come as you are

13

February rolls into Scotland with a bitter wind and dark rain clouds. The grounds of Hogwarts become muted and gloomy as days are spent with the sun blocked away.

Despite this, there’s a brief break in the storms and the rain, enough that the ground dries up enough and the wind dies down, so Regulus takes advantage of it. He doesn’t want to be outside, per say, but the astronomy tower is in use and the Ravenclaw common room is overcrowded with the current celebration party from their win with Quidditch today against the Slytherins. Hence, why Regulus is sitting outside, with his back against a tree and a book open on his folded legs. He has a blanket over him, a pair of gloves on, two jumpers underneath his robe, and a warming charm on, and unsurprisingly, he isn’t too cold to be sitting out in the winter weather. He knows he could find somewhere inside the common room or his own dorms, but while he has never had a problem with anyone in his own house, he is not in the mood to be frequently disturbed by drunk celebrators.

The sun is beginning to set behind the clouds, the light around Regulus dimming and with disappointment, he knows he’s going to have to move inside soon, or stop reading.

His eyes are beginning to strain in the low light when Regulus hears footsteps coming up from behind him. He doesn’t have a chance to glance over his shoulder at the incoming intruder before someone is standing next to him. Looking up, his worries wash away when he see’s a familiar goofy, grinning Gryffindor looking down at him.

"Hey," James beams, dropping down beside him.

"Hi," Regulus replies softly.

It’s been three weeks since James kissed Regulus in the hallway, and if Regulus is truthful, this is the first time in his life that he is ashamed to admit that he has no idea what he is doing.

The last three weeks have been… nice.

No, they’ve been more than nice.

Actually, Regulus has to admit they’ve been pretty great. Considering he’s had an infatuation with James Potter since he was 11, he thinks he’s handled this entire situation with a lot of decorum and collectiveness, even if he is kicking like a school girl and feeling so giddy he’s dizzy every time James hugs or smiles at him.

They haven’t done anything more than kissing and hugging, but it’s enough for Regulus. The rate they’ve moved is fast enough for Regulus, and he doesn’t think he could explore much else without completely combusting.

They’d told Sirius two weeks ago, or more like, Sirius found out himself. Regulus had been hiding in their Gryffindor dorm room because he’d wanted to read but James wanted to nap, ultimately deciding that they could do both if they were in James’ dorm. Unfortunately, a lapse of judgement escalated to Regulus being more tired than he assumed and ended up falling asleep, only to be woken up abruptly by Sirius coming in and shouting in surprise at the sight of his little brother and best friend curled up on a single bed together.

Of course, after James and Regulus had vigorously explained that yes, they were together (Regulus had been unaware of this, and James had asked him then to be his boyfriend. Regulus had said yes, of course, but he was still annoyed that Sirius had ruined that moment for them), and no, nothing had happened after from kissing, and no, James wasn’t planning on hurting Sirius’ 'precious little brother'. After all of that, Sirius had seemed to calm down and went from murderous to excited within moments. His older brother had screamed and come bounding over to the bed, jumping on them both.

Safe to say, Sirius was pretty happy that James and Regulus were together.

Since then, Regulus had been spending more time in the Gryffindor dorm room than he was his own. He even accidentally slept over last week, and when he’d woken up in James’ arms the following morning, there had been a shared feeling of panic and contentment.

Being with James has been the scariest thing Regulus has ever done, but also the best. He’s been wanting this since he was old enough to understand that the funny feeling in his stomach whenever he saw the older boy was attraction.

"Sorry for being missing the last few days. I had some stuff going on, but it’s all done with now and everything is fine," James explains.

Regulus nods. He doesn’t mind; he’s very versed with the schedule of the month. The 24 hours that James was M.I.A was when the full moon was, so Regulus wasn’t expecting him to be around. He just hopes that Remus is alright.

"It’s okay, as long as you and everyone is okay," Regulus replies.

"All good," James nods. "I did miss you though."

"You literally saw me two nights ago."

"That’s a whole 48 hours, Reg!"

Regulus rolls his eyes. "You’re so dramatic."

"Did you not miss me?"

"It was blissfully quiet."

"Shut up," James chuckles. After a moment, the older boy reaches a hand to his head, running his long fingers through his curls all the way to the back of his head. "Have you had a nice day?"

"It’s been alright," Regulus nods, tilting his head into James’ hand. He didn’t realise how much he loved his hair being stroked and played with until James started doing it. "How do you know where I always am?"

James is quiet for a moment, and Regulus worries that he said something wrong, or overstepped, or messed it all up. These feelings come on so quickly that it gives Regulus chills. He’s so scared that James is going to walk away just when he’s got Regulus accustomed and addicted to him.

He doesn’t want to do anything to mess it up.

"Do you want me to tell you a secret?" James asks suddenly, grinning down at him and momentarily looking like a madman. "But, you can’t tell anyone!"

Regulus raises an eyebrow. "Who would I tell?"

"You can’t tell Pandora."

"That’s fine," Regulus shrugs easily. "Not the first secret I’ve kept from her, won’t be the last."

He watches as James leans back and reaches into his robe pocket. He pulls out a folded sheet of parchment.

"I wasn’t supposed to bring this with me today, but I wanted to check while I was on my way here incase you moved," James explains. "But, this is it!"

James holds out the parchment to him, and Regulus takes it hesitantly. Regulus flips the parchment in his hands, then unfolds it. He's not ashamed to admit he's a little bit disappointment when all he see’s is blank, old parchment.

Is this it?

"What is this?" He asks.

"A map!" James supplies. Regulus stares at him, wondering if James has truly gone mad, because the object in Regulus’ hands is not a map, it is a piece of ragged parchment. "We made it ourselves."

"We?"

"Me, Sirius, Remus and Peter."

"Right," Regulus says slowly. "And this 'map' shows you were I am?"

James nods. "Do you want to see how it works?"

When Regulus nods, James pulls out his wand. He taps it on the map and recites, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Regulus’ eyes widen as he watches ink begin to appear and bleed on the parchment. Within seconds, lines and shapes create a picture of various corridors and rooms. It only takes Regulus a moment to realise it’s a map of Hogwarts, and even more; it is showing every single person in the castle on it.

"Wow," Regulus exhales, eyes flicking over every inch of the map. It truly is incredible. "This is amazing, James."

"I know," James smirks. "Not just a pretty face, eh?"

Regulus shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't even fathom how you guys did this. This is... this is truly genius. The amount of intricate charm and transfiguration work that must have gone into this, and to actually achieve it!"

Regulus genuinely can’t take his eyes off the map in his hands. He watches the names move around, making their way down corridors and entering rooms. He looks at the Gryffindor dormitories, and see’s his brother, Remus and Peter’s names there. He see’s Pandora’s in the library. He see’s Dumbledore in his office. Then, he see’s his own name and James’ next to each other at their spot by the black lake.

"How did… how did you do this?" Regulus asks, feeling breathless with awe.

"With lots of research on Moony’s part. We used the homonculous charm for the tracking, and the hardest part was exploring the entirety of the school without getting caught, but we got around that with a little helping hand," James smirks.

"This is seriously advanced charm work, James," Regulus says.

"I know," James chuckles. "Like I said, we’re a pretty clever bunch."

Regulus does know that; even without the map, it would have taken James, Sirius and Peter an immense amount of skill and talent to become animagus’ like they have.

"Is this how you find me?" Regulus asks, and when James nods, the younger boy flashes him a glare, "That is an invasion of privacy, James."

"You’re just jealous because you don’t have a map," James smiles, completely undisturbed by the fact that him and his friends have created a object to locate anyone in the castle against their wishes. "We mostly use it at night when we want to move around without getting caught."

"And why would you want to go around the castle at night?" Regulus asks.

"To see you when you are also sneaking around at night."

"I do not sneak!"

"How do you think I knew you were in the astronomy tower after curfew?"

"That is hardly sneaking. I was in one place."

"Out of hours."

Regulus rolls his eyes. He supposes he shouldn’t be annoyed. Without this map, James wouldn’t have known when to approach him in the astronomy tower, and ultimately, none of this between them would have happened.

Yes, Regulus decides. He likes the map.

Regulus wonders if the original reason for the maps creation was to do with Remus’ furry accents and their animagus forms. With the full moon, the four of them would have to sneak out of the castle and to do that, they would have to be able to travel without being detected. The map would be a perfect way to avoid bumping into anyone.

If James trusts Regulus enough to share this with him, surely then James would trust Regulus enough when he found out that Regulus knew about their abilities.

Plus, James gave Regulus a secret. Regulus should reward him with one too.

"I have a secret too," Regulus admits, fingers gently brushing over the ink of the map.

James’ eyebrows raise in surprise and curiosity. "You do?"

Regulus nods. "I know what Remus is."

Within a split second, James’ face blanches and pales. "W-what?"

Heart beating a mile a minute, Regulus resists the urge to back down. He’s already blurted out the first part, he can’t wimp out on the second.

"I also know that you’re an animagus, as are Sirius and Peter."

James blinks rapidly. His eyes are wide, doing nothing to deny Regulus’ claims. Not that it would be worth it, but Regulus is slightly surprised that James hasn’t even tried to cover the truth. Although, that’s James all over; his face is like an open book.

He would truly be the worst person to play poker with.

Though, a few too many moments pass with James staring at him, and Regulus is beginning to become concerned that James’ brain has quite literally fried itself inside his skull.

Slowly, Regulus reaches up and pokes James softly in the cheek.

"Are you okay?" Regulus asks.

Oh shit.

I broke him.

This is the last time I share any secrets.

"Yeah," James croaks. He blinks so fast his eyelashes are practically fluttering, and then he stutters, "H… how?"

"It’s obvious," Regulus shrugs. "I’ve known about Remus since first year when I saw the pattern of his sickness, and I figured out what Sirius was planning to do because he’s not too good at hiding his notes. In fact, he didn’t try and hide them at all. I went into his room at home during the summer before your fifth year because he took my book and saw them all out over his desk. It was pretty clear what you guys were trying to achieve and why."

James blinks at him. Slowly, still clearly shocked. Regulus feels a bit smug to know that he managed to surprise the loud and chatty James Potter into being speechless.

"You’re…" James murmurs, shaking his head. Then, he laughs,  "You’re a bloody genius!"

Regulus feels his face heat up. He’s not a genius. No, no no. He’s just observant.

"I’m surprised no one else has figured it out, to be honest."

"No one has figured it out because they’re not you, Reg," James beams. "Fuck, your brain is brilliant!"

"Thank you," Regulus murmurs. He doesn’t think his brain is brilliant, or any of him really. Like he said, it wasn’t that hard to figure out. "I haven’t told anyone."

"About Remus?"

Regulus nods. "Or you guys. I figured it was kept quiet for a reason. And… well, I’ve heard people say cruel enough things about werewolves. I didn’t want to be the reason why someone would say it to Remus."

James stares at him, and Regulus begins to squirm under the gaze.

"Does it not scare you?"

"Who? Remus?" Regulus asks. James nods wearily, and Regulus can’t help but scoff. "Of course not! What’s scary about a lanky student with an impressive jumper collection? The only thing remotely concerning about that man is his choice to be with my brother."

James chuckles, face splitting with a smile. "You’re amazing."

Regulus honestly isn’t quite sure how James has come to that conclusion, but he smiles back anyways.

"I know you can’t show me here, but can I ask what you turn into?" Regulus asks.

"A stag," James says.

Regulus’ eyebrows raise in surprise. "Really?"

James nods vigorously. "Pretty badass, right?"

"No. A lion would be 'badass'. You grow antlers."

"Hey!" James cries, offended, but Regulus just chuckles. "If you’re mean, I won’t show you!"

Regulus stomach does a weird flip at the idea of seeing James in his animagus form.

"What is Sirius?"

"A dog," James answers. "And Peter is a rat."

Regulus can’t help but snort at that; Peter truly drew the short straw when it came to what animal he was destined to change into.

"Is that what these name relate to?" Regulus asks, nodding to the map.

"Yeah. I’m Prongs, Sirius is Padfoot, Peter is Wormtail and Remus is Moony."

"That makes more sense now," Regulus nods. "But Moony, really?"

"It caught on quite quick," James grins, shrugging.

Regulus hums, folding up the map and handing it back to James.

"Do you… do you mind if I tell Remus?" James asks. "That you know about him?"

"I don’t mind. Will he be mad?"

"No," James shakes his head instantly. "He might be a bit concerned that you figured it out, but only because he’ll be afraid other people have."

"I’m sure if other people knew, it would have got out by now," Regulus offers.

"No one else knows," James winks. "No one else is as smart as you."

"I’m not that smart."

James rolls his eyes, pocketing the map. "Of course not. You’re as dumb as a bag of nails. That’s why you’re taking seven N.E.W.T.S and figured out our deepest secrets before we’d even realised we could achieve them."

Regulus just shrugs. He really doesn’t know how to react when people call him smart, or anything remotely praiseful and positive for that matter.

James seems hellbent on showering Regulus in it though. He never seems to miss an opportunity, relevant or not, to call Regulus beautiful, or smart, or brilliant. And every time he does it, Regulus can feel the blush glow from the tips of his ears to the base of his neck.

It’s awfully embarrassing.

"Can I kiss you?" James asks.

Yes, please.

"Are you going to ask every time?"

The older boy shrugs. "I want to make sure you’re comfortable."

"You don’t make me uncomfortable, James."

Not anymore, Regulus thinks. And even when you did, it was actually me that was making it uncomfortable.

"Okay," James smiles.  "Well, I would like to kiss you."

"I’d like to kiss you too."

"Good," James whispers, and then finally, he’s cupping Regulus face and bringing their lips together.

Before James, Regulus had never kissed anyone. A combination of never attending parties, never liking anyone, and being so crippled with self-esteem issues lead to Regulus being 16 years old and never having locked lips.

When James had kissed Regulus that first time, he didn’t know what to do. As well as never having done it himself, Regulus hasn’t really ever seen anyone else do it. His parents were never ones for public displays of affection (or any displays of affection, actually), uncle Alphard has been single forever, and Regulus never spent enough time around anyone else in a couple to see how it works.

Kissing James is something Regulus didn’t realise was something he would enjoy so much. Regulus has never been one for physical touch, and normally he felt repulsed by it. The only times it’s ever felt welcomed before was when Sirius hugged him, and normally it was so overdue that Regulus would melt into it. Regulus never imagined that he would enjoy, let alone crave kissing James, but he does. Merlin, he does. It scares him greatly, mostly because he still doesn’t know what he’s doing, or if he’s doing anything wrong, if it’s good for James. The way it makes his body feels confuses him, but he’s been learning to embrace it. If he enjoys it, why shouldn’t he do it? He’s liked James for so long, and the older boy seems to feel the same.

Who is Regulus to deny James of something he wants?

They’ve kissed a lot since that day in the alcove, but every time feels better than the last. His spine tingles, his stomach flutters, his whole body feels warm and boneless. The thoughts in his head finally go quiet, as if James’ lips are a metaphorical set of sound-proof headphones over his head. James touch on his face leaves paths of heat behind them, making his skin feel like all the nerve endings have been set alight.

When James pulls away, Regulus almost falls forward trying to chase his lips. The older boy chuckles, resting their foreheads together while they breath heavily to catch their breaths. Regulus feels hot underneath his clothing and warming charms, his brain slightly fuzzy with the need to kiss James again.

"You okay?" James whispers, rubbing their noses together. He still hasn’t let go of Regulus’ face, handles cradling his jaw and stroking his cheeks.

Regulus nods, not wanting to move. He wants to stay like this forever, held in James’ hands and warm with the feeling of their bodies pressed together. It’s then that Regulus realises during their kiss, Regulus had moved so much that he is now sat in James’ lap, hands fisted in the Gryffindor’s robes.

His face heats up, worried he’s overstepped. James’ hands fall from his face, and Regulus almost launches himself backwards in mortification, but then James is grabbing him by the waist and lifting him up. Only, instead of pushing him away, James turns him so he’s sitting sideways in James’ lap, the older boy now leaning against the tree, his legs and arms barricading Regulus curled against him. He lays the blanket over them, engulfing Regulus and keeping them sat together. Regulus instantly melts against James’ chest, resting his head on the older boys collarbone.

"What are you reading?" James asks, reaching for the book on the ground.

"A book about Romanian vampire folklore."

"Tell me about it," James requests, wrapping his arms around Regulus tightly and cuddling him close.

Regulus does.

By the time they go inside, the sky above them is entirely black and night has fallen over Hogwarts.

***

The next day, Regulus is tucked up in the corner of the library meticulously re-writing his charms classroom notes.

James is at Quidditch practice, so Regulus knows his time in the library is going to be peacefully undisturbed. While Regulus enjoys James’ company, and his kisses, and his hugs, the older boy is a debilitating distraction and Regulus needs to focus on his classwork. Hence, why he’s using this time wisely and cracking down on the work he knows is going to be pushed aside when James finds him again.

When Regulus chose to do additional N.E.W.T.S this year, he wasn’t on planning on becoming infatuated with James Potter. This year was supposed to be the same as the last five; where Regulus had nothing to do with his spare time apart from study and complete his homework. Of course, James threw a spanner in the works of that, and now Regulus is having to split his already minimal amount of time between spending time with his boyfriend and completing his scholar duties.

James doesn’t mind though; he actually seems pretty amazed and fascinated with Regulus’ study system. He’s also surprisingly interested in Regulus work, ideas and the books he’s reading. James never has a problem with how much time Regulus spends in the library doing his homework or reading his books. The only time James drags him away against his will is when he’s forcing Regulus to sleep or eat.

It’s kind of adorable, actually.

Annoying, yes, because Regulus does not always have time for those pesky activities, but James Potter seems to be an advocate for a healthy diet and regular sleep.

"Regulus."

The Ravenclaw raises his head, and almost falls out of his chair when he see’s Remus Lupin standing in front of him. Regulus assumes he’s here to study with him, as the older Gryffindor has done a few times, but then Regulus notices the lack of books and bag that Remus is carrying.

"Hello," Regulus says timidly.

James must have told Remus that Regulus knows, he realises.

Oh merlin.

What if James was wrong and Remus is angry.

He’s definitely angry.

He’s cornered Regulus in the library to threaten him.

No, Regulus chides himself.

Remus isn’t like that, right? Regulus doesn’t really know the older boy, but he’d like to think he isn’t violent and malicious. Regulus has kept his secret for this long, surely he isn’t here to hurt him?

Right?

Regulus’ hands are sweaty. His palms are clammy, trembling so badly that the quill almost falls out of his fingers.

It’s going to be okay.

It’s going to be okay.

It’s going to—

"I just wanted to say thank you," Remus says, and Regulus’ eyes widen in surprise. "For… you know…"

"Of course," Regulus croaks weakly. He feels his jackhammering heart begin to slow and calm down. "It— it wasn’t my secret to share."

"Still," Remus smiles. He looks tired, but it’s only been a few days since the full moon. Regulus figures he’s probably still feeling the repercussions from it. "I appreciate it. Also, I’m quite impressed."

Regulus shrugs, swallowing thickly. He knew that James was going to inform Remus that he knew, but he certainly wasn’t expecting a meeting in the library over it.

"It made sense."

"Despite how concerning that is, that’s not what I’m impressed the most about," Remus mutters, hands twitching at his sides, he quickly smirks, "You figured it out before they did."

"Who?" Regulus frowns. "Sirius?"

Remus nods. "They didn’t find out until second year. I lived in the same dorm with them for a whole year and they never, er, connected the dots, as you say."

Regulus shrugs again, feeling calmer and a bit cheekier now he knows Remus isn’t here to have a go at him for knowing his secret. "My brother has never been the most observant individual."

Remus chuckles at that. Like Regulus, the older boy’s demeanour softens and his own taut body becomes relaxed.

"Well, I just wanted to come by a say thank you. It really means a lot that you’ve not said anything."

"I’m not planning on it either," Regulus promises. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Thanks, Regulus," Remus smiles. "I’ll leave you to it."

Regulus watches Remus go, he feels an odd sense of calm wash through him.

Without realising it, he finds himself gaining another friend.

***

Regulus finds Pandora the next day. It’s usual for Regulus to be the one seeking people out, but he has something to give to Pandora. Plus, he kind of feels bad for how little times he’s spent with her this year in comparison to how much time he’s spending with James. Pandora just hasn’t made it a problem because she doesn’t know - though Regulus doubts she would anyway; she’s far too forgiving.

However, Regulus is going to apologise and make up for it the best way he can; with a gift.

He finds Pandora by the greenhouse, the usual spot for the Hufflepuff when she’s not in class. The girl developed an adverse enjoyment in smoking in their fourth year after being passed a joint at a party. While Regulus has never explored it himself, nor does he plan to, he knows that Pandora enjoys it. Plus, if she smokes enough, she becomes very giggly and loud. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s annoying. Today, Regulus feels sociable enough that he thinks if she gets to the giddy stage, he won’t mind.

Pandora is sitting against the wooden benches when he walks into the greenhouse, leg crossed and a thick book open in her lap. She looks up when he walks in, and instantly her face splits with a wide and warm smile.

"Hi," Regulus says meekly.

"Reggie!" She beams, closing the book on her lap. "How are you, sweet pea?"

Regulus bristles at the nickname but still sits down opposite her. The chill of the greenhouse floor instantly bites at his legs. "Good. How are you?"

"I’m alright," she nods. "It’s nice to see you looking marginally healthy."

You can thank James for that.

"I have a present for you," Regulus confesses, pulling it out of his bag.

"You do?" Pandora perks up. "What is it?"

He hands it over with clammy hands, watching apprehensively as Pandora takes it with gentle fingers.

"It’s nothing special. It’s just a—"

"Is this a study plan?!" Pandora interrupts, shouting, her voice high and squeaky. "Oh my Hippogruffs! No way! Reggie! This is amazing!"

"I-is it?" Regulus stammers, frowning. He wasn’t quite expecting this reaction. In fact, he probably shouldn’t have called it a present before he gave it to her. He’s merely wrote her out a plan to achieve all of her studying and homework like he does. Honestly, it’s a pretty lousy present. He’s given a routine to complete her bloody classwork.

"Yes!" Pandora gushes. "I’ve wanted you to make me one of these for years!"

Regulus blinks in surprise. He knew Pandora had been intrigued by his study plan, and had always asked for one, but he hadn’t realised she wanted one this much.

"Well, you’re welcome," Regulus smiles.

"Why?" Pandora asks, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "I’ve been asking for one of these since you made your first one in second year. Why are you giving one to me now?"

"Well, I just… I just wanted to give you something to make up for… you know, how I’ve… because I’ve…" Regulus sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "You deserve it for putting up with me."

Pandora’s eyes soften, her jaw slacking for a moment. Then, her lips turn downwards.

"Oh, Reggie," she murmurs. "You don’t need to apologise for being yourself."

Myself isn’t always very nice.

"I’m just… I just appreciate you putting up w-with me."

Pandora smiles. "I don’t 'put up' with anything. We’re friends, Reg."

Regulus honestly feels he could cry.

Why is she being so nice?

Why isn’t she angry at him?

He behaves so, so poorly to her, and yet she never blames him for it?

"Stop thinking."

Regulus blinks. "W-what?"

"Whatever you’re thinking, it’s making you sad and it’s probably not true," Pandora says. She puts the study plan to the side and inches forward to grab both of Regulus’ hands. "I don’t like seeing you sad, Reggie."

"I’m not sad."

I just hate myself sometimes.

"I also have something to tell you," Regulus says.

"Okay," Pandora says, nodding. She keeps her full attention to him, her eyes soft and warm and almost motherly. "Everything alright?"

"Y-yes, everything is fine," Regulus nods. "I, um… I… James and… J-James and I a-are…"

Pandora’s eyes widen a fraction. "You and James?"

Regulus nods.

"You and James?" She echoes.

Regulus nods again.

"You… and James?" She repeats, and when Regulus nods again, she face brightens comically. "Oh my god! You and James!"

Regulus laughs shakily. "Yeah… we, um—"

"Tell me everything!" Pandora screams. "Everything, Reg! Do not miss anything out! When did this start? How did it happen? Have you kissed?" She gasps, "Please tell me you have kissed! You’ve definitely kissed, haven’t you? You’re blushing. Oh, Reggie, you’re blushing!"

Regulus ducks his head, which only makes Pandora squeal louder. Regulus is pretty sure she bursts one of his eardrums, but her smile is contagious and he can’t stop himself from smiling too.

He doesn’t stop blushing for a long time.

— tbc.