Beyond The Veil

Remus groaned as pale morning sunlight crept through the thin line of his bedroom curtains, damn he thought he’d spelled them shut last night. Somehow it managed to hit him right in the eyes, effectively waking him from his beautiful dream. A dream he hoped and prayed was always real and at times had felt real but then reality being the ever-cruel mistress that she was woke him up and he was left in tears.

Casting a quiet Tempus he saw it was only 7 in the morning, well that was better than noon which is when he awoke yesterday. Shifting a bit he squeezed his eyes shut and rolled away from the offending light, he wasn’t up for leaving the safety of his bed today. Mostly because the last time he had felt safe leaving his bed was the last day Sirius was alive. It was barely September now, almost three months since that horrid day and yet he felt as though no time had passed.

He remembered it all so clearly, him and Sirius having Grimmauld Place to themselves and taking full advantage by having a romp in almost every room they could. It was quite the impressive feat for two men their age, though only in their mid-thirties they could give their teenage selves a run for their money. Perhaps because they’d been apart for so long their bodies wanted to make up for lost time. Though they’d been doing so ever since Sirius came back to the Order the year before, reluctant as he was and he still was a wanted fugitive but it meant he and Remus could finally be together once more.

Their final night was still crystal clear in his memory, one he preserved in a phial to be used once he came into possession of a pensieve. Well if he ever did. It’d been around 1 in the morning when they finally had to call it a night after four glorious rounds of sex, only once breaking to have supper but they were at it again pretty quickly. They’d taken their time, relearning each other’s bodies, savoring each touch and kiss, expressing their love in ways no words could ever convey.

It was one of the most exquisite and beautiful nights Remus had ever spent with Sirius, and there were quite a few on that list, followed by a lazy morning of eggs, sausage, bacon and toast. They’d spent the entire day cuddled together in bed snogging and it wasn’t until after dinner they received news from Severus Snape of all people of what Harry told him and that they needed to assemble the Order immediately. If only Remus had known that their last kiss before they departed would be their last kiss, he would’ve savored it more.

Tears stained his cheeks as he mentally cursed himself and Sirius and Voldemort and Bellatrix and just everybody! Fuck his life, he’d finally had the love of his life back in his arms where he belonged and once again he was cruelly yanked away from him. Only this time he couldn’t come back. No solicitor or appeal could free him, Sirius was dead and Remus’ heart would forever remain broken.

He hadn’t even been able to mourn at first because he’d been too busy restraining Harry from diving headfirst into the Veil after Sirius fell through. He’d grabbed him tightly in a bear hug, rather surprised at how strong the 15-year-old was and how he’d had to exhaust nearly all his own strength to hold him back. Harry’s screams of pain and grief still rang in his ears, his heartbreak and pain was Remus’ too so he let Harry scream since he could not. It wasn’t until after it was over and he’d helped Dumbledore escort Harry back to school, staying a bit to comfort the boy before Apparating back to Grimmauld Place, that he allowed himself to collapse to the floor in a miserable heap and let his pain take over.

He locked himself away in Sirius’ bedroom, the one they’d shared for months, sleeping for hours upon hours in his—no their—bed. He pressed his face as deep as he possibly could into the pillows, inhaling every bit of Sirius’ scent that he could and screaming at anyone who dared suggest they be washed at some point. No, he wouldn’t allow Sirius to be washed away. Somehow Tonks had finally convinced him to at least wash the bedding but said he could keep the pillowcases, which is exactly what he did. Instead he replaced the sheets with Sirius’ old clothes, the oversized red and gold jumper for example that now fit him much more snuggly as he had grown some in the last 15 years. He still stripped down to nothing though and wore it, his lower half nude beneath the blankets but he didn’t care. It still smelled of Sirius, he could still hear his laughter when Remus told him about wearing the jumper to bed like a nightie. What he wouldn’t give to hear that laugh one more time.

A small knock broke him from his musings and he willed whoever it was to just go away. His wish was denied though and the door cracked open to reveal Tonks’ nervous face. Well he couldn’t be too upset with her, after all she’d been the one taking care of him this whole time. He was terribly grateful to her, though she wasn’t Sirius.

“Morning, love,” she half-whispered carrying in a small tray, “brought you some breakfast, you must be starving.”

If the truth be told he was quite hungry and the breakfast smelled heavenly, but bringing himself to eat was almost as difficult as willing himself to get out of bed. “Thank you Tonks, it smells wonderful,” he croaked snagging a strip of bacon and taking a bite, mostly so she’d stop looking at him like that.

“You’re welcome, so how are we feeling today,” she asked her voice just a little too chipper for his liking.

Swallowing around the crumbs of toast in his mouth he offered up a half-shrug. “Well enough I suppose,” he grumbled.

Pressing her lips into a thin line she grabbed a chair and much to his annoyance sat beside him, her beautiful eyes never wavering. Great now she was going to watch him eat? He was a grown man for fuck’s sake, he didn’t need someone monitoring his food intake. Then again judging from her raised eyebrow as she glanced pointedly at the food then at him perhaps he did.

“I promise to eat it all this time,” he added not even hiding his grumpiness.

Unfazed Tonks simply sat back arms folded over her chest. “I know because I’m going to make sure you do,” she stated firmly.

Remus wouldn’t deny she scared him sometimes, much like Sirius had and oh Merlin why had he thought of him again? He took another small bite of toast, it was slightly burnt and crumbled tastelessly on his tongue but he knew he should nourish his body with something. Though food meant little to him now.

She watched him take another miniscule bite, tsking as he did. “Starving yourself won’t bring him back,” she told him gently, “I know you miss him, we all do but you can’t wallow in here forever.”

Remus tried not to lose his temper, he knows she’s only trying to help and much as it pains him to admit it she’s right. “He was everything to me,” he whispered angrily, “my friend, my partner, my lover…my world. I’m…I’m not ready to let him go, I don’t think I ever will.”

“You don’t have to Remus,” she replied softly, “actually I think he might be highly insulted if you did,” she paused as he chuckled at that because it was true, “but we have a war to fight, sadly it can’t be done from the comfort of your bed.”

He considered her words carefully, again she was right they did have a war to fight and he couldn’t do anything while sitting in bed. But what good was he, he hadn’t been able to save Sirius so could he really be useful to anyone else? Merlin, he wished Sirius was still here, he needed him.

“Not sure I’d be much help, I couldn’t even save the man I love,” Remus lamented, “he was counting on me.”

Tonks went silent for a few moments, just watching him nibble on his toast or sip his tea. He doesn’t know if that’s because she was plotting something or if she just didn’t have a response. Frankly he wishes she would just leave, he’s just too much of a gentleman to throw her out, unlike Sirius who would’ve had no trouble doing so. Fuck there he was again.

“Right well I’ll let you eat in peace then,” she said at last rising from her seat and heading to the door, pausing she added, “someone else is counting on you, you know? Someone who’s very much alive and is going to need all the help he can get to win this war.” Then she’s gone leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Fuck she just had to bring up Harry. Of course he knows Harry needs him, hell the war is practically falling on his shoulders and his alone if the prophecy was anything to go by. And here he is moping when God knows how Harry is handling all this, actually not that well if his letters are any indicator. He spent all his time riding the trains around London during the summer, only getting off to grab some food or read The Daily Prophet. Now he was back at school and all Remus heard was that he was supposedly getting along fine. Well, that’s better than how Remus is coping for sure, though he knows Harry’s still grieving Sirius. Remus can practically feel the anger and heartache dripping from the parchments Harry sends him. He’s probably the only one who truly understands Remus’ pain or well the closest anyway.

Sighing he lays back in bed, breakfast forgotten as it usually is each morning and he just cries some more. He misses Sirius so much, the ache of his loss permeates deep within his bones. Everything hurts, his heart most of all and there’s not a spell nor potion nor anything else that can mend it. Looking about his eyes fall to a small portrait of Sirius he’d had Tonks paint for him months ago, just in case they were ever separated again. It moved and winked but didn’t speak, he wished it did but he hadn’t thought to put Sirius’ essence into it because well he’d promised he wouldn’t die before Remus. Now he wishes he had.

“Please come back home Sirius,” Remus whispered to the portrait, who only smirked and winked in response, “I need you, I…can’t do this without you.”

Succumbing to his grief once more he cries himself back to sleep, wishing that Sirius could hear him.

On the other side grey eyes blink furiously as Sirius cries for his lost love. He’d been watching Remus practically every minute since he’d gotten here, thinking it would give him some sort of happiness or closure. Instead it only broke his heart over and over. He desperately wants to reach through the orb, reassure Remus that he is there and he does hear him. But he can’t, he’s tried even with Regulus, James and Lily warning him he can’t. But he needs to connect with him somehow.

Granted Sirius has taken a break now and then, usually when Remus is sleeping—which is often—and he’s spent time reconnecting with Regulus which has been a huge blessing in itself. Though they haven’t grown super close yet, they’re a far cry from where they were and Sirius is grateful they have this chance.

He’d of course spent many hours catching up with James and Lily, who’d been watching over him as they had Harry though they still pestered him for any stories about his Godson that he had. Unfortunately he had so few of them but James and Lily loved them and never made him feel like he didn’t provide enough. He’d even reconnected with Fleamont and Euphemia Potter, who were both ecstatic and heartbroken that he was there. Still he was welcomed by them as he always was, with big hugs, warm smiles and loving words that could only come from the heart.

He'd even imagined a home for himself, the cottage in the country he dreamt of and wished he’d bought for Remus when he had the chance. It was every bit what he’d dreamed of, no fence, just big enough for two and pretty as a picture. Well he couldn’t imagine Remus there with him but he could keep it occupied until Remus, old and gray, finally came to this side. He’d wait a hundred years in that little cottage for him.

Sometimes he’ll check in on Harry, what kind of a Godfather would he be if he didn’t? But James and Lily often watch him and fill him in on Harry’s activities. Some of which involved looking at past memories of Harry, something new he hadn’t been made aware of right away but the orbs could also show the past. It’d been quite fun to see Harry play Quidditch for the first time, to see him with his friends and give Snape a bit of trouble. Although it was a bit embarrassing for them all to watch Harry get his first kiss—and proper snog for that matter—last year with Cho Chang. Sirius did cheer for him as it was clear Harry was a natural, even if the girl was crying but that wasn’t Harry’s fault.

But mostly he watches Remus and well it disturbs him to see Remus the way he is. Though he’s sure were their situations reversed he wouldn’t be much better, he wants Remus to get out of bed and start taking care of himself. He’d heard everything Tonks had said and agreed with her that while Remus should grieve and damn well better not let him go, Voldemort is still at large and Harry needs everyone ready to fight. If only he could talk to him somehow.

“You shouldn’t watch for so long,” Regulus says as he settles down on the grass beside him, “it’ll only make being here that much more difficult.”

“James and Lily watch over Harry all the time,” Sirius argued not removing his eyes from the orb, “how’s this any different?”

“They take longer breaks than you,” Regulus countered, “and…the wounds are still fresh for you, the heartache and pain. You won’t heal if you dwell on the past.”

Breathing sharply through his nose Sirius finally turns to him. “He was the love of my life, I can’t just not watch over him,” Sirius shot back growing angrier by the second, “I know you didn’t have the chance to fall in love so it’s harder for you to understand but…”

“Wrong again Sirius, I did fall in love,” Regulus interrupted coolly.

Sirius gaped not believing him, he’d never heard news of this before. He may have been disowned but if Regulus had been engaged at any point he would’ve still heard about it. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his brother, he had to be lying but of course he wasn’t. He could tell by his eyes.

“I don’t recall hearing of an engagement,” Sirius replied sarcastically.

Regulus shrugged. “Never happened, I mean there was a contract drawn up between myself and Wilhelmina Hedgefield. You know the timid girl you danced with at our Christmas Eve Gala Fifth Year?”

Sirius nodded remembering her all too well and thinking she would’ve been better suited for Regulus. Apparently his parents thought so too if a contract had been drawn up. Though he hadn’t expected Regulus to fall in love with anyone he was forced to marry.

“You fell in love with her,” Sirius asked bewildered.

Regulus grimaced and Sirius felt like he’d missed the plot entirely. “No erm like you I met someone else, she was a Slytherin one year below me,” Regulus recalled wistfully, “Deirdre Whistlethrop. I wanted to marry her but for some strange reason Mum and Dad said no, they preferred I married Wilhelmina. Can’t imagine why neither are from the Sacred Twenty-Eight families and both are Pureblood.”

Thinking it over Sirius could agree that it didn’t make a lot of sense, after all his parents didn’t have a preference for the girl’s family beyond Pureblood status and if Regulus found a bride on his own then they should’ve been thrilled. Instead they choose a different witch? Well he supposed he shouldn’t be too surprised seeing as they did get final say.

“I suspect Wilhelmina’s parents offered them money,” Regulus continued, “an excessive dowry that hardly any family could compete with. Anyway like you and Remus, Deirdre and I met secretly in school stealing as many moments as we could. Even managed to sneak her into the house a few times.”

Sirius quirked an eyebrow as a smirk danced on his lips. “Ah and I take it you wanted to experience your honeymoon early,” he teased ribbing him in the side.

Regulus blushed shoving him back. “Oh shut up, like you were any better at keeping it in your pants. But yes we did…quite a lot.”

“Uh-huh well look at my baby brother getting his rocks off,” Sirius laughed giving him another playful shove, earning a smack to the shoulder.

“Fuck off you, you didn’t think I was gonna wait till marriage did you,” Regulus retorted with a smirk.

Sirius shrugged. “Well no, not since the summer I shagged Fiona and you never told on me because you hoped I wouldn’t tell on you if the time came.”

“Yeah well, anyway point is I do know how it feels to lose someone you love,” Regulus lamented his expression grim again, “we planned to run away but then things changed.”

“She died,” Sirius guessed stupidly.

“No, I did knobhead,” Regulus snapped rolling his eyes, “Merlin, where the hell did your brains go?”

“Sorry.” Sirius didn’t know why he’d assumed she’d died when Regulus was sitting right here. He’d blame his grief for it.

“It’s alright, but like you when I first arrived I spent countless hours watching her through the orb like you watch Remus now,” Regulus replied his voice low and distant, “thought I might go mad watching her grieve for me. James had to physically drag me away a handful of times just so I wouldn’t lose my sanity. Anyways time passed, one day I saw her out and about smiling, dating someone new and I realized I could let her go. Let her be happy and as far as I know she is. She married another of course, some Ministry grunt I think, has three children two of whom are young Hogwarts students now. And while I regret that’s not our life, I’m happy for her.”

That was a lot to take in, Sirius didn’t know if he could let Remus go like that. It may seem selfish, but Sirius couldn’t bear to watch Remus fall in love with another, he wanted him all to himself! There was just one problem, he couldn’t have him anymore.

“I…I don’t know how you managed to do that,” Sirius admitted bitterly, “I don’t think I could bear the sight of Remus loving another.”

Pressing two fingers to his temple Regulus sighed, “Sirius, it took me years to be okay with it but then Lily told me something that set me straight. She said, ‘when you love someone, you have to think about what’s best for them and not yourself’ and she was right. Deirdre is happy and Remus could be happy too, can you be happy for him?”

Well, that was a loaded question, one Sirius isn’t certain he has the answer to right now. Of course, he wants Remus to be happy, that’s all he’s ever wanted, but he always imagined himself being a part of that equation. Truth was it didn’t matter what Sirius did, he couldn’t influence what happened in Remus’ life now. If Remus did happen to meet someone and fall in love, then well Sirius would just have to learn to deal with it. He just doesn’t know how.

“Well with how he is now I definitely can’t be happy,” Sirius answered gesturing to the orb, showing Remus still crying in his sleep.

“Mmm I see your point, he definitely can’t move on like that,” Regulus agreed taking in Remus’ horrific state.

“I just…just wish I could speak to him again,” Sirius confessed tears slipping down his cheeks again, “maybe let him know that I don’t want him wallowing in bed like this.”

Regulus weighed out his next words carefully, he knows he probably shouldn’t tell him but it’s obvious neither Sirius nor Remus are moving on and it may be that they need to speak again. While there are certain parallels between his relationship with Deirdre and theirs, he can see the massive differences too. For one, Deirdre didn’t spend months in bed refusing to eat as she cried over him. Remus is far worse for wear and may never find happiness at the rate he’s going. But it’s the pained look in his brother’s eyes that makes up his mind, that haunted unfocused stare that only comes from heartbreak. He promised himself he would do right by Sirius this time and he will.

“There is a way,” Regulus whispered as though it were a precious secret.

Sirius whirled on him so fast he was surprised he didn’t get whiplash. Well actually he couldn’t. “And you’re just now telling me,” Sirius exclaimed incredulously.

“It’s…not something we tell newcomers right away, makes it harder for them to you know move on,” Regulus confessed, “but you two probably need to have a talk so here goes,” he paused pointing to the orb, “you see that painting of you there? The one by the bed? Well you can ‘inhabit’ it for a short time.”

“I can,” Sirius gasped pulling the orb close to get a better look, “how? Do I just think it or is there a spell…”

“It’s pretty simple, you just focus on the painting and will your soul to temporarily go into it,” Regulus answered carefully.

“Oh that’s perfect, I can go to him now and…”

“Sirius, wait! Before you do anything I have to warn you, you can’t be in that painting for long periods of time,” Regulus said hurriedly stopping Sirius cold, “look the veils of magic between our world and the living are difficult to pass through, it’s why ghosts on Earth can’t come here and vice versa. If we have a vessel, like that magical painting we can pass through briefly but only for a few hours at a time. So you must use it wisely.”

Fuck, he should’ve known there was a catch to it. “So, I can’t just see him whenever I like,” Sirius concluded growing frustrated, “there’s going to be some magical timer that pulls me back?”

“Essentially yes,” Regulus said flatly, “unless you come back on your own. Now do you want to talk to him or not?”

Yes he wanted to talk to him, it was all he’d wanted since he died and went to the Afterlife. If that meant he only got a few precious hours a day to speak with him then he’d take it. Glancing back into the orb he saw that Remus was at least sitting upright cradling his portrait, but he still hadn’t touched his breakfast which was concerning and Sirius knew he had to speak to him.

“Alright how do I do this again,” Sirius conceded.

“Focus on the portrait and place your face into the orb,” Regulus instructed, “you’ll be able to project your essence into it for about two hours, no more. Remember that.”

“And can I come back later in the day?” Sirius really hoped the answer was yes.

“No, you’ll drain too much energy and be forced back.” Damn it!

Sirius’ mouth twitched in annoyance but now was not the time to argue over logistics, he had a lover who needed him now more than ever and he’d be damned if he wasted another second. Pressing his face into the smooth surface he focused on the portrait in Remus’ hands, his eyes closing as he felt himself get pulled through. For a moment the world around him was muted, as though he were underwater. He could hear sounds, perhaps even a word or two but nothing he could distinguish and for a brief moment he wondered if he did it wrong.

“Sirius…”

He heard it then, clear as day, his name on Remus’ tongue. He’d recognize that beautiful tenor anywhere, excitement bubbled up inside him as he pushed towards that beautiful voice. It still felt as though he were floating in limbo but he knows he just has to push forward a little more, he just needs to hear his voice again.

“Please come home, Sirius…”

I’m coming Remus, please hang on! Sirius knows Remus can’t hear his thoughts, were they just his thoughts? He could’ve sworn he said it out loud but then again perhaps he hadn’t, it was kind of hard to tell in this place. But Remus’ voice was louder this time so he knew he was close, he just needed to keep going. Damn did it always take this long? He made a mental note to ask Regulus later.

“Sirius, I wish you were here…”

“I am here Remus.”

That time he was sure he said it, that it wasn’t just his subconscious. The smell of oil on canvas hit his nostrils and he suddenly felt a bit stiff, like his movement was restricted to a tiny space he couldn’t break away from. He must be in the painting, there was no other explanation for it and so he very slowly opened his eyes. He blinked a few times, his eyes adjusting to the dim surroundings. He was definitely back in his old room at Grimmauld that was for sure, though it was significantly darker than he remembered. He couldn’t see much beyond the portrait as he was lying face up in Remus’ outstretched hands but that was neither here nor there. He was a man on a mission, a mission that was gaping at his portrait in utter shock right now.

“S-Sirius did-did you just speak,” Remus gasped in awe and a bit of terror.

Oh yeah he did, oops. Clearing his throat he did his best to smile. “Yeah I did,” he answered softly, “hello Moony.”

He expected Remus to be surprised, maybe even a bit miffed at him being dead but he didn’t expected Remus to literally drop his portrait on the floor in sheer panic! Then again he probably should’ve considered it since up till now his portrait had never spoken. Damn he was an idiot.

“Um…ow,” Sirius teased looking straight up at Remus’ bewildered face as he peered over the edge of the bed.

“S-Sirius…I…but how…you…”

“Moony I promise I’ll explain everything but first if you wouldn’t mind picking me up off the floor, which by the way is quite filthy,” Sirius replied chuckling at the irony of him complaining about a dirty floor.

“Oh right, sorry I just wasn’t expecting you to answer,” Remus stammered out plucking up his portrait and settling back onto the bed.

He still held him an arm’s length away, as though afraid the portrait may explode at any given moment. Remus couldn’t believe what he was seeing or rather hearing, Sirius’ portrait wasn’t like other magical paintings, it didn’t contain his magical essence allowing him to speak yet he’d heard him as if he’d been right there in the room. Studying it closely he saw the portrait was slightly different from before, it had more depth and Sirius’ face was more expressive than the occasional smirk or raised brow. But had he truly just spoken to him?

“Is-Is it really you Sirius,” he asked his voice trembling.

Smiling bashfully Sirius nodded. “Yeah it is…well sort of.”

“B-But how…I don’t understand your-your portrait…”

“Calm down Moony, I promised I would explain and I will,” Sirius interrupted knowing he’d ramble on for hours if he didn’t, “firstly you’re right my portrait doesn’t contain my magical essence so therefor it doesn’t speak. But I sort of,” he paused groping for the right words, “projected myself into it, so here I am.”

Remus raised an eyebrow clearly not understanding and well Sirius would admit he didn’t think he did a great job of explaining. “I’m afraid I still don’t understand,” Remus said furrowing his brow deep in thought, “are you a ghost then?”

Drawing in a sharp breath Sirius did his best to explain. Again. “Not exactly, I am…dead so I am physically in a different world than you. A different astral plane as it were. Here I am just as solid as I was on Earth but crossing the Veils into the mortal world changes that. I’m here but…not as a ghost. More like…ah damn I’m not sure what I am exactly while I’m here but…please tell me some of this is making sense because now I’m getting confused.”

Remus bit his lip in that cute way that made Sirius want to ravage him, alas though he can’t so he simply waits for him to respond. Remus knew quite a lot about ghosts and the spirit realm, though he would be the first to admit his knowledge was extremely limited. He’d studied different tomes and books extensively over the years, yet they yielded so little information much like the Muggle world had no real concrete answers about the Afterlife. Merely guesses and hypotheses and in some cases religious beliefs, but nothing that was definite.

He'd spoken to ghosts that resided here on Earth, namely the ones that haunted the grounds of Hogwarts but they were even less helpful than the books he read. Since ghosts stayed behind in the physical world rather than moving on to the next they had next to no idea what lay beyond the Veil. Oh like many scholars, spiritual leaders and philosophers they had their ideas and opinions of what it might be like but none of them had ever really known for sure.

All he’d been able to gather was that their souls or magical essences left their physical bodies and went to a different realm, somewhere that mortals couldn’t visit unless they happened to be a gifted Seer. He knew Sirius wasn’t a ghost or else he would’ve been floating around the house this whole time causing all manner of chaos. So what did that leave exactly?

“So…if I’m understanding you correctly then your very soul is in the portrait right now,” Remus concluded, “which is different than if your magical essence had been painted into it. You can come and go as you like?”

Sirius breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank Merlin, it sounds much less complicated when you explain it,” he huffed out with a chuckle, “and yes I can come and go but not as I like. I can’t stay more than a couple hours and I can only come once a day or I’ll use too much of my magical energy or whatever and be forcibly pulled back. Guess even being dead has its limits.”

A large smile graced Remus’ lips, the first he’d ever allowed since that fateful day. “Sirius I…I’m so happy to be able to speak to you again,” he cried out pulling his portrait close as though he were about to kiss him but then thought better of it, “I’ve missed you so much.”

Sirius tried not to cry, worried he might smudge the paint. “I’ve really missed you too,” he murmured giving him a watery smile, “I’ve been watching over you, ever since I…well you know.”

A tear slid down Remus’ cheek. “Then what took you so long to reach out,” he half-joked, though he truly did want to know.

Sirius huffed indignantly, “blame Regulus, git didn’t tell me about this little trick until just today.”

“Wait you-you’ve reconnected with Regulus?”

“Yeah, thankfully our parents must’ve gone elsewhere because it was only him,” Sirius replied sounding quite pleased, “oh and James and Lily are here, James’ parents too. Had quite the reunion when I got here.”

“That’s wonderful Sirius! I-I worried that you would…you would be alone when you…” Remus couldn’t bring himself to say it, not yet.

Sirius gave him a sad smile. “Nope I guess one thing people got right about the Afterlife is that your loved ones are here to welcome you.”

“So you’re ok then,” Remus asked tears flowing freely now.

“Yeah I’m ok,” Sirius assured him his voice quivering with unshed tears, “but I do miss you terribly, I wish…Merlin I wish I hadn’t been such an idiot. We never…never got our chance. I never did get you that cottage in the country.”

Remus was bawling now as he thought of that dream, the one he had every night because he refused to dream of anything else. He ran a finger along Sirius’ painted face wishing it was his real cheek he were touching, he swore he could still feel the stubble and smell his aftershave. It all came crashing down on him then, this was wrong they weren’t supposed to be separated like this. They’d promised each other a future, they never broke promises to each other. At least they never used to.

“You promised Sirius,” Remus whimpered wiping snot from his nose, his anger boiling just below the surface, “you promised you wouldn’t die before me. You fucking promised back in Fifth Year! Even when you were Azkaban! You weren’t supposed to leave me! Sirius, why did you leave me!”

Sirius’ heart broke as he recalled those promises, back then it’d seemed so easy to keep that promise. He was a survivor like the other Marauders, except Peter, so he believed wholeheartedly he wouldn’t die before Remus. Fuck it, he was letting his tears fall too damn the consequences! He didn’t care if he smudged the paint turning his handsome face into the resemblance of a troll’s arse he wouldn’t let Remus grieve alone anymore.

“Moony I…I’m so sorry, believe me I tried so hard to come back but everyone here told me I couldn’t,” Sirius croaked wiping his tears, “I…didn’t accept the truth right away but I had no choice.”

“Why did you promise me Sirius,” Remus cried, “why did you make a promise you couldn’t keep?”

“Oh come on Moony, it’s not like either of us knew this would happen,” Sirius retorted bitterly, though he would admit he’d asked himself the same question, “and I…I always believed we would die together. Old and gray in our rockers or in bed covered by one of Euphemia’s quilts, we’d whisper ‘I love you’ and ‘goodnight’ one last time then we’d go together. I never thought we’d…well doesn’t matter anymore does it? Can’t change what happened can we?”

“No we-we can’t,” Remus admitted tasting his salty tears, “I-I’m so sorry Sirius, I just miss you so much.”

“I know and I miss you too, more than you’ll ever know,” Sirius rasped out feeling like they had all the time in the world and yet not enough.

Remus paused licking his salty lips, his amber eyes shining with fresh tears. “W-Will you wait for me Sirius,” he asked his voice shaking, “might be several decades but…”

“Remus, I will always wait for you but,” Sirius paused feeling his heart ache at what he was about to say, he didn’t want to say it but he had to, “please don’t put your life on hold for me. I only want you to be happy and-and if that means you find love again…then I want you to give it a chance.”

A broken sob was all he got as Remus burst into tears again, he couldn’t love again. Never again. Sirius was the only person his heart ever belonged to and he refused to give it to anyone else. No one else deserved it and he’d never trust another with its safety.

“S-Sirius I…no I can’t…I love you too much,” Remus proclaimed through his tears, shaking his head emphatically, “I love you! No one else can ever have my heart because you have it.”

“Moony, I love you so much and that’s why I’m giving you the chance to move on without me,” Sirius told him soothingly, though to be fair he wasn’t feeling any better about it than Remus was, “just because you may love another doesn’t mean you’ll stop loving me. I doubt there’s a force in this or any other realm that could stop you.”

Remus let out a watery chuckle, he knew that was true but could he ever love again? He doubted it highly but one look into Sirius’ desperate stare and he knew he would cave. He always did when it came to those puppy eyes Sirius did, the ones that made it impossible for him to say no. He felt so conflicted now, his heart was both full and empty, he felt like he was saying hello and goodbye at the same time. He couldn’t do this, he just couldn’t.

“Remus, I know I broke my promise to you but I’m asking for one last promise from you,” Sirius pleaded his cheeks stained with tears, “please promise me Remus, promise me that you’ll give love a chance if it finds you again.”

“I-I don’t want to lose you Sirius,” Remus sobbed.

“You never will, I’ll always be close by,” Sirius promised offering up a small smile, “and I’m always watching. That’s a promise I’ll never break.”

“But-But you will wait for me won’t you,” Remus asked desperately.

“Always, Moony,” Sirius agreed, “I’ll wait a hundred years, but maybe not a thousand. Might get bored by then.”

Remus laughed, genuinely laughed for the first time in months and it was because of Sirius. “Just have to make the jokes don’t you?”

“Hey it’s me,” Sirius pointed out.

“Do you still promise to visit,” Remus wondered hoping Sirius wasn’t saying goodbye.

“Every day if I can,” Sirius meant it too, though he did sincerely hope that Remus wouldn’t be staring at his portrait for hours on end waiting for him, “but Tonks is right you know, you still have a war to fight and Harry does need you. So please don’t sit around staring at my portrait every day, I’ll know when to call on you.”

“Alright, I’ll hold you to that,” Remus agreed.

“Good now before we continue could you please brush your teeth, I can smell your rank breath through the paint,” Sirius teased earning another beautiful laugh from Remus.

“Prat you cannot, besides you’ve kissed me with very rank breath before,” Remus countered, “but I will cast a quick breath freshening charm so as not to offend your sensitive nose.”

“My sensitive nose thanks you,” Sirius laughed as Remus quickly cast the charm.

“How long until you have to go back,” Remus inquired hoping they had enough time to catch up.

Sirius shrugged. “Probably an hour or so, best make the most of it.”

“And-And it won’t be goodbye right?” Remus worried about that, even though Sirius had assured him otherwise.

“No, it’ll never be goodbye just see you later,” Sirius assured him as they settled in for a nice long chat, “I’ll always be here.”

And Sirius kept that promise, he was always around when Remus needed him. He was there to talk Remus out of his depression over losing him, urging him to get his scrawny arse out of bed even though Remus insisted Sirius’ arse was the scrawny one even stripping and bending over to prove it which Sirius found extremely unfair. They spoke every day at first, then as time passed every other day or every few days. Then gradually it went down to once a week, then every fortnight.

Yet they never felt like they lost each other, Remus was able to move on and work with Harry and the Order to fight against Voldemort while Sirius watched from beyond the Veil. He was still there as he’d promised. He was there to encourage Remus to pursue Tonks romantically, their chemistry couldn’t hold a candle to what he and Remus had but even Sirius couldn’t deny there was a little spark there. And Remus deserved a little happiness in his life, the part of it Sirius couldn’t fill. He was still there.

He was the first one Remus told about his engagement to Tonks, though he knew Sirius had watched the proposal he appreciated his feigned surprise. He was there for their wedding, a lovely affair he would admit though he would’ve made a few changes but he digressed. He was there to congratulate him when they announced Tonks was pregnant, he was beyond thrilled when he told Sirius he was making Harry the Godfather. He was there to talk Remus out of running away from fatherhood when he feared passing on his lycanthropy to his son. Actually he gave Remus a good, metaphorical kick in the arse until he finally went back home.

And he was there when baby Teddy was born, well he wasn’t actually in the delivery room that would’ve been just plain weird, but he was there when Remus brought in the squirming bundle of joy all wrapped in a pale, yellow blanket. He’d cooed and talked nonsensical baby talk at the child, who was barely a few days old and just regarded him with round curious eyes. Remus’ eyes. He’d congratulated Remus on the beautiful little boy, though he still wished it could’ve been them celebrating their child.

And he was there to witness the one event he wished he could unsee, the Battle of Hogwarts, May 1, 1998. Though he tried to follow Harry as much as he could, he followed Remus closer and when he saw Antonin Dolohov raise his wand and fire the Killing Curse, hitting Remus square in the chest he screamed in rage. He was there to aid Harry during his final confrontation with Voldemort with Remus close by. And when it was over he was there to properly welcome Remus home.

“Moony, hey Moony wake up.”

Remus stirred blinking open his eyes, coming face-to-face with Sirius. He was lying on his back, soft blades of grass tickling his fingers while a blue sky shone brightly above him behind Sirius’ head. Instantly he knew where he was and though he missed his son, he was among his family and reunited with the love of his life at long last.

“Sirius,” he murmured moving to sit up, a big smile gracing his lips.

Sirius mirrored his smile offering up a hand to help him stand. “Welcome home Moony,” he whispered practically giddy as he kissed him.

Remus smiled kissing him back, something he’d have to discuss with Tonks later. He was home now with the man he loved, the man who promised to wait for him and did. Glancing around he took in the serenity that surrounded them, saw James, Lily, the Potters, Fred Weasley, Tonks and all the rest who were gone too soon. He took time to embrace them all, there was no shortage of hugs and tears as reality sunk in. They were home now, the battle was won and they could all rest.

“Come on Moony,” Sirius called from up ahead, hand extended.

Taking it Remus followed excitedly behind him. “Where are we going,” he asked laughing all the way.

Sirius turned to him and only uttered one single word, a word that filled his heart with more love and joy than he’d ever felt in his life.

“Home.”