Seemingly Alone
James thanked him and immediately ran off. Once again, adorable. The incarnate of sunshine itself. He would gladly stare right at the sun until he went blind and he would do it 'till the day he died. He didn't care if he lost sight of everything else. As long as he could the light in front of him, he would be happy. He didn't know what he would do if the light disappeared yet he knew that he would be shattered. If the light was gone before him he would be unable to find his way out. He had lost himself so much now he was drowning in the darkness and he couldn't make out the shapes that he once knew like the back of his hand. He knew how James always lit up the path in front of him and Regulus had always hoped that he was part of it. He could use some clarity right now. He knew how destructive this love could be but he didn't care. He would always find the light every chance he got. And he knew it would always find him no matter where he was. It was everything he wanted and everything he wished for as a child. He had lost all sight of the things in his mind after he got used to hiding all of his memories from Mother. He knew how disastrous their ending would be but he embraced his love with open arms. It took everything in him to look away from the wonderous charm and deep, brown eyes of the happy-go-lucky character of James Potter.
Even though he was completely spaced out he could see Lily's hand waving furiously in front of his face. How long had been out? It only felt like one minute at most but then again his eyes hurt and were watering from not blinking. He turned back to look at her and smiled apologetically before picking his book up again.
"No put the book down. Look at me Reg. Look at me. What's on your mind? You were spaced out for like 5 minutes." Lily asked, a hint of worry plaguing her voice. She was worried that he was thinking about his parents. After all they were only two weeks into this term. He didn't have much of an appetite and he was more reserved. Saying that she was concerned for him was an understatement to say the least.
"Why? What do you want?" Regulus was guarding himself now. He realised he had let his emotions slip.
"Tell me what you were thinking about or I'm sending Sirius to stalk you around Hogsmeade tomorrow." Lily said, her worried tone turning into a playful one looking into Regulus's eyes. Oh how beautiful they were. Hypnotising.
"Ok, ok. No need to give me a death threat, Merlin Lily." he sighed putting his bookmark back into his book. The things he gave up to talk with his friends. "I was thinking about James. I know shock, horror. How could I think about him. Oh no!" he said dryly, not even caring about the effect of his tone. Lily laughed lightly.
"Him? I mean no surprises there. Everyone has had a crush on him at one point or another. I would never expect you of all people though. Dark and strange Regulus Black with happy and bubbly James Potter." Lily said, her eyes lighting up. Regulus couldn't look away. They were so mesmerising. He could easily get lost in them.
"Excuse me Lils, I need to back to my dorms. I need to make sure that Barty hasn't murdered anyone yet." he said as he pushed back his chair, pulling his satchel onto his shoulder before walking out of the library, leaving Lily reading her book by herself. Remus was bound to show up at any moment now since it was after last period and he should have stopped studying in his dorms with Sirius.
His statement to Lily was partially true. He was making sure that Barty hadn't caused any casualties (it is Barty after all) but he was also due to make his weekly visit to the woods.
His faithful duty that he would never retire from until he graduated the school, or until he died, but he pushed that out of his mind. Now was not the time to think about that, he had bigger issues and people had worse situations.
He had finally reached the common room when a hand gently placed itself on his shoulder. Though it was a soft gesture, Regulus still tensed under its touch. He looked down at where the hand was placed. It was rather large and had a red and yellow knit sleeve covering its wrist.
"Hey, hey don't worry. It's just me Reg." It finally clicked in his brain. Why now? He was just about to enter the room and he decides to stop him now? Why couldn't he wait for a better time? Just goes to show how dense of a character James Potter really is.
"Yeah, yeah." Regulus shrugged off the hand. "Now is not for the time this James"
James slowly retreated his hand, it hung in the air before dropping down to his side. He quickly wiped off the sad expression on his face, nobody could know. The boy in front of him stopped in his tracks, his hand was still on the door knob, ready to open the door and leave.
"I don't even have to look at you to know that you're hiding. What's the matter?" Regulus said, only turning after he spoke. It wasn't much but James cracked at the gesture. Even though Regulus had his own problems, he was still willing to listen to him. Who knew that Regulus Black of all people would have empathy? He only showed it to his brother and occasionally Remus, Barty and Evan. "We can move to my dorm since the others are out in Hogsmeade. Probably on the run right now."
"Please." The only thing James could manage before his voice broke. The door opened and They walked in silence until they landed themselves in Regulus's dorm room. It was neat with everything in their correct place. A stack of records sat under a dark oak record player. They were the only thing not in order. They sat in a pile, some standing, some stacked. James guessed that the others must have access to them since Regulus hadn't bothered to clean it up.
"James I know everything hurts right now but you don't need to space out constantly." Regulus paused momentarily before resuming "I'm right here. You can tell me anything. Ok? You don't need to hide."
James didn't know whether his mask had cracked or his heart melted. Could it be both? He was actually doing this. He didn't walk away. The way he could pin point all the things wrong but the fact that he never pushed. He wanted to listen through it all. He was doing this for him. James couldn't believe it. He wasn't left to his own devices to deal with his own emotions. Regulus may not have the best reputation but James trusted him.
James looked up, finally getting his eyes to move from the floor- he hadn't even realised that he'd been looking there- and saw Regulus sitting on an armchair with another close to him. His hand waved over to it, offering that James sit down. Even the hand gesture was an elegant and calculated move.
Different emotions collided in his mind, they clouded his mind. They told him different things from warning signs to feelings of comfort. He didn't know what to think anymore. What was going on? He couldn't think, he couldn't speak, he felt numb. The same question kept repeating in his mind, it was the only thing that actually made sense. What was going on?
"James? It's going to be ok, just focus on my voice. You're safe." That calm voice was the only thing that could bring back into reality. He could hear the armchair creak as Regulus stood up and placed an arm around the back of his shoulders to make sure that he didn't fall backwards. James walked (stumbled) towards the armchair that Regulus had pointed to before.
"Why won't it stop? It won't stop." James whispered, his voice was barely there and and it was cutting out slightly. Regulus noticed the constant effort that James put to keep his hands down and whenever he got distracted one would travel its way up to his mouth. It always got stopped as James always kept track of it, never allowing it to reach his mouth. A constant effort to hide it. To stop everything. His heart ached at the sight of him like this.
"It's ok. It's ok." Regulus reassured James. He had given up sitting opposite him and had decided to kneel next to him. He ran a hand through James's hair and rubbed circles into his hand. "You don't need to tell me anything but is there something else I can do for you?"
James simply shook his head. He felt like he didn't deserve the help. People had worse issues and far worse situations. Why were people wasting their time on him? Why was Regulus wasting time on him? It was that time in the week where he was always away doing something. James was never sure what it was but he had settled on studying yet every morning afterwards somebody would receive a letter to meet him in the Astronomy Tower or Room of Requirement.
How did he always know these things?
There were bigger problems at hand.