Saturday, June 4th, 2005
“Remus—I—um—” Severus stumbled over his words, trying to avoid his husband’s gaze as they sat on opposite sides of the kitchen table. They were supposed to be doing a 5000 piece puzzle, but Severus had stopped it for this conversation. This conversation which he wasn’t sure he could have.
“What is it, baby?” Remus sat the corner piece down from where it was sitting, clenched, in his right hand. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just….I don’t know, I guess it’s kinda gross, but I was wondering if…if I could maybe buy a vibrator….”
“Sev—”
“No! Please, just listen….I know, I know, but so many people say they feel good and I don’t have an electric toothbrush and—”
“Sev—”
“Please! Please, Remus, please. I know it doesn’t seem important to you, but masturbation is harder with a vagina, especially since I just can’t do penetration, and—”
“Severus!”
Severus flinched, finally going quiet.
“I’m so sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to scare you, but it’s important you listen to me right now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. Really.”
“But I asked for something gross and then I didn’t listen and then—”
“Sev.”
“Sorry, I’m sorry, really, truly, I’m sorry.”
“You still don’t have anything to apologize for, but will you please listen to me.”
“Yes, sorry.”
Remus sighed, but didn’t correct him again. “You don’t have to ask for a vibrator, you’re an adult, you can buy whatever you want. And it’s definitely not gross.”
“It is gross.”
“No it’s not; it’s literally just a sex toy. If you think using a vibrator while getting off will make the experience more enjoyable for you or something, use one. Why would I care? It has nothing to do with me.”
“It does have to do with you.”
“How? I don’t have any part in your masturbation habits; it’s by nature a solo thing. Sure some people do it together, but we don’t, even if we did it’s different from typical sex. If you’re getting yourself off, alone or otherwise, what you say goes. If that means a vibrator or other sex toy or whatever, then use it. No point in not doing something to make yourself feel better.”
“But what if it makes me like masturbation more than sex? I mean, always. We already barely fuck because I’m broken, so—”
“You are not broken, you’re just demisexual. Nothing wrong with that.”
“I know you want to have sex more often.”
“I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want it as well; that’s rape. Besides, I didn’t marry an allosexual person who was constantly horny, I married you. If I wanted someone like that I would have married Sirius or Lucius.”
Severus couldn’t help but laugh a little despite himself. “I don’t think Narcissa would approve of either of those scenarios.”
“I could marry her instead.”
“She’d probably like that, though….But, is it really okay?”
“Of course, Sevy. If I wanted to use something when I got off would you tell me I couldn’t? Expect me to ask permission?”
“Of course not! That’s controlling and abusive and wrong!”
Though it didn’t exactly fit the situation, Remus smiled, just a tiny amount. “Exactly.”