Like Gold

Ernie Macmillan had two truths he couldn’t deny: that he loved James Butler more than anything and that James was gone and would never come back. He didn’t try and count all the tears he cried since he realised James wasn’t breathing after he pulled him out of the rubble in the midst of the Battle of Hogwarts. After that, everything felt like a grey blur. Even after Harry Potter had defeated Voldemort, he didn’t want to celebrate because the boy he wanted to celebrate with laid motionlessly on the floor of the Great Hall. Therefore, Ernie didn’t celebrate as the others had done. But he didn’t see the point if James wasn’t there to celebrate it with him. So, he sat with his boyfriend for as long as he was allowed before McGonagall convinced himself and James’s best friends Hannah, Neville, and Clary to let him go.

So, with a heavy heart, he kissed James for the last time on his cold lips; this action didn’t console him. It killed him on the inside. All the passion, the love, and devotion were gone; James didn’t kiss him back because he was dead. And knowing that kiss would be their last, Ernie felt himself falling apart again. He pulled himself off the floor, taking one last look at his boyfriend before walking away; he could feel a sob coming up and into his throat for the second time. Hannah then came running towards him and led him towards the wall, where he slumped against it; he began to heave. He remembered thinking he couldn’t breathe as thick weeps wracked his body. Hannah held back her own grief.

“Just breathe, Ernie.” She soothed as she smoothed his hair. “I’ve got you alright…”

As much as he tried to draw breath, Ernie physically couldn’t. How could he have him one moment and the next be expected to live without him? He wished James was holding him, hell he wished he was holding James right at this very moment because finally, after a year of hell, they had finally made it through, but instead, he had lost him forever. Ernie finally managed to breathe, but the oxygen and Hannah’s encouraging words didn’t feel much better; he felt insanely exhausted, yet because of the incredible pain in his chest, he knew he wouldn’t be able to rest.

Then Professor Sprout came, and his mum and dad were there too. “Oh, my dear, we’ve come to take you home, alright.” His mother whispered; he nodded as he shifted his weight from Hannah onto his mother’s arms. “Can you stand?” she asked, but he shook his head as another weep escaped his throat. Without much warning, he was lifted into his dad’s arms. Without much thought, he bawled his fist in his dad’s shirt and continued to cry on his shoulder,

Before he knew it his father had taken him away from Hogwarts, away from the place where he had lost everything in about 24 hours, the place where he had watched his boyfriend and friends get tortured by Snape and the Carrows for months on end back to his childhood home of Lancaster.

Before he went to Hogwarts, Ernie spent all year in Lancaster, he made friends with many of his neighbours, and they used to ride their bikes around the terraced street and play around the local parks; however, now all the friends he once had seemed to have forgotten about him. They had moved on to college and soon would be moving to university if that’s what they decided to do. Therefore, while at home, when Hogwarts wasn’t in session, Ernie would constantly write to friends, study, enjoy long walks, or visit his grandparents in Borrowdale. That was before he met James.

Technically he met him in their first year of Hogwarts, but they got really close when they first became prefects. It started on their first fifth-year patrol; so far, Ernie had only been on a Patrol with Draco Malfoy, who it was fair to say didn’t really care about his prefect duties. All he cared about was flaunting his own power to other people; one such evening they caught Crabbe and Goyle walking around the corridors at night with their arms full of snacks they had got in the kitchens. Ernie had done something like that several times; however, if he got caught, he knew he’d have to take the consequences of his actions. However, Draco Malfoy let them off without anything. Ernie went to tell Professor Sprout, who indeed went to speak to Snape; however, Snape refused to punish Crabbe and Goyle and instead accused Ernie of lying. Therefore, Ernie hated going on patrol with Malfoy but loved going on Patrol with James because he took his responsibilities seriously and cared about doing his job. As they agreed on basic stuff, Ernie felt more relaxed during his duties, and so they really got to know each other; initially, Ernie just saw James as a friend, but soon he began to get more and more enthralled by the boy, by the summer term he was head over heels for him.

It was impossible not to be drawn in by his smile, dirty blonde hair, and green eyes; he was the definition of captivating and anybody who got to know him knew how kind he was. He was also incredible at anything he applied himself to and was wise. Ernie thought he was perfect. And now he was gone.

He remembered his dad gently setting him down on his bed and his mother tucking him in like he was a kid again. “Do you want to get some rest, sweetie…” his mum asked as she stroked his head. Ernie could feel he was tired, but he doubted he would be able to fall asleep. Then, she pulled out a purple potion; it was a dreamless sleep solution. It really did work; he had one before and remembered it being goodnight's sleep. He knew sleep would be the only way to escape his current horrid reality; therefore, Ernie took the potion and sipped it fairly quickly.

After that, he could feel himself sinking into the pillows, closing his eyes, and drawing a last breath before he fell into a blissful sleep.

***
No dreams broke his serenity; he just felt like he was wrapped in a cocoon of safety and warmth that he hadn’t felt in a long while, so when he first woke up, he didn’t feel as though anything was amiss.

“My poor baby…and his parents I-I can’t imagine what they’re going through right now…” he heard his mum cry. Then all the memories and feelings from the previous day came back to bite him, and he instantly felt like he was suffocating again.

“It really is the most awful circumstance, Cynthia. Filius was going to go over there to tell them, but I believe William Mackay said he should be the one to tell them. He phoned us just now, and he’s told them.” Professor Sprout was there? He wondered why she had decided to come.

“I can’t imagine it…” his mum cried.

There was a small knock on their door, but by now, Ernie's tears had begun to fall once again though he did it quietly this time. Despite sleeping for several hours, he didn’t have the energy to sob like he had the day before. He heard his mother go down the stairs and open the door.

“Mrs Macmillan, please tell me Ernie’s here…”

Justin… his best friend’s voice was music to his ears. He hadn’t heard it in almost a year because he had been forced to run away to Australia. Therefore, Justin missed an entire year at Hogwarts, probably for the best, because their year there had been horrific. He was glad his best friend had found somewhere safe, but he had missed him terribly. He knew he wouldn’t have survived that year without Jem… and now…

“J-Justin…I-I thought you were in Australia!” his mother stuttered.

“I was, and they… look, I know what’s happened, and I’ve come back because I-I want to make sure he’s all right…or at least be there for him…” Justin explained.

“Come in.” his mother said “I think he might still be asleep, so…”

“Can I sit with him…” he asked.

“Yes, of course… would you like a cup of tea?”

“I would really like one, thank you.”

He then heard the sound of the kettle and Justin running up the stairs. He greeted Professor Sprout, but she didn’t detain him for a second longer because Justin carefully pushed his door open. Justin hadn’t changed at all, he was slightly more Sunkissed than usual, but he was still the same Justin he had seen the year before. Justin, after seeing he was awake, instantly dived towards Ernie. Justin’s embrace helped pull him into a sitting position. With his head buried in his best mate’s fancy polo shirt, he again fell apart.

“I-I’m here, Ernie, and I won’t leave you again.”

“I-I’m so -happy to s-see you.” Ernie sobbed, “J-Jem…” he once again strangled on his boyfriend’s name.

“I know, mate, I know…let it out.”

And that’s just what he did. He soaked Justin’s shirt and had no clue how long they had held each other like that. Eventually, his tears stopped again though he thought it had been hours because every second felt long and incredibly painful.

“Would you like to go for a walk?” Justin asked after a while.

“I-I think so…” Ernie muttered.

“Y-Yeah…” Justin said.

Justin helped him out of bed as he remembered how to stand on his two feet again before he left him alone once again. Not many of his clothes remained at home because he knew for a fact they were all at Hogwarts. So, he ended up putting on a T-Shirt and jeans he hadn’t worn in a while and stumbled down the stairs. His mother, Professor Sprout and Justin were in the kitchen waiting for him.

“Are you doing all right, Ernie?” his mum asked.

He didn’t attempt to lie as he shook his head and felt more tears burning behind his eyes.; He thought he would never be all right ever again.

“Just so you know, Ernie, I am here if you ever need anything, all right? No matter how small you may consider it.” Professor Sprout said as she placed her hand on his arm. Her presence soothed Ernie slightly. “T-Thank You.” He spoke.

“Ernie and I were just thinking about going for a walk?” Justin said.

“Do you want anything to eat, sweetheart?”
“I-I don’t feel hungry…” Ernie answered, “I-I might eat something later…”

“All right.” She nodded. “I hope you have a good walk.”

Ernie didn’t question Justin when he hailed the Morecambe Bus, they were near a bus stop, and the bus just so happened to be going by, so Justin put his arm out, and the bus stopped for them. He got them two returns, and Ernie followed him blindly onto the bus, taking a seat at the back. Ernie was about to reach into his pocket to pay Justin back for the bus.

“Don’t worry about the money, Ernie; I just thought a change of scenery would do you some good,” Justin reassured.

“T-Thank You…” Ernie said it didn’t take long for them to arrive in Morecambe, almost like twenty minutes; they were soon riding along the seafront where because of the beautiful day they were currently having, Ernie could make out the mountains of the Lake District. It was a beautiful scene. However, he didn’t muster up the enthusiasm. The Lakes, too held so many memories. He had gone there with James of course. Some of his happiest memories of the two of them just so happened to be there.

Justin pressed the stop button, and the bus soon came to a halt; the boys got off the bus just outside the fish and chip shop that Ernie swore was his favourite growing up and off in the distance, he could see the rock pool he went crabbing in all those years ago. They settled on a bench; it just so happened to be a memorial bench for a woman called Susan Greyson. Ernie felt himself suffocating again; the name Susan brought up the terrible thought of his friend’s death. Susan had also been murdered in the battle by none other than Pansy Parkinson, he remembered Clary Mackay telling them tearfully what had happened to her.

“The view is pretty amazing here.” Justin said.

“I-I…” Ernie than could no longer hold himself together.

“Oh Ernie…” Justin said, as he wrapped his arms around his best mate once again.

“Everywhere I go reminds me of them…” he sobbed.

He watched as Justin too came to the realisation that they were sitting on a bench with the name Susan on it, it watched as his face fell too. “I-I took Jem to the lakes… and S-Susan…”

“I-I know…I-I can’t believe sh-shes…” he stuttered.

“It’s all so… It’s all so real now, Justin… It’s all so real that I’ll never see them again… that J-Jem is dead, and I-I’ll never get to be with him again… and r-right now I-I don’t see how I’ll ever be able to be… whole again…”

“Ernie…” Justin said, “You will… right now… everything is so hard, and it will be hard, mate… it will be hard on everybody that knew him because… you knew him, and anybody that did know he was just such an incredible person… and I intend to be here for you, Ernie, whenever it gets too hard, and so will everybody who cares for you.”

It killed Ernie to hear James being referred to in the past tense, but he was glad his best friend was there with him. Justin was right; this was hard… the hardest thing he hoped he would ever have to live through… the pain was all-consuming, but it seemed a bay for a second as he cried and listened to the sounds of waves and seagulls.