Real or Fake?

Later, when they had moved outside to enjoy the sun, Harry considered his problem.

“So what do I do about Draco guys?”

“Ignore him like he’s ignoring you, and after a while people will stop bugging you. If it’s any consolation, he’s probably getting as many people worried about him coming up to him to ask if he’s ok as you,” Hermione immediately offered up.

“How can I ignore him? He’s pretty much everywhere! Wherever I look, his glowing blond hair is always in sight!”

The other five refused to meet his gaze again, with Dean and Seamus, having cuddled up, exchanging a look that could not have been good for the Irishman's neck, and Hermione seemingly trying to exchange a look with Ron, who was looking past her towards the lake, and Neville looking at the scroll in front of him for lack of a partner to exchange a look with.

“Real subtle guys,” Harry stated. “What’s up now ?”

“That sounds gay mate,” Seamus blurted out.

“What??”

“It does,” Dean chimed in, “Before Shay and I started dating, I subconsciously looked for him, and so I felt like I was seeing him everywhere. Of course, I brushed it off as me just looking at him from an artist’s perspective at the time, because he would be so fun to draw. But in retrospect it wasn’t from an artistic point of view– ” he broke off, studied his boyfriend quickly, and added “Well, not just an artistic point of view I should say.”

“You’re saying my best friend is gay for bloody Malfoy !?” Ron exclaimed, outraged.

“Yes,” Seamus and Dean replied in unison, then looked at each other and laughed.

“We don’t have a problem with you being gay of course,” Hermione hastily added, “It’s just that, well, it’s Malfoy…”

“Honestly, I think Draco’s changed since the war. He hasn’t insulted me once since we came back, and he even helped me in DADA a couple of times," Neville interjected.

"You're on his side now?! He bullied you for years!" Seamus said, shocked.

"GUYS I'M NOT GAY" Harry yelled.

"Mate you admitted when you dated my sister that you didn't wank whilst thinking of her, and in 4th year you said you did wank to Cedric," Ron said, in a calm voice. "Thank god. I don't know how I would have stopped myself from killing you if you thought of my sister while making those noises," he added cheerfully.

Harry laughed "Moldy Voldy would have adored you if you had."

As Ron pretended to gag, making the other three boys laugh, Harry glanced over at Hermione, who looked…confused? Disgusted? Harry couldn't tell.

"What's wrong, 'Mione?" he asked.

"This is a school, not a … sex shop," she replied primly.

“What?” asked Ron, bemusedly.

“... ‘Wanking’ … is not an appropriate behavior in a school,” she said uncomfortably.

"Have you really never wanked?" Ron asked incredulously, apparently having never learned when it was or was not a good idea to pester Hermione. Although to be fair, Harry was struggling to think of a situation where it was a good idea to annoy her…

Hermione's expression became clearer to Harry: disgust. 

They were all looking at her now, so she muttered "Boys" under her breath and rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to the library. If this topic of conversation could be over when we next see each other, that would be great."

Ron scowled at his girlfriend's retreating back.

"What's her problem?"

This question was met with shrugs from the other four.

Ron laughed suddenly.

"She probably gets off reading the dullest, dustiest tomes in the library. Only reason I see to waste so much time there."

All five boys laughed at that.

"Makes sense," Seamus agreed.

"You should never ever tell her that if you want her to keep talking to you," Neville advised.

Ron turned to Harry.

"Right. Your Draco problem."

"It's not a problem," Harry immediately protested.

"...Sure mate. Anyways, do you think about him when you wank?"

"Of course not! He was horrible to us for years! He's just barely civil now!"

"He better be civil! We saved his bloody life! Twice!"

Harry smiled, though whether at the thought of Ron punching the prick or at the memory of Draco holding on tight to him as they escaped Crabbe's Fiendfyre, he could not tell.

Draco's arms had been tight around his waist, and a memory he had forgotten sprang up. 

He had thought of Malfoy while wanking, soon after the end of the war. In fact, that had been his first wank at home, he remembered fondly. It still felt odd to call Godric's Hollow home, but he had fixed up his parents' house quite nicely with help from the Weasleys and Hermione.

"Harry?" Dean interrupted his thoughts.

"Hmm? Oh, sorry, I was thinking of how Draco held on to me rather tightly in the Room of Requirements –" Harry interrupted himself in shock. "Ok I see why you guys think I'm gay…"

Ron laughed slightly, confused.

"Glad you figured it out?"

"Um I think we missed something," Neville said, prompting Dean and Seamus to nod in agreement. "What were you doing in the RoR with Draco? Especially why was he holding on tightly to you?"

Harry and Ron laughed.

"It's not what you're thinking. You know how we had to destroy Horcruxes? One of them was in the RoR. It turned out that Draco, Crabbe and Goyle were nearby. Long story short, Crabbe cast Fiendfyre and lost control of the spell. We had brooms, so Ron and Hermione grabbed Goyle –"

"Who was unconscious, and heavy," Ron interjected.

"And Draco got on my broom–”

"God I've spent too much time with Fred and George," Ron muttered, putting his head in his hands.

"To escape the fire, you prick, your brothers are bad influences.”

Ron put his hands up in surrender.

“Right, well he was holding on to me tightly because he didn't want to die."

"A guy hugged you and you turned gay?" Neville asked skeptically.

Harry laughed.

"No, I – Actually yeah that's pretty accurate. A guy hugged me, I wanked to that, and I ended up gay," he summarized.

"Malfoy," Seamus insisted.

"Yeah, Draco… bloody Malfoy."

"Wow," was Ron's only comment. "I-wow"

Harry thought about his joke-flirting with the blonde. Had it really been just to make him mad? Or had he subconsciously wanted the ex-ferret to flirt back, as he finally had the day before?

"Anyways, even if I did like him as more than a… god, a wank fantasy, he's been avoiding me since he turned the tables."

"Do you think you could see yourself dating him?" Dean asked curiously.

"God, I don't even know if I'm gay, or bi, or what… I'd say in the current scheme of things my brain thinks it would never work out between us, but…my dick would love dating him"

Seamus, Dean and Ron burst out laughing.

"I see why Hermione left," Neville muttered (very asexually 🖤🩶🤍💜. Not that he realizes that yet).

"Shut up, it's not funny," Harry protested through his grin.

"So what are you going to do?" Seamus asked.

"I don't know, I think I'll think about things for a bit, see what Draco does…"

"If there are any openly gay students, you could ask them for advice," Ron suggested.

"...What do you mean, if ?" Seamus exclaimed.

"Sea (alternatively spelled Shay) and I have been dating since, what, 6th year?" Dean pointed out.

"And Ginny dumped Harry for Luna," Neville added.

Ron stared at them. 

"Why am I always the last to know these things," he grumbled.

"I think Pansy is gay too, and there are a lot of others in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, and in the younger years," Seamus said. "There's even a QSA"

"There is??" Ron asked, flabbergasted.

"Yeah! The only reason I never went is because we were a bit busy, what with Quidditch, and annually saving the school and what not," Harry grinned. "Also the fact that Seamus, Dean and Neville started it this year"

Ron hit him with a handful of grass and weeds.

"I thought I had managed to miss an entire school club, you arse!"

"You'd have gone if it existed earlier?" Neville asked.

"Yeah! Given how many members of my family are queer, it'd have been really fun!"

"Um, I know your sister is gay… The others are too?" Dean asked, surprised.

Ron nodded.

"Bill – And Fleur for that matter– are bi, Charlie's trans and aroace –" Ron frowned at Harry's perplexed face. "Which part of that was too hard for you?"

"All of it," Harry admitted. "I know the basic sexualities, thanks to Seamus, but queer education was a bit… lacking at the Dursley's."

"Charlie was born as Charlotte, transitioned to Charles when he was in 4th year and doesn’t feel romantic or sexual attraction to anyone. Lucky bastard. Fred's gay, he's dating Oliver Wood, George is pan and gender queer – Attraction to all genders, and not entirely connected to the term 'man' – and… Percy's homophobic."

His audience burst out laughing. 

"Ok, he's not that bad, but he 'disapproves' of the 'queers'. Man did Mum get into him for that," Ron laughed. "Oh, and I'm straight. I hope that's as similar to Perce as I'll ever get!"

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