DAY FOUR
The first thing Remus registered upon waking up, was that it was still awfully dark. The gap in the curtains around his bed revealed the dark blue tint of the sky just before dawn and the chill in the air suggested the same.
The second thing he registered was the reason he woke up in the first place.
He was coughing.
He sat up in a panic, heaving sudden punches of air out as the object constricting his breath began to budge its way out. It shot into his mouth and seemed to expand and inflate into the wider space before he coughed it out onto his bed.
Through the dim, dark light, he realised the object was a whole flower bunch, stem and all. It had to be only slightly shorter than his own forearm, and was adorned prettily all over with waxy, white flowers.
In an instant, the blood drained from his face as his stomach lurched nauseatingly. He darted up on unsteady legs, knees buckling under his weight, and staggered to the open door of the bathroom.
He collapsed on the cold tiles of the floor, the toilet bowl level with his head, and hurled suddenly and sharply into it. Though, his dinner was long gone from his stomach and his body jolted painfully with every futile gag.
Finally his spasms ceased, and Remus slumped in exhaustion against the bathroom cabinets. His throat itched with a raw cough, and he watched yet another flower bunch tumble out of his mouth and grow grotesquely into the open air.
But there was something different about these petals.
He blinked, squinting to see better. The white petals were blotchy and spotty, flecked with dark spots on them.
And then he tasted it. Blood.
All at once he felt the smears of blood on his lips and tongue, the hoarse pain in his throat, and the dizzy, fuzzing static in his head.
Hot tears pricked in his eyes, and he squeezed them shut, forcing the salty droplets into his wiry lashes. He felt entirely depleted, lacking the strength to breathe .
Remus’s back was twinging from an especially abrupt gag and he gasped sharply as the pain shot up his spine, making him arch roughly off the cabinets. He grabbed the flower bunch in his hand and pushed carefully off the ground, until he was standing on two unsure feet. Drying beads of blood stuck uncomfortably to his palms but he hadn’t the mind to do anything about it.
He glanced down into the toilet bowl, grimacing at the yellow-green bile he had purged only minutes ago and, without a second glance, he flushed it down.
The tile changed to stone under his feet as he re-emerged into the dorm.
“Moony, are you alright?”
“ Jesus fucking christ !” Remus almost launched the flowers in his fist at the source of the voice. He clutched at his chest and felt his racing heart thrum under his fingers.
“Oh, shit, sorry, Moons! Didn’t mean to frighten you.”
He looked across the dorm to where Sirius had drawn back his bed curtains and was sat up, watching him in concern.
“It’s, um, fine. What are you doing up?”
“Heard you coughing.”
Remus flushed.
Sirius sat up further, running a hand through his messy hair.
“Speaking of, are you okay? That sounded pretty nasty-”
-And Remus was coughing again. Full body heaves, rattling his bones as he drew in sharp gasps of air into his lungs. He held onto his bedpost for support, coughing a bunch of flowers raggedly into his elbow.
“Remus!” Sirius moved to stand up, but Remus waved his hand quickly, stopping him.
“I’m- f- fine ,” he spluttered between gasps.
But Sirius was undeterred.
“You’re not fine!”
And Remus would have replied that he was in fact fine, and he didn’t need any help whatsoever, but before he could register it happening, his knees gave out beneath him and he folded to the floor.
“ Shit !”
Sirius was next to him in seconds, cradling his swimming head and rubbing soothing circles into his scalp.
All Remus could see was spotty speckles of stars, hearing the blood rush in his ears as he was held by the other’s strong arms.
“I’m fine,” he muttered, grimacing at the horrible way his head was buzzing. “My legs just fell asleep.”
Sirius pressed the back of his palm to Remus’s forehead, causing a shudder to roll up his body at the cool touch.
“Are you cold? Because you’re burning up.” Sirius’s breath ghosted over his face at their closeness.
“No, ‘m fine.”
“ Cut the bullshit, Moons .”
Sirius lowered Remus gently back to the ground. He threw his leg over the other’s hips and hooked an arm under his shoulder, easing him up into a sitting position.
And even in his delirium, Remus was all too aware of their compromising position.
“What’re you doing?” He whispered, and his face would’ve been red if it hadn’t already drained to a sickly pale.
“Helping you stand.”
Sirius pulled him closer into his chest and hurled the two of them up.
“Step on my feet, Re.”
“ What ? No!”
“ Step on my fucking feet, Re.”
Sirius quirked a brow at him, his face reading “ test me ” all over and Remus sighed, obliging, partly because he didn’t have the energy to walk at all, but mostly because he knew arguing over this was fruitless.
With timid steps, he placed his weight onto Sirius’s feet. The pair swayed as Remus tipped and almost fell off backwards.
Sirius responded immediately, winding his arms around the other’s torso, stabilising them. Their bodies were pressed flat against each other and a warm blush seeped across Remus’s face as he felt his chest bump awkwardly against the other boy’s.
Without a word, Sirius unwound himself ever so slightly, unhooking his arms from behind the other boy. He then took hold of Remus’s own flailing arms and wrapped them around himself, mirroring his own embrace.
“Just hold onto me, yeah?”
As if he would ever say no to that.
He tightened his hold tentatively, bringing them impossibly closer, yet still not close enough.
Sirius lifted his foot, testing, before growing more confident and walking them at a snail’s pace to Remus’s bed.
Remus marvelled for the short amount of time he was granted at how wonderfully- how perfectly - Sirius fit into his hold. How his head rested against his collarbone, their height difference made all the more pronounced as Remus stood on his feet. With their newfound proximity, he was able to feel the short gust of air Sirius let out, breezing against his neck. He sucked in a breath of his own, feeling their chests brush together in doing so.
“I’m not crushing your feet, am I?” His voice couldn’t seem to raise any higher than a whisper.
“No, you’re fine,” Sirius replied, though the breathlessness of his voice suggested otherwise.
“Are you sure? I’m okay to walk-” he moved to step off but Sirius grabbed his arm, tugging him back.
“ Moony , I said you’re fine!” Through the dark, Remus could see the small smile on his face, and it made his stomach swoop.
Sirius continued to walk them tediously back to bed, pausing every now and then to regain their balance.
Remus wished the distance wasn’t only a mere metre or so, just so that he’d be able to hold his love in his arms for a moment longer. Their bodies were melding together more and more with each shift and sway, and their faces were close enough that if he just pushed forward, just enough , their lips would brush again in that intoxicating way he craved.
At that thought, silver eyes looked up at him. He felt the movement against his chest, and his heart sung in pure elation when Sirius rested his chin on Remus’s chest, peering up through heavy, tired lids and dark lashes to meet his eyes.
Remus’s mouth dropped open in a soft, stammered breath, and he felt his lip quiver traitorously. He caught it with his teeth, biting down hard to hold it still.
Sirius’s eyes widened a fraction and his lips parted in a delicate way that drove the taller boy to insanity.
Sirius opened his mouth to speak, eyes glistening and burning into Remus’s.
“Remus, I-”
His back collided with the post of the bed and the two boys staggered from the force.
“ Shit , sorry Moony, are you alright?” Sirius panted. His arms had tightened sharply around the other boy at the crash, clutching him close as they regained their breaths.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Remus breathed, not entirely certain if his breathlessness was from the collision. He glanced at the bed, eyes darting between its starkly lonely covers and his love. “I guess we’re here.”
Sirius nodded, glancing up and then back to the floor.
Remus held onto the other boy for a second longer, letting himself just this once. Sirius seemed hesitant to let go as well, his grip tightening for an instant. But Remus was the first to pull away, dropping his arms and stepping off Sirius’s feet.
“Erm, Sirius…? You can let go now?” He whispered.
Pale arms still looped around Remus’s torso, as though they lay forgotten.
“ Oh ! Yeah, er, sorry.” He dropped his arms in an abrupt jerk, holding them rigid and straight at his sides.
“It’s fine,” Remus laughed softly. “At ease, soldier.”
And even in the darkness of the room, he could see the ruby blush that fired across the other’s face as he loosened the stiffness in his arms, and it made his heart ache with fondness.
Remus lifted the ruffled duvet on his bed and slipped into the cold sheets. He rested his back on the headboard of the narrow twin bed, dropping his head onto the wall behind it and he looked at Sirius.
His friend was staring at him, eyes unreadable, though Remus could pick up on a twinge of sadness that flickered behind them like the flame of a candle.
He moved slowly, still in Remus’s line of vision, until he was sat next to the other’s stretched out legs. He placed a hand on Remus’s thigh.
“Are you ever going to tell me what’s wrong?” His gaze bore into the other boy as though scanning for the truth, and though Remus was tempted, he couldn’t find it in him to lie.
“Maybe at some point.”
Sirius sighed and looked up at the ceiling of fabric where the curtains draped over the bed frame. With one final glance at Remus, he stood up and turned to his bed.
“ Wait -” A scarred hand shot out to catch Sirius’s and he nearly cried at the sheer divine contact.
Sirius looked at him questioningly, turning to face him.
“I-” Remus swallowed dryly. “Thank you. For helping me,” he whispered, praying his voice conveyed his sincerity.
Sirius paused before a gentle smile bloomed over his face.
He shifted his hand, interlocking their fingers, and lifted their bound hands to his mouth, pressing a criminally soft kiss onto Remus’s knuckles.
“Sleep, please,” he whispered, lowering their hands and slipping away.
And against all sense and pride, and his brain absolutely pleading otherwise, Remus couldn’t let him leave, not yet.
“Sleep with me?”
Sirius turned around, eyes wide and mouth dropped open in surprise.
“Uh-”
“Sleep here with me?” Remus choked in correction, cheeks staining a vibrant vermilion.
Sirius hesitated again, looking at Remus as he registered the question.
Jesus fucking Christ holy fuck oh god -
-And then he smiled.
“What ever will Prongs and Wormy think when they see us in the morning?” He outright giggled as he crawled under Remus’s covers. “Oi, budge up.”
Remus chuckled, chest fluttering madly as he scooted over, and he suppressed his own giddy giggle. His sheets suddenly felt warm and welcoming, and he felt the urge to nestle into them like a wild animal.
“We could only hide our love affair for so long, dear,” he sighed wistfully.
“Ah, yes, you’re right darling,” Sirius replied in a similar manner, before clamping a hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter.
Under the covers, Sirius knocked his ankle against Remus’s. He turned onto his side, facing the boy beside him, and placed a hand on his chest.
Remus’s breath stuttered, and he prayed that Sirius couldn’t feel it. He wrapped an arm around his shoulders and brought him close into his chest.
Sirius sighed in contentment, moving the hand on Remus’s chest to circle his waist.
“We’re cuddling,” he giggled again, and Remus couldn’t seem to get enough of his laugh, drinking up every part of it. He chuckled.
“That we are.”
And then more quietly, Sirius whispered into the other’s chest:
“I like it.”
And even more quietly than that, barely a whisper, Remus replied:
“Me too.”
Their breathing synced up, chests rising into each other and falling in par.
“‘Night, Moons,” Sirius whispered, his breath ghosting Remus’s skin through his thin pyjama top.
“‘Night, Pads,” Remus replied, and he pulled Sirius even closer into him, shutting his eyes with a fragile smile on his face.
He almost swore he dreamt the feather-light kiss that was pressed to his chest.
* * * * * *
“Moony!”
A clatter.
“Mooooonbeam!”
Remus opened an eye, squinting in the bright light that filled the dorm room. He grunted with a scowl at the silhouette disturbing him.
“At last, you’ve awakened!”
His eyes adjusted to the sunlight, finding the gleaming face of James Potter at his bedside.
“Piss off, Potter.”
“What a gentleman you are in the morning.”
Remus turned to look at James again after hearing an object clunk on his desk.
“Brought you breakfast- or, rather, lunch,” he grinned, pointing at the large tray he had dropped down unceremoniously. “I got you all your favourites.”
“ Lunch ? Did you say lunch ? Shit , what time is it?”
“Midday-”
Remus shot up, duvet tumbling off his body but he was quickly whacked with a wave of nausea and his head was suddenly buzzing and his ears ringing. James walked over to his bed and fluffed the pillow behind him before lowering him carefully back into a sitting position. He tugged the duvet back up, though not before airing out loosely.
“It’s also a Sunday , so you don’t have to worry about anything going on today,” he continued, placing the tray of food that he had no doubt used a weightless charm on onto Remus’s lap.
He then put his hands on his hips, squaring his shoulders and raising his eyebrows at Remus.
“ Now , Mr. Lupin, Sirius says you had a little incident last night?”
Remus’s face turned bright red, only a shade off fluorescent. Memories of Sirius curled up against him in his bed flooded back all at once.
“Something about you collapsing ? Coughing your guts out? Ring any bells?”
And he almost laughed in relief, the colour easing from his face.
“ Oh . Yeah, it was nothing serious.”
James raised his eyebrows further.
“ Nothing serious ! Remus John Lupin, what about you literally collapsing to the floor after coughing for ten minutes isn’t serious!”
“ Ten minutes ? I was coughing for ten minutes ? Jesus, I didn’t realise,” Remus said quietly, more to himself than to James.
Prongs tapped his foot on the floor, tutting and shaking his head. He fixed Remus with a decisive look.
“Okay. You’re staying in bed today. You’re looking worryingly pale, honestly a little green , and I can literally see the lack of energy you have. You’re resting today, okay?” He looked at Remus, and it was clear that his mind was set.
“ Okay ,” Remus sighed, defeated, and he deflated back into the pillows.
James went to say something, but he paused as he looked at something out of Remus’s view, squinting and frowning at it.
“Is that…” He squinted again, glasses be damned. “Oh! Snapdragon, lovely! I- where did they come from?” He furrowed his brows in confusion.
Remus’s stomach dropped.
“Sna- Snapdragon?” His breath punched out. Suddenly, the nausea that had acquiesced came back tenfold , and Remus was certain he was going to be sick then and there.
“Yeah! That’s odd!” James walked over to where it was on the floor, stopping in front of Remus’s bed. He bent down to pick it up, and it took every muscle in Remus’s body to stop himself from grabbing it before James did.
James stood back up slowly, and Remus almost sobbed when he saw the flower in James’s hand.
A large bunch of white, waxy flowers. The very same that Remus coughed up last night.
Shit .
“Oh, um, I was practising conjuring them. Could be useful for… impromptu gifts.”
James watched Remus for a moment, a moment too long , as though “ Liar ” was written in bold on his forehead.
And then he shrugged and nodded.
“Good idea, I guess.”
The built up anxiety washed away in an instant, and Remus couldn’t be more grateful for James’s obliviousness.
James twirled the stem around in his fingers for a moment before tossing the bunch onto Remus’s bed. He then picked up a spoon and shoved it into the other’s hand.
“Soup in that bowl,” he pointed to a mustard yellow, cauldron-shaped ceramic bowl. “And toast, treacle tarts, roast chicken and veggies in the other dishes. Can you eat or do I need to feed you?” He raised a brow.
Remus snorted, smiling at James’s mothering.
“I can feed myself.”
“Good!”
All at once, Remus felt teary at the level of care his friends provided him. His eyes glistened and he smiled gratefully.
“Thank you, Prongs.”
James softened, the scrutiny leaving his face instantly as he smiled softly back.
“Of course, Moons. It’s the least I could do.” He patted Remus’s head gently. “You know we’ll always look after you, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Remus croaked. “I know.”
James stepped back away from the bed and dropped his hands onto his hips.
“ Anyway ,” he said with a grin that Remus didn’t like whatsoever . “I won’t mention how I found you and Sirius this morning, cuddling and spooning like lovers . At least close the curtains next time.”
Remus choked.
James cackled gleefully, holding his stomach as he laughed.
“Just know that I’m Team Wolfstar.”
“Team what ?”
James zipped his mouth shut and ruffled Remus’s hair one last time, shooting him a wink as he walked to the dormitory door.
“I hope you guys at least cleaned the sheets afterwards!”
“You hope we- what- James !” But the pillow he hurled at him with surprising strength was dodged by its target, instead colliding with the swung-shut door. It fell limply to the floor and Remus stared at it with a burning face, ears ringing in the sudden silence of the room. He could hear James’s muffled chortling and bounding footsteps descending the dormitory stairs, and he couldn’t help but wonder what on Earth made James say what he had.
Perhaps it was his usual joking self, but Remus wasn’t so certain.
With a huff, and a still bright red face, he grabbed the flowers- Snapdragons - and reached for his wand on his night stand.
“ Accio purse .” The black pouch shuffled out of his strewn bag and whizzed across the room onto his bed.
After attempting to cram the too-large bunch into the small opening, he pointed his wand and muttered “ Reducio ”, sighing when the flowers slipped easily in.
The spoon in his hand rattled angrily, pulling his attention to it.
“Oh, James , you mother .”
* * * * * *
The windowsill was only really a comfortable seat if you didn’t plan on slumping on it for more than two hours.
But the stone digging into Remus’s tailbone wasn’t painful enough to give him the energy to get up and move, so he gave in without much of a fight to the blunt torture.
He had been reading- or attempting to read- the old paperback he’d halfheartedly decided to pick up a few days ago, but his eyes hadn’t moved past the same sentence he’d been staring at mindlessly ever since he opened up the novel.
The sun was streaming in through the large arching window, soaking his body with a fuzzy warmth that seeped through his skin and down to his bones.
His pyjama trousers were ruffled and folded at his ankles and his socks were twisted at odd angles, but he couldn’t find it in him to care . It was the first time in four days that he wasn’t feeling any sort of lingering pain, and he hadn’t coughed once since he’d woken up.
And though he knew to think better, Remus couldn’t help but feel like maybe, miraculously , he was getting better.
Maybe his disease was somehow fading away by its own doing. Or maybe it was some unknown, undiscovered advantage of lycanthropy.
Either way, Remus was going to enjoy this period of feeling wonderfully, blissfully normal for as long as it chose to last.
He let his head roll back against the jamb of the window, stretching out his legs in the warm sunlight. He considered taking a nap because he was just so comfortable despite the stiff, stony seat.
But before he could make on his decision, the door creaked open and Peter stuck his head through.
“Hey, Wormy.”
“Hey, Moons. Comfy?”
Remus nodded with a yawn, stretching his back idly.
“Er, Lily wants to see you,” Peter said in the skittishly anxious way he was prone to whenever he was forced into a serious topic.
Remus raised a brow in question, urging him on.
“She says it’s urgent,” he shrugged quickly.
Remus shrugged in reply, getting up slowly from the windowsill. It seemed that as soon as he moved, all the absent pain flooded back in an instant, and he winced lightly.
“You alright?” Peter moved further into the room, watching Remus in concern. “I thought we were well away from the next moon?”
“Yeah, we are, just a bit sore is all.” Remus didn’t meet the other’s eye, choosing instead to pull out a decently clean cardigan from his wardrobe that he could throw on quickly.
He mused his hair lightly in the mirror, attempting to tame the mousy curls that tickled his neck and forehead, and stuck out randomly. He sighed after each lock sprung back into the odd position it had been in prior to his tampering.
Pushing his head through a forest green jumper, he descended the dormitory stairs into the common room, instantly spotting the dark red hair of Lily.
She looked up at him and stood wordlessly, jerking her head towards the portrait.
“Walk with me?” She asked, though it wasn’t as much of a question as it was a command.
Remus followed her out of the Gryffindor tower, falling behind slightly as he hobbled painfully after her brisk walk.
She slowed to a stop, waiting for him to catch up, and pursed her lips tightly. But she didn’t say a word.
Not a syllable left her mouth until they reached their destination; the Quidditch stands.
She sat down on a bench and patted the spot next to her.
Remus couldn’t help but feel like a guilty puppy as he followed her command. He dropped down onto the bench and regained his panting breath after the much too lengthy journey.
Lily stared straight ahead, out onto the pitch where small groups of students stood here and there playing mock-games of Quidditch.
The silence sat heavy around them as Lily continued not speaking, and Remus felt it wasn’t his place to start the conversation.
But as minutes went by of neither of them saying a word, he couldn’t bear it any longer.
“What’s up?” He looked at her meekly, frightened of what she was going to say, but also already guessing it.
Lily didn’t look at him as she answered.
“Remus, when are you going to tell him ?”
He had been expecting the question. But still the cool breeze around him turned into a frosty wind. He swallowed and looked ahead.
“I’m not.”
And he braced himself for the scolding. His mind whirred in record time, synthesising rebuttals to the imminent argument.
He readied himself for the sharp, stinging slap across his face that he was bound to earn. He deserved it, after all.
He anticipated the shouting, the telling-off that was about to be thrown his way.
But it didn’t come.
What he hadn’t expected, however, was much worse than any of that.
It was the abrupt, sudden sob that came out of the girl’s mouth that made him feel truly nauseated and guilty.
It seemed to rip through her so cuttingly that even she hadn’t been expecting it.
It was quickly followed by another, and soon, Lily was wailing into her hands, her body shaking violently with the cries that tore out.
Thinking quickly, Remus pulled out his wand and cast a silencing charm around them.
He then pulled Lily into his side, wrapping an arm around her, but she yanked away.
“ Lily , I-”
“I don’t want to hear it!” She shouted between sobs, hiccuping and gasping. “Why on Earth would you not tell him?!” Her voice rasped as she all but screamed.
Her sob was ringing through his ears and he felt his stomach churn inside him.
“ I - because it doesn’t matter whether I tell him or not! What matters is that it’s unrequited!”
“How can you be so sure ! Remus, tell me, what made you come to that conclusion?” She glared at him fiercely, her eyes red and wide with tears streaming non-stop out of them. She inhaled a shuddering breath that was followed quickly by another gasping cry.
“Lily, I don’t know, I just haven’t ever received any sort of indication from him that was even slightly past platonic. He’s never, ever , given me any kind of sign! For all I know, we might only even be friends purely out of convenience.”
Lily cackled, it was mad and incredulous and crazed .
“Remus, are you fucking blind?!” She shouted, and oh, here was the scolding. “You would have to be the dimmest, dumbest person I have everknown if you think there’s ‘been no signs’” she mocked him, turning round on the bench to stare at him in utter disbelief. “Do you seriously think that? That there’s no possibility at all, whatsoever, that he may love you back?” Her green eyes were wide, and her anger seemed to break for a moment as she realised that Remus might truly believe that.
Remus averted his gaze, feeling suddenly embarrassed.
“Maybe,” he whispered.
The shaky sigh from beside him made him look back up at Lily. She was watching him with a sorrow that was merged with pity and some lingering incredulity.
Finally, she leaned into him, resting her head against the thick fabric of his jumper and he wound an arm around her.
“Remus,” she said, much softer than before. “Why don’t you want to tell him?”
And Remus sighed, deeply and wearily.
“Because when-”
“ If -” Lily butt in.
“ When ,” he said firmly, “the feelings aren’t returned, I know for a fact that Sirius is going to blame himself entirely for this. He’s going to blame my death from a disease that neither of us asked for solely on himself. That’s just who he is. And I don’t want him to carry that guilt, especially because he didn’t ask me to fall in love with him. He doesn’t even know for fuck’s sake.
“I know him well enough to know that no amount of reasoning could make him not blame himself. And as vain as it sounds coming out of my mouth, in this situation the death of one person would create the death of two. I know him well enough to know that when I die because of my unrequited l- love , he would never, ever forgive himself for not loving me back. Despite it not being something either of us could have a say in.”
Lily was quiet. The words that had been swarming Remus’s mind ever since the very second he realised he had Hanahaki had finally been able to pour out, and what a bitter nectar it was.
Remus was rubbing soothing circles into Lily’s side, though whether it was to comfort himself or her more, he was unsure.
When Lily eventually replied, it was barely above a whisper.
“But would it be any better for him to find out that you loved him, after you had already died, in the situation where he did in fact love you back? If he realised once it was already too late that he could’ve done something about it? That he could have saved you?”
It was Remus’s turn to be silent, to process the words that had spilled from Lily.
“I supposed not,” he whispered. He tilted his head to fully meet green eyes. Something in him had alighted. “But I just couldn’t bear it if he believed he was the reason I was dead.”
Lily seemed to sense the shift in him and she sat up straighter. Her eyes fluoresced with a renewed determination and she looked at him with purpose.
“Remus, listen to me carefully. If that outcome were to happen- ‘ if ’, being the key word- I promise you I would look after him. Rem, you confessing is the only way to possibly be cured, at all . And if you never ended up confessing, and it turned out that he did love you back but you were too paranoid and blinded by your own crippling insecurities to see it and confess your feelings, then I would personally resurrect you just so I could kill you myself .
“So please , for fuck’s sake , tell him the truth, Remus. Tell him you love him .”
The air was silent as seemingly everything seemed to be waiting upon his answer. Lily stared at him, reading his face and pleading fiercely with her eyes.
Remus looked ahead at the Quidditch pitch. The groups of students had mostly dispersed. The grass was a hazy green and there was the usual layer of fog above it that persisted even through the rare sunshine that was sparkling through it, making it glitter.
The sky was a forget-me-not blue and spare white clouds sat low above the trees in the horizon.
The castle in the distance was immense and spindly. His home for the past seven years. The memories of the years swirled through his mind, warming him from the inside.
His friends- family - all within the castle. His love, his one true love, hidden behind those walls. Sirius .
Remus swallowed thickly, tears burning his eyes.
And he replied at last.
“Okay,” he whispered, voice crackling in fragility. “ Tomorrow .”
* * * * * * *
The walk back to the castle was, by a long distance, much more joyful in spirit. The pair laughed easily, smiles of relief on both of their faces, and Lily clung to Remus’s side tight enough to cut off circulation. She seemed to be walking with a spring in her step and, honestly, Remus couldn’t blame her. Even he, after all his hesitation, was feeling considerably better.
They parted ways at the common room as Remus stated he was going to head back to his dorm; the pain in his joints had increased exponentially. Lily let him go, though not without a final reminder of his previous agreement, to which he assured once more.
The dormitory was quiet, seemingly unoccupied since he was last in it, and he collapsed onto his bed.
A thought suddenly grew in Remus’s mind, and in a spur of motivation, he dug around in his nightstand drawer to pull out the book he had hidden in it.
The pages fell open to where he had bookmarked and he quickly began re-reading the chapter.
“‘ Miscellaneous Magical Maladies ’?” A voice asked from across the room. “What on Earth are you reading that for?”
Remus shrieked, nearly hurling the large book towards the sound in blind terror.
He snapped the tome shut immediately, instinctively putting it out of view.
Then he realised the person- James, he saw- had already identified the title, and he slowly brought it back into view.
“Jesus, Prongs, why were you being so quiet?”
“Didn’t think to speak. And you didn’t answer my question: what are you reading that for ?”
Remus’s eyes darted around the room as though his excuse was written on the walls for him to find.
“Er- I’m reading up on- uh-” And then the answer came to him, “ my lycanthropy . Trying to find out more, you know?”
James’s quizzical look made his stomach jolt, but before he could be interrogated further, the dormitory door was pushed open and Sirius and Peter trailed into the room.
“Oh, Moony, you’re back! How’re you feeling?” Sirius smiled at him, walking over to his own bed opposite Remus’s.
“I hope Lily wasn’t scolding you for anything?” Peter piped up, peeking from behind Sirius.
Remus smiled, feeling the anxiety that was gripping him ease a little.
“I’m fine, actually. I think I might be getting better. And no, Pete, Lily wasn’t scolding me,” about anything you’d know of , he finished in his head.
“Getting better? Oh that’s wonderful! This weird sickness of yours was really worrying,” Sirius spoke again and he leant back on his bed.
“Yeah, I haven’t actually coughed all too much toda-” And as though he had cursed himself, as though his words triggered his interminable bad karma, Remus was coughing again.
In his coughing fit, he managed to inhale funnily, and he was suddenly tight-roping between coughs and chokes.
Quicker than Remus could process, James had flown across the room towards him.
Remus turned away from him, keeling over his bed as he coughed- retched - up a blazing stalk of flowers into his hand.
He prayed that he would be able to somehow fit the entire bunch into his hand, or that he’d maybe manage to retrieve his wand without anyone seeing it-
But James’s face said it all.
His eyes widened impossibly and his mouth fell open.
“ Is that -?”
“ Phlegm ,” Remus interrupted quickly, staring into James’s eyes and hoping his message got across. “ Lots of phlegm .”
James was shocked silent, staring at the flowers.
And then he nodded, imperceptibly.
Remus dropped his voice to a whisper.
“ My wand ,” he said, “ it’s on the nightstand .”
James reached for it quickly, shielding Remus from the other two boys in the room who were watching the scene in distress. He handed it quickly to Remus who gathered all strength he had left to mutter a quick ‘ Evanesco ’, and the bunch immediately vanished.
The pair of them were frozen as Remus regained his breath. His throat was abraded, and somehow the one and only coughing fit he’d had today had managed to leave him feeling more depleted than any before.
His body felt wrung out, energy seeping from the cracks faster than he could plug them, and something within him felt firmly different, and it made him sick .
At last, he looked up. Past James, past where Peter was stood immobile in the room, and to where Sirius was on his bed, stood half-up as though he’d intended to rush to Remus but James had gotten there quicker.
Sirius met his eyes immediately, the molten silver drowning him.
And Remus just smiled meekly back.
James patted his shoulder gently, but the force was enough to make him sway.
“Pads, Wormy, would you two please bring Moony some early supper? He’s looking a bit faint,” James said, turning his attention to them.
Sirius opened his mouth to argue but was quickly cut off by the look James fixed him with.
“Fine, but when I get back I’m on ‘ look-after-Moony ’ duty,” he said, standing up and urging Peter to the door.
Remus smiled. “I’d want nothing more.”
The two boys quickly left the room, swinging the door shut behind them.
And instantly, James rounded on Remus.
“Now,” he said, “how long?”
“Four days,” Remus replied, eyes darting to look at the floor.
“Four- four days ?” James asked as though he hadn’t heard correctly.
When Remus nodded, he gasped.
“ Remus ! How could you let it go for so long!” He gaped, looking suddenly furious.
Remus shrunk back, feeling abashed.
“ Four whole days ?! No wonder you’re so sick! Merlin , Remus!”
Suddenly, James made a realisation.
“Wait- is that where the other Snapdragons came from?” And he didn’t even need to see Remus nod to know it was correct. He frowned in confusion and whispered- more to himself than to Remus: “ But that doesn’t explain why it’s Snapdragons .”
And it was Remus’s turn to be confused.
“What do you mean? How would you know?” But his words seemed to go unheard to James as he continued to mutter in rapid fire to himself.
Remus managed to pick up snippets of James’s mutterings, but they only served to make him even more confused.
“ But why Snapdragons -”
“What did Mam used to call them ?”
“ Lion’s Mouth? No, doesn’t make sense .”
“ Rabbit’s Mouth- no- Toad’s Mouth- also no- Lion’s Snap- no, no, no !”
Remus watched him mumble in entire , and utter perplexity. The other boy seemed to be frustrating himself further and further with every word.
Until, suddenly, James froze.
The word was just pushing through his mouth when he at last looked up at Remus. A smile- a grin - of relief split across his face.
“ Dogflower !”
Remus stared at him.
“What?”
“Snapdragons, formally referred to as Antirrhinum , but are also known as Dogflowers !”
Remus blinked.
James huffed.
“I was trying to work out why you were coughing up Snapdragons because it wasn’t making any sort of sense to me, and then I remembered how my mum used to call them ‘Dogflowers’ when I was younger!”
“You… But how does that make sense to you anyway? I don’t understand what- how - you understand.”
James stared at him blankly.
“You’re in love with Sirius, and he’s named after the Dog Star,” he said as though he were stating the weather forecast.
Remus was shocked silent. His mouth opened and closed uselessly.
“James, how on Earth do you know ?” Anxiety swarmed in his stomach. Was he really that obvious ?
James raised an unimpressed brow.
“You must think I’m stupid to not be able to see my two best friends being in love with each other.”
“But- wait, in love with each other ?”
“ Merlin , Remus, you’re more oblivious than I am!” He cried. “But enough of that. More importantly, when are you going to tell him? Because at this rate you wont make it to the end of-”
At that moment, Sirius and Peter barged into the dormitory, charming four large trays to drift behind them.
James quickly stopped talking, instead waving the other boys in and smiling easily.
“We decided that we could all eat in here together, rather than leaving you alone, Moons,” Sirius smiled softly at him, and Remus felt his heart swell painfully.
The four friends crowded around onto Remus’s bed, squishing together so they all fit.
Sirius sat opposite from Remus with his legs outstretched and slotted between his, their trays balanced on their interlocked legs. He rested a hand on Remus’s ankle and traced patterns softly over his sock. He watched Remus easily, gently, with a content smile.
Remus felt a subtle nudge in his side and turned to face James who raised his brows expectantly at him, glancing between him and Sirius as though to say “ You see ?”
Their dinner passed by in a delightful haze, and though Remus was alarmingly un-hungry- he hadn’t touched much of anything on his plate- he couldn’t find it in him to care. The warm atmosphere had brought him a deep sense of comfort that he hadn’t felt in much too long.
“ Remus ,” he heard James whisper, almost silently.
He looked over to James, then glanced at Sirius and Peter, finding them in their own idle conversation.
He nodded, urging James on.
“ When are you going to tell him ?”
Remus remembered his promise to Lily, though he hadn’t really ever forgotten it.
If all went well, he’d be cured and somewhat back to normal by tomorrow evening. If not… then there was only so much he could do.
He looked back at James and whispered: “ Tomorrow .”
James seemed satisfied in this answer and he smiled warmly at Remus.
“ Good .”
“Oi!” Sirius shouted suddenly, making the pair jump in shock. “Who are you two scheming against?”
“Your mum,” James said, winking at Remus, and the four of them fell into laughter with animated whoops from Peter.
Remus sunk back deep into his pillows, feeling warm and content inside. The laughter and chatter of his friends etched a deeply contented smile onto his face and he tuned out, feeling delightfully aware of the warmth of Sirius’s legs interlocked with his own.