Vindictive little elf
Pandora: Italics
Lily: Bold
Did you know that it’s illegal to only own one guinea pig in Switzerland because they get lonely and die
What is happening right now
I want to apologise and I didn’t know how else to get you online
I thought that notification might be the most intriguing
It was and I fully expect you to begin every single conversation like this from now on
Noted
I’m really sorry about what I said about your brother
It wasn’t what I meant at all, I was just frustrated because of everything going on with my sister and I lashed out at you and that’s not okay
I really like messaging you and I’ve been such an asshole and I really really want you to forgive me because I miss talking to you and this is such a stupid reason for us to stop messaging
It’s been like five minutes and you haven’t said anything yet
Does that mean no?
No, I meant I was trying to figure out how to phrase my message (saying I forgive you) but then my pig started screaming and I got distracted (she’s okay just scared of the curtains)
I forgive you
And I’m sorry for being so defensive, it was obvious that wasn’t what you meant
I’m just used to people telling me that he’s not my real brother and I have no tolerance for it now
That’s fair
I’ve decided to gift you two extra questions about my spirit animal as a thank you
Now that’s just insulting
I do not need two extra questions
I will get it in ten
Do you have no faith in me?
My apologies
I didn’t realise you felt so strongly about this
I take back my thank you gift
Good
So what happened when I was gone
Tell me everything
Have you decided anything about your sister yet
No
Which sort of made me realise how helpful talking to you about everything was
You still don’t really understand how our relationship works but when I wasn’t talking to you, even thinking about Tuney just felt so exhausting
Tuney?
That’s my sisters nickname although I don’t think she uses it anymore
I made it up when we were kids
That’s so cute
I love nicknames
I noticed/sar
Moving past that (thank you for the indicator)
From here on out, I will not discuss your relationship with your sister unless you bring it up
How does that sound?
Amazing
Can we just forget that this ever happened?
Ohh we have a secret history now
We ARE friends
You are so weird/sar
Lily: Bold
Marlene: Underlined
Are you done with your tantrum now
Not even five minutes of peace with you heathens around
As if you aren’t just as bad
But seriously
You cool now?
Because I have News
Ooh capitalised News
Do tell
Ok so
I was going to ask out the girl from my phys ed class
The one with the hair?
Stop calling her that T-T
Never
I said her hair looked nice ONE TIME
Yes but that ONE TIME was over the course of an hour
It was not an hour
You are not going to win this fight
…fine
As I was saying
I was going to ask her out
Mary helped me pick out an outfit and everything
Wow, going all out, I see
Exactly
But then I got there and she came and sat down next to me and I PANICKED
Not surprising
You can’t talk to women
I can too
Stop starting fights when you don’t have a leg to stand on
You’re a woman and I’m talking to you right now
First of all, we’re texting
SAME THING
Second of all, I don’t count
You’d never date me
Well, yeah that’d be weird
But you still count
And Mary
Hmm
I hate you
Let me tell my story
Of course
Continue
So I was sitting there having heart palpitations and she turns to me and says she likes my pants
Which pants were they?
Does it matter
Yes
It paints a picture
I feel like now you’re just being purposely obtuse
They were the ones I wore to Peter’s party
But that doesn’t matter
What matters is that now the girl is looking at me, expecting a reply, but she doesn’t know that my vocal cords have been tied together by a vindictive little elf
But I have to say something so I start SPLUTTERING
LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER
AND SHE STARTS LAUGHING
Oh Marls
BUT THEN
SHE GIVES ME HER NUMBER
AND ASKS ME OUT FOR COFFEE ON SATURDAY
Oh my God yay Marlie
Good for you
WHICH BRINGS ME TO RIGHT NOW
SATURDAY MORNING
LILY I NEED YOU
Five minutes away
I WILL BE DEAD BY THEN
MAKE IT THREE
I’ll do my best
Pandora: Italics
Dorcas: Bold and underlined
Hello, Pandora, the light and love of my life
I have a favour to ask you, princess of my soul
I’m scared to ask
You needn’t be
It’s a small thing
Remember that date that I definitely told you about because you are forever in my mind and I would never keep anything from you (but if I did it would probably not even be a big deal because our relationship surpasses small things like secrets)
Oh I see
You’re the one who should be scared
I’m sorry
Forgive me, please
I need your help, you’re the only one I can turn to
Of course I would say yes
Except that you have betrayed my trust in the deepest of ways
Not informing me of this crucial advancement in your life
How can I overcome such treachery
Please find the goodness in your heart to forgive me (and quickly the date is in three hours and I need trustworthy advice)
And I’m the only one you’ve trusted with this information?
Of course
You are my one and only (time is running out)
I may have to think on it
NO PLEASE
I NEED HELP
WHAT DO I WEAR
Maybe you should have thought of that before you DIDN’T TELL ME THAT YOU GOT A DATE
I thought we were best friends
But now
It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore
You do
I swear to you
It was a momentary lapse in judgement I need you to see that
I would never want to keep something of this magnitude from you
My best and only platonic soulmate
Oh wait
Barty responded
Nevermind, I’m all good
Wait what
CAS