Chapter 3: The Pretence of Love

Hogwarts Express, circa 1976

Mary’s pov

What the actual fuck. What just happened? Is Lily asking me to date her so that slimy git snape leaves her alone? It would obviously be pretend, but only we would know that. What am I going to say? If I say yes, then maybe Lockhart will leave me alone too? Good God, that would be lovely, but then everyone would know I'm a lesbian. Fuck. That wasn't part of my plan for this year. If I say no then I'll have let Lily down and gotten her into even deeper shit. Mary’s ongoing eternal panic must have been fairly obvious because Lily quickly said “I completely understand if you don't want to be part of this mess. I don't want to put any pressure on you, Mary.” She smiled weakly, trying not to let her own nerves show. “I know, don't worry, Lils. I know you wouldn't ever make me do anything I didn't want to. I'm just trying to think of something.” Mary replied. “I know it sounds completely mental, but would you consider pretending to date me? I know it wouldn't benefit you at all, god, it'd probably just give you more problems. Fuck this is such a shit idea, I’m sorry I even thought of it in the first place". Lily said, her head in her hands. She looked like she had completely given up on life. Mary moved closer to her and wrapped her arms around her, bringing her in for a hug. “Look, this could benefit me as well,” Mary said wearily.

Lily looked up hopefully, she couldn't believe what Mary had just said. “Basically, the entire summer, Lockhart has been bothering me, asking me to be his girlfriend and nagging me about going on a date with him. I've already told him no several times, I've stopped returning his letters but he just doesn't seem to get the message. So this doesn't seem like a completely terrible idea to get rid of him. But there's something that I feel like I have to tell you before I agree.” Mary said, looking apprehensive. “Oh thank you, Mary, you've no idea how glad I am you said that,” Lily said, throwing her arms around her friend, “You can tell me anything Mary, I don't think anything could make me hate you.” Mary sighed, taking a deep breath “Lily, I hope this doesn't change anything between us and I really hope you won't see me differently once I've told you this. Lily, I'm a lesbian. Like I'm fully into girls. Like I don't like men at all. It doesn't mean I have a crush on you or anything, or that I watch you when we change together. I'm not a creep. I am not going to fall in love with you but I just thought you should know that I do like girls.”

Lily stared in open-mouthed silence, she was too stunned to speak. She quickly pulled herself together and squeezed Mary tight. “Oh Mary, I’m so glad you told me. It doesn't change anything by the way. Have you told Marlene yet, or anyone else? Do your parents know?” She said excitedly. “No. You're the first person I've told,” Mary said, smiling, she couldn't be more relieved at Lily's reaction, “I think we should tell Marlene that our relationship isn't real, but I’ll tell her about me once she comes back into the carriage.” Lily nodded in agreement and leaned back into Mary, letting her head fall into her lap, “How long have you known? You were a lesbian I mean.” she asked quietly. “Oh. Um, around 6 months I think, but that was only when I actually figured it out and put a label on myself. Do you remember when that French girl from Beauxbatons came to study here on an exchange trip last year? I always felt weird around her, at the time I thought it was because I was jealous that all the boys paid more attention to her, but looking back I can see I liked her. I used to blush whenever she asked me a question in class and I desperately wanted to be her friend”. Mary replied, smiling. She could remember how confused she was the first time she saw a lesbian couple. At first, she had thought they were just close friends, but once they kissed, she asked her parents, who had told her “Don't go poking your nose into other people’s love lives”. She had thought a lot about that kiss.

“Well I don't think I’m queer, but I suppose everyone will think I am after this right?” Lily said, interrupting her thoughts. “Well, it'd be odd if they didn't?” Mary said, looking amused. “I guess so. How can we show people that we are dating? Do we hold hands, or just tell people?” Lily said, looking up at Mary. “Well I think Snape has probably managed to tell half the school already, so I guess we don't have to do much in that department. We’ll have to act like a couple though. Maybe we could hold hands as we go into the hall or something? How long should we say we've been dating?” Mary replied, already thinking of the finer details. Oh god. I'm going to have to kiss her, aren't I? Fuck me. I didn't think about that. Of course, people are going to expect us to kiss, we are dating. Oh, and we’ll probably get weird stares. Well, I suppose it's to be expected, isn't it? “I think holding hands is probably a good start,” Lily replied thoughtfully, “maybe we can say we started dating just before the holidays? Can we say I asked you out? Please say yes Mary, I've never asked anyone out.” Lily said giggling. “Sure Lils, whatever you want.” Mary said, idly plaiting Lily's hair as it lay out on her lap.

Lily’s pov

They sat in silence for a while, both of them just thinking about what they'd just gotten themselves into. It's times like these where I'm glad Petunia doesn't go to Hogwarts. Could you even imagine if this got out to her? Or my parents? God, I'd never hear the end of it. I am glad Mary doesn't have any siblings that go here either, she’d probably be in the same position. I wonder how everyone will react, hopefully, it won't be too bad. “Oh my word, I just thought of something,” Lily said, her hand over her mouth, “do you think if McGonagall hears about this she’ll stop us from being dorm mates?” Mary looked horrified “Merlin, I fucking hope not. I don’t think I could forgive her if she did.” Lily didn't even want to think about it anymore, she didn't think she could cope if she and Mary weren't allowed to dorm together.

Just then, Marlene opened the door to their compartment. “Marly!” Lily said, smiling up at her. “Hey guys, sorry I missed you earlier, Lily. What have I missed?” Marlene said eagerly, sitting down opposite them. Lily and Mary made eye contact, sharing a mischievous smile. “Well I actually have something to tell you, Marlene,” Mary said, sitting up a little straighter, “um… I am a lesbian. I hope that's okay by you?” she said nervously. Marlene stared at her wide-eyed, then slowly, a grin spread across her face. Lily didn't think she'd ever seen Marlene smile so widely. "I am too," Marlene said, she looked like she'd been blessed by Merlin himself. She closed the small gap between them and hugged the other 2 girls so fervently it knocked the wind out of them.

thank fuck for that. I don't know what I would've done if Marls had reacted differently. Mary must be so relieved. Come to think of it, Marlene must be feeling relieved right now too. “I love you guys so much. I'm so happy both of you could share that with me.” Lily said, finally releasing her friends. They sat back against their seats, Mary sharing a glance with Lily, knowing what would come next. “So marls, we have something else to say…” Lily said a small smile on her face.

Lily relished in the way Marlene's mouth slowly dropped lower and lower as she continued explaining. She looked completely stunned. “Merlin, I can't believe the two of you. The utter shit you come up with. But okay… it's an interesting plan, to say the least.” Marlene said, thinking. They laughed, knowing she was right.

A couple of hours later they finally arrived at the Hogsmeade station. They gathered their bags and headed toward the horseless carriages, shivering from the chilly evening air. Lily had never been more glad for the warmth inside the great hall. Waves of heat poured over them as they walked through the enormous, double doors that led into the hall. They took their seats at the Gryffindor and listened to the speeches. All Lily could think about was getting into her bed that night and passing out. She was so glad that lessons would only start the following week. She could only imagine what the workload would be like for 6th-year students.