’t be comfortable,” Ron said gesturing at Crookshanks grooming his paws on her stomach.
“It is. He knows what he is doing,” Hermione replied, fondly scratching Crookshanks head.
“Do you?”
“Do I what?
“Know what you are doing?” He looked at her defiantly. The look that Hermione knew too well. The look that preceded their rows. It was either this one or the exasperated one. There were many looks that Ron had and Hermione liked to believe that she loved all of them but in this moment she hated it.
“Let’s see. I am lying in my bed, with my cat on my lap, you yelling at the cat but making it abundantly clear that the yelling is not for the cat. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m waiting when you will get round to it and start yelling at me.” Hermione said in a single breathe. She was doing her best to hide that even this had made her breathless. She kept waiting for a smile but his defiant face turned into the exasperated one which wasn’t any better.
“Why are you making this so difficult Hermione. You know you shouldn’t be here. You need to go to…”
“You want me to leave?” Hermione asked in a hurt voice.
“Wha.. What? No! I meant you should stay at Mungo’s. That’s what the healer said, didn’t he?”
“Please Ron. Don’t use the healer as an excuse. Just say what you want to say,” Hermione said angrily as she sat up, dislodging Crookshanks who definitely took offense at the movement. She knew that she was being unnecessary cruel. She knew Ron would never throw her out of his house but he had been so morose lately. She just wanted to get a rise out of him; to see him get red in the face, to see that he was still alive. It seemed like it was working too. Blood was rushing to his face. His ears were very red. She knew if she touched them they would be hot.
“What?! You think.. What do you think I want? Go on tell me,” Ron exclaimed while walking towards her.
Hermione gulped. She knew her argument didn’t have any legs but backing down wasn’t something Hermione knew how.
“I heard what you said to Harry the other day.”
Ron looked confused.
“You know what I am talking about. He asked you if we are.. together and you said.. you said, ‘Have you looked at her?’”, Hermione finished in a small voice. She had heard Ron and Harry talking in the kitchen a few days ago. She knew there must have been more to that conversation but she wanted to feel bad so she clung to his words.
Ron stared at her with his mouth agape.
“You.. you are so stupid,” Ron said after a minute of staring at her.
Angry tears sprung in Hermione’s eyes.
“You’re calling me stupid?”
“Yes. You are the smartest, most insanely clever person I know but that doesn’t mean you are not stupid.”
“Really? So is it stupid of me to think that you are not interested in me when you won’t touch me at all unless I am screaming or crying? That you would put me up here in this room when you let Harry and Ginny can shack up together?”
“I said that to Harry because you are not well, you are hurt and I don’t want to stress you out. I can’t ask you to.. to start something when everything is so messed up. When you are hurting so much. And don’t try to deny it,” Ron was getting worked up. “You sit with your book everyday and you haven’t even made a dent in it. I have seen you finish two books in a day on top of homework and now you can’t even go through more than a few pages a day so don’t tell me you are fine.”
“Oh my god. I can’t finish my book because I am always distracted by you and your bloody forearms! I can’t read my book because I keep wondering what it would take for you to kiss me and whether I had been stupid to think that you liked me back!”
She was panting.
“You kissed me back. It wasn’t just me throwing myself on you. You kissed me back,” Hermione said, sitting down on the bed, taking long big breaths.
Ron came and sat in front of her, kneeling on the floor.
“You really are so stupid Hermione. I think the only people who couldn’t see what I felt for you were you and me. I have been a tosser for so long, I just can’t believe that you would be willing to have me. I keep thinking you will tell me you made a mistake so I…”
Hermione took his face in her hands.
“It was not a mistake. This is not a mistake Ron. I like you. I think I have always liked you.”
Ron put a hand on her hand. Hermione could feel the heat move from her hand to her chest.. he was moving towards her. He was going to kiss her. Hermione’s heart beating hard against her chest.
“Hermione have you seen Ron?” It was Harry. Of course it was Harry. Harry who was there during their first kiss. Harry who would now not let them have another one. Ron stood up. Hermione’s hands fell to her sides.
Harry at least had the sense to look ashamed.
“Oh sorry. I was just looking for… You know what I am not sorry,” he said as he moved in. “Remember how you barged in when Ginny and I were in her room last year on my birthday?”
“Fuck you Harry,” Hermione heard herself say and both the boys turned to look at her in amazement. Hermione felt herself turn red. The boys were smiling and she could feel Harry was about to make a remark. She quickly lay down on the bed and turned her back to them.
“I need to rest.”
“Sure, rest. That’s what you were doing before I came in, right?” Harry was laughing.
“Shut up mate,” Ron said and Hermione heard them walk out, shutting the door behind them. She could hear Harry laughing all the way down. But then the door opened.
Hermione turned. It was Ron.
“Umm.. Are you alright?”
Hermione nodded.
“So I’ll see you?”
“Uh huh.”
Ron was fidgeting with the doorknob. He moved out and was pulling the door shut when he stopped and then rushed to the bed. In one moment he pulled her up and kissed her. Hermione was stunned and before she could think anything, Ron was pulling away. Hermione panicked and quickly wrapped her hands around his shoulders and pulled him back.
When they finally broke, Hermione was quite breathless.
“You need to..”
“Rest.”
Ron smiled and got up to leave. He was looking at his hand, curiously. He opened and closed his fist a few times.
“Forearms?”
The look on Ron’s face was one Hermione had not seen before. But she realised immediately that this one was her favourite.