Chapter 8
-Draco, is there something wrong with your hairbrush? -
-What are you talking about, Pansy?
They were both coming out of their first History of Magic class that Monday morning. Blaise had betrayed them and joined another Slytherin in copying her notes as she was possibly one of the few people who didn't fall asleep in class.
-Your hair, you haven't combed it properly in weeks,- Pansy stands and takes the right to arrange a few of Draco's platinum blonde locks to the left where most of his fringes normally are. - I haven't seen your waves since you were about eight and started wearing your hair straight. I thought you didn't like them-
Draco recalled how at age 8, in a childish eagerness to look more like his father, he began to imitate him more fervently; and his father has straight hair. That led to a journey of learning through smoothing balms and a little annoyance with the natural waves.
-I'm just trying a more natural style. You're not saying I look ugly, are you, Parkinson? - she dismissed him; with a shake of her head she flicked her fringes gracefully as a false arrogance filled her face.
Pansy looked somewhere between embarrassed and slightly annoyed by the blonde's arrogance.
-Nothing could look bad on you, Draco,- she rolled her eyes and kept walking. Draco could tell she was slightly embarrassed by what she said.
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-Did you eat today? I didn't see you at breakfast.
He was in the second of her daily meditation sessions with Lupin. They met for a couple of hours after lunch when there was a free period. That Tuesday he had woken up overwhelmed by a nightmare and his desire to eat was reduced only to wanting a cup of coffee to face the day.
Lupin didn't need to know about it.
-I was finishing up some homework in my common room, but I had something to eat at lunch,-
He casually lied as he sat on the floor in the lotus position. Meaning, he did go to lunch, but he didn't eat as much as he would have liked. He simply had no appetite that day.
Lupin didn't seem reluctant to believe him, if the look of disbelief on his face was any indication, but he said nothing, instead reaching into his pocket and pulling out a couple of chocolates, plain ones, nothing like the fancy boxes his mother used to send him from time to time.
-Here, some sugar will do you good you're growing up after all- he said.
Draco tried not to be offended by the comment, for it was no lie, he was going through all the growing up again. He took the chocolates with appreciation, analyzing the wrapper before opening one carefully and eating it.
The chocolate wasn't the greatest thing either, well below the quality his 13 year old self would be used to, he'd have despised them for sure, but this Draco thought they tasted pretty good.
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-Flint is looking for you,- Blaise warned in a calm tone.
Draco lowered his 'Magical Geography' book, his eyebrow raised and his gaze disinterested.
-How come? -
-You still haven't shown up for practice and your arm is completely healthy," Blaise said as a complete truism.
-oh-Draco scratched the side of his neck softly.
He had honestly forgotten about the Quidditch team, he hadn't heard of the sport or even been on a broom in years.
-Ooh yes- Blaise said now, raising an eyebrow, -so are you going ?
-Flint knows where I am? -
-No, not yet, he doesn't.
-Do you consider yourself my friend? -
-What's with that question? - Blaise's face changed to one of surprise and confusion.
-You answer.
-Yes, I suppose I do- Blaise answered at last, but with reservations.
-Then you won't tell him that you saw me-
Draco grabbed his books and headed towards the black lake and the tree on its shores.
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Avoiding Markus Flint turned out to be easy, as the Slytherin captain didn't seem to be looking for him as actively as he first thought.
It was Thursday and he had his meeting with Lupin a little early due to a long free period between his classes.
-No no no no, objectively pink floyd has a style that includes much more styles than just the pure rock that was carried in previous eras- Draco defended vehemently- Led zeppelin is not bad but in my opinion their music should stay in the 70's where it died-
-Oh come on, Led Zeppelin has great songs that should be remembered even by your generation, it's a shame they're being lost,- Lupin added, a smile on his face.
-You're getting carried away with nostalgia and not objectivity, old man, Led Zeppelin weren't bad but their fans make them out to be better than anything else out there. They are very overrated.-
Draco folded his arms with a frown to reaffirm his points. This was an argument he had had with Larry a lot in his time, both of them always trying to convince each other of which era or musical taste was better. It was a three-way fight when Sheila would join in to defend her pop queens.
Of course at that time they had a lot more artists to argue about, with the onset of the 2000s boom.
-Well I can agree about the fans, but who in the music industry isn't overrated according to you?-
-There is only one songwriter and singer who is not overrated at all," Draco said with a proud tone, "his music is inspirational and will be remembered until the end of this era and the next one.
-I think I know who you're talking about," Remus Lupin nodded in agreement with Draco.
-Michael Jackson
-Kurt Cobain.
They said at the same time in mutual surprise.
Draco held a hand to his chest dramatically but still totally offended by his teacher's words. His mouth hung open in a totally offended gasp, while Remus Lupin stared at him with one eyebrow raised in disbelief.
-It's not possible! The suicidal one?- Draco exclaimed.
Remus frowned.
-Some of their music may be depressing, but Nirvana is a band that deserves recognition and it's in poor taste to call people that because of their mental problems, Draco -
Remus scolded but without much anger.
Draco shrank in on himself and realized that Remus still didn't know that his favorite singer was committing suicide and that it wasn't just a nickname. No one else knew that besides Draco.
Well he and those people who did know about the singer's depression.
Oh well. Another sad thing on the list.
-Yeah, well. Nirvana may be sentimental and all, but Michael Jackson is superior in every way. The man composes, sings and dances-
And so they engaged in another friendly (more on Remus' part, Draco will defend his tastes to the hilt) musical discussion.
Remus was inwardly happy to see his pupil so passionate about the subject, even if deep down he wondered who taught this pureblood so much about Muggle culture, how Draco came to them and if they weren't bad people.
After all, he knew that even those we think are our best friends can turn their backs on you.
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-Class dismissed- Severus Snape's stern voice reverberated off the stone walls of the dungeons.
Potions was the last class of the day on Friday. The whole class left the room talking about the trip to Hogsmade the next morning, excited to see the wizarding town and its shops.
-We have to go to Madame Pudiepie's tea room- said Pansy excitedly, -The older girls say it's a beautiful place.-
-Yes, for couples, and you don't have a date,- Blaise replied.
Draco remembered going on a date with Pansy a few weeks after he first went, the place was a complete mess of roses, frills and sticky love with cheesy teenagers holding hands and kissing over their cups. He felt a shiver run through his body as he remembered that horrible date, that day both he and Pansy realized that they weren't romantically compatible but this Pansy doesn't know that yet.
And it's not as if that stopped her from continuing to flirt the following year either.
-You're an idiot, Blaise- Pansy stormed out of the room, angry and offended.
-What? I just told the truth- Blaise turned to look at Draco, who was still stuffing his books into his bag, -She can't be offended by the truth.
-Sometimes I don't know if you're a gentleman or an idiot,- Draco shook his head, -You treat other girls nicely but Pansy you almost insult her-
-Pansy isn't a sugar cube either, have you seen how she treats me? She threw a book at my head the other day for no reason. -
-You told her she lacked brains for not understanding a part of runes-Draco said with an obvious tone.
-That part was a simple one, Draco, you know that,- Blaise spat in his defense.
-You're both just as dramatic -Draco whispered to himself- -Maybe if you treated her better she wouldn't be so aggressive-
-You don't know anything about women, you haven't even realized that she likes you.
That wasn't entirely true. Draco knew that Pansy liked him, but she liked the idea of being the wife of a pureblood from a renowned family like him and all the benefits that came with it. Besides, it was better with the one who was her childhood friend than with any other random that her family would impose on her in an arranged marriage.
Draco sighed.
-Just because your mother is a black widow doesn't mean that...-
-Draco- Snape's voice startled the boys a little,-Stay, we have matters to discuss.
With a hard but short look at Blaise, Snape dismissed the boy who without much effort left the room, now there was only Draco and Snape who, as almost always, did not seem cheerful.
-What do you need, Professor- Draco said calmly.
Draco had successfully avoided any direct contact with Severus Snape both in and out of class. It wasn't that the boy hated his Head of House, like his father, or that he felt extremely guilty seeing him as he did the Headmaster, no, what he felt for his godfather was something more driven by not caring too much about his godfather.
Draco in his first life had looked up to the Slytherin Housemaster and loved him as his godfather, as the one who taught him to love Potions and was another strong image of what he was meant to become. It was no secret that Snape favored him, but after a while, when he was on the streets and all he had left besides hunger was to analyze his life, he realized that Snape did not favor him because he was his godfather or because of a tiny token of affection, he favored him because he was the son of Lucius Malfoy, his friend, and because he was a Slytherin. Snape favored his house, everyone knew that but when he still admired the man he thought he was special to him because he was his godson.
What a fool he was.
Snape raised an eyebrow, perhaps curious that Draco called him professor and not godfather as he usually did when they were alone.
-It has come to my attention that you have been having difficulty with your DADA classes,- Snape spoke in his usual gruff but calm tone.
-You have been lied to, then, I have no problems in any of my classes,- Draco affirmed with a frown and a haughty look on his face.
-Then would you like to explain,- Snape lifted his chin slightly, almost as if trying to look taller, -why you have been seen leaving Remus Lupin's offices constantly? - Snape's tone rose a couple of decibels at the werewolf's name.
Draco inwardly insulted whoever the snitch was that ratted him out. His frown deepened as he wondered why Snape would care so much about what he did as long as it didn't damage his house's reputation.
Maybe that was it.
-We are on a research project, and if it goes the way I want it to, it'll earn us a lot of house points. So you needn't worry that you're being punished and losing points, Professor- the blond's tone was calm and objective, not to anger Snape, but to get away from him as quickly as possible.
Now it was Snape who was frowning, his hooked nose twitched slightly upwards along with the shirt of his lips, deepening the frown.
-Can you tell how long this investigation of yours is going to last?-
His tone said that he clearly distrusted what he said and that annoyed Draco a little, but he kept his composure.
-Indefinite, but don't worry, I won't disgrace Slytherin house-
That didn't seem the best thing to say either as Snape's grimace grew for a second, before he returned to his usual stoic look.
-In that case, move your research with me beginning on Monday, we'll make the best of it-
Draco felt the anger begin to grow; why did Snape want to move his 'investigations' when he wasn't doing anything wrong?
-You're not a DADA teacher- Draco spat, a part of him doing it to annoy the Potions master because he knew how much Snape wanted the position.
He saw that it worked when the glint of annoyance flashed in Snape's dark eyes and his scowl returned to its place.
-I'm just as capable of handling whatever job you're doing, even more capable than Lupin will ever be- Snape looked sternly at his godson- so whatever you do with him, you'll move it with me-
-With all due respect, Professor, but this is none of your business- he said with the same sternness that Snape gave him,-I prefer to be advised by the REAL DADA master-
-Watch the tone with which you speak to me, boy- Snape folded his arms, a frustrated tone painted his voice.
-Just imitating you, Professor- Draco spat back, -If there's nothing more to discuss, I'll continue my research with Remus Lupin as my guide-
Draco tightened the strap of his bag over his shoulder ready to turn and leave.
-Remus Lupin is nothing but a bad influence and a poor excuse for a teacher- Snape spat angrily but still keeping his voice low, without shouting, -As your Housemaster and your godfather, you will do as you are told and stay away from him-
Draco felt what little composure he had in him break.
-Oh now you're my godfather,- he said angrily, lifting his chin to look his bewildered godfather straight in the eye, -Don't pretend you care about me as your godson Severus, it doesn't suit you! You barely care about me as a student and that's because I'm in Slytherin. If I were in any other house you'd ignore me or mistreat me like the rest of your students.-
Growing up was also to realize that as a teacher, Severus was a pretty bad one; he thought it was just the others who were weak and couldn't see that Severus was only strict because Potions was something not to be trifled with, but analyzing him he realized all the faults of his figurehead. Namely: calling your students idiots (Neville), constantly mocking their curiosity or sapience (Hermione) and the constant psychological abuse that his strictness imposed in class.
At the end of the war Draco learned that Snape only ¨protected¨ him and helped in killing Dumbledore because of the unbreakable vow his mother made him swear. Who knows what would have become of him without that vow.
- You're only my godfather because Lucius asked you to be, and Merlin doesn't want you to refuse anything he asks of you, even if it means having to watch over his pesky bloodline! - Draco was showing more anger and resentment than he wanted to show, along with his self-esteem issues from being a social pariah and the loneliness he'd been stuck in for a couple of years - So I don't care what you think, I'll still be spending time with Remus!
-Remus?! - Snape snapped out of his bewilderment just as, if not more, angry than the young man, -Watch your next words Draco and you'd do well to listen to me, there'll be nothing but trouble if you keep hanging out with Lupin. Your father-
-I don't care what my father thinks,- Draco shouted, his pulse racing and he could almost feel his magic like ozone around him, -I don't care what your bloody problem with Lupin is, it's none of my business! But keep me out of it, I won't stop doing what I want to do just because YOU have a problem! -
Draco turned and stormed out of the room leaving a highly perplexed Severus Snape.
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Remus Lupin was enjoying the quiet of his office reading a short adventure novel, sitting at the table he had already set up with tea and biscuits. He would be more comfortable in his rooms, he would just have to move through the door to the other side of the office, but he was waiting for Draco for his session so the softness of his bed would have to wait.
To tell the truth he loved his rooms and his office, they weren't extravagant, nor were they highly decorated but it was furnished, the couches and bed were soft and warm, the fireplace helped with the colder October nights and would be a comforting source of warmth come winter.
After spending so much time barely surviving on the few jobs he could get due to the harsh anti-werewolf laws, this was a masterful change.
He let out a sigh, satisfied with what he had.
SLAM!
-He's a complete and utter meddler! - Draco said after slamming the door as he entered, startling Lupin whose eyes widened comically, -He comes in here and thinks he can control me! Who does he think he is, my father? I'm not even doing anything wrong! Let him go and stick his vulture nose in his own a-
-Wowo, Draco, let's save that language for a bar, when you're old enough to go to one, shall we?-Lupin stood up out of his stupor in an attempt to calm the young man down -Will you tell me what happened or... -
-The worst thing is that he pulls out the 'I am your godfather' card.- He did a terrible imitation of Snape. -That man hasn't cared about anything that happens in my life and now he comes to pretend that I should care that he's my godfather?!
-Still talking until you're tired, I understand- Lupin decided to sit back in his chair and let the blond take out and rant about his anger freely, though he was struck by the Godfather part. He could tell by the colorful insult the boy was about to say before he could define who it was, but he didn't want to jump to conclusions.
- And then I talk about telling my father! What kind of a gossipy weakling does that! Only I can do that! - Draco continued, -That man cares more about what that damn Potter is doing than anything I do, oh but if it's something that bothers him now I'm of any interest to him!-
Draco continued ranting and complaining for a couple more minutes until his anger subsided enough for him to shut up and sit down in the chair across from Lupin. He saw the cup of tea in front of him, grabbed it and took the tea aggressively in one long sip.
-Are you ready to tell me what happened? Or do you want me to guess," Lupin asked a little less cautiously.
Draco was silent for a few moments before he sighed, or rather exhaled loudly.
-Snape wanted to forbid me from coming to see you,- he said at last with a downcast look on his face.
Remus felt somewhat dismayed by the news.
-Does he know about...?
-No! No, I told him that we were doing research and that he's supporting me as a DADA teacher. He didn't even ask what the research was about! He just wanted me to do it with him now-
Draco felt the itch on his neck return as strong as it hadn't been for several days, he couldn't help but scratch it harder than he should have.
-He told you why? - The tone in Lupin's voice was curious but low.
-He just said that trouble would come if I kept meeting with you,-
Lupin grimaced, as if it hurt him that they thought that of him, and it did. He knew Severus still had issues with him and his condition but he didn't think there would be a problem if the students were safe. Snape didn't seem to accept his godson coming near him but from Draco's statements, that wasn't something the Head of Slytherin could control.
-I didn't know Professor Snape was your godfather-
-He never wanted anyone to know, outside of my family no one knows,- Draco crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair-I'm sure he wouldn't even have agreed to be if it wasn't for my father asking him personally. That man is only my godfather by title for nothing else.
-I see you don't think much of him, huh?-
-I lost any esteem I had for him when... he tried to meddle in my life. -Draco was really going to say ¨when he made an unbreakable vow to protect me and I still ended up maimed¨ but he couldn't say that. Better to take away a doubt that caused him to argue - arrg ... why does Snape hate you? -
Draco in his first life of course noticed Snape's clear anger towards Lupin, by the end of the year he thought it was because he was a werewolf but it couldn't be just because of that.
Lupin seemed reluctant to answer for a full minute, as if thinking about all the decisions that had brought him to this moment.
-Snape studied here as long as I did- he said and Draco felt like saying that he already knew that but he let the teacher continue-and when I was younger I was a bit dumber and more inexperienced with an even dumber group of friends-
Lupin looked down at the floor and not at Draco.
-You know I was in Gryffindor and Sirius Black was my ...friend but we were really a group: Sirius, me, Peter and James. We were very close friends, we did almost everything together.... James and Sirius were the bravest and most reckless of the four of us, they carried the name of our house high. Peter and I followed them-
Draco knew they were friends, but he was a little surprised by the warmth in Lupin's voice when he spoke of them.
-Draco, the rivalry between snakes and lions isn't new but it still doesn't justify what we did- Lupin said sternly, -James and Sirius more than anyone else were great pranksters but their pranks sometimes went too far.
Remus sighed.
-They used to tease Snape regularly and cast spells that would be quite humiliating. Although I have to say that Snape would also strike back haha- he laughed ungraciously- but James and Sirius would always go too far with their pranks. There was this girl, Lily Evans. -
Draco recognised her as Potter's mother.
-James was very much in love with her but she was best friends with Snape and she hates James because, as much as it pains me to admit it, he was a prat. But in fifth year they had a fight after she defended him against James.
-She was Muggle born, wasn't she? - Draco couldn't help but ask, Lupin nodded and Draco understood why Snape would be offended if a Muggle-born defended him.
-That same year Sirius came up with a very, very cruel joke on Snape, no ...I won't tell you what the joke was but it could have ended with Snape dead,- Draco was even more shocked by the revelation, but also by the pain and betrayal in Lupin's words, -James managed to avoid it but that didn't stop your godfather from resenting us. And to tell you the truth, I think I deserve it because I was present at several of his pranks and insults and I did nothing to stop them. I didn't even think I should do anything. It was just another inter-house rivalry, but I never, ever approved of that prank-
Lupin clasped his hands together, clutching himself tightly as if that would help stave off the weight of guilt.
-I thought James Potter was a hero-Draco said with a hint of disappointment in his voice.
-James wasn't bad at heart, his prejudices and recklessness led him to do horrible things, but he grew up and realized his mistakes. I swear he wasn't a bad person-
Draco thought that sounded more like something Lupin convinced himself of than an actual statement, but in the end James Potter did fight for what was right so he couldn't say for himself whether or not he was bad, he didn't know him.
Besides, it could relate to being an idiot when you were young and growing up to regret it.
-I thought we Slytherins were the prejudiced ones, you're supposed to be the honourable lions," he said in a more joking tone to lighten the mood.
Lupin finally looked up fully to see Draco with a hope that the boy had not expected.
-Oh Draco. Not every lion is honorable, just as not every snake is evil, right? -
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At last Saturday came. They hardly did any meditation after the talk as Draco, try as he might, couldn't concentrate, his mind too scattered thinking about all that Snape had to go through and how James Potter and Sirius Black really were a pack of bullies. Along with the person he believed to be the most righteous, Remus Lupin did nothing to stop them.
Not that I blame him, if even the teachers now and then didn't do anything as a student would know that bullying a slytherin was a bad thing. He picked on gryffindors for many years and hardly anything was done to him.
-And remember, Hogsmeade visits are a privilege,-McGonagall announced-If your behavior is bad at school, that privilege will no longer be granted.
They were all gathered in the school yard handing in their permission slips and waiting to go to Hogsmeade. Draco could tell that anyone who saw the group would know that they were excited and anxious to get going.
He was standing with Blaise, Pansy, Greg and Vincent (who still hurt to look at but was more bearable now) in what he could call the corners of the semicircle they had formed in front of McGonagall.
-Without a parent or guardian's signature, you can't come Potter, it's the rules," McGonagall said to Potter who was trying to convince her to get her to sign so he could go, "It wouldn't be proper, sorry Potter, you can't come-
The group began to move forward, following the path towards Hogsmeade, but Draco hung back for a second, watching as Weasley and Granger were dismissed by Potter.
He wondered what Potter would think if he knew the truth about his father. His younger self would go straight to sneering and telling him the truth but this Draco knew that the future savior of the wizarding world already had too much on his shoulders with the rumors of his parents' supposed murderer behind him. Besides, it wasn't his secret to tell.
He would keep it to himself for now.
-Draco, let's go! - Blaise shouted at him and Draco ran towards his group.