Ranch Pants
The next morning Remus lounges on the front porch of Gryffindor cabin. His campers are chasing each other around the washstand with their toothbrushes and Sirius is still getting dressed in the cabin.
Christopher escapes the raging toothbrush battle and plops down on the bench next to Remus. He’s wearing bright red cowboy boots and baggy jeans that look comical on such a small body. Remus ruffles a hand through the boy’s hair, “Are you excited for the barn today?”
“I’m a little nervous,” Christopher says quietly. “Gid told me he fell off a horse once and broke every bone in his body!”
Remus sighs and glances at Gideon who is now on top of the nearest picnic table battling his twin. “Can I tell you something?” Remus asks Christopher in a conspiratorial whisper.
“Of course, my lips are locked,” The boy says earnestly.
“Gid is full of crap.”
“No way,” Christopher’s eyes go wide. Remus just shrugs. A moment later the door of the cabin swings open and Sirius steps out. Remus nearly chokes. Sirius is wearing crisp blue jeans, and a cowboy hat. For fucks sake, who knew a cowboy get up would do it for Remus. He sure as hell didn’t know.
“You look ridiculous,” Remus says, he’s lying. It is not the time or the place for him to say what he really thinks.
Sirius grins. Christopher gapes up at him, “You look so cool,” the boy tells Sirius.
“Well at least one person thinks so,” Sirius shoots a pointed look at Remus. “Thanks, Christopher.” He pats the boy on the back and the pair starts to make their way towards the dining hall. Remus just shakes his head and gets up to herd the rest of their campers down the trail.
When they reach the barn that morning Remus can tell it’s going to be a hot one. The air is full of dust, and the horses are already sweating. Remus was never a horse camper, but now as an employee, he’s gained a special love for Illvermorny’s barn. The old timbers give off a strong woody smell and the horses’ soft noses nuzzle at his hands, searching for treats. His favorite is an old mare named Moony. Aptly named for the crescent-shaped blaze that graces her face. And this summer the barn is the only place at camp that doesn’t remind him of Benjy. He had always hated the barn. Oddly enough though, the memories of Benjy have been fading anyways, barn or no.
Once the other cabins arrive it takes twenty minutes to get the campers properly fitted for helmets, and another thirty to get all the horses saddled. Molly and Mary run through safety rules while the rest of the counselors heft bulky western saddles onto the horses’ backs. The sun is relentless and flies buzz around the horses as they work. Sirius doesn’t miss a beat, which is impressive considering he’d only visited the camp barn once before. Remus is impressed and when he says as much he’s surprised by the answer.
“I used to take dressage lessons,” Sirius shrugs, he pauses to wipe sweat from his brow. “I loved the horses, but was determined to hate the sport because it was one my parents picked for me.”
“You wanted to hate it?” Remus doesn’t quite understand. If his parents could have afforded horseback riding or any sport for that matter, he would have jumped on the opportunity.
“Yeah, they shuffled me through all sorts of fancy sports. Football, figure skating, I can’t even remember what else, none of it stuck. All I wanted to do was play the guitar, but they could care less.” Sirius sounds casual but there’s a hint of bitterness in his voice.
“They sound . . . shitty,” Remus says, slowly. He chooses his words carefully, remembering Sirius’s outburst during Counselor Hunt a few weeks ago.
“That about sums it up,” Sirius grimaces. They work in silence for a few moments longer, then head back towards the lawn where their campers are waiting.
A thought occurs to Remus as they walk. “Hey, if you have a past with horses why weren’t you assigned to the horse campers?”
Sirius winces. “ I was . . . I may have asked Minnie to switch James and me.”
Remus feels a smile creeping across his face. “So you could be-”
“Yes, so I could be with you,” Sirius cuts him off. “Now don’t go and get a big head about it, I just thought you were fit.” Remus is speechless, Sirius smirks and walks away.
It doesn’t take long for Christopher to get over his nervousness and soon he and the other campers are trotting around on their horses. Sirius, Remus, Lily, Dorcas, and James lean up against the fence, watching Mary try to show Marlene how to teach a riding lesson. She’s forced Marlene to be a model horse and is doing a riding demonstration on her back. She got Marlene’s blonde ponytail in her hands like reins. Dorcas has a look of poorly concealed glee on her face, and James is guffawing. Lily smacks him in the stomach and he does his best to regain his composure.
Molly comes by with a wheelbarrow and pitchforks a moment later. She has a unicorn horn strapped to her helmet and a menacing look on her face. “What are y’all doing just standing here?” She shoves a pitchfork into each of their hands and they’re sent to work mucking the pasture.
The long-standing tradition is for all the campers to tent out at the barn once a summer, and this year is no different. Dean, Gideon, and Fabian are arguing about how to set up their tent while Christopher and Oliver sit on the sidelines and lick popsicles. Ginny and some of the other girls from Lily’s cabin are already happy as can be in their tent. Arthur and Molly are in the middle of it all trying to moderate the chaos. Remus and Sirius are stretched out in the grass near the campfire, staring up at the late afternoon sky.
James comes to peer over them, his floppy brown hair falling into his eyes. “I think y’all are due for a break, the rest of us can manage here.” Remus glances at his watch and confirms James’s words. He doesn’t know if Minnie was playing matchmaker, or they just got lucky but both he and Sirius have a free four hours ahead of them.
Remus stands and pulls Sirius with him. They make their way out of the campsite and Minerva calls after them to bring back firewood, then tosses Remus the keys to Lewis. When they climb into the rusty green truck Remus cranks the radio and rolls the windows down. His hand finds Sirius’s thigh as he drives a little too fast down the old gravel road. Warm wind is blowing Sirius’s hair around his head like a dark halo, his cowboy hat long forgotten somewhere in the barn. Remus takes a mental picture of the moment and stores it somewhere in his heart. Sirius’s cheeks are lightly pink from a day spent under the sun and he’s singing along to the radio. He smiles at Remus, and Remus smiles back.
“Y’know,” Sirius says as they make their way toward the shower house. “I think the cowboy outfit was doing it for you,” His eyes are twinkling with laughter and something else that Remus can put his finger on.
“It was not,” Remus says, he’s lying again. They reach the squat shower house and drop their towels on the benches.
“Maybe I should wear the hat while I-” Remus shoves his hand over Sirius’s mouth. He can feel the evil smirk on the other man's face. Despite there being five empty shower stalls, Sirius follows Remus into the first. He drops to his knees under the hot water and Remus is transported. He readily returns the favor. Afterwards, their lips meet and they make out lazily until the water runs cold.
They wander back to Gryffindor's cabin and collapse onto Remus’s bunk. Sirius is still without his shirt and Remus takes the opportunity to really look at his tattoos for the first time. He traces his fingers gently across the ink and small goosebumps erupt across Sirius’s chest.
“What do they all mean?” Remus asks.
“Some of them mean nothing,” Sirius shrugs, but he starts to point out and explain a few. There's a pair of antlers that connect to some story about James at uni, a lightning bolt for David Bowie, a willow tree that was a childhood hideout, and then across his back a sprawling constellation that Remus doesn’t recognize. It’s the tattoo that peeks out of his collar, the one Remus has been admiring for weeks. When he asks about this one Sirius hesitates for a moment.
“The constellation is Regulus, the one my brother was named after,” Sirius’s voice sounds like it’s coming from far away like he’s lost in a memory. Remus watches the way his eyes harden just the slightest bit as they look towards the lake.
“The brother you don’t talk to?” Remus asks slowly. He's once again aware that he’s venturing into a delicate topic, but his curiosity is winning out.
“That's the one,” Sirius nods grimly, he turns his face back to meet Remus’s eyes and sighs.
“Can I ask why?” Remus feels like he might be pushing his luck. Sirius is silent for a long time, and Remus waits.
“My parents were very abusive,” He finally says. He says it plainly, with no emotion. “They caught me in my room with another boy when I was eleven and it just got worse from there. Regulus never really got any of that, he never fully understood the extent of it.” Sirius sighs and rubs his hands down his face. Part of Remus wishes Sirius was crying, that would be less heartbreaking. “Just a few years ago they arranged a marriage for me, with a woman. When I said no they locked me in my room for four days, I was an adult already but that didn’t matter to them. Then a few weeks later my uncle died and left all his money to me, completely snubbing my parents. That was the final straw, and they disowned me. I tried to get Regulus to come and live with James, but he wouldn’t leave. I haven’t spoken to him since.”
“Shit,” Remus sighs. A few tears had leaked through the wall Sirius had put up. Remus gently brushes them away with his thumb. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“Don’t apologize,” Sirius says stiffly. “Not your fault.”
“Not yours either,” Remus says softly. Sirius kisses him then, soft and gentle.
“So, maybe it’s stupid,” Sirius says as he pulls away. He brushes his fingers against the deeply inked stars, “But I just wanted some part of my little brother to be with me.”
“Not stupid,” Remus reassures him. “Not at all.”
It’s another hour before they have to return to the barn with the others. Sirius falls asleep on Remus’s chest, his breath blowing softly against his bare skin. Remus is struck by a clear, ringing truth. He has fallen irrevocably in love with Sirius Black. The realization is immediately followed by a wave of panic clawing in his chest. A memory of Snape’s lies, for once being true. Of raised voices, embarrassment, and pining. And finally unanswered phone calls. Of letter written, but not sent. Of a painful, devastating first love. Remus fights the urge to run right then and there because Sirius hasn’t said a thing about a future.