In The Blink of an Eye
“Sirius? Hey wake up! Sirius!”
Sirius blinks open his eyes, his vision slightly blurry as a rich tenor voice calls out to him. He’s on his back that much he knows and there’s a blinding light above him outlining two figures hovering nearby. Fuck what the hell happened, one minute he was dueling Lucius Malfoy beside Harry in the Department of Mysteries and the next…
Fuck now he remembers. He’d just gotten the better of Malfoy when from nowhere his deranged cousin Bellatrix Lestrange appeared, blasting him square in the chest with some sort of curse. Oddly enough though he doesn’t feel any pain, quite the contrary he feels amazing! Like he could run all over the Scottish Highlands and back and not even break a sweat. Had her curse failed? Or had he passed out and been treated for his wounds? And just where the hell was he anyway?
He couldn’t see much given that he was still lying on his back but he knew he wasn’t in the Department of Mysteries anymore. From what he could gather he was outside somewhere, the blue sky just behind the blinding light he now believes is the sun and beneath his roaming fingertips blades of fresh mowed grass tickle his skin. Huh, well what an odd place to bring him after battle.
“Huh what, where am I,” he asked addressing the figures above him, he still can’t make out who they are.
“Sirius, hey mate it’s me,” the tenor voice replied excitedly, “you’re home mate.”
Sirius frowns, this isn’t his home but he does know that voice and as the figure leans forward some he recognizes the familiar silhouette. A bit short in height, dark hair, glasses and at once he’s relieved. Harry is here and he’s safe and from the long red hair dangling from the head of who is clearly a woman beside him, he can only deduce it’s one of the Weasley’s. Most likely Ginny, he remembers her being there. So they’d won, they’d made it out after all but just where in the hell had they gone off to?
“Harry?” Sirius can only gasp in sheer delight at having his Godson right in front of him, alive and unharmed and he moves to get up so he can properly embrace him.
Though he doesn’t see it, the figure above him frowns ducking his head a bit in shame. “No Sirius, it’s me,” the voice answered wistfully.
Sitting up Sirius blinks as his vision adjusts to the lack of light blinding him and his heart sinks as the man’s voice becomes more familiar. It’s not Harry now that he listens carefully, the voice is slightly deeper than his 15-year-old Godson’s but then he’d been so sure from his outline. Drawing in a sharp breath the figure moves to crouch beside him and all at once Sirius’ world shatters as familiar blue eyes study him from behind thick wire frames.
“James,” Sirius gasped in shock, “b-but that can’t be, you’ve been dead for 14 years.”
James gave him a bashful smile. “Has it been so long,” he pondered wistfully, “it’s hard to keep track of time here if you don’t pay attention.”
Sirius doesn’t understand, is he seeing James’ spirit? But then how is that possible when he’s never had the chance before? Besides James looks as real and solid as he did when he was alive, had he been resurrected somehow? Too many questions gather in his mind as he tries to make sense of what’s going on and where he is.
“James,” he whispered reaching out a hand to touch his old friend’s cheek, finding it very much real right down to the stubble, “what happened, wh-where am I? Where’s Harry? Remus? The Order?”
“Ah old friend I’m afraid they aren’t here,” James said slowly, “and likely won’t be for a very long time.”
Sirius narrows his eyes just what the hell was he talking about? And where was ‘here’ anyhow? Nothing made sense and if he weren’t so concerned with figuring it all out he might’ve been worried about the lack of a headache he was experiencing.
“I don’t understand James, where am I,” Sirius demanded to know, “what happened?”
James paused seemingly grasping for the right words, though apparently he was at a loss and only fumbled his hands helplessly about trying to explain himself. The second figure seemed to take pity on him and carefully knelt by his side and if seeing James hadn’t given him a heart attack then seeing her definitely would’ve done it. She was as beautiful as he remembered her, her long auburn-not-Weasley-ginger hair floating in gorgeous waves over her shoulders. Her smile was as kind and charming as it had been in life and warmed him from the inside out.
“Lily,” he gasped grey eyes widening, “h-how is this possible?”
Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder Lily gave him a look that was a cross between sadness and elation, as though seeing him were a blessing and a curse. “Oh Sirius we’d hoped to see you again someday but…not this soon,” she explained gently, “you were always meant to take Harry in and raise him. And Remus…well it doesn’t matter anymore. You’re home with us now, you’re safe, you’re free.”
Safe? Free? Those were two things he absolutely did not feel right now. He struggled to stand his mind reeling from what he was learning. If he was seeing James and Lily and they weren’t ghosts and they kept welcoming him “home” then did that mean something else happened in the Department of Mysteries? He wracked his brain trying to remember the details but he was still a bit lost. Bellatrix, her curse hitting him, him falling back through the Veil and then waking up here with James and Lily, both of whom had been dead for over a decade. Tears sprang to his eyes as a horrible, unfathomable truth hit him. No he wasn’t, he couldn’t be, but he was.
“I…I’m dead aren’t I,” Sirius stammered out his voice grim and sullen, “Bellatrix she killed me, didn’t she?”
Standing beside him all James and Lily could do was nod. “I’m afraid she did Sirius,” James confirmed in that reasonable tone Sirius hated, “you fell through the Veil and well here you are.”
Sirius blinked processing his words. “I-Is this Heaven then,” he asked confused, it didn’t look anything like he pictured.
Lily shrugged. “I suppose it could be, there’s no evil here,” she mused thoughtfully, “we’ve seen many of our loved ones, James’ parents for example. And nothing bad ever happens, though we haven’t seen any higher powers as some claim there to be. I guess it’s whatever we want it to be.”
Well that sort of made sense though Sirius found his concerns were aimed more towards the mortal world. He shouldn’t have died during battle, he needs to be back there to help Harry and the Order and Remus…oh Gods no Remus! If he truly was dead then that meant he and Remus were separated for good this time! No, fuck no he wouldn’t have it!
“No, this isn’t right I have to go back,” Sirius cried out as he frantically looked around for a door or portal or something, “please you have to tell me how to get back! Harry needs me, Remus needs me! This is all wrong, please you must…”
“Sirius calm down,” James said firmly grasping his shoulders, “there is no way back.”
Sirius tried to shrug him off but it didn’t work as James held him tight. “Let me go James, please I’ve missed you both terribly but they…Harry…Remus…”
“Sirius love there’s nothing more you can do,” Lily told him softly, “you’ve fought bravely and looked out for Harry as best you can. Now you can rest.”
Sirius stamped his foot like a petulant toddler, tears streaming down his face. “But I don’t want to rest, I want to go back and help Harry win,” he sobbed, “I-I want to buy Remus that cottage we always talked about, I want to hold him in my arms and kiss him and…”
“Sirius I know this is hard but you have to accept the truth,” James scolded him as though he were a child, “you can’t go back, you’re…ahem dead and that’s all there is to it.”
Sirius didn’t want to accept it, he refused to accept it. It’d all happened so fast that he didn’t even have time to think. This wasn’t fair, he had so much left to do. Harry needed him, Remus needed him and he needed them. Voldemort was still at large, they needed him to fight. He couldn’t leave the Wizarding World like this, even if his name was mud and he was a wanted fugitive he didn’t want Voldemort to win. Fuck his life…or afterlife he supposed.
“I promised him,” Sirius whispered into the air, his eyes wistful as he took in his new surroundings, “I fucking promised him.”
“Promised who, Sirius? Harry?” James stood beside him, a comforting hand on his shoulder though it really didn’t help.
Drawing in a shaky breath Sirius sighed, “no, Remus.”
James quirked an eyebrow not quite understanding. “Remus? What exactly did you promise him?”
He might be dead but he can still cry, tears flowing freely down his cheeks as he shakes from anger and grief. “I…I promised him that…that I wo-wouldn’t die before him,” Sirius admitted his voice trembling, “I fucking promised him! And I failed.”
“Oh Sirius, you didn’t fail,” Lily assured him in that gentle tone that only a mother could use, “Remus probably assumed he’d be first because of him being a werewolf. But none of us knew this would happen though I suppose we were given fair warning.”
“So unfair,” Sirius whinged.
“I know but there’s nothing we can do now,” James said somberly, “except try to move on.”
Sirius’ face twisted into a sour grimace, as though he’d sucked a whole lemon into his mouth and let it sit there. Moving on was the last thing he wanted to do. He wanted a second chance, to go back and scream “gotcha bitch!” before cursing his deranged cousin into oblivion. He wanted to hug Harry and assure him that he had family to turn to, family that wasn’t a bunch of ugly, prejudiced muggles. But most of all he wanted to gather Remus in his arms, kiss him like he did this morning and fall into bed with him in a naked, sweaty heap of limbs.
“I can’t believe it, this morning I was lying in bed with him,” Sirius recalled staring off into the never-ending void, “we kissed, spoke of future plans. We still wanted that cottage in the country, you know? We thought perhaps when the war was over we could…well guess it doesn’t matter anymore does it?”
“It will always matter Sirius,” James told him, his gaze also trained on nothing in particular, “Lily and I even after all this time, we still think of the future plans we had with Harry. To see him off to school, meet his friends, play Quidditch, then eventually go off into the world and live his own life.”
Sirius understood perfectly what James was saying, he too had similar plans for Harry. But now it was up to…well whoever the hell was left. He has no idea what happened in the Department of Mysteries, if they won or lost and who else was among the casualties like himself. He hates that they’ve all been cheated out of their lives by a madman who had no qualms about spilling as much blood, wizard and muggle alike, as humanly possible for the sake of his own mental cause.
Though he’s loathe to admit it James and Lily are right, as usual, and the best thing he can do is try to move on. But he doesn’t want to move on, besides what did that even mean here? James and Lily were still here after 14 years so there must not be any other places to go. They did seem happy though or perhaps content was the more appropriate term. Obviously they couldn’t be too happy not raising their son, not growing old together and not seeing Voldemort’s reign of terror end for good. But if they could find some sort of peace maybe he could too.
“So what now,” Sirius asked wiping a stray tear.
“Now we just be,” James answered with a chuckle, “we can do anything here, well sort of. But whatever you dream up it can happen here, for example Lily and I have our house here and…”
“James darling I don’t mean to interrupt but Sirius, there’s somebody else here who would like to talk to you,” Lily interjected guiding Sirius with a hand on his shoulder, “he’s been waiting patiently ever since you got here, he’s very nervous though. And I think he may be able to help you better than us.”
Sirius frowned wondering who on--well not Earth but wherever the hell this is—she means. He doesn’t have time to ponder it though as the moment he turns he knows exactly who it is and Merlin, is he surprised! Standing before him is a handsome young man, a teenager who never made it past his eighteenth year but his gaze holds the same intensity it did all those years ago. His mouth drops open as he locks onto grey eyes that mirror his own.
“Regulus?”
Regulus simply nods his head, his expression a mix of sadness, relief and regret. The truth is he’d been watching the battle the entire time with James and Lily, though mostly with the hope of seeing Voldemort fail. But then he’d seen Sirius swoop in like a Phoenix helping to save Harry and his friends and well it gave him a different reason to pay attention. He’d been impressed with Sirius’ dueling skills though it was hardly a surprise, between the two of them Sirius had always been the superior duelist. But then Bellatrix came in and Regulus screamed out every curse in the English language at least a dozen times, Gods he hated that woman! In the blink of an eye he watched his brother die at her hands without a single chance to defend himself. She truly was a cruel, heartless bitch and how he’d ever once admired her he’ll never understand.
A moment later Sirius’ soul appeared before him at his feet, he wasn’t sure if that was an accident or not but it scared the hell out of him and he’d scampered back in alarm. When he’d hoped to reunite with his brother some day this wasn’t what he’d had in mind. Thankfully James and Lily were there to tend to him first, with Lily reassuring him that Sirius would be thrilled to see him again. Regulus wasn’t so sure.
For several beats neither brother said a word, they simply stared at one another secretly hoping the other would move first. It was Sirius who took the first steps walking carefully towards his brother as though he were approaching a Hippogriff. Regulus remained rooted to the spot, he wasn’t sure if he should open his arms for a hug or extend a friendly hand or just stand there. At least Sirius looked just as conflicted pausing every few steps as though he wasn’t sure he should get so close.
Finally he reached his younger brother and it hit him just how many years it’d truly been. Though both were technically adults Sirius had grown into manhood while Regulus remained stuck between a boy and a man. He was still shorter than Sirius though by no more than a centimeter or two and his features had matured somewhat even though he retained a youthful appearance Sirius envied greatly. He might look younger too were he not left to rot in Azkaban all those years. But he knows nothing can change that and besides he has a brother to embrace.
Reaching up he gently cups Regulus’ cheeks in his hands, his rough palms caressing the smooth skin of his sharp jaw. “Regulus…my Gods look at you,” Sirius breathed out, “I can’t believe I’m seeing you after all this time.”
Something inside Regulus breaks then and he lunges forward wrapping his arms around Sirius’ torso sniffling into his chest. Oh well that was a surprise. He freezes for a moment not sure whether to shove him off or hug him back, they’d never been this affectionate growing up. Figures it would take them dying to get to that point.
Gingerly Sirius curls his arms around Regulus’ shaking frame finally embracing his younger brother. “Shh Regulus it’s alright I’m here,” he shushed him gently.
“Gods Sirius, I…I missed you so much,” Regulus whimpered into his chest, “I wanted so desperately to…to talk to you back then…I was trying to…b-but The Dark Lord and-and his…Merlin if you only knew what he’d done…”
“Hey, hey take it easy,” Sirius said calmly, odd since he’d been a blubbering mess not five minutes ago, “we have plenty of time to talk about…well everything.”
Pulling back Regulus wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “You’re right about that,” he agreed teasing a little.
“We’ll leave you to it,” Lily piped up startling them both, they’d kind of forgotten she and James were still there, “we won’t be far though.”
Sirius nodded. “Thank you, both of you,” he replied with a smile, “I’ll see you soon.”
They both nod their assent before walking away hand in hand, over a grassy knoll and out of sight of the two brothers. Turning back to Regulus he blinks in surprise to find him sitting on a plush aubergine sofa complete with large comfy throw pillows. Huh, now Sirius was almost positive that hadn’t been there a moment ago. At his baffled expression Regulus snickered though there was no malice, just a playfulness he’d never seen from him before. Not often at least.
“What? James and Lily did tell you that anything you can imagine happens here right,” he teased gesturing widely to the plush sofa, “come sit and see for yourself.”
Still in shock Sirius does just that, sitting not too close but not too far and finds the sofa to be very much real and extremely comfortable. He may just fall asleep on this bloody thing. But seeing Regulus regard him in that way he used to reminds him that he can sleep well pretty much whenever the hell he wants now, but he wants to talk to Regulus first. He wants to know what happened, how he died and was it because he defected? And how did he feel now that they didn’t have their parents glaring over their shoulders anymore?
“So um Regulus I erm see you’re looking fit,” Sirius commented immediately regretting his words, why had he just said that?
Regulus snorted, “well yeah when you’re dead you don’t change.”
Clearing his throat awkwardly Sirius could only nod feeling like an idiot. “Right yeah, should’ve figured that.”
Heaving a deep sigh, too deep for Sirius’ liking, Regulus spoke softly addressing his brother directly for the first time since they were children. “Sirius you can ask, I know you want to,” he paused inhaling sharply, “and I don’t mind telling you.”
As always Regulus read him like a book, seems even in death Sirius couldn’t fool him. But he knows which question Regulus is referring to, one that like his mother and father he never got an answer to because only Kreacher knew and Regulus had sworn him to secrecy. Sirius hated that Regulus had done that, his family had a right to know how he died.
Swallowing hard he leveled his younger, much younger he reminded himself, brother with a tired gaze. “How did it happen,” he asked, his voice raspy with unshed tears, “was it Voldemort? Did his Death Eaters come after you?”
Regulus didn’t even flinch though he did pause as the memory of his death bubbled to the surface of his mind. It’d been so long since he’d thought of it, it was pointless after all seeing as there was nothing to be done but he supposed if anyone deserved to know the truth it was Sirius. Drawing in a sharp breath he chose his words carefully knowing that Sirius wouldn’t take the news well.
“It wasn’t the Death Eaters, though I’m sure they would’ve come after me eventually,” he began, his fingers twisting and pulling at the sleeves of his shirt, “and it wasn’t Voldemort, at least not directly. You see, I found out something about Voldemort, something so dark and evil that I’m not sure many of his followers knew about it. Certainly, our parents didn’t and it was a piece of dark magic that I had to scour our private library for, Merlin I must’ve read through every book and tome a dozen times looking for it.”
He paused again licking his lips as he gauged Sirius’ reaction but his expression was more or less blank, though it was clear he was hanging onto every word. Guilt welled up in his chest, Sirius had always been a good listener and Regulus…well he should’ve taken notes and done the same. Perhaps he would’ve survived if he had.
“Anyway I discovered his secret and realized only then how truly mad he was,” Regulus explained blinking back tears, “but it was…it was Kreacher and what he-he did to him that finally convinced me that I was wrong to join him and wrong to believe his mania.”
“Go on,” Sirius urged listening with rapt fascination.
Sighing deeply again Regulus continued, “Sirius you have no idea just how far The Dark Lord was willing to go to achieve his goals, what kinds of dark, sinister and twisted magic he would invoke.”
“I’ve got a pretty good idea,” Sirius growled as memories of the First Wizarding War flooded his mind as well as what Harry saw in the graveyard in his Fourth Year, “he’d do anything to win and make sure Muggles, Muggle-borns and Half-Bloods all suffered if he didn’t outright kill them.”
Regulus shook his head, a somber look passing in front of his eyes. “That’s not all he was trying to accomplish Sirius,” he said his voice shaking, “he-he was trying to achieve immortality.”
Sirius’ eyebrows nearly shot off his head, he knew Voldemort was barking mad but to try and achieve immortality? It was impossible even for Wix. Sure they could live incredibly long lives, Dumbledore had to be at least 140 if not older, but no Witch or Wizard ever lived forever. Sure Nicholas Flamel had come remarkably close with the Philosopher’s Stone but that had been destroyed and Flamel was dead so there went that argument.
“Merlin, I knew the man was barmy but that’s impossible,” Sirius commented running a hand through his curls.
“Not quite,” Regulus replied hesitantly, “see there is a powerful form of dark magic, one so evil and dangerous that not even the worst Dark Wizards would attempt it. Well except You-Know-Who. It’s called a horcrux.”
“A what?” Sirius had never heard of such a thing but it sounded awful.
“A horcrux,” Regulus repeated, “it’s when a Witch or Wizard places a piece of their soul into an object, where it lives on forever. They have to split their soul in order to do it.”
Sirius blinked having no idea such magic existed nor did he have a clue as to how it was accomplished. How did one split their soul? Seemed entirely impossible to him.
“How…”
“Murder Sirius,” Regulus explained calmly, “one has to commit murder to split their soul and then perform some rather complex magic to place it in the object of their choosing. As I understand it he made more than one or so he said.”
“Merlin,” Sirius breathed out hardly believing his ears, “so a horcrux killed you?”
“No, not directly at least. You see Sirius I was planning to defect, though I knew I would be killed for doing so,” Regulus answered shuddering at the memory, “then I found out about the locket in the cave, the horcrux, from Kreacher whom I’d let The Dark Lord borrow without even thinking about what he might use him for. Turns out he’d tested his defenses for his horcrux on Kreacher, making him drink a vile potion that causes insane thirst. The water surrounding the island in the cave where it was hidden was filled with Inferi, so when you went to get a drink they dragged you down and killed you. Kreacher was barely able to escape as The Dark Lord left him there to die. When Kreacher told me I knew what had to be done.”
“So you went back to that cave to steal the horcrux,” Sirius surmised as the pieces fell into place.
“Yes with Kreacher guiding me,” Regulus confirmed a tear sliding down his cheek, “I drank the potion as I didn’t want him to suffer anymore. I ordered him not to tell anyone as well as to destroy the real horcrux and leave me behind as I knew what would happen when I tried to drink from the water.”
“The Inferi killed you,” Sirius concluded his heart aching at the thought of his brother, barely eighteen, being dragged underwater to his death, “and Kreacher…oh Merlin that’s more fucked up than I thought.”
“It is but I knew I wouldn’t survive,” Regulus replied somberly, “even if I’d gotten out of the cave, word of my defection would’ve spread rapidly and the Death Eaters would’ve found me.”
“But-But the Order we-we could’ve…Merlin Regulus if you had only reached out to me or James or Remus or Lily we would’ve helped you,” Sirius babbled angry that his brother had just accepted his fate rather than fighting back, “we could’ve hidden you in a safe house and…and Kreacher could’ve Apparated you out of there. Merlin…just why in the fuck didn’t you…and why did you make Kreacher keep it a secret…”
“Sirius stop,” Regulus half-yelled gripping him firmly by the shoulders, “you know as well as I it wouldn’t have worked, as a marked Death Eater I would’ve been found because of the Dark Mark. I couldn’t risk putting my family in danger, you know The Dark Lord would’ve come after you and Mum and Dad. I couldn’t let that happen, I had to sacrifice myself.”
Well it made sense now but Sirius stubbornly held onto the idea that he and The Order could’ve kept Regulus safe, at least for a while until they could get him out of the country. But then he thought of the Dark Mark and well Regulus was right about that too, it was how Voldemort not only summoned his followers but kept track of them too. Regulus would’ve been found eventually no matter what they did, but Sirius would’ve fought beside him till the end.
“Oh Regulus I still wish you would’ve contacted us,” Sirius grumbled, “we might’ve been able to keep you safe or would’ve at least fought the Death Eaters to protect you.”
Regulus sighed shaking his head, a dry chuckle escaping his lips. “Sirius, you lost so many members to The Dark Lord and his followers and that was without trying to protect a defected Death Eater,” he reasoned, “besides you didn’t respond to my last Owl missive. The one where I suspected your so-called friend Peter of turning spy for The Dark Lord.”
Well now Sirius felt like the biggest idiot in all of Wizarding Britain, had he not been so stubborn he would’ve read Regulus’ warning about Peter and maybe James and Lily would still be alive. Seemed no matter what new revelations came out he was always responsible for the death of his dearest friends. Merlin, what was wrong with him?
“I’m sorry,” he whispered his shoulders shaking with anger, “I-I should’ve but I was too stubborn and proud and…oh Gods maybe I could’ve spared James and Lily…found them another Secret-Keeper who wouldn’t turn spy…it’s all my fault…”
“Sirius, as your brother I say this with love, shut up,” Regulus reprimanded him startling him so much he did in fact shut up, “it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t tell The Dark Lord, Peter did! You didn’t turn spy for him, Peter did! You didn’t run away like a coward, Peter did! Do you see a pattern?”
Sirius did see it all too clearly and while it did assuage his guilt it did nothing for his anger. Peter was supposed to be their friend, their ally yet he’d grown too fearful of Voldemort’s power to fight back so instead he fell to his knees before the maniac and got himself branded a spy. That kind of betrayal hurt worse than any other kind and Sirius never did get his revenge on the miserable lump, he was still alive serving timidly by Voldemort’s side and where was Sirius? In the Afterlife, whatever the hell that meant, dead and unable to help his friends and loved ones all because he trusted the wrong person. Gods he just wanted to destroy something.
Suddenly his lap felt very heavy as a weight settled on it and he glanced down to find a large pile of Gobstones settled on a silver platter. Of course they were. He frowned he hadn’t imagined Gobstones to destroy, though the idea wasn’t without merit. Still he was confused what was he supposed to do with these, smash them on the ground?
“Seems you need to release some anger,” Regulus commented with a chuckle, “personally I chose replicas of our family’s dark heirlooms but I can see where this might be more appropriate. Look up.”
When he did Sirius finally caught on. Standing just a few meters away was a lumpy mold of Peter Pettigrew, every bit as ugly and rat-like as the real Pettigrew only it didn’t talk so there was no sniveling or begging. It all came together now and Sirius felt a wicked smile bloom across his face, this was going to be fun.
Rising to his feet he took a few steps forward facing the mold head-on as though he were about to attack the real man. Taking a Gobstone in hand he reared his arm back and with all his might threw it, a satisfying explosion of rubble following as it hit the mold on the left side of the head taking a good chunk with it. Well he certainly felt better now and with a level of mischievous glee he hadn’t felt since his Hogwarts days grabbed a handful more and aimed for Pettigrew’s pathetic form, hitting it dead on each time causing explosion after explosion as rubble showered all around it. Sirius laughed somewhat maniacally as each Gobstone struck Pettigrew’s body, tearing it apart until the legs gave out and all that remained was his large belly supporting half a head. Picking up the last and largest Gobstone he bared his teeth growling at the inanimate fool.
“This is for betraying your friends, you fucking troll,” Sirius cried out taking aim and throwing it right at the center, “rot in hell you piece of shit!”
The mold smashed to bits before his eyes and Sirius cheered with glee at having destroyed him at last! Well alright it wasn’t the actual Pettigrew but the fact that he at least got to take his rage out on a version of him was enough. He danced around cheering for himself as though he were back in his Fifth Year pulling his greatest prank ever, Merlin he needed this.
Regulus for his part said nothing, simply happy to watch his brother release all that anger and get at least some semblance of closure. He understood all too well how he felt, how he felt cheated out of his life but his anger had been directed more towards his parents than Voldemort. If it weren’t for their fanaticism with Pureblood culture and following Voldemort’s propaganda almost to the letter maybe he would’ve stood a fighting chance like Sirius. This place had conjured molds of his parents too, ones he destroyed with extremely heavy versions of many of their trinkets and dark objects that resided in their home. He cursed them and everything they stood for. But mostly he cursed himself for not being strong enough like Sirius to shut them out.
As Sirius collapsed onto the couch beside him, panting and with a big smile on his face he found himself smiling too. “Feel better,” he chuckled patting Sirius on the thigh.
Sirius turned to him, his smile never wavering. “Yeah I do actually,” he replied earnestly, “thank you.”
Regulus nodded waving a hand. “Anytime, believe me I know how it feels to want to take your anger out on the ones who sent you to an early grave,” he remarked his voice going just a little cold.
At that Sirius stopped smiling, his brow furrowed as he took in his words. “Did you throw Gobstones at a mold of Voldemort?”
Regulus laughed, genuinely laughed at the idea though he supposed that would’ve made him feel better too. “No remember I told you I destroyed a bunch of our family heirlooms, I threw them at molds of Mum and Dad.”
Sirius pondered that for a moment, he wouldn’t have thought Regulus would be angry at them. “Huh, so you blamed them more than Voldemort,” he guessed.
“It was their fault I ever got the impression that what he was doing was right,” Regulus pointed out, then with a sad expression in his eyes turned to him, “do you remember what I told you, back during your Fifth Year at Christmas?”
Sirius’ brow furrowed even deeper as he did recall that conversation, it haunted him even now. “To keep fighting them,” he offered feeling confused.
“And why did I tell you to do that,” Regulus prodded only to huff out a frustrated sigh when Sirius didn’t answer, “because that life would’ve killed you. Just as it did me.”
Well things just took a rather grim turn but Sirius knew he was right, just as he had been all those years ago. Regulus’ prediction had been correct but Sirius was certain it hadn’t been about himself, at least not at the time. Though Sirius never would’ve joined the Death Eaters he knows that if he hadn’t gotten out he might’ve pitched himself off the roof or gotten in Voldemort’s way sooner and been killed earlier. So he supposed he had Regulus to thank for that.
“It would have,” Sirius conceded eyes cast down on his lap, “but getting out didn’t exactly grant me the freedom I wanted either.”
“I know, I watched it happen,” Regulus replied startling Sirius for the second, or maybe third, time, “I’m sorry you ended up in Azkaban, that’s a fate worse than death. Though I must say I was very impressed at how you escaped, you’re still the only person who’s ever done so on their own.”
“I was innocent,” Sirius growled lowly not even questioning how Regulus watched it happen, “I needed to get out.”
“You were, well are actually,” Regulus agreed, “I know you won’t believe this but it did break Mum’s heart when you were arrested. She knew you weren’t capable of murder.”
Sirius barked out a humorless laugh. “Like I give a damn, she disowned me at 16 and could never get past her ridiculous Pureblood mania,” he groused, “glad she and father are dead.”
It was a terrible thing to say but they were terrible people who treated their own sons like shit, well mostly Sirius, and they didn’t deserve forgiveness. That’s when it hit him, if he was dead and speaking to his long dead brother now then did that mean that they were here too? Oh wouldn’t that just be his luck, he finally gets peace only to have his idiotic parents ruin it again.
“Shit they aren’t here are they,” Sirius gasped looking wildly about as though they may spring up at any moment.
“Not that I’ve seen,” Regulus answered calmly, which did help ease Sirius’ anxiety, “I suspect they’ve gone elsewhere, though I haven’t the foggiest idea where. It’s as Lily told you, you only see your loved ones here. I admit I was surprised to be welcomed here, but James and Lily greeted me warmly and accepted me. They said it was likely because of the sacrifice I made and that because my heart wasn’t as black as our parents’ that my soul was able to come here. I was finally allowed to be free.”
Tears pricked at the corner of Regulus’ eyes as Sirius felt his own slide down his cheeks, the reality finally hitting him. They were both finally free, free to be the brothers they wanted to be, free of the pressures of Pureblood culture and Voldemort. At last they could live, well sort of. But the details were unimportant now, the only thing that mattered was that they were together again.
Surging forward Sirius hugged his brother tight as though afraid he may disappear if he eased up. Regulus didn’t fight him but melted right into the embrace, hugging him back just as tightly whimpering into his shoulder. He finally had his brother again and best of all Walburga and Orion weren’t there to ruin it.
“Sirius I’ve missed you so much,” Regulus sobbed resting his head on his shoulder, “I’m only sorry it took so long for us to get here.”
“I’m just sorry it took both of us dying,” Sirius half-joked earning a snort of laughter from his brother, “but the important thing is we’re together again. And this time we’ll do better.”
“I was rooting so hard for you Sirius, for you and Remus,” Regulus added with a sniffle, “I’m sorry you couldn’t be together like you wanted.”
“So am I but as James and Lily said there was nothing to be done,” Sirius murmured sadly, “I just wish I could see him again, to know that he’s ok.”
Pulling back Regulus smiled, his eyes bright with excitement. “Oh but you can, Sirius,” he told him eagerly, “come I’ll show you how we watch over the living.”
Too stunned to speak Sirius clambered off the sofa just as Regulus did and followed his brother over several grassy knolls wondering just what he was going to see. He’d always believed those who passed on watched over them but he’d seen no way to do that here, but then he’d only been here…actually he wasn’t sure how long he’d been here. It could’ve been a few hours or days, possibly even weeks but he didn’t dwell on it as he traipsed excitedly behind Regulus, hope blooming in his chest at the thought of seeing Remus again.
They crossed one meadow after another, it seemed endless to Sirius and he was beginning to question Regulus’ claim. Shouldn’t there be a reflecting pool of some sort or a mirror? All he could see ahead of him was miles of endless sky and grass. Finally Regulus came to a halt, Sirius nearly bumping into him as he did. Wearing the biggest smile Sirius had ever seen Regulus threw his arms out gesturing to the open space. Sirius was puzzled it looked just like everywhere else they’d been, a big wide-open field under a blue sky.
“Well this is the place,” Regulus announced, he was practically giddy.
“Erm no offence but Regulus how is this any different from where we were,” Sirius asked squinting at the grass hoping the answer would make itself known.
Making a terse noise Regulus rolled his eyes. “Look closer, towards the sky,” he instructed pointing just above their heads.
Sirius did as he said though he felt kind of silly doing it, but that was when he saw it. Floating just a few centimeters above his head was a shimmering orb, nearly translucent were it not for the light catching its curved body. It bounced about seemingly with a mind of its own growing larger as it came closer to his face. Sirius was reminded of the crystal balls Seers and divination instructors used, except when Regulus reached out to grab it he could see it was far lighter in weight and was more bubble-like.
“What is it,” Sirius breathed out still in awe.
“It’s a sort of portal, a way for us to watch over our loved ones,” Regulus explained slowly, “all you do is hold onto it, think of the person you wish to see most and they’ll appear before your eyes,” he paused licking his lips, “there is one drawback though um…you can’t talk to them. You can only watch.”
Oh that was disappointing but at the same time more than Sirius could’ve hoped for. Reaching out he gently took the orb from Regulus’ grasp, surprised that it was nearly weightless in his hands. Its smooth surface reminded him of glass but it molded to his touch, his fingers creating indents in its otherwise perfect shape. Taking a deep breath he thought of the one person he wanted to see, the man he loved. It took a moment but the inside of the orb began to glow and swirl with a silvery mist, revealing at first the Ministry of Magic then a sea of faceless people as one came into focus. There he was, bruised with a small trail of blood running down his cheek as he stood off to the side sheepishly. Remus.
“I’ll give you some privacy,” Regulus told him softly, “you can come find me later if you like. My house is just above the hill there.”
Sirius briefly looked to where Regulus was pointing, eyebrow raised in confusion. “You have a house?”
“Of course remember here you can have anything you imagine,” Regulus reminded him then amended somewhat sullenly, “well almost anything.”
“Then I’ll come visit you soon,” Sirius promised then added with a soft smile, “thank you for this Regulus. And I mean it I will come and see you.”
Regulus offered up his own smile and nodded. “Looking forward to it,” he said happily, “I’ll see you later.”
With that Regulus turned on his heel and headed for home, Sirius watching his retreating back until he was a mere speck. So he went back to the orb in his hands, watching Remus as he struggled to hold it together for all the camera flashes as he helped Dumbledore escort Harry away. Well that was some good news at least, that they’d been successful in the Department of Mysteries though Voldemort was obviously still alive and even more dangerous and powerful than before. Of course now everyone knew it, not even Cornelius Fudge himself could deny the truth anymore. Good, miserable wanker deserved to have that thrown in his face. But his gaze followed Remus for some time, he has no idea how long but what did it matter he had all the time in the world now. And he wouldn’t waste it.
What he didn’t notice was Regulus standing further up the hillside watching him just a little longer, a mix of admiration and sadness etched onto his handsome features. How long he’d watched and waited for the day he could finally talk to Sirius again, as brothers, and now he had it. Sirius had tried so hard to free him but Regulus knew he would never be free and once he got in over his head with the Death Eaters he’d practically signed his own death certificate. There was so much he'd missed out on but now he had the one thing he’d wanted most, he had his brother back and this time he would do right by him. He owed him that much and he would spend the rest of his afterlife proving it if he had to.