Chapter 2
REGULUS
Regulus Black is breathing. He has blood coursing through his veins. His heart beats rather rapidly and he can think. All these factors add to the statement: Regulus Black is alive.
But really, Regulus Black is dead inside.
A piece of him, maybe even all of him, died that day. The day Sirius Black met James Potter. The day Sirius Black, Regulus' best friend in the whole wide world, found someone new.
Found a new favourite person.
Regulus wanted to be happy for Sirius. He deserved a bit of light in his life to help ward away the mass of darkness. James Potter supplied him with that light.
But Regulus couldn't help feeling jealous because he once supplied his brother with that light.
Sirius is distant. He doesn't talk to Regulus anymore. He stayed at the Potter's almost every day during the holidays, and when he stayed at Grimmauld he just hid away in his bedroom, doing God knows what.
Their mother isn't too fond of this either, but Sirius doesn't seem to care that much anymore. It's never a shock when they get punished by their mother. In fact, Sirius once told Regulus that sometimes it doesn't even hurt because Crucio has been done on him so many times.
Regulus knew he was lying, because Sirius does that a lot to spare his feelings. Sirius said this after his mother had been peeling away his insides, striking pain throughout his body for five minutes straight, maybe even more. Time seems to go by slowly when that happens. Regulus hates it.
Regulus had come upstairs to see how he was. He brought him food, and blankets, sleeping draughts.
Sirius doesn't normally need a sleeping draught, he is almost always fucking exhausted after being tortured, but Regulus does it because Sirius seems to... forget things.
Regulus has found that after Sirius has been given a sleeping draught, his mind is a bit hazy when he wakes. Of course, he is aware of what his mother did to him, but everything after is blank. His mother's callous words, his father's disapproving stares, and Regulus helping him.
Sirius hates Regulus. But Regulus doesn't care anymore, because he can't help it.
***
"Fuck, why did no one tell me it's fucking freezing!" Evan groaned "Reg, would you come back to the dorm with me to pick up my jumper?"
Regulus gave Evan a disapproving glare.
"Pretty please with a cherry on top" Evan blinked his eyes lazily back at him.
"Piss off Ev" Regulus kept walking towards the Great Hall.
"Please Regulus!" Evan was now on his knees. Everyone around was beginning to stare, and Regulus was starting to feel a bit self-conscious.
"Regulus Black will you please accompany me to my dormitory so I can retrieve the much-needed jumper that will be used to stop me from getting hypothermia" Evan was being dramatic, as usual. Girls were looking over at Evan before giggling at each other. Evan was clearly enjoying the attention.
"Get up you wanker" Regulus hissed, "I'll come with you, just stop making yourself look stupid"
Evan gave Regulus a quick grin as he got to his feet. As much as he doesn't show it, Regulus really does like Evan.
"Thanks, Reg, I'll make up for it, okay? What do you want?" Evan put his arm over Regulus' shoulder.
"I want you to stop embarrassing me in front of the entire student body. That would be amazing" Regulus replied.
"Noted" Evan nodded to himself.
Regulus was kind of enjoying himself, something that hadn't occurred in what felt like years. Until of course, he saw them.
His brother. With James Potter.
Sirius doesn't notice Regulus walking his way, Potter does though. Regulus is surprised by his reaction.
He begins to comb through his hair, looking around awkwardly. Regulus can even see the smallest bit of blush forming on his cheeks. James Potter really is beautiful.
The first time Regulus saw James on the Hogwarts Express, he thought only one thing: I hate him.
But James looks different to how he looked before, he looks older. He has grown, he’s gotten more muscles, and he’s just gotten more attractive. James Potter has always been frustratingly beautiful, but this year his jawline has sharpened, his hair is even more messy, and his large, hazel, eyes have finally grown into his face.
His eyes trailed down James’ body, going over every sculpted limb. The sleeves of his shirt have been rolled up, which doesn’t help things for Regulus, because he can very clearly see his flexing arm muscles. Regulus wants those arms around him, on him.
If only he wasn't such an egotistical prick, Regulus may have even considered dating him.
And also the fact that he was Sirius' best friend, of course. And the fact that he was a boy.
"Regulus? You good there?" The sound of Evan's voice brings him back to reality.
"Yeah. Just thinking" Regulus sighed.
***
"Well Reggie, looks like Florence fancies you" Barty smirks at the other boy.
"Burke? What makes you think that?" Regulus replied.
"Don't tell me even your blind ass didn't see her drooling all over you in Charms" Barty said. Evan snickered next to him.
"My blind ass did not see her drooling all over me in Charms. If she even was" Regulus responded.
"She was. Trust me." Barty patted him on the back, "Why don't you ask her out?"
"I'm good" Regulus snapped. He just wanted this conversation over, he wanted to go to their next class, sit down and forget about the day.
"Come on, Reg" Barty groaned, "You have to! You've never dated anyone, hell, I don't think I've ever even seen you kiss a girl. Keep going this way and people are going to think you're... You know."
"I don't know" Regulus spoke in monotone. He had the slightest idea of what Barty was referring to, but he didn't want to speak about it.
"Yeah Barty, what the fuck are you on?" Evan asked.
"I did smoke some shit earlier, but that isn't relevant. I'm not talking crack. I'm being genuine. People will think you're, you know."
The other two boys raised their eyebrows in unison.
"Do tell what people will think of Reg, Barty?" Evan sneered.
"You know. Queer" Barty said.
Regulus' heart stopped. In that moment, so many thoughts ran through his head.
Do they actually think of him that way?
Does everyone think he's gay?
Regulus thought he had hidden it quite well.
"Oh for fucks sake. Just because you haven't seen him kiss a girl doesn't mean he's gay" Evan defended.
"It's making me a bit wary. But look, I don't care. I just wanted to warn you because others most definitely will" Barty shrugged.
"Oh come on, no one will care" Regulus finally replied.
Evan and Barty both fell silent, giving each other worried glances.
"What?" Regulus stopped, "No one will, right?"
"Reg" Evan said warmly, "I mean, come on. You know how some people are"
Regulus looked at his feet. That was true. Some people were raised that way, Regulus was as well, he just didn't agree. He started to fumble with his sleeve, his thoughts were racing so fast he could barely breathe.
"Wait Regulus. Are you actually queer?" Barty asked. Regulus could slightly see Evan nudge Barty in the ribs before shaking his head at him.
"What? Fuck no" Regulus growled. That caught him off guard. The other two looked at him for a few seconds longer than they should have, before continuing on to their next class.
***
Regulus walked into the Great Hall, and took his seat next to Pandora.
“Hello” Pandora was eating a piece of pie. Evan and Barty hadn’t arrived yet, which Regulus took as a blessing.
Regulus looked at the food that was set out. Nothing appealed to him. Regulus wasn’t a picky eater, he loved almost every meal Kreacher gave him, but he had grown to despise food in general. This was mainly because he has a massive phobia of throwing up, it reminds him too much of his house.
Regulus doesn’t eat a lot. He used to get hungry, but since he ignored it so much he doesn’t get hungry anymore. No one really notices. Except for Pandora, of course.
“Do you want some chicken, Reg?” She asked. Regulus shrugged in response, so Pandora grabbed his plate and began adding food to it.
“You weren’t at breakfast this morning” Pandora said.
“No” Regulus sighed, “Slept in”
That was a lie, and Pandora knew. Everyone else would’ve bought it, but Pandora understands him in a way no one else does.
“Hm” She says to herself, “I know you Regulus Black. You are not one to sleep in. You’re a morning person.”
“Okay, I suppose you’re right, but I’m not a morning person.” Regulus reminded her.
“How am I supposed to know that? I barely see you in the mornings!” Pandora smiled at him, “Anyways, eat.”
“Okay, okay” Regulus picked at the food with his fork. He turned to see Pandora glaring at him.
“Fuck, okay” Regulus began to eat his peas, before gagging.
“Urgh, peas? Why?” Regulus painfully swallowed the green vegetables.
“You need vegetables. Nutrition is important.” Pandora informs him. Regulus rolls his eyes at this.
“Hey Pan, did you find more about the party this weekend?” Dorcas sat down across the two.
“No, all I know is that I was the only Slytherin invited. It’s in the Hufflepuff common room, someone told me how to get in” Pandora replied.
“Can we come or not then?” Dorcas asked, gesturing between herself and Regulus.
“What? No way.” Regulus blurts out, “I’m not going to some stupid Hufflepuff party.”
“Come on Reg! Please!” Dorcas reaches for his hands and gives them a squeeze, “Everyone will be there.”
“That’s exactly why I don’t want to attend” Regulus gives the two girls a look.
“Oh, Reg, you need to learn how to socialise more! I hate how you always curl up in bed most weekends, it’s not normal!” Dorcas sighs.
“You might meet somebody” Pandora smiles at Regulus.
Pandora is the only one who knows about Regulus’ sexuality. One day Regulus was crying over everything, life in general. Pandora comforted him. And, it just… came out. But Pandora didn’t mind, no surprise about that. Pandora loved Regulus. Regulus loved Pandora, probably more than anyone else.
“Exactly. You can get crazy drunk, forget about everything and just be there” Dorcas was scoffing down her food.
“You need to be somewhere, Cas?” Barty asked. Barty and Evan were strolling over the three already sitting down. They took their spots next to Dorcas.
“Study” Dorcas looked down. Regulus could see blush forming on her cheeks, but it seems no one else could.
“It’s the first day of school you nerd! You’re turning into Reggie I swear” Evan smirked at Regulus.
“Hey, just because I get good grades doesn’t make me a nerd. You guys are just stupid” Regulus spat.
“Wow” Barty brought a hand to his chest, acting hurt, “I value being dumb. The chicks dig it”
Pandora and Dorcas laughed at that. Evan smiled a little, but grew quiet.
“I’m assuming you two will be crashing the party too, then?” Regulus asked the two boys.
“Party? What party?” Barty looked around at the group, needing answers.
“Hufflepuff party. I’ve been invited. I’ll tell you guys how to get in, just don’t say it was me who told you” Pandora replied.
“I love you Pandora” Barty blew her a kiss from across the table. Pandora giggled in return.
“Does that mean you’re coming then?” Dorcas asked Regulus.
“Fine” Regulus gave in. Pandora squealed in joy at this.