Mary Macdonald Interlude
Lily: Evans
Mary: Care Bear
Marlene: Marls
Sirius: Padfoot
James: Prongs
Peter: Wormtail
Remus: Moony
Prongs: Lily, we need to talk to you
Evans: Why are you texting like that?
Padfoot: This is an intervention
Evans: Excuse me?
Marls: This has to stop
Marls: You’re driving us crazy
Evans: What are you talking about?
Care Bear: You’ve been moping all week
Evans: No I haven’t
Care Bear: Yes you have
Care Bear: You never talk to us when we’re hanging out and you’re always checking your phone
Wormtail: What’s going on
Wormtail: You can talk to us you know
Evans: I don’t know what you guys are talking about
Evans: I’ve been normal
Prongs: You snapped at me yesterday when I asked you to go skating with me :(
Evans: See I’ve been normal
Prongs: :(
Evans: I am completely fine you guys are just being weird
Lily: Bold
Mary: Plain
Ok so the group approach didn’t work
But don’t think I believe you
Something is going on
If you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine but don’t act like nothing’s happening
You know I’m here if you need it
I appreciate the concern
But I am okay
Still don’t believe you
Look if you tell me that you’re upset then I’ll drop it
I don’t need to know what’s wrong if you don’t want me to
But if you refuse to admit that you’re sad that’s just going to make things worse
So talk to me goddamit
I will when there’s an actual problem
Fine
But when this catches up to you I’m saying I told you so
Idc if you’re in the middle of a mental breakdown
***
Mary sighed dramatically and flopped down onto the tasselled mountain of pillows on her bed. She tossed her phone away as if it had personally offended her and put her hands to head, completely the display of despair.
“What’s up with you?”
Marlene didn’t look up from the newspaper crossword she was focussed on. She had the red pen placed between her teeth as her gaze flickered over the page.
“Lily left me on read. She won’t tell me what’s going on with her.”
“So? She’s a big girl. She’ll figure it out.” Marlene scribbled down an answer before replacing what was apparently her new favourite chew toy.
“She tells me everything. I don’t know why this is different… Will you spit that out? It can’t be good for your teeth.”
“It feels nice. It’s like, calming or whatever. And Lily can handle herself. She’s like, fucking terrifying.”
“That’s not the point, though. The point is that she tells me everything and she won’t tell me this. So it has to be important.”
“Or maybe it really is nothing. I’m trying to concentrate here, so if you must wallow, do so in silence.”
Mary sat up, finally registering the peculiarity of Marlene’s newest hobby.
“Are you seriously doing the newspaper crossword?”
“What? No, gross. I’m filling in every space with bad words so I can leave it on the boys coffee table and tell Remus that Sirius did it. It’s gonna be great. Give me an illicit substance with seven letters.”
“Hmmm…Cocaine. That was an easy one.”
“Oh, yeah. Duh.”
Once she’d added in the new word, Marlene finally deigned to make eye contact with Mary.
“Look, babes, Lily can handle her own shit. I know she usually comes to you with her problems, but she’s growing up. I get that it sucks sometimes but,” She made a shrugging gesture that seemed to mean What can you do? “I’m bored, I’ll finish this later. Help me get ready for class. This girl in my Health and Phys Ed class is so fucking hot. I need something that says I’m obviously a lesbian, but I’m not trying to make it obvious that I’m a lesbian.”
“You realise that literally makes no sense, right?”
Marlene tossed a pillow at Mary’s head, catching her off guard and smacking her chin.
“Oh my God, stop, I’m kidding, I know exactly what you need. Pop up and grab those jeans that you wore to Peter’s birthday last month. And wear your chain earrings and that smoky eyeliner.”
“You are literally my hero.”
***
“Is that mine? Oh my goodness, you are my hero,” Lily smiled as she plopped into the seat opposite Mary, cupping the coffee cup with both hands. Mary blinked and set her phone away. The coffee shop was busy enough that she hadn’t seen her friend enter.
“Of course. Where are you coming from?”
“Ugh, Quantitative Biology. I’m free for an hour and a half and then I have Philosophy and I swear I’m going to need that time just to recover.”
Mary smiled as Lily kept going. She really was beautiful. Lily had been in Mary’s life since they were both eleven and Mary swore that Lily had looked like a fallen angel since the first day they’d met. In the light from the window behind her, Lily’s wavy hair shone like pure copper, and her eyes twinkled as she mirrored Mary’s covert grin.
“Mary?” She sang, softly, “You there?”
“Yeah. Just thinking.”
“About?” Lily raised her eyebrows expectantly.
“You.”
Almost instantly, Lily’s eyes dimmed. Her arms shifted to hug her stomach and she searched Mary’s face with uncertainty. Mary tried to look reassuring, ignoring the sour twist in her belly.
“You’ve been distant this week,” She hurried to explain, desperate to see Lily’s carefree demeanour return. “I’m glad to see you feeling okay again.”
“Oh,” Lily’s body language relaxed in an instant, and though Mary could tell the movement was forced, she tried to appreciate the gesture. “Sorry. I guess I’ve been a little quiet this week, huh?”
Mary nodded. She knew Lily. Knew that no matter how much she was struggling, the girl wouldn’t ask for help until the very last moment. So she didn’t press, although she was desperate to, just watched patiently, hoping to wait it out.
“I guess…I’ve just had a bad week. I don’t know. I got in a fight with a friend of mine and I can’t tell if I’m in the wrong or not.”
“What friend? I know all your friends.”
“Not this one. I only met them a little while ago. Well, not met. It’s an online thing.”
Mary felt an itching sensation creeping down her legs. Since when did Lily have secret online friends? They used to tell each other everything, Lily couldn’t have a whole other person to think about with telling Mary. It didn’t feel right.
“Okay, so…what was the fight about?”
“God, it was so stupid. We were talking about my sister.”
Mary was staring down her own cup of coffee now. Since when did Lily talk to anyone about Petunia? Who was this friend and why were they doing Mary’s job better than Mary herself?
“Oh. Wow. Okay. Were they insensitive, or something? I know that’s hard for you to talk about.”
“I mean, at the time I thought they were, but I don’t know, looking back it sort of feels like I was being hostile. They didn’t understand what I was saying about how I felt conflicted about getting back in touch with Tuney and I was really rude to her.”
“Wait, getting back in touch? Did you see her? When did this happen?” And why am I only hearing about this now?
“I’ve just been thinking about her a lot lately, I guess. But I told my friend how I was feeling and they tried to relate what I was saying to their own sibling. I told them that their experiences aren’t the same because their brother was adopted so they don’t understand what it feels like to be in my situation. But looking back I think it looks like I told them their brother isn’t really their brother. She hasn't messaged me in a week and I feel horrible.”
“So it’s just a miscommunication? Just explain what you meant and apologise. If she doesn’t listen then she’s the asshole, okay? But seriously, what’s going on with Petunia? This is the first I’ve heard of it.”
Lily must have picked up on Mary’s change of tone because she dipped her head to force Mary into eye contact.
“Wait, shit, are you upset? I didn’t realise. I’m sorry that I’ve been so distant lately. It’s just that I don’t really know how I feel about the whole Petunia thing and it felt easier to talk to someone anonymous, like it didn’t really count. You know I tell you everything, but that means that talking about something big like this feels like addressing it. Like it’ll be real if I go to you, I just wanted some more time to figure out how I felt before I spoke to you. That’s all, I swear.”
Although Lily sounded genuine, Mary couldn’t believe the apology wasn’t forced. She knew her friendship with Lily was different now, that sometimes, although she didn’t mean to, she was making Lily uncomfortable, but neither of them wanted to admit it. Mary had felt their whole relationship shift three months ago and even though no one could see it from the outside, she knew Lily felt it too. They were growing apart, but the more Mary tried to hold on, the more Lily slipped away.
“Okay, thanks. You don’t need to feel pressured to talk to me about things if you don’t want to.”
“I do want to.”
Mary didn’t know how to respond so she smiled forcefully and took a sip of her coffee instead. Lily looked upset and Mary hated the small twang of satisfaction the pain on her friend's face brought her. What is wrong with you? She’s your best friend. It’s not her fault you ruined your friendship with her.
“Mary, I’m serious. I love talking to you. I just didn’t want to admit to myself that there was even something to talk about.”
“You didn’t tell me about this friend, either.”
“About Panda? I guess I didn’t think it was worth mentioning. She was just a wrong number but we ended up messaging everyday. I don’t even really know how it happened. She’s really nice though, I think you’d like them.”
Mary nodded, ignoring the voice in her brain screaming at her that Lily was lying, that she hated her for what she’d done, that she didn’t want anything to do with her anymore, wanted to replace her with ‘Panda’. Who named their child Panda?
“Sorry. I’m being stupid. You should message your friend. Tell them what you meant and that you’re sorry. I’m sure they’ll be glad to talk to you again. I know that if I didn’t talk to you for a week, I’d be going crazy.”
“Don’t kid yourself, you wouldn’t survive a week without me.”
Lily’s laughter quietened the voice in Mary’s head and she chuckled too, glad to see Lily acting like herself again. Moments like these were the only ones in which Mary truly felt like maybe, what happened three months ago didn’t matter. They could move past it, couldn’t they?
God, she hoped so. Lily was right, Mary couldn’t survive without her.