Insufferable
After Severus's dream, he spent the next few days skilfully avoiding Lestrange. He was absolutely mortified by the dream. It was embarrassing, and he knew he wouldn't be able to look Lestrange in the eye again.
How could he after thinking that?
After imagining Lestrange touching him like that?
Speaking to him like that?
It was demeaning.
Shameful.
Outrageous.
Mortifying.
Yet, the dream had been reoccurring for almost three days straight.
However, Severus was artfully good when it came to making himself scarce. He had spent most of his life being hyper aware of his father and thus avoiding him, ensuring he was constantly out of Tobias's eye in order to avoid his ire.
Severus knew how to make himself small. He knew how to hide.
He had to in order to survive.
In fact, he was currently hiding in one of the empty classrooms that resided in the dungeons, his little potion lab no longer a viable option since he knew Lestrange checked the room periodically. Although he did miss his lab.
It was one of the reasons he was grateful for Tom for taking a chance on him and including him in his group. This was the first time Severus ever really had a place he could call his own, somewhere he could allow his creativity to flow and experiment until his heart was content.
Severus had spent hours in the lab, making notes in a book that he had labelled as 'Property of the Half-blood Prince.' Severus had ideas of completely rewriting how potions were taught, how they were viewed. He believed his iterations were far superior to what was being taught and a lot less complicated too.
Even the simplest dunderhead was able to follow his notes and be successful.
He had tested it on Harry, who was abysmal at the subject, and even he had managed to use his instructions without any issues. In fact, Harry had said Severus would make an amazing potions teacher if he weren't so 'rude' and 'irritable.'
Severus had promptly ignored him, rolling his eyes. If Severus ever had to teach children, he would be put in Azkaban the very next day, he was sure. There was no way he would be able to teach idiot children all day without cursing them.
After spending a few hours in the abandoned classroom, Severus decided to go to the library to grab some books that would be helpful for the new spell he was attempting to make.
He grabbed a bunch of books before finding a table at the back, away from almost everyone, basking in the silence as he decided which ones he would need and which ones he wouldn't.
Severus was rather enjoying his solitude until he saw both Bellatrix and Narcissa Black making their way to his table at the back of the library. It made him immediately wry.
Bellatrix heading towards anyone wasn't ever a good sign. She was always so unpredictable, and of course, whilst Narcissa wasn't anywhere near as hostile as her sister, she wasn't exactly the nicest person to be around.
It still baffled Severus how she and Harry were friends.
"Can I help you?" Severus asked, his tone cool as the two girls came to a stop in front of him.
Bellatrix let out a large grin, making her look almost shark-like as she took a seat, her wand tucked messily in the folds of her wild mane of hair.
Narcissa remained standing, her nose wrinkled as she looked at the table next to Severus that contained three muggleborn fourth-year Hufflepuffs.
"Rodolphus is being absolutely insufferable without you around," Bellatrix declared, her head cocked to the side as she regarded Severus curiously.
"Rodolphus is always insufferable; I don't see how my presence could have made a difference," Severus muttered, closing his books.
"He is," Bellatrix's grin became softer, her perfect features making her look almost sweet. "But he's got everyone on edge, storming around and cursing anyone who even looks at him wrong. We think he's lovesick, don't we, Cissa?"
"I think he's an idiot who doesn't know how to express his feelings just like every other man. I mean honestly, no offence, Severus, but he's acting like you're something special. You're a poor half-blood; I could name a dozen others just like you who'd be happy to take your place," Narcissa replied, arms folded and looking incredibly put upon.
Severus had spent so much time around these people that her words completely washed over him. He couldn't even find it in himself to be offended because he knew she genuinely wasn't even trying to be mean.
This was Narcissa being nice.
Besides, Severus had heard much more vicious words from his father.
"Well, they're free to take my place; I don't want it."
"Why not?"
"Because this whole thing is ridiculous! I mean, honestly, me and Lestrange? It's far-fetched, and he'll wake up one day soon and realise how stupid this all is and realise he doesn't actually want me!" Severus exclaimed, exasperated.
"But what if he doesn't? We know Lestrange; we know what it looks like when he really likes someone, and we've never seen him like this. He's so adamant that he likes you that he's threatened Potter and the Gryffindors into leaving you alone," Bellatrix replied, her expression unreadable.
"I—what?"
"Come on, Severus, you're meant to be clever. Don't you think it's odd that Potter and his gang have left you alone?"
Come to think of it, Potter and Black had left him alone.
It had been weeks since he'd had any run-ins with them, which was odd.
He couldn't remember the last time he had gone even a week without swapping at least some sort of insult with them at a minimum.
He could see Lestrange perhaps intimidating Potter, but Black? No way.
He didn't listen to anyone.
Apart from Potter, actually, he was like Potter's pathetic little lapdog.
"Even if that was true, Black wouldn't care about a warning from Lestrange," Severus voiced, sceptical.
"Of course he wouldn't; Sirius may be... rebelling, but he's still a Black. No one can tell him what to do. He's above anyone, no matter how pure or powerful they think they are. We're royalty," Narcissa chimed in, her voice full of conviction.
It was odd that despite the fact that Sirius seemed to vehemently oppose his family and everything they stood for, they still stood up for him. It was the same with him too. Everyone knew not to mention his family, especially Regulus, around him if it was negative.
Yet they all completely ignored each other. Severus had seen them walk past each other without so much as a glance. Severus had heard Sirius badmouth his family; he had heard them badmouth Sirius, but it seemed like only they were allowed to. Even when Bella would sneer about how much of a blood traitor Sirius was, everyone knew to wisely keep quiet.
Avery had to learn that the hard way.
"Regardless, Lestrange has clearly done something. The least you can do is stop avoiding him. I don't mind when he's like this; it's funny watching him curse people for no reason, but it's irritating hearing people whine about it. And by people, I mean Malfoy," Bella replied, rolling her eyes.
"Lucius doesn't whine; don't be so ridiculous. He's expressing concern." Narcissa took a step forward, towering over Severus. "I don't like when Lucius is unhappy. You will make up with Lestrange, Severus."
"Is that a threat?" Severus asked, a raised eyebrow.
Narcissa smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Don't be so silly; I like you. I have no reason to threaten you, but like I said, you will make up with Lestrange. You know the Malfoys are the richest wizarding family in Europe. They have lots of sway, and one day, I'll be Mrs. Malfoy. Friends do each other favours so it'll be in your best interest to do me this favour, and who knows? I may find it interesting to sponsor an apprenticeship with some of the world's best potion masters."
Despite the very thinly veiled blackmail, Severus almost found himself smiling.
This entire thing was bizarre. It was like a fever dream.
"I'll speak to him."
"Good," Narcissa beamed before abruptly turning on her heel and sashaying out of the library without so much as a glance back.
However, being left with Bellatrix made him very uneasy.
Severus had never really been alone with the girl before; he felt uncomfortable and wrong-footed. Like being trapped in a cage with an irritated beehive.
She observed him quietly, her dark eyes wide with interest, her fingers tapping on the table.
Severus cleared his throat, uneasy. "Was there anything else?"
"You know people always thought he and I would end up together. I think at one point, even we thought we would," Bellatrix suddenly announced.
Severus frowned. Did she like him?
"I thought the same. You two are very close and similar," Severus replied after an awkward best of silence.
"Rodolphus was the first person I was able to be myself around; he doesn't believe in me being powerful for a girl or me being good at something for a girl. He knows I am equal, if not more than any man. I have respect for him, and out of my respect for him, I am doing him a favour." Bellatrix's face suddenly pulled down into a sneer, seemingly hostile out of nowhere, which made Severus's heart rate kick up. "My sister is much nicer than I am, Snivellius. If you do not talk to him, I will torture you slowly and painfully."
Then, without so much as a blink, she let out a blinding grin, her eyes sparkling as her hand suddenly clasped Severus's wrist, "You'd be fun to break. I can tell."
Then she let go, leaving the library.
"She's fucking insane," Severus murmured, shaking his head, feeling dizzy.
~~~~
After an hour of arguing with himself, Severus made his way to the Quidditch pitch where the Slytherins were training.
Immediately, Severus spotted Lestrange getting shouted at by the seventh-year captain Jeremy Shacklebolt.
Of course, Lestrange was shouting back, towering over Jeremy whilst the rest of the team watched on wryly. However, Severus noted with some glee that Avery seemed to have a bruise on the side of his jaw, and he was clutching his nose, which seemed to be bleeding profusely.
"You're fucking out of control!" Avery snarled before waving his wand and fixing his nose.
"Oh fuck off, it was an accident," Lestrange scoffed, glaring at him.
"Take a break, Lestrange, until you're ready to work as a team. We've got to do better than this if we want to win against the Gryffindors next week," sighed Shacklebolt, pushing past Lestrange and attempting to examine Avery's injuries.
"Don't be so—" however, Rodolphus's words were cut short as he spotted Severus hovering on the outside of the pitch awkwardly.
Severus noticed Rabastan roll his eyes.
"Okay team, let's go! Lucius, grab the box of balls and release them, would you?"
"No," was Lucius’ reply as he walked onto the pitch.
Shacklebolt looked seconds away from exploding.
Honestly, Severus didn't envy him. He couldn't imagine trying to keep control of a team that had the Lestrange twins, Malfoy, and Avery on it.
Lucius wasn't even that good at the game; he was a Chaser who was notoriously bad at passing to his teammates and was known for hogging the quaffle. But his father had bought the team brand new brooms and uniforms, so he had gotten a spot on the team.
Rodolphus and Rabastan were beaters, beaters that everyone dreaded having to face as they weren't only cheats, but they were also very violent with their bats. Severus couldn't even count on both hands the amount of times he heard of them hospitalising someone during the game. But their ferocious tactics usually worked in Slytherin’s favour, ensuring they almost always won, which was why Severus assumed Shacklebolt kept them on.
Avery, Severus was loath to admit, was a pretty decent seeker.
Shacklebolt played as the keeper, and then Francis Travers and Barty Crouch Jr. played as the other two chasers.
Severus wasn't interested in the games, although Harry would often drag him, but he had to admit they were a pretty decent team who almost always won. Largely due to cheating, but hey, winning is winning.
As Rodolphus came jogging over to him, Severus kept his expression as blank as possible, but he couldn't help the red flush that spread across his face.
He hated feeling so edgy and antsy; it made him irritable and paranoid. He knew Rodolphus obviously couldn't know about the dream, but it didn't make it any less embarrassing.
"I hear you're being insufferable," Severus rushed out, just for something to say.
"Who said that?" Rodolphus asked, coming to a stop.
"Bellatrix."
"Really?"
"Well, more so that people are finding you insufferable. She thinks your behaviour is funny."
Rodolphus raised an eyebrow. "What behaviour is that?"
"Cursing people and picking arguments with them. What did you do to Avery? I saw him bleeding."
"He's got too much to say for himself. He forgets his place sometimes. Why do you care? I thought you didn't like him."
"I don't like him," Severus let out a sneer as he glanced over at the boy. "He's irritating, and he thinks his family name covers the fact that he's a moronic idiot who has as much of a brain as a flobberworm."
Rodolphus let out a bark of laughter, taking a step closer to Severus, his frame towering over him.
However, much to Severus's chagrin, instead of finding it intimidating or uncomfortable, he liked it. He liked how much bigger Rodolphus was than him.
"You're funny, I like it" Rodolphus admitted.
"I'm just telling the truth" Severus shifted "But still, despite his annoying nature you shouldn't take out your bad mood on everyone else"
"So what? You've come to save everyone from my wrath, have you? Going to put me in my place," Rodolphus lowered his voice. "Spank me?"
"Rodolphus!" Severus exclaimed, eyes wide and voice scandalised.
"I'm joking," Rodolphus laughed, and Severus (annoyingly) noticed how much lighter and softer he looked with a smile on his usual scowling. "You're always so on edge, like you're waiting for someone to jump out and attack you."
"Yes, well, with Potter and Black allowed to roam around the place, it's better to be prepared," Severus replied with a shrug.
The whole interaction just felt so inversely surreal; a part of him was sure that it wasn't real.
He used to avoid Rodolphus, and now he was making small talk with him. It was bizarre.
"They're not still bothering you, are they? I had a word with them-"
"- Yes, so I heard," Severus narrowed his eyes. "I don't need your protection. I'm very efficient with my wand. I'd prefer it if you stayed out of my business," Severus interrupted, glad there was something he could latch onto and concentrate on.
"I think the word you're looking for is thank you," Rodolphus grinned, undeterred by Severus's surly attitude.
Severus gave him a dry stare, crossing his arms.
Lestrange looked back at the Quidditch pitch, where Lucius pushed Barty, snatching the quaffle from his hand before mounting his broom. "I should get back to this. I don't need another lecture from that twat Shacklebolt. But I'll see you later, yes?"
Severus took a step back, uneasy with the way Rodolphus seemed to come even closer to him. However, before he could do anything, Rodolphus grabbed his wrist.
His hold didn't hurt, but it was firm, keeping Severus in place.
"You've avoided me, so you have to make it up to me," he murmured, bending down so his breath tickled Severus's ear.
"I don't have to do anything!" Severus hissed, ignoring the way his treacherous body shivered, the back of his hair raising up.
"So difficult," Rodolphus sighed, nuzzling Severus's neck (and ignoring his startled yelp). "I thought you were efficient with your wand? Surely being alone with me shouldn't be that scary."
Snatching his wrist back (and bright red), Severus glared at him. "Touch me like that again and I'll hex your hand off. I'm not scared of—"
"-Then meet me at the astronomy tower. I have a surprise for you."
"I don't like surprises." Was Severus's stubborn reply.
"For Merlin's sake! Severus, I like you. We've already been through this. I have no reason to lie, so can you stop being so bloody sceptical at the time? I know this is new to you and you're not comfortable yet, and I've said that's fine, but we won't progress if you don't spend any time with me. How can you get to know me if you keep avoiding me?!" Rodolphus snapped, irate.
"Because it doesn't make any sense! It doesn't make sense why you'd like me. I'm not a fool, Lestrange. I'm intelligent and strong, but I'm not like you. I know how I look; I know what people think of me!" Severus shouted, suddenly furious.
"I—"
"-No! This isn't some game to me! If I let you in, if I give this a chance and this is some prank or it goes horribly wrong, then you can go on with your life. You'll move on, find someone to marry, and continue living your life, but it's not the same for me. No one will want me.T-this is it for me, don't you understand? This is my only chance. If you do something unforgivable, it'll stay with me forever!"
By the time Severus had finished shouting, his chest was heaving and his hands were shaking.
However, when the words he spoke sunk in, he felt the blood draining from his face. Severus was notorious for keeping the perfect emotionless face, for never revealing his thoughts or feelings, and now he had revealed to Lestrange his deepest insecurities.
He had given him ammunition to use against Severus.
He knew just how pitiful Severus was now.
Lestrange frowned, looking strangely upset and also angry.
"Don't say anything." Severus barked, chest still heaving as Lestrange opened his mouth. "If you reveal what I said, I swear it, I'll ruin you."
And with one more scathing look, Severus hurried back inside the castle, ignoring the stinging behind his eyes and Rodolphus calling his name.
~~~~~