the bugler
-SATURDAY-
[over it]
10:00
padfoot: you left your jumper here
padfoot: come get it
moony: keep it
padfoot: no i don’t want your criminal juice all over me
moony: that’s not what you said last night
padfoot: fuck off
padfoot: i don’t want your jumper
moony: then burn it idc i’m not leaving my flat today
[james and lily]
10:15
james: sirius is wearing remus’ jumper he’s not even being subtle about it anymore
lily: bruv omg
lily: they need our help.
lily: desperately.
james: witerally
lily: but we can’t meddle
james: no meddling just
james: slight nudging
lily: period
[h8ers]
10:17
james: padfoot is wearing your jumper
read 10:18
[over it]
10:19
moony: burnt it did you?
padfoot: yes
[SCOTLAND 4EVER]
10:21
lupin: there is a traitor among us
evans: ok.
[THE GIRLS]
14:50
mary: dorcas and i are going to happy hour at the three broomsticks if any of you would like to join!
marlene: coming
dorcas: that’s what she said
marlene: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
[newham girls get down]
mary: it was not that funny
marlene: shut your face
mary: TELL. HER.
marlene: i’d rather be stoned
mary: i’m going to stone you
marlene: i just had an idea
[THE GIRLS]
marlene: let’s get stoned
lily: HEAR HEAR
[wormy requires the cheese tax}
18:27
dorky: smone needs to com e get uys from the thedw froom sticksu
prongs: ??
mcdonalds: norromless spritzes were not the way ro go
mcdonalds: nerither was that bowl
padfoot: WHAT AHAHA
marlener: please im having the worst tome ebver
marlener: lily is passed out olf the floor
moony: serves her right
prongs: i’ll come get you guys don’t worry!
prongs: i’ll be there in twenty
dorky: thx
[over it]
18:30
padfoot: come over
padfoot: prongs is gone
moony: k.
[james and lily]
20:15
james: okay so you’re probably asleep rn and i hope ur feeling okay but tell me why i just saw remus creep out of sirius’ room
lily: puking
james: lovely
james: and sirius came out of his room to chuck the jumper at remus and then said he came over to watch a movie
james: but like
james: come on
lily: i will analyze this in the morgning.
james: sleep tight! drink water.
lily: :)
[one big dick joke]
prongs: SHE SENT ME
prongs: A SMILEY FACE
moony: she also evidently smoked too much and drank two pitchers of spritzer i wouldn’t say she’s making good decisions today
prongs: SHE NEVER DOES
prongs: TAKE THAT!
-SUNDAY-
[wormy requires the cheese tax]
11:30
wormtail: ok so in honor of the semester starting tomorrow we’re going to have a recovery day
moony: i bought weed
wormtail: sounds like recovery to me
padfoot: i’m changing the group chat name to reflect the new semester
[padfoot changed the chat name from <wormy requires the cheese tax> to <studious sluts>]
padfoot: can i get a motion to approve
prongs: i’m not a slut
prongs: doesn’t fit me
padfoot: denied
prongs: :(
wormtail: hey girls are you alive
ginge: not smoking today
mcdonalds: at my funeral i want pink flowers
mcdonalds: and i want it to say ‘too sexy to live’ on the gravestone
ginge: marlene is going through it
moony: who’s smoking
padfoot: james and i
wormtail: me
dorky: can’t
padfoot: ok sounds like i’m getting sloppy and making lily take care of me
ginge: you don’t want that
padfoot: ok i lied i want macdonald taking care of me
prongs: plan. we’ll smoke and then meet u guys at leaky’s at like 7:30
ginge: heard
dorky: heard
moony: lily, dorcas, and wormtail still need to venmo me for cigarettes.
mcdonalds: why must we all have our own packs
prongs: great point. i’ll take them all
moony: put on a nic patch
[one big dick joke]
15:28
moony: come over at 18:30
prongs: heard
[over it]
15:28
moony: come over early
padfoot: can’t. prongs will get suspicious
moony: damn you’re right
[studious sluts]
19:24
prongs: gonna be late. remus has decided to shoplift from tescos.
dorky: is their security system broken again?
prongs: no he just got the stealing itch
moony: itchy itchy itchy
wormtail: this is why we normally don’t leave the house after smoking
wormtail: remus’ criminal past emerges
padfoot: HE STOLE
padfoot: FOURTEEN MINI BAGS
padfoot: OF BUGLES
padfoot: AND NOTHING ELSE
moony: i also bought four packs of cigarettes but only the wones with the eye on the front bc it feels liminal
ginge: ok
[shadiest bitches alive]
20:20
loser: ARE YOU SEEING REMUS RIGHT NOW I AM LOSING MY MIND
slut: SIRIUS WHAT DID YOU MAKE HIM SMOKE
loser: BRO IS NOT ON THIS PLANET
slut: I’M GOING BANANAS
loser: HE JUST PULLED OUT A BAG OF BUGLES
slut: PLEASE
[james and lily]
21:50
james: remus is staying with sirius tonight
james: sirius stated that it was for safety reasons
lily: well remus was in fact on cloud 9
james: he’s gonna be on cloud nine
lily: STOP
lily: doesn’t he have class tomorrow?
james: neither of them have class until 11
lily: you know their schedules?
james: i memorize everyone’s schedules
james: have fun at your 9am
[THE GIRLS]
21:54
lily: i have realized something