Chapter 9
Even though Draco knew what was going to happen, he really knew, it wasn't his fault that he had forgotten. He had too many things to think about to concentrate on than what was going to happen that day.
Besides, it's not like he could have helped it either.
Still, Black didn't hurt anyone in his raid on the castle, he just damaged a painting.
Lying in his sleeping bag in the great hall, Draco could hear the breaths and slight movements of the students around him. He'd ended up between Blaise and Nott, which was better than the last time, where he'd ended up between Greg and Vincent's snoring. At least now he could sleep more soundly.
Or he would if sleep ever caught up with him.
The not being able to was becoming all too common in his days, he missed when it was just a couple of nights every couple of weeks, when his past and his mistakes weighed more heavily on him, but he could ignore them more actively by concentrating on his work in the cafeteria or with any research on a subject he liked.
God, he missed his laptop.
But here, surrounded by the sheet-covered bodies of his classmates, he couldn't help but see more than their similarities to the corpses draped with sheets in the great dining hall just at the end of the war. Colin Creevery, the annoying little fly that tormented Potter and a few others with his camera last year slept peacefully several rows away from Draco, unaware that his body would end up in the same position in a few years but without the detail of his chest rising and falling as he breathed, he would be still and pale, just like Remus and his wife, just like Fred Weasley and Lavander Brown.
Just like so many others, who would be mourned and missed by those who would survive, wondering and blaming themselves for not doing more to save their loved ones.
Draco felt the guilt for their deaths as well. He helped in all that destruction, even if he was coerced.
Draco heard the whispers of Snape and Dumbeldore in the distance, near the Gryffindor house so he didn't understand what they were saying. His mind reminded him that they were dying too and the guilt kept flowing like liquid nitrogen in his veins, freezing his body, perhaps wanting to make him as cold as the corpses that caused it, leaving only his active mind to torment him for eternity.
Draco thought it might be a fair punishment.
He rolled over in his sleeping bag, lying on his stomach, face buried in the pillow. Maybe he could drown this way and not have to endure the voices in his head.
You have the power to make things better," said a small, soft voice in his mind, almost overshadowed by the rest of the self-destructive thoughts and guilt; hardly sounded like the others. The voices in Draco's mind usually sounded like himself or his father's screams, even sometimes like the screams of the victims who died at Malfoy manor; but this one sounded like a soft, airy, hopeful girl who reminded him a little of... Luna.
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-This is what I was able to bring today, the house elves are too busy with all the dark lord's orders and I couldn't get near the kitchen- Draco stretches his arms with the bowls between the bars of the cell, just wide enough for the bowl to pass with a bit of a twist without spilling its contents- it'll be breadless today-
Luna Lovegood, imprisoned in the dungeons of Malfoy Manor as blackmail to her father, picks up both bowls, bringing one of them closer to the still very tired Ollivander, who is slumped against the stone wall.
-This will be fine, Draco- Luna says, her skin is paler than usual and her hair is all messed up but she still keeps a small smile on her face, almost as if she's not in a dangerous hostage situation- We've saved some of the bread you brought us the other day, I managed to keep the nargles from taking it this time.-
-Those were rats, Luna,- Draco sighs, there was no way to convince the Ravenclaw that the Nargels didn't exist.
-Oh no no no no, rats are my friends, they would never do that,-Luna says, totally convinced.
Draco doesn't even try to argue with her.
-I'll try to bring you more blankets tomorrow, the dark lord is out so it shouldn't be too difficult.
-Just be careful not to get caught- Luna approaches the bars, she's much smaller than Draco but it still feels like there's more life in her being locked in there than Draco does when he's free -I heard screaming the other day, was that you?-
-Just another training session with my aunt- he replied, almost as if he didn't care, -I'm sorry I couldn't bring food that day-
-We assumed you couldn't have, but I missed our conversation, though," she said very casually.
Draco frowned, his hands clawed at the rusty bars of the cell with force.
-I'm sorry- he said painfully.
-What for?- I told you we still have bread, Luna asked uncomprehendingly, Draco's frown deepening as his voice cracked.
-I'm sorry you're locked in here. I'm sorry you have to eat leftovers and hard bread- with each sentence he shrank a little more, his chin tucked into his chest and his hands against the bars were the only thing keeping him from falling to his knees on the floor- I'm sorry I don't have the courage or the power to... -
-You don't need to have them- Luna interrupted.
Draco snapped his head up, his gray eyes watery and tear-filled, the corners of his lips twisted downwards by the expression of despair on his face.
-How can you say that?- she said in a low, broken voice, -if I had the necessary magical power I could..."
-But you don't have it- Luna said as if to say a piece of fact about the weather. Draco looked at her stupefied, like someone who receives a sudden punch, slowly his head fell back to his chest with guilt and sadness- but you do have another power-
-Oh yeah... and what's that? -The blond didn't even bother to raise his head again, just staring at the dirty floor of the dungeon.
Luna instead looked into the cell, hidden behind a pile of forgotten stones and scraps was a group of blankets that hid the bread they would have for breakfast tomorrow, it wasn't good but it was better than going hungry and the blankets weren't that warm but they were soft, much better than being in direct contact with the cold stone.
Luna knew that without the blond's little help they would be much worse off.
-You have the power to make things better-Luna smiled.
-I don't think so...-
-I do!
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Sitting on one of the higher branches, but still thick enough to hold his weight, of what he had been beginning to call his tree, was Draco.
A light breeze came off the lake, chilly but not cold enough to need more than a coat. The soft, finely processed green linen of his coat was a very different and clearly much more pleasant feeling than the huge, itchy, woolen woven coats he'd had in his first life. Although some of them were quite nice.
It was Monday, it was a couple of hours before sunset, and he had no more classes that day. Normally he would be going with Lupin or studying with his friends or trying to meditate, but he didn't feel up to it.
After the fiasco of the weekend, students and teachers were a little nervous, even when the latter claimed that there was nothing to fear and that Black was no longer at school. Draco knew that wasn't true but it wasn't as if anyone was going to believe him and there was nothing to be gained from it; although that also led him to another issue: whether or not to change the events that would follow.
With the issue of his core in the process of being fixed, being one less worry, came another issue.
He had powerful information in his hands.
Information is always power; knowing more puts you above others, gives you skills, opportunities.
Knowledge changes everything, even the course of a war.
-But I lack resources- he said and his words were gone with the wind.
He has money now; correction: his parents have money, and he's sure Lucius Malfoy will have him straight into St. Mungo's before he finishes telling him how his side lost the war and how he brought them to shame by following a radical supremacist while being, himself, a radical supremacist.
As sure as his hair is blond.
And despite his new magical abilities, still uncertain and uncontrolled, he didn't think he could change anything.
He let out a long sigh, something he also did a lot recently, and stepped gracefully out of the tree.
Draco thought that with what had happened in his first life he should be afraid of heights, but he had always loved climbing trees, the grove near Malfoy Manor was his playground when he was little. Before he got really into the lessons of being a good heir, he used to go out and climb the tallest tree in the grove and play at being a bowtruckle, which his mother had read him about the night before, protecting his tree from invading birds and pesky squirrels.
Then his father declared that it was undignified for him to be climbing like a monkey in the branches and that was as far as his game went, his mother would let him get away with it when his father was away, though.
Besides his oak tree wouldn't be more than 5 metres high at the highest point, a fall like that would break an arm but it wouldn't kill you.
Flying on the other hand...
He admired for a few seconds the monkey flowers (mimulus) that still stood cheerfully and vibrantly at the edge of the lake. Draco thought they would be wilted by now, with the cold being so close, but the flowers seemed stubborn and refused to freeze to death. Perhaps it was because they were germinated by magic.
He'd see during the winter, still they were beautiful.
He grabbed his bag from among the roots and headed towards the castle.
She walked down one of the far corridors, going up stairs that he knew would be less crowded with students, he wanted to visit Lupin, he hadn't shown up for class, which left them in charge of Snape and his horrible class on werewolves, totally unbiased. Plus, the man kept giving him side-eye glances that Draco actively ignored.
Draco already knew why Lupin had been absent, he also knew it would be like this for a couple more days and visiting him might be a bad idea but with the wolfsbane potion (which Snape should be giving him) there shouldn't be much of a problem. It was also because he wanted to give him something to enjoy during those difficult days. Maybe he had grown fonder of his teacher than he should have, but he would blame it all on his daddy issues and attachment problems, which he would never treat in therapy.
Although he should.
-Wingardium Leviosa- he heard down the hallway, -Wingardium Leviosa!-
The voice sounded familiar.
Draco turned the corner and was met with a slightly sad sight.
Luna Lovegood, wand in hand pointed at a pair of light blue stockings with blue dots hanging precariously from one of the chiseled details on a column, high enough that even he would have difficulty pulling them down by hand. The girl kept pointing her wand at the stockings, saying the levitation spell to lower them.
-You're doing the movement wrong-Draco said, surprising the girl who turned to look at him curiously-The upward curve should be more fluid and the downward movement more energetic, especially if you're just learning it.-
Luna absorbed what she was told and put it into practice, reciting the spell once more to her stockings and they finally began to float away from where they were trapped. A quick release spell and the lost garment was back in the owner's hands.
-Thank you, Draco- she said with a smile that surprised the boy.
-Most people call me Malfoy.-
-But your name is Draco, isn't it- she said smoothly, -"I think you should call people by their first name, unless they are very old or if they ask you to call them something else, otherwise you would be disrespectful. Would you rather I called you Malfoy?-
Draco couldn't say anything against that logic.
-No... Draco is fine - he looked at the stockings that were in the girl's hand - The nargles took them from you? -
He knew that the nargles weren't the ones hiding Luna's things but her housemates who were bothering her, but convincing the blonde of that was a fight he'd had in his first life and he didn't want to have again, Luna was too stubborn. Besides, if it made her happy....
-You know them? she asked excitedly, clutching the stockings to her chest as if to protect them,-Those little rascals left them too high this time-
-Why didn't you use an Accio? It would have been easier.-
Luna blinked in confusion.
-we haven't learned that yet... -
Draco had forgotten that, accio is taught up to fourth year, even he shouldn't know that yet. He could always say his mother taught it to him or someone older. Which led him to an idea.
-I could teach it to you- he said without thinking too much-That way you can find your things sooner. -
Luna was one of the few people he found easy to live with, she was a breath of fresh air the months she was locked up in his home, even when it all started because guilt led him to bring her some food; eventually he grew fond of the girl. He would always stay outside her cell for a while longer, sitting on the dusty floor, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, trying together to ignore the mob of Death Eaters above their heads. Draco believes that Luna was not trying, she was ignoring the danger, with blind faith that she would be saved, and she was. A pity that after the war he was never able to speak to her again.
Nor did he try to do it out of grief. After all, she was locked up in his house,even if she never seemed to hold a grudge, but who knew if that was the case later, when she had time to process what had happened.
-Are you sure? The Nargles might want to steal things from you too if they see you helping me- Luna said, her blonde eyebrow raised in curiosity.
-I can take on petty thieves- she said smugly, -It'll only cost you one thing-
Luna's eyebrows rose and her big eyes blinked curiously.
-What? -
-I just want ....
Draco hesitated; he gripped the strap of his bag tightly. He hadn't thought about Luna along with anything else in a long time, but on Saturday night, as guilt consumed him, it was the girl's voice that gave him a glimmer of hope that he could do something better. A change.
He didn't think he could, but maybe with an outside opinion to his depressive one, he could make a decision.
-Answer me a question- he said at last.
-Yes, sure. Tell me-
-If you knew for sure that something bad was going to happen and you knew how to change it, would you do it? Even if you don't think you can?
The blonde made a small humming noise as she took a short time to think about Draco's question.
It didn't take her long to give her answer.
-I would- she said without a hint of doubt in her voice-I would find a way to be able to change it and I would. You always have to find a way to make things better, you know? My dad says so- she said.
The girl smiled at him. The conviction in her soft voice left no doubt as to her points. Draco didn't know why he thought she would say something else, maybe he needed to hear it.
-Yes... I know- he returned a smaller, candid smile to the blonde.
Luna Lovegood was a smart, creative, quirky, and loquacious person, yet she was very simple when it came to forming relationships. If you treat her well, she will treat you well, if you treat her badly, she will ignore you because if you are mean to her, you are not worth her time or space in her flashy mind, so when Draco offered to teach her, she gladly accepted.
They agreed to meet the next day to begin their lessons and parted ways. One to the Ravenclaw tower and the other to his DADA teacher's office.
It didn't take Draco long to arrive and knock on the door. Three loud knocks on the wood and he waited.
Nothing.
He knocked again.
Nothing yet.
-Professor? - he called as he knocked again with still no answer. -Lupin, it's me! I know you can hear me! -
Draco could feel the protection and blocking spells heavily placed on the door, surely a muffliato was in the office as well.
-Please! It's important- Draco asked and was glad there was no one around to hear him, -I know you're sick but you know I wouldn't come if it wasn't important!-
Nothing yet. Draco decided to pull out his last attempt.
-You're the only one I can talk to about this... please- he begged in a pitiful tone that wasn't entirely fake, even if he wanted to deny it.
He waited a few seconds.
Bingo.
The door opened slowly and only slightly, revealing the scarred, tired, haggard face of his professor in beige pijamas that should have seen better days.
Draco thought that if the clothes were going to be destroyed by the transformation it was better to get one that wasn't worth much.
-Draco, can't this really wait a couple more days? - Remus asked hoarsely.
-No, it can't-he said softly, if he took any longer to make a decision he would never make it, -it'll be quick I swear, may I come in? -
-They didn't tell you that I'm... -
-Very sick I know, yes, but they didn't say you were contagious, they just said not to bother you and you know I have a bit of an aversion to being told what to do- Draco smiled and Remus couldn't help but smile too, finding the clarification amusing.
-You have ten minutes,- Remus looked out the windows behind Draco, the light not yet hidden because it would be moderately safe. He opened the door a little wider, giving access to his pupil, who went straight to sit at his desk- What do you want to talk to me about? -
Draco suddenly didn't feel so confident in asking his question. Talking to Luna was one thing, but Remus was an adult, a figure who even if he didn't want to have power over him and who he now respected, even with his past mistakes, his opinion was now very important to Draco.
And Merlin knew that it bothered Draco a little, how quickly his professor had grown on him.
-I have... I have information that something bad is going to happen and .... and I don't know if I should do something to change it or stay out of it- he said in a strained voice, looking at the brown with his chin lowered.
-How bad? Can you tell me what's going to happen? - Lupin asked worriedly, -Are they threatening you or something? -
-No no, no one is threatening me- he said hastily. He had to find the words quickly to explain to Lupin what he wanted without fully explaining - it is as bad as ... as the prank James and Sirius were going to play on Snape. -
It was a low comparison but bad enough for his teacher to take it seriously.
It hit close to home.
His teacher, still tired, straightened his back and his tone changed to a more serious one.
-Someone is in danger?- his tone changed to a subdued one.
-Yes, .... and I think I can do something to change that, but...- Draco hesitated-I don't think I'm the right person to do it. -
He admitted, his voice strangled.
Lupin looked at him as if he was talking gibberish.
-And why would that be?- He approached his pupil, crouching down on one knee to be on his level.
-I, no... I, I don't think I have it in me, besides - he lowered his eyes to the floor, his hands in his lap and his tone of voice danced between strangled and melancholy - I'm not a good person, I'm not brave, bold, honorable or even honest. I shouldn't be the one to do anything but I don't trust anyone else to do it either-
The last statement came out more desperate than he would have liked. He closed his eyes, waiting for his master's response. He didn't know what to expect, a strong affirmation: you can do it! Or perhaps a depressing negative: you are not capable of anything. He didn't know what to expect....
-Draco, look at me-
But it wasn't that.
-I'm going to tell you something and I need you to look at me,- Lupin's deep voice sounded objective but gentle in Draco's ears, giving him the confidence to raise his head and look his teacher in the eye. Brown eyes with amber tones - To make a change does not take any honour or daring, it only takes wanting to do it, and that you have even thought of making a change for the better, makes you a much better person than many others. That you came to ask me about this, even with all your doubts about yourself and didn't ignore a problem also makes you something else.
Remus did not break eye contact with his student.
-What?" asked Draco.
Remus smirked.
-It makes you brave," Lupin said with conviction, watching Draco's brow furrow in disbelief. "Not everyone would have talked to anyone else about this. Possibly they would have kept quiet or ignored it. This first step already makes you brave and a good person. Plus, you're a person who's more than capable of achieving whatever it is you set your mind to. Anyone who sees you can tell that, Draco. So if you ask me: Should I do something? If you want to, yes, definitely, and I know you'll do it splendidly and gracefully.-
Draco was touched, perhaps he didn't quite believe his teacher's words, but they had surely touched him deeply, tugging at all the heartstrings of his cold heart. His eyes watered but he wouldn't cry, he didn't want to be sad right now. He would cry later for finally having a person who believed in him with such conviction, now all he felt was determination.
He would not let this man die in the war.
He would prevent the war.
-And you'll always have my help if you need it- Lupin added.
-Thank you, Remus- Draco whispered, his eyes slightly narrowed by the soft, satisfied smile that graced his pale face.
-You're welcome, Draco- Lupin rises from the floor and gently ruffles his pupil's hair, -Now will you tell me what dangerous thing you want to prevent?
Draco shakes his head softly.
-It is not something I can tell you, but rest assured that I will prevent it- Draco said, so full of determination that Lupin, though a little hesitant, accepted his answer.
-You know I'll be here if you need me, but I trust you won't let anyone get hurt-Draco nodded,-Now, as much as I like our conversations, your time is up- he headed for the door.
-Hold on-Draco caught the werewolf's attention as he remembered what he was bringing him something. He rummaged through his bag until he found the beautiful box of Italian chocolates his mother had sent him.
His mother, to who he still hadn't answered several of her letters, kept sending him chocolates and sweets every week so he had quite a collection of them in his chests, Lupin was always going around offering chocolates to his students as prizes or as help when someone was frightened by a Dementor. So it seemed appropriate
-Oh, Draco, you shouldn't - Remus said as Draco placed the box in his hands on his way to the door -this looks...very fine, you shouldn't waste them on me-
Draco gave him an incredulous look. How could someone who spoke so highly of another person think so little of himself?
Or, of course, he did the same. He thought he remembered Sheila asking him the same question.
-Mother sends me a box every week so it's not like I haven't tried them already - he downplays the importance of giving them away - besides, it's my way of saying... thank you, more hemm seriously-
he got tangled up at the last but seemed to convince Lupin who thanked him for the treats and led Draco out of the room. Dusk was halfway through the evening when he came out. They agreed to meet on Thursday, the door closed and that was the end of the conversation.
Draco felt satisfied, now he had an answer, two actually, and a new purpose to focus on besides controlling his magic. It was a bit much, but as Remus said: he was capable of anything if he put his mind to it.
He just had to come up with a good plan.
He turned the corner to head towards the dungeons when he was confronted by none other than the savior of the wizarding world.
He stopped for a second to avoid collision before dodging him so he could keep walking, but Potter spoke.
-Did you just leave Lupin's office?- he asked, his tone full of suspicion.
Draco should have ignored him and kept walking, but instead he stopped and looked over his shoulder at the boy.
-Yes, why? Is there a problem? - That came out a little too sharply.
-They told us he was sick and to stay away. -
-I know, so? -
-So?! You came out of his office! Which we're not supposed to go into until he's healthy! Potter sounded angry.
-Make your point, Potter, I don't have all day- Draco turned to face the boy.
-How did you do it? Did you threaten to get him fired if he didn't open his door to you? Is that how you've been having so many meetings with him? -
Draco didn't like the accusatory and harsh tone in Potter's voice, nor did he like his ready-to-fight stance. He should ignore him and leave, but it had never been easy to ignore a provocation from the golden boy.
-What's the problem, Potter? Jealous that you're finally being denied something and not allowed to get away with it as usual? - he said in a condescending, mocking tone.
Anger flashed in the boy's green eyes like a murderous curse. It had always been so easy to pick on the black-haired boy.
-It's not like that! I just don't like that you're taking advantage of him!- Potter almost shouted in frustration, -Surely you have him threatened, no one would willingly spend so much time with you,- Draco would admit that it hurt him-If it weren't for your father and his power to endanger the jobs of others, you'd be nothing, Malfoy! -
Draco felt the anger bubbling in his chest as well as his magic creating a tense and slightly electrifying atmosphere around him, as his pride was wounded with every word, making him want to spit venom. He placed his back straight and his chin up, a practiced look of disdain (much like his father's) perfectly complemented the scowl and his nose wrinkled in restrained anger. He wanted to hit the Gryffindor where it hurt the most.
-At least I have a father-
And so he did.
He enjoyed the pain in Potter's eyes for a second, before he regretted it, he was supposed to be ignoring the boy not attacking him. He owed it to the boy not to be in Azkaban, or at least he owed it to the boy in his first life.
He dropped all his angry posturing for one of regret. Potter drove him out of his wits.
-I, no, I,- he said before Potter could do so, -I'm sorry, okay? You're a self-centered prat, but you don't deserve that- he said without thinking as he ran his hand through his hair with a heavy sigh-Just don't talk about what doesn't concern you, got it? You know what... -
He didn't stop to look at Potter's dumbfounded stare, he acted without thinking too much and grabbed the boy by his tie and dragged him all the short way to Lupin's office where he began knocking frantically on the door.
-Remus! Open up, it's me!-
This time it took a second for the man to be at the door.
-Draco, what...what happened, did you come back for the chocolates? - asked the confused werewolf before noticing the new person present-Oh, hello Harry!
-Potter here wants to talk to you," Draco pulled the boy once more even by the tie he was holding until Potter was between him and his teacher, -You see, Potter, you only had to ask-
He said condescendingly before he dropped the red and gold piece of cloth, turned around and started walking briskly towards his common room. Oblivious to the two gawking lions he left behind him.