Chapter 7
JAMES
September at Hogwarts flew by and before he knew it, James was practicing for the first match of the season. They would be versing Ravenclaw, a difficult match, but James was certain the team could pull through and win. He was hoping for Gryffindor to win the Quidditch Cup this year, as they narrowly missed last years cup.
Slytherin had won last year, and their entire house saw to it that James and his teammates would never forget it. It was ironic, really. The entire team was pure ass, Regulus Black was the only valuable player on their team. And maybe Dorcas Meadowes, as much as James hated to admit it, she was a darn good chaser.
But Regulus had always been the star of any match involving Slytherin. Even when James was on the pitch, he would still be placed in a trance by Regulus' magical, gorgeous movements. He flew like he was born to do just that, and Regulus never failed to leave anyone fascinated by the way he rode the broom.
James couldn't quite pinpoint what is was about Regulus' flying that was so... so distracting. There were no words in the English language that could accurately describe how Regulus flew. No words could ever give him justice. You had to view it with your own eyes to truly understand just how graceful and surreal he looked.
James could watch Regulus fly all day. Hell, James could watch Regulus fly for the rest of his fucking life. It was like art, it was majestic, it was free, it was enchanting and enticing and seductive all at once. James doesn’t understand how the entire fucking school don't drool over Regulus after they all witness his technique and performance.
If Sirius wasn't a protective brother, James would be praising Regulus at every chance he got. He sometimes has the urge to run up and kiss Regulus whenever he sees him in the hallway, but obviously that would be weird and Regulus would most likely hex him in response.
There was just something about Regulus Arcturus Black. Something James couldn't say. Something in his stomach, his heart, and his mind all together that pulled him towards this boy. The boy that would never like him back. But that was okay. James could settle for admiring from afar.
Regulus deserved to be admired. His beauty deserved to win medals. His hair, his jawline, his arms, his eyes, his lips, his everything. It was all perfect. James wouldn't change a thing about him. Regulus was a perfect human specimen, and James needed to make sure he was aware.
"JAMES FUCKING POTTER! GET OUT HERE BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS ALL THE WAY TO AMERICA!" Frank yelled. He was standing behind James with his hands on his hips. James was partially naked, standing in the change rooms. He was holding his uniform in his hands and the change rooms were empty except for himself and Frank.
"Yep, sorry Cap" James saluted before running out of the room, quickly tugging his shirt over his head, slapping Frank's ass on the way out.
"What's got you so preoccupied, Potter?" Mary chuckled, "Thinking about a certain red-head?"
James wanted to snort. He was definitely head over heels in love with Lily Evans for a long time, but her frequent rejections eventually led him to the fact that she would never like him back.
James wondered if that made Regulus a rebound. He didn't think so, Regulus was unexpected and definitely unintentional. James' feelings for Regulus were also a lot stronger than his old feelings for Lily, which he really didn't believe could be humanely possible, but it was.
"Haha. Very funny, Macdonald" James spat. He shoved Mary playfully and she nudged him back. After a few civil nudges, the two started to brawl playfully, laughing loudly.
"Stop that" Frank spat at the two friends as he strode across the lawn, heading towards the group of people positioned under the hoops.
"Ah. Better make our way over" James said, walking over to the group, Mary not far behind.
***
The stands were pretty much empty while they practiced. Only Lily, Remus, and Peter were there. It was getting chillier by the second, and James was suddenly reminded that Winter was coming.
Despite the cold, Winter was still his favourite season. Winter had Christmas, which was truly the best time of the year. He got to spend Christmas time with his favourite people. His parents would host a large Christmas party and James was going to invite all of his friends this year, the girls included.
He contemplated even inviting Regulus, but he thought that may be a little uncomfortable for everyone.
James was flying like normal, scoring goals here and there, speeding up and down the pitch. He felt different, though. Like something had changed. He wasn't fully focused on his flying, which was strange. Never did James focus on anything but his broom and the Quaffle in his hand.
Clearly, Sirius had noticed as he was making his way over to James.
"Alright, mate?" Sirius stopped next to James, patting his shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm alright. I'm just feeling a bit out of it, I guess." James shrugged it off.
"James Fleamont Potter never feels out of it. Come on, now. What's got your panties in a twist, my friend?" Sirius laughed.
James didn't want to lie to Sirius. He couldn't. He wouldn't let himself. But he wasn't sure telling Sirius about his very big, and very real crush on his younger brother would help things either.
"I, er" James chuckled, "I dunno. It's a bit confusing, you know? Life." James supposed that was true enough for Sirius to let it slide.
"I get it" Sirius nodded before flying to the opposite side of the pitch to begin the drills again.
***
LILY
"Okay, sorry Lils" Mary rushed out of the Quidditch change rooms, quickly brushing through her hair, "We can go to class now."
"Are you going to sit with us or Emmeline in Charms today?" Lily asked.
"I, um- I'll see what happens I guess." Mary shrugged.
"What are you two gossiping about" Lily turned to see Marlene running over to them, pulling her hair up into a high ponytail.
Lily looked at Mary nervously.
"Nothing" Mary said.
"Fuck, you two are acting like how Remus and Sirius were yesterday" Marlene told them.
"What did you just say about me?" Sirius scoffed from behind them. He was walking with James, who was kicking the dirt on the ground.
"Nothing, nothing" Marlene put her hands in the air in defence.
Sirius raised one of his eyebrows before whispering something to James. James laughed in return and pushed Sirius playfully.
"Are they in love with each other or something?" Marlene huffed.
***
Charms class was worse than Lily expected. Emmeline sat next to Mary, and flirted with her for the whole class. Lily was devastated. She wanted to sit next to Mary. She wanted to flirt with her, she wanted to look at her, she wanted to make her laugh.
No one seemed to care that Emmeline was sitting with Mary, no one except Lily. Lily, whose wandering eyes always landed on the two girls giggling at the desk next to hers.
"Lily" Peter tapped her shoulder nervously. Both Lily and Marlene turned to look at Peter who was standing, quite uncomfortably, behind them.
"Remus asked if I could swap seats with you. He wants to talk to you" Peter said.
"Oh" Lily said, looking over at Remus who was slumped in his chair, "Of course."
Lily waved goodbyes to Marlene and Peter before making her way over to Remus' desk at the back of the classroom.
"Hey" Lily sighed, sitting in the chair next to his, "Thank God you called me over, I can't stop staring at... You know"
Lily discreetly nodded towards Mary and Emmeline, who was now drawing something on Mary's outstreched arm.
"I know," Remus said back, "I figured you would work better over here."
Lily smiled and leaned into Remus a bit. She could now finally take notes on what Flitwick was discussing. He was currently giving the class another lecture on the importance of OWLS.
"What exactly did I miss?" Lily whispered.
"When you were too busy eyeing Mary, you mean?" Remus said. Lily scowled at him, but he just smirked back.
"Yes." She snapped.
"Nothing you don't already know. He's just been rambling on about how Charms is underestimated but your score does actually matter."
"Of course. We have already gotten this speech from every other teacher" Lily groaned.
"Well, do you want to tell me more about..."
Remus mouthed "Mary"
"Yes, hang on. Muffliato" Lily whispered.
"Lucky, we don't want anyone overhearing" Remus said.
"Okay. I will tell you what happened. You can't tell anyone though." Lily whispered.
"Why are you whispering?" Remus hissed back.
"How do we know if the spell worked?" Lily told him. Remus rolled his eyes.
"Okay, then. You are fucking good at spells, but anyways. I promise I won't tell anyone." Remus said.
"Not James. Not Sirius. Not Peter. Not Marlene. Definitely not Mary." Lily said.
"Lily." Remus squeezed her hand in his, "You can trust me. This mouth is zipped, okay?"
"I know" Lily groaned "Obviously. You would never tell, I'm sorry for doubting you Remus. I'm just scared, you know?"
"Of course. Look. I will tell you a secret of mine, and if I tell someone your secret, you can tell someone my secret, okay?" Remus told Lily.
"Okay, that sounds promising. What's the secret?" Lily asked.
"I can't say, not here." Remus looked around conciously.
"Remus! You were just making fun of me for whispering!" Lily slapped his arm, "No one will hear!"
"You never know" Remus shrugged, "I will tell you after class."
***
REMUS
"Come on" Lily pulled Remus out of his seat, threw her bag over her shoulder, and strode out of the classroom once the class ended.
"Yep, one second" Remus said, quickly packing up his things.
"Moony? Where are you going?" Sirius was suddenly standing in front of Sirius, causing him to jump back in shock.
"Fuck, announce yourself before springing up on people" Remus spat before exiting the classroom.
"You didn't even answer my question you bastard!" Sirius yelled after him. Remus put up the finger before exiting the room.
He quickly turned his head to see Sirius and James looking over at him, both with concerned looks on their faces.
"Remus!" Lily called, she was at the end of the corridor.
"Yep okay!" Remus replied, following her down the corridor. They turned a corner to a long, deserted hall.
"Where are we going?" Remus said once they were alone.
"Just tell me here" Lily sighed, "No one's around."
Remus looked both ways, making sure the hallway was completely empty.
"Okay." Remus lowered his voice and rubbed his hands together, "Okay."
"Remus. Breathe."
"I know, I know."
Remus looked around the corridor a second time before standing in front of Lily.
"What I tell you cannot be told to anyone. Unless I tell someone your secret, but that won't happen" Remus told her.
"Yep. I got it. Now what is the secret?" Lily asked.
"Okay, here I go." Remus huffed, "As I mentioned on the train, I think I fancy guys."
"Yes, I remember" Lily smiled, "Do you have a crush?"
Remus blushed, turning away. He ran a hand down his face and laughed into his palm. Lily smiled up at her best friend.
"Ha, um. Yeah. Yeah, I do" Remus seperated his fingers to peek out at Lily from behind his hand.
"Well..." Lily giggled, "Who is it? I think I might know who it is."
"Wha- You do?" Remus gasped.
"Calm down. I don't think anyone else has noticed. I'm just very observant." Lily smiled.
"Are we even talking about the same person?" Remus asked.
"I don't know? Who are you talking about?" Lily asked.
"Sirius" They both said at the same time.
"Yes! I knew it!" Lily squealed.
"Jesus, Lily! Keep your voice down!" Remus yelled, looking around the corridor again.
"Sorry, sorry. I'm just so happy for you. I can't believe this! Well, I definitely can. It was pretty obvious, but still." Lily couldn't stop smiling. She gave another small squeal.
Remus couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face.
"So... Does anyone else know?" Lily asked.
"Nobody. The boys know I'm interested in men, but they don't know which man." Remus said.
"I'm the only one that knows!" Lily squealed again, “I thought James might have known or something."
"Nope. No one but you. I'm the only one who knows about Mary, too right?"
"Yep. You're the only one." Lily nodded.
"Not surprised" Remus smiled to himself, "I love you, Lily Evans. You know, I think you're actually the only person I've ever said that to. I can't say it, really."
"Aw, Remus" Lily cooed, "I love being the only person you love. Well, except Sirius."
Remus grinned sheepishly at Lily, trying to stop himself from blushing.
"I don't love him, oh my God." Remus croaked.
"Sure." Lily chuckled, "And I don't love Mary."
"Do you?" Remus asked. Lily placed her index finger to her lips and made a 'shh' sound.
"Ah, okay" Remus grinned.
"Now come on, we have class" Lily tugged on Remus' jumper and pulled him along.
Remus groaned, pulling back.
"Can we just..." Remus sighed, "Skip? It's just one lesson. Please?"
"Remus" Lily laughed, "are you feeling okay? Never would I have thought those words would've came out of your mouth."
"Now don't be mean, you're just as much a nerd as I am" Remus scowled. Lily just poked out her tongue in return.
"If I skip class with you," Lily pauses, "Can you do something in return?"
"Why did you make that sound awfully weird." Remus raised an eyebrow.
"Shut the fuck up, that's not what I meant," Lily snorted, "I mean, will you try and tell Sirius? Or James, even?"
"I was thinking of just, you know, suppressing my feelings until they disappear." Remus shrugged.
"Remus!" Lily said, "That isn't healthy. At all."
"I know," Remus groaned, "But like, come on! Sirius is the straightest man in existence."
"Is that seriously what you think?" Lily snorted, "Have you seen Sirius Black?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus asked.
"He. Wears. Eyeliner." Lily told him.
"What? Since when?" Remus asked.
"Okay, that was a bit of a stretch. It was one time. And we did force him into it. But, I bet if I get him to wear it again and you tell him he looks good in it, he'll wear it for the rest of the year." Lily nudged Remus.
"Piss off" Remus laughed, his entire face turning red.
"Now come on, where are we going to go?" Lily asked Remus.
"You, um, ever smoked weed?" He said.
***
JAMES
James Potter had made a recent realisation, and it was that he was becoming obsessed. Obsessed with one boy with dark, curly hair. James wanted to run his hands through it. A boy with eyes so deep James wanted to bathe in them, lips so intriguing James wanted to study them. How could someones lips be so attractive? It made no sense.
He was looking over the map, trying to find Regulus. He couldn't seem to find him anywhere. He wasn't in the Slytherin common room, or the Astronomy Tower (a common place he visited, James worked out), he couldn't see him in any corridor.
"Regulus fucking Black. Where are you?" James hissed into the dark. He scanned his eyes over the parchment, but he still couldn’t find his name.
"Did you call me?" Sirius opened the curtains and James quickly hid the map. Sirius raised an eyebrow before grinning.
"What are you hiding under there, Prongsy? Is it something dirty?" Sirius barked.
"Fuck off" James spat, pushing Sirius away and turning back to the map.
"Okay, okay. I'll leave you to your wanking, you dirty fucking bastard" Sirius yelled, closing the curtains.
James shook his head, returning to the map in his hands.
Where was Regulus? James had studied the map thoroughly, it was like he was missing something. What was he forgetting?
"Fuck" James said under his breath.
Of course. He remembers Remus telling him about a room. A room in Hogwarts that can only be found when someone needs it, and you can only enter if the person wants you there. The come and go room, Remus had called it.
It was somewhere on the seventh floor, and James left the common room, striding to the exact place he hoped Regulus would be.
He was wearing his red plaid pants and a black T-shirt, but that would just have to do. He roamed aimlessly around the seventh floor until he found the corridor. He stood in front of the door.
Clearly, he had not thought past this. How would James get in the room in the first place? As if Regulus would want James there, and it's not like James could barge down the door.
Maybe he could wait for Regulus outside? James hoped he wouldn't be too long. What was he even doing in there, anyways?
As James' thoughts raced a mile a minute, an old, wooden door appeared on the wall behind him. James turned as he heard the brick walls creak, and he audibly gasped when he saw the door that grew out of nothing.
He moved forward. Would Regulus be in there? Or was it just a room with no one in it?
Either way, James wanted to check it out. He reached for the brass handle and opened the door.
The atmosphere changed almost instantly when James stepped into the warm, quiet room. At first, James thought it was empty. That was, until he heard a small sniffle near the bed in the middle of the room.
"Hello? Is someone here?" James asked, "Regulus?"
"What the fuck?" A figure jumped up from behind the bed, turning around. It was Regulus. He had his wand drawn, nearing James slowly.
"Uh, hey" James stepped back, "Are you crying?"
"Potter." Regulus sneered, "What makes you think I won't cut you limb from limb for strutting in here, and accusing me of crying?"
"I'm not accusing. I heard your sniffles and, tell me if I'm wrong, but that looks awfully similar to a tear rolling down your cheek." James pointed in the vicinity of Regulus' face. Regulus wiped his cheek aggressively before turning away.
"What are you doing here?" Regulus asked, back still turned.
"I was looking for you." James told him.
"Why?" Regulus asked.
"I..." James faltered. He stopped.
Regulus turned around to watch James, who was at a loss for words.
"I don't know why" James finished.
"And," Regulus moved closer, "What makes you think I wanted to be found?"
"Well, I made it in here, didn't I? There must have been some part of you that wanted me here, with you." James told him, taking a step closer.
They were now so close, James was towering over Regulus, and he could feel the other boys breath against his chest.
Regulus was refusing to look James in the eye, so he resorted to staring straight at his chest.
"Regulus," James said, "Why were you crying?"
Regulus scoffed, turning to walk away, but James was fast. He grabbed Regulus' wrist, and Regulus hissed in return. He pulled his arm to his chest, clamping his eyes shut.
"Woah" James inched closer, "What's wrong?"
Regulus didn't answer. He just turned away and sat on the bed. James walked slowly over to him, and sat next to him on the bed. James hovered his hand over Regulus arm, which was still clutched to his chest.
"Can I?" James asked. Regulus dropped his arm onto his lap, looking up at James.
"Reg" James sighed, "Did you-"
"Don't fucking call me that. Don't think we are friends. We are nothing." Regulus spat.
James blinked. He reached for Regulus wrist, and pulled up the sleeve of his sweater to reveal the thing James dreaded, but he knew it was coming.
It was red, very red. It seemed as though Regulus had been scratching at his arm to the point you could see the claw marks.
"Okay. It's okay." James sighed. He rolled the sleeve back down and moved closer to Regulus.
"Regulus, I-"
"I think it's best you leave. This shouldn't have happened. You shouldn't have come here." Regulus says.
"No. I'm staying. I don't care. I won't let you do this to yourself again." James spat.
"Oh fuck off, Potter. As if you give a single fuck about me." Regulus rolled his eyes.
"I do. I give many. So many." James told him, "Please, let me take care of you."
"There is nothing to take care of. It's fine. I'll handle it, I'm used to it" Regulus told him.
"Regulus..." James sighed. He adjusted himself on the bed so all of his attention was on the boy next to him.
"Regulus. Let me help you. Please. I- I won't allow myself to leave you like this. Don't talk to me, I don't care. Just let me be here. In the space. Please." James pleaded.
Regulus didn't say anything, but James stayed anyways. He stood from the bed and sat in an armchair in the corner of the room, watching Regulus who was still frozen in his position on the bed.
"I'm probably going to leave. I don't want to sit in here with you of all people. So, you can go." Regulus said after some time, keeping his head low.
"I won't leave until you leave, Regulus." James sighed.
"Well then" Regulus scoffed. He stood up, brushed down his trousers and left James in the quiet room. All James could hear was the fire crackling.
James took a deep breath before exiting as well. He was fast enough to catch Regulus before he got too far away.
"Regulus!" James called, "Wait, please."
Regulus stopped, but he didn't turn around.
"Please, Regulus. Can you let me- just, fuck, can you let me do something for you?" James pleaded.
"Like what, James?" Regulus said, his back still facing James.
"Can I-" James paused "Can I hug you?"
"Are you fucking mental?" Regulus turns around. His eyes were red, and his eyelashes were wet. His cheeks are pink and his hair was messy. James seriously thinks that Regulus Black is the most beautiful thing to ever exist on this planet. The amount of beauty he upholds should be studied by scientists because, fuck, it should be impossible.
How can one person be so beautiful? Even when they're in such a vulnerable situation such as this one. Regulus never fails to amaze James.
"I mean, I guess I am. But... Can I hug you anyways?" James asked.
Regulus' mouth formed into a thin line. He stared blankly at James and briefly nods.
"But I swear to God, if you start snuggling and shit, I will break your fucking arm." Regulus spat.
"Noted" James chuckled. He shuffled foward and slowly moved forward to place his arms around Regulus.
At first, Regulus stiffens and seems to pull back a bit, but after a while he seems to fall into the embrace. But his arms remain by his side.
Eventually, James pulled away.
"Sorry." James sighed, "I just always feel the need to hug people, especially when they're sad. I don't like watching people sad."
"Everyone must think you're some angel, huh?" Regulus snorted, "Like you could do nothing wrong?"
"Well-" James thought about this carefully, "I suppose they do. I don't know if their thought process is that fucking pathetic, but I like to believe I'm a good person. I wouldn't consider myself an angel but-"
"Just fucking shut up. That was meant to be a rhetorical question." Regulus snapped. He turned to walk away, leaving James, extremely shocked, standing in the middle of the hallway.