Chapter 1
Sirius
Sirius was sitting on his bed writing in his journal.
He had been coming up with an escape plan for him and Regulus for weeks now and he was writing down a new idea he had had earlier that day. As he put the finishing touches on the newest plan, he looked up when he heard a knock on the door.
He straightened his back and schooled his face, but did not get up from his bed, knowing it would upset his mother more if he didn’t.
”Enter.”
”Siri?”
Regulus hesitantly opened the door and came into the room, clutching his own journal to his chest, and Sirius smiled at the sight.
Their Uncle Alphard had gotten them those journals before he was disowned and although their parents would have preferred they had thrown them out, they instead kept them hidden and used them to get out things they couldn’t talk about with each other.
Although Sirius did like to think there was nothing they couldn’t talk about, he knew deep down that was wrong. The brothers had grown apart in the past years, ever since Sirius had gone to Hogwarts.
”Reggie? Come sit down,” he patted the bed beside him, “what is it? What do you need?”
Slowly his little brother came closer and sat down beside him.
“I um. I want to show you something.”
He couldn’t remember a time when Regulus had last looked this nervous around him.
”Okay. You don’t need to be scared. What is it?”
”Its… it’s in here.”
Regulus held out the green leather journal, identical to the one Sirius was holding except for their names written on the first page.
”What? But Reggie… you know we don’t show anyone what’s in these. They’re our special journals.”
His brother looked distressed.
”I know but- if you could just read the last entry I think it’d be-“
They both turned towards the door at the sound of an apparition pop.
”Masters Sirius and Regulus are required in the dining room for supper. Their mother has requested them.”
Regulus sighed and smiled softly at Kreacher.
”Thank you Kreacher, we’ll be right down.”
Kreacher nodded and disapparited without another word. Sirius turned to look at the pleading face of his brother and gently took the journal from his hand, placing it on the bed with his own.
”Look, we can talk about this after dinner okay?”
Sirius smiled as his brother nodded and then they both stood, headed to the door, and left.
“Sirius wait please!”
Sirius slammed through his bedroom door, clutching his bleeding side as Regulus hurried behind him.
”I can’t wait anymore. I’m done Regulus. This family is terrible and it has hurt me too many times.”
Sirius went and grabbed the trunk he hadn’t even unpacked from under his bed and the green journal on top of the covers as he spoke, then headed back towards the door.
“But- Siri- you can’t leave. It’ll be okay. We can talk to them and they can apologize and you won’t have to worry-“
Sirius interrupted his brother harshly.
“They are not going to change. They will never change. And there is nothing in the world that could get me to stay here.”
Regulus flinched like he’d been struck but Sirius couldn’t find it in himself to care.
“Sirius…”
”Look. Are you coming with me or not?”
”I- I can’t-“
”Are. You. Coming. With. Me. Or not?”
His brother stared at him with wide eyes and then slowly shook his head.
”No. No I’m not.”
Sirius ignored the sharp flash of hurt through him and worked to make his face into the harsh glare he only reserved for Wulburga.
“Then you’re just as bad as the rest of them,” Sirius took a step closer to him to make sure his words hurt, “You are not my brother. I hope you rot here.”
With that Sirius ran out the door and away.
And he pretended he couldn’t hear the quiet sob of ‘don’t leave me’ following in his wake.
“If you need anything just let me know okay?”
James was closing the door to his new room and Sirius was standing by his bed, unpacking all of his belongings.
He rolled his eyes, “okay Prongs. I’m okay really but sure I’ll let you know if I suddenly start seizure-ing.”
His best friend, no his brother, pointed at him with what was probably supposed to be a straight face but Sirius could see how his lips turned up in the corners.
”That’s not funny.”
”Sure it is. That’s why you’re smiling.”
”I’m smiling because you’re dumb.”
He gasps dramatically and clutched his chest.
”How could you?? You know that hurts me Prongsie.”
Now it was James’s turn to roll his eyes.
”You’ll survive. Now goodnight.”
”Goodnight.”
”Sleep tight.”
”Sure.”
”That means go to sleep.”
”I figured.”
”Yet you’re not going to sleep.”
”Because you’ve got the bloody door open.”
Sirius ran over and slammed into the door, muffling James’s response of ‘oh yeah.’
He smiled to himself and went and finished unpacking before grabbing his journal and sitting on his bed with a quill. He sighed and opened it, only to find the marking of R. A. B. written on the front page instead of his own S. O. B.
Fucking shit. He must have picked up his brothers from where they had both left them on his old bed.
I know but- if you could just read the last entry I think it’d be-
The last entry.
It’d be okay to read. Regulus had wanted him to anyways. And when school started up again he could give him his journal back and he could write in his own again.
With that decided he opened the journal up more and flipped to the last page covered in ink. The date at the top of the page showed that Regulus had written this the morning he ran away, it must have been right before he came in the room. He settled into the pillows more and began to read.
Hello Sirius,
If you’re reading this then that means I managed to convince you too and I’m probably sitting across from you. If I’m not, then I probably ran because it’s quite embarrassing for someone to read what you wrote in front of them.
Sorry, I’m rambling. I’m just nervous.
You know how sometimes it’s hard to say certain things?
Well that’s the way it is for me a lot of the time.
It’s a lot easier for me to write things down then to say them, and if you can’t figure out what I’m trying to say by now then I’ll just say it.
Im going to write something that I haven’t been able to tell you but I think you should know.
Wow this is a lot harder than I thought it’d be.
I keep just staring at the page and waiting for the words to come but this is a lot harder than I thought.
Okay.
I guess I just wanted to say thank you.
I’m so thankful for you even if we fight sometimes.
When our parents have made life tough and bothered us about our grades you’re the only reason I’ve survived.
You have been the one true star in my life and have lit up the night sky for me.
It hurts me so much when our parents take their anger out on you and you cry. I never want to see you cry.
I know you would never leave me, so I would just like to make sure you know that I’m always by your side.
I would like to make sure you know that I’m always by your side.
Im always by your side.
Your brother,
R. A. B.
Oh.
Oh fuck.
Oh no he really messed up.
”James!”
Sirius stood up from his bed holding the journal tightly in his hand and running towards the door.
”James!”