July 31st, 1975
depression. There are many different forms in which depression could manifest into a person. Regulus Black was aware that he had many issues. Internal mental ones, depression included. It was a family trait he supposed, all because he was born into being a Black. Usually he ignores said issues, but sometimes, like right now, he simply can not.
Currently he's in a sort of panicked daze, one in which his mind is talking over itself, saying all these different things, tearing into him harshly.
He's staring unblinking at the ground, his legs curled up into himself as he's in his bed, in his room in the Manor of House Black. It is summer and he is at home. His parents somewhere in the big house doing whatever evil they usually do. His mind is not letting him have a moment of peace and he just wishes there were someone here to stop it.
Unshed tears well into his eyes, and he's somewhere, in a corner of his mind, begging for his brother to come save him from himself. He wants Sirius, his big brother, the person who is supposed to save him like he always did. Just as Regulus' breath starts coming in short shallow breaths, there's a pop in the room. The air had momentarily stirred as a quick flash of lighting had shown and the noise of apparition sounded. This was the escape Regulus needed to be in control of himself once more. Blinking harshly, the tears going away, Regulus took in a breath of air before turning to look at their families house elf. Kreacher.
He stared at the elf waiting for what it was there to say. “Master Regulus, Missus Black has told me to inform you that supper is to be ready in ten minutes and you must be there on time because she has important news to tell you.” and with that Kreacher bowed in his rag like pillowcase with another pop of disapparition being heard. His brain took a few moments to actually hear with the elf had said now that he could feel the quietness of his mind, the sudden silence had been a bit dizzying as black spots had filled his vision as he was spoken to.
Now taking in what was said, a form of dread filled him, Sirius had escaped that beginning of summer. His older brother who was just a mere year older than him, Regulus had turned fifteen years old that summer, before Sirius left and he's very aware of why his brother left. He had to otherwise the woman who birthed them was going to kill him.
He had left so bloody and bruised it was a miracle that he was able to breathe, the amount of spells he withstood was astonishing but to Regulus it was a usual thing, he did not expect it to be the final moment that he would be seeing his brother. It had happened in the dining room, the place he is to meet his parents in a little less than ten minutes for dinner. It had been fine until his mother asked something of Sirius that he knew he would never accept, and had hoped that maybe just maybe he would listen if only so he would be okay but he didn't and that had caused her to lash out to hurt him again and again as he kept resisting her. He would not comply to take the dark lords mark, he understood why not, he himself did not want to either and would not want to when he is to be asked the same, but as he had hid into himself into that perfectly crafted mask of indifference. He's had years to perform in front of his parents with Sirius beside him, he had waited until his parents left them there, him standing in the background as Sirius writhed in agony on the floor.
Only then did he let any tears fall, Sirius had been incomprehensible saying that he was going to leave and that it was time, he was too panicked for his safety to understand but he did his duty to help him, he held up his big brother who had made sure his mothers wrath stayed on himself so Regulus would not get hurt. But when regulus left for a few minutes to get Sirius a glass of water, he had heard the familiar sound of the floo and when he came back, he had found his big brother gone.
He resorted to staying in his own room for the rest of the night and that was the night when he could no longer ignore the issues he himself had.
Snapping himself back to the present, it is another one of those evenings in which he had resorted to hiding himself away in the safety of his bedroom until he was called for, he has also taken to going outside to just breathe in nature but today was not one of those days. Getting himself up to do as Kreacher asked, hoping that the news did not have to do with him taking the mark, he was supposed to have another year, but if they're simply resorting to him after Sirius took off and they blasted him from the family tapestry finalizing his disownment. Then he was extremely fucked. He did not want to take the mark so soon, he wanted to have his last peaceful year at Hogwarts after the summer, now he's unsure if that'll ever happen.
Making it into the dining room. To find his mother seated and his dad situating himself. Regulus takes his own seat. Kreacher appears to magic the food into the room once everyone is ready. They begin to eat as Walburga makes small chat with his father. Eventually his mother pulls him into the conversation.
“Regulus, these is some news I must share with you. “ His mothers voice gets his attention as she cuts through her steak, he forces his body to stay relaxed and not let his panic show. He has no idea what she wants. He hasn’t done anything wrong. He looks up at her to show her that she has his attention, as her gaze meets his own. Assessing like always. “It appears that there has been some sort of outbreak in the muggle world.” Just as calmly she continues to eat as Regulus paused and lets down his utensils now actually not scared for his life, briefly.
His mind replays her words as his eyebrows furrow together. Looking back at his own plate. He mills over the information, “Escape?” his mind says. This could be a chance for him to escape this place. If the world is in chaos then he can slip when everyone is distracted but most importantly his mind reminds him of Sirius. He could find him and they could go through whatever obstacles together. But before he can finish forming any more thoughts his mother continues to talk, with a blank expression back on his face, he looks up at her as she continues. An edge to her voice as she speaks. This causes the dread to resurface and make itself home in his stomach. “This is the perfect opportunity for us all, the dark lord has been informed of this outbreak and intends to use it to strengthen his goals. Our goals. To rid the world of all those filthy muggles. Which is where we come in, we have requested him to give you the mark and he has accepted.” At that she looks up at him, a question in her eyes, she’s searching him for any disobedience and Regulus doesn’t feel anything at the moment to be able to oppose her. His whole body has gone numb from the shock, his blank expression still there as he fights his mind to not escape his control again. By sheer force of will, he manages to eat dinner without shaking. No one speaks after that, not until dessert arrives and his father makes idle chatter with his mother about other things in the ministry. Regulus excuses himself when he's done and goes to his room.