Last Train Home

Remus Lupin, 4:52 pm, November 20th 

“I hold that if our love be based on the beauty, grace, love, and favour of a woman, and our purpose be pleasure, honour, or profit, such love cannot long endure; for when the foundation on which it rests is gone, the love itself departs fro-”

“It's just some smoke, mate!” 

Remus was interrupted from his book by a new visitor in the public train cart. He looks up, expecting to send a quick glare and never think of this moment again, but his heart quickly stops when he sees who the person is. 

“Calm the actual fuck down, baldy!” exclaims the beautiful man from earlier. Well, rather than the backside of him, but Remus could recognize him no matter the angle. “Im stubbing it out right now! Dont you see me actively fixing the problem?!” 

Remus is aware of the bald man responding but he doesn't hear a word he says, too focused on the angel from earlier. 

The man lets out one more rude remark and turns around with a shit-eating grin painted on his pretty face. When he sees Remus, his smile grows even larger as he decides to sit in the chair right in front of him. 

Remus decides to think nothing of it and looks back down at his book, refusing to give into the hope that the beautiful man meant to sit next to specifically him. However, he hears the sound of a light cough from above him. Remus marks the word he was last on and slowly lifts his head up where his brown eyes meet the beautiful eyes of the stranger. His eyes were mesmerizing as they danced with mixes of greys and blues. Remus swore he could see the night sky in those impossibly entrancing eyes. He forced himself to look away from the stars and studies the position of the stranger, finding the stranger turned around in his seat, propped up on his knees, and staring down at Remus with his hands on the headrest of his chair. 

“Hello there,” says the stranger, with an impossibly wide smile. 

“Hello,” Remus replies, slightly scared.

“Hm, that's all I get.” the angel says as his face morphs into a slight pout that Remus can't help but stare at. 

“Well, what do you want me to say.” 

“Hm,” he says, putting on a show of looking into the distance to show faux consideration, “you could bow down and thank me for gracing you with my presence,” he says, batting his eyes rapidly like a little kid asking for ice cream. 

“Yea, no thanks,” answers Remus, staring back down at his booking, deciding to test how interested the guy is.

“Well, suit yourself, but I think my response is far more fitting than a simple ‘hello’’.” 

“Well, you think that.” 

“Hmph,” says the stranger, and Remus begins to think he will leave him alone, becoming slightly bummed by the thought. Before the disappointment could settle, though, the stranger spoke again. “Whatcha reading?”

“Marguerite de Navarre” he replies. 

““I pray you, counsel me whether it is better for a man to speak or die?” “I shall always counsel my friends to speak and not to die.” recites the black-haired man, a soft look on his face.
“You like the stories?” Remus asks.

“Like is pushing it. My little brother is obsessed with all of that mellow shit. I always have to hear about it later.”

“Hm, well do you love him or the literature?” asks Remus.

“What do you mean?” the other boy questions, a confused look on his face.

“Well, you have the whole passage memorized. Either you adore your brother, or the passage meant a lot to you.” He explains. 

“Well, I guess you'll just have to find that out yourself” his confused expression was long gone, replaced by a cheeky grin. 

“And how do you suppose I do that?” Remus looks up from where he's sitting, giving the other man nothing but a calm, blank stare.

“By putting that boring book down and learning about something far more interesting,” he says with a proud smile tucked on his lips.

“Still not grasping what you're referring to” Remus states, playing dumb. 

“Would you like me to spell it out nice and pretty for you?” the stranger asks.

“If it'll help me understand why youre distracting me from my book, sure.”

“Youre lucky I have no shame, anyone else would have been humiliated by now,” he says, and Remus only shrugs in response. “I think youre interesting, and I know I’m one of the most interesting people on the planet, so it would only make sense for us to spend the rest of this boring train ride together talking.” he explains, finishing it off with a large, messy smile- Remus didn't even know smiles could be messy looking- looking down expectantly at Remus. 

“Nah, I'm cool with my bo-” 

Remus looks up at the sound of the slight buzzing noise of a speaker.

“We will be arriving at the next stop very shortly” 

He looks back at the stranger and finds that the other’s eyes had never stopped looking at him. 

Remus cocks a head and asks “This your stop, lover boy?” 

“Nope. Going back home to London, what about you?” 

Remus doesn't know how to answer the question, so settles to play dumb instead. It's the only route that seems safe. “What about me?”
“Where are you headed dummy,” he says with a goofy, wide smile, cocking his head slightly to the right, looking way too intrigued and curious in Remus’s opinion. 

“Somewhere.” He replies. He honestly doesn't have an answer to the question. 

“Hm, mysterious,” the stranger says, replacing the large smile with a grin. His expressions take over revealing every slight emotion he experiences, never hiding how he feels. He was correct when saying he had no shame. “I'll get it out of you somehow.”

“You can certainly try.” 

“Trust me, love, I will.” He says, smiling. 

Remus felt a warm feeling spread in his chest, reaching the bottom of his stomach. For being so sinful, the feeling of the other man’s eyes on him felt near euphoric. This stranger’s interest alone is already erasing everything his mother had ever pounded into Remus’s brain. The man in front of him would send his mother into a coma, not even to mention the feelings he caused Remus. From his pierced ears, littered with earrings that all seemed to be in the shape of stars, his long hair -  “It is simply inappropriate for a man to have hair like a woman’s!” he can hear his mother screeching- the rainbow pin on his jacket and the tote bag that reads “safe sex” with a crude drawing of two men holding each others dicks. Everything about this man would make his mother outraged, and that thrilled Remus. 

“Hm, sure,” he responded, staring deeply into his eyes, “so, what's your name, pretty boy?”

“Sirius,” the stranger- Sirius- responded quickly, smirk still present, “how about you?”

“Lupin, Remus Lupin.” 

“So Wolf McWolf?” Sirius says while smirking, “Sexy, I like it.”

“Ok, star boy” Remus replies, trying to hide a smile. 

“Anything is better than Wolfy, darling. Plus, I prefer star man” 

Now that, that intrigues Remus.

“You like Bowie?” he asks, perhaps too excited for his own liking. 

“Obviously,” he responds with a playful eye roll, “I mean look at me, im the classic queer man stereotype, of course I like Bowie.” 

Remus smiles at that. “‘The queer man stereotype’. I need a shirt that says that.” 

“Any reason why you would want that shirt, moony?” he asks, smirking.

“Wait,” Remus says while sitting up in the chair, fully emersed in the conversation now, “what the fuck did you just call me?” 

Sirius laughs, and holy fucking shit, Remus’s whole mind is filled with the sound. The echo of the warm noise fills his whole head, filling the cracks of his brain, and making his whole body feel like jelly. He feels something stir inside of his stomach, and feels his heart turn to goo. His smile is large and open, looking a bit like the Cheshire cat. Everything about Sirius made Remus wild. 

“Moony,” he says, while holding up his hand to his face crinkled with joy, “because you’re Wolfy McWolf. You’re crazy for the moon.” 

“The way your brain works fascinated me, star boy” Remus says, a smile creeping on his face despite his attempts to not let it slip out. 

“I'm taking that as a compliment” Sirius replies, while smiling down at Remus. 

Remus smiles up at him and suddenly realizes how far away they are from each other. It makes him angry at the world, he needs to be closer. 

“Don’t your knees hurt?” He asks, trying to slyly ask for the other to fill the empty seat next to him. 

“I've had plenty of practice, love,” the angel says with a devilish grin, plainly impure. 

“Oh god, You’re disgusting,” Remus groans, scrunching up his face, and falls back against his chair, lifting his hands to cover his face. 

“You were basically asking for it, moons,” he says in between laughs. Remus peeks at him from the gaps behind his fingers, enjoying his happy state. “If youre so worried about the state of my knees, why dont I just sit next to you?” he says, smiling. His smile seems to never leave his face, but he has so many different versions of it. He wants to discover each one. Remus wonders if it even looks like he’s smiling when he cries, when he’s angry. 

“Well, why dont you?” Remus says while smirking, silently letting go of a breath he was holding, glad Sirius picked up on what he wanted.

Sirius smiles and slides out of his chair, circling around and plopping down in the seat next to Remus. 

“Well, you’re even prettier up close.” He rasps, scanning his face over and over in a way that causes Remus’s ears to heat up. 

“Hm, youre decent at best.” murmurs Remus, smirking, already knowing what the other’s reaction will be. 

“Excuse you!” he screeches, opening his mouth wide and scrunching his face up in fake insult. “How dare you! My face is perfection! Are you kidding me?! Stop being mean to me or I swear I’ll kiss you! Freak!” Sirius exclaims while shoving his arm.

Remus’s face freezes, and his whole brain shuts down. He awkwardly stares at Sirius, in pure shock. After a moment of confusion, he barks out a large laugh, allowing his face to be free, expressing his full emotions. He tries responding, but every time he tries, another giggle is all that surfaces. Sirius watches the whole time with a proud smile on his face. 

“Y-you sure know how to flatter a man, star boy,” he finally gets out, “But that’s actually alarming. Is that normal for you? To like when people are mean to you?”
“Oh, you have no idea, sweetheart,” Sirius responds, winking at Remus, “but actually, no, not really. I’m used to being treated like a princess, and I like that you don’t. I like that you’re mean” He says that last part softly, smiling and looking up at Remus. (Looking up!) 

“Seems I have quite the effect on you.” 

“Have I not already made that obvious?” He asks, still smiling, “I walked through every single cart looking for you after making eye contact once. You have me wrapped around your pretty little finger, love” He explains, smirking like he knows exactly how Remus will feel at his words. 

“You’re something else, Sirius,” He says with a soft smile, happy to have met the angel.

“You truly, truly have no idea,” He laughs a bit, searching all of Remus’s face again, “you never answered my question” he states. 

“Which one? You never seem to shut up” Remus says, trying his hardest to avoid the topic he knows Sirius is after. 

“Oh, stuff it,” he giggles (giggles!), “no, seriously, where are you headed mystery man?”

“I don’t know,” Remus says honestly, deciding to just jump in, to go for it. 

“You…dont know?” He questions, cocking his head to the side. 

“I don’t. Just jumped on the first train I could.”

“Ah, I see,” replies Sirius, with a knowing smile on his lips, “You’re a runaway, aren’t you?”

Remus only shrugs, not wanting to talk about it much longer. He’s scared he’ll tell the stranger every little detail. 

“So was I.” He states, searching all over Remus’s face, for what, Remus has no clue. 

“Really, well then how old are you?” asks Remus, “You aren't a pedophile, are you?”

Sirius laughs loud and bright, not caring at all if he’s disturbing the others on the train, “No, I'm not. I'm nineteen, what about you?”
“Im eighteen.” responds Remus. 

“Strange age to be a runaway,” responds Sirius, “dont you want to graduate high school?” He asks. 

“Didn't see a point.” 

“Hm, you seem like the type to care.” 

“Because I'm reading?”
“Because you were reading.” Responds Sirius, nodding like he's the smartest person in the world.

“Sure, ok,” says Remus, trying hard not to smile, “when you'd run away then?”

“I was fifteen,” he replies, not quite serious, but not as cheery as before, “ran straight out of the house, and into the arms of my best friend. Best decision I ever made.” he states, a faraway look in his eyes, like he's fifteen again, running to the comfort of his best friend. And how Remus envies that.
“Well, I didn't have any best friend to run away to, I only had a train.” He says. 

“No friends at all?” Asks Sirius with a sad smile. 

“No, no I have a Lily,” says Remus, smiling at the thought of her, “She’s the best person in the world, she’s every good part of me. Her family wasn't any better though, we agreed to see each other again after she graduates.” Remus explains, looking past Sirius’s head and out the window across the row behind him.

“She in support of you running away?” asks Sirius, like this is the most interesting thing he’s talked about in his whole life. 

Remus looks back into his eyes, “Of course she is, she would've done it too if it weren't for Mary.”

“Well, who's Mary?” Asks Sirius, as if it was vital for him to uncover every detail of whatever story Remus tells him, like it was the most important information in the world. Sirius is an old, worn-out detective, and Remus is the cold case that will save his dying career.
“Lily’s girlfriend,” he explains, smiling at the thought of his girls, “she’s great too. Passionate feminist, killing creepy men one by one with just one glare.” He says, chuckling. 

Sirius lights up at the small noise, his whole face brightening. “Hm, scary lesbians, I dig it.” he says, then, “So you have no plans?”
“Nope,” replies Remus, popping the p, “just hopped on a train, hoping to figure it out on the way.” 

Sirius grins a large grin, reminding Remus of the Grinch cartoon he would watch when he was a little boy, “Well, I have an idea,” he says. 

It clicks in Remus’s mind what he means, and immediately sirens go off in his brain. 

“No,”

“Hear me out!”

“Sirius, no-”
“C’mon!”

“Sirius-”

“My best friend loves taking in runaways!-”

“I dont even know you!” Remus exclaims, raising his hand to his forehead. 

“But you could!” Sirius exclaims back, still smiling despite being rejected. 

“Sirius” Remus says, feeling like he was telling a bad dog to stop chewing on his slippers.

“Remus” Sirius responds, smiling up at him. 

“No.”

“Yes!” 

“No, I can't!”

“Well, why no-!”

“The train will reach the next stop at Tenby station shortly”

“I've always loved Tenby! What about you!?” He says, too excitedly.

“No. I’m serious” Remus immediately regrets saying that knowing exactly how he will respond.

“No, I’m Sirius” Sirius laughs gleefully. “And I dont know what youre talking about,” he says, acting oblivious “I was just simply telling you that I’ve always loved the town. It’s pretty, innit,” he insists,  smiling. “Might take a little day trip. May get lonely though, know what I mean, moony?” he smiles, batting his unfairly beautiful eyes. 

“Sirius.” He says sternly. 

“Suit yourself, pretty boy, I’ll have a fantastic time. Would be quite sad without you there, though.” He says, pouting. 

“That's just oh so sad, isn't it,” Remus replies flatly. He can't do it. He shouldn't. Won’t. 

He will let Sirius in, past his carefully laid out walls, and, inevitably, the boy will ruin his life. It's too good to be true. If there's one thing Christianity has taught him, it's not to be that gullible. The world is cruel, it's easier to not take a leap of faith, and not let yourself fall. After stepping, there's only down towards the cruel, cruel earth. Remus knows this, he’s learned the hard way. He won't make the same mistake twice, he can't. 

“Yea, it really is.” Replies the angel, sounding genuinely mournful.

“We have now arrived at Tenby station.” 

“Well, that'll be me I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” replies Remus, staring into his eyes, possibly for the last time.

“Hm, see you later Moony.” 

“Bye-bye, star boy.” 

Sirius pauses for a second, expecting Remus to change his mind, to throw himself at him. After a moment of staring at each other, Sirius finally stands up and grabs his crude bag. Remus stares up at Sirius from where he's standing above him as the angel finally starts walking toward the open, awaiting doors. He turns around one last time to look back at Remus and lifts two fingers to send a quick salute, then leaves Remus alone. He supposes there may be others in the train cart, but that doesn't matter to him.

 A part of him is screaming to go. He’s smarter than that. This could have been the one opportunity at what he’s always wanted. But, again, he shouldn't. He knows this.  He knows how to not get hurt, he learned that when he was only a child. Allow yourself to be naive, and you end up with irreversible scars like his. He shouldn't. It's so fucking stupid, why would he.

Remus was anything but stupid, yet…

“Well fuck.” he says, finding that while his mind was rambling, his body had moved him to grab his suitcase and put away his book, now standing, no, moving, down the aisle. 

“Well fuck,” he repeats, starting the journey through the cart, to a stranger, an angel.