it was the middle of june, regulus figured it made sense to go in the middle of the year. halfway through.
he was always halfway to everything. almost there but never quite, almost good but never good enough. never the enemy but never the saviour.
he found himself winding up the towers stairs, one foot in front of the other. over and over up and up the winding stairs, across the floor and until he reached the farthest ledge.
regulus thought perhaps he would have regrets by now, yet as he was putting one foot over the railing he wondered why he hadn’t come sooner, how easy it all really was to fix the longing inside of him.
he thinks briefly of his brother, his big brother, as he pulled his other foot over the railing.
wonders how he would react to the news, a resigned sigh or even a tear or two at the news of the way he had gone out, so harshly and so final.
he finds himself rubbing at the ache in his chest, not there because he didn’t want to do it, because he was having send thoughts. no, it was there because that is what it would take for his brother to give a shit about him.
and so be it.
regulus stood on the concrete, hands clutching the railing behind him, as stared up into the stars, finding his brothers with ease, wondering what it would be like to be up close enough to touch the light. close enough that his fingertips would burn as his soul flew higher.
his hands were freezing as he clutched the railing, cold metal stinging his pale bony hands.
he’d always looked half dead, but lately he thinks his body was giving up aswell. that it new what was coming so soon.
suddenly, amidst the roaring silence there was a sharp intake of breath, so loud and shocked that regulus round himself flinching against the rail, his brain screaming at himself for being interrupted in his final quiet monents.
resigned, he whipped his head around to stare down the intruder, startling slightly when he saw who it was.
potter.
fucking james potter.
the brother stealer himself has arrived with his saviour complex to snatch another black brother away from the edge.
it’s spiteful, considering regulus recently admitted to himself that he was glad sirius had gotten out. that he was glad sirius at least would have a chance.
(especially now that regulus was saying goodbye)
it was strange, regulus had decided once he had glanced at the boy. it was strange that james seemed surprised by him. surprised he had been there as if his stupid saviour complex hadn’t clearly drivin him here. still, here he was, his jaw dropped slightly in what was clearly surprise as he stared at regulus.
“potter,” regulus managed quietly, and he silently curses himself for sounding so weak, and now he’s all the more hoping to urge him to leave him alone,
james seens all the more surprised to have been directly adressed as he moves towards him slowly, hands raised as if taming a wild animal.
“go away”
regulus’ voice was strained, almost pleading in it existence and if the look on potters face was anything to go by, regulus thought he might of even looked desperate.
“get down regulus.” james spoke firmly, and regulus let out a self deprecating chuckle
“just piss off” regulus begged quietly, “i don’t want your help” and he’s leaning further over the railing- fingertips slipping and slipping,
a hand lands on his arm and regulus flinches harshly, the sustain at being touched outweighing all else, even that he would have fallen right off if not for the strong hold james seemed to have on his left arm.
closer, regukus noticed that james now had reined in his shock, now looking purely exhausted by the world, and despite his dislike for james, he finds himself hating himself just a little more for the burden he evidently was.
attempting to pull away from his grip, regulus held back a sob, he was tired of all this. but james only sighed, holding on tighter as spoke,
“just climb back over reg, you don’t wanna do this”
“don’t call me that” he snaps instantly, and feeling affronted, he scoffs, “you have no idea what i want to do”
“yes i do, now get down”
“no?!” because james doesn’t. perfect potter- a saviour to everone doesn’t know what it feels like to want to be dead. he just couldn’t.
and regulus though james was being incredibly stupid, as if being caught like this would make him want to magically live.
“it won’t kill you”
what?
regulus whipped his head around once more, shocked by the sudden admission,
he stood with a brow raised of james’ words,
“yes it would”
“no, it wouldn’t” james maintained, his stare boring into regulus’ eyes.
“just fuck off and let me do this ” he bit back, snapping as he felt the frustration wind up inside of him.
but to his surprise james only laughs, suddenly climbing over the railing to stand next to him, one leg over then the next, as confident as regulus had been earlier,
“what are you doing?!” regulus asks, alarmed at the sudden change his actions, from asking calmly to having this odd look in his eyes.
releasing his arm, james spins around, letting his arms stretch out like wings, he laughs a bit hysterically.
then? he does something that makes regulus’ heart drop. something that clears his mind from all but the aching fear for the boy infront of him.
“protection charms” james smiles.
and he lets himself fall.
“no!!” regulus shouts, squeezing his eyes shut in shock of just how the night had changed. all he could think, was oh sirius oh james oh sirius oh james
a few nauseating moments pass and regulus feels sick to his stomach as he slowly opens his eyes, gazing down on what should have been a horrific sight that would leave his traumatised for the rest of his short life
oh how could he let this happen
he feels like sobbing as the nauseating feeling in regulus’ stomach was replaced by unbridled relief when he found james was simply floating in the air, not more than a few feet below him.
but james was grinning, GRINNING!! and regulus suddenly felt outraged,
“are you fucking kidding me?!” he shrieked, kneeling down carefully, and reaching out a hand towards the reckless boy
“what if the spell had failed!? that was downright suicidal!!”
james merely lifted an eyebrow, “i’m the suicidal one?”
“piss off you know what i mean” regulus was mad. he was mad and he didn’t know why and he hated how much fear he had felt. hated what that could of mean for the boy regulus tries to convince himself he hates.
and james was on his feet now, being ushered over the railing by a fuming (scared?)regulus,
“i was just proving my point” he shrugged, causing regulus to hold his head in his hands, his own actions long forgotten by this display.
“you didn’t have to throw yourself off” the pale boy murmured eventually, eyeing james with a hint of disbelief.
“you weren’t listen-“
“don’t. you can’t justify it with that.” he interrupted, “you could’ve just told me”
james let out a loud laugh,his head tilting back with the force of it “would you have believed me?”
regulus paused for a moment, “well no-“
“see!! i did what i had to”
james seemed casual about it but regulus knew there was something weird about the situation, about the look in his eyes before he fell back. it’s just- what if the spell hadn’t worked?? what if he’d died- what would sirius-
“stop thinking-” james interrupts suddenly, a small frown oh his face as he spun his wand around his fingers, gazing at regulus’ troubled face.
“we’re both alive and that’s all that matters” he shrugs, indifference clear on his face, “now, we should go talk to poppy about why you were about to chuck yourself off this tow-“
“oh no nonono” regulus blurts,
and james frowns, “we have to-“
regulus is about to argue why they should just go back to their respective dorms when a thought stops him in his tracks.
no, that doesn’t make sense? he would have had to…
he looks up towards a fidgeting james and turns his head like a dog in thought,
”how did you know that you wouldn’t fall?”
james pales slightly, shaking his head with a false laugh, “does it matter? come on let’s-“
but regulus isn’t having it,
“who did you see jump?” he asks plainly, eyes boring into james as he does so,
but his hands only twitch, another strange look passing over his face ”you’re asking the wrong question regulus”
james speaks, and he turns on his heel quickly, making his way to the stairs as regulus fumbles for words,
“wait?! what do you mean?” he blurts, confusion thrumming through his brain, wrong question what does he mean wrong question??
”it doesn’t matter?” james shouts in his pace
”please?” regulus pleads.
though when james answers, a part of regulus with wonder for days to come if perhaps it would be better if he hadnt pushed.
he’s spinning around to level with him,
“you should be asking when i tried to jump”
oh.
james had jumped before.
he knew because he had stood where regulus had
was he just as naive? regulus would wonder.
naive to the magic the tower held?
james disappears down the staircase moments later, and regulus just stares at the spot he once stood.
he wished he had asked more questions, more of the right ones.
okay then.
maybe he’d put his own plans on hold for a while just to figure out why james had ever had any at all.