Remus
That evening Remus spent some alone time in the Prefect’s Bathroom. He soaked his muscles in the steamy water and tried to relax. Returning to Hogwarts was always bittersweet to Remus. On one hand he relished being back in the company of his good friends; they were as important as family to Remus. However, Remus experienced a mixture of guilt, fear, and anxiety at the thought that someone might finally find out about his lycanthropy. Perhaps that someone would get hurt. Then they would identify Remus as the cause and he would be expelled.
His mind would circle through all of the horrible things that might happen if he wasn’t careful. So, to soothe his racing thoughts, he walked the halls of the castle and took a luxurious bath. It was a ritual. Remus appreciated his rituals and would not miss a one. Bathing at the end of each day was a most sacred ritual. He frequently needed to take an hour to reflect on his thoughts and behaviors from the day. He reflected on the behaviors of his peers. He was always thoughtful of which mask he needed to wear the next day. It was important that he offset the more difficult days of the month with more ‘normal’ behavior.
As he pondered the year ahead of him, his mind drifts to Belle. She was a shameless nuisance. Remus remembers the feeling that rose in his throat when her ocean blue eyes meet his during the sorting ceremony– panic. It was raw, heart-stopping panic that froze 11 year old Remus to his spot. He waited for recognition to flash in her expression but it never did. Regardless, he had spent the year ignoring her. It was easier then.
As the years went on James, Sirius, and Peter became his closest friends and ignoring the girl with the haunting blue eyes became impossible. Naturally, he figured the best way would to force her to avoid him. That’s when he made one condescending comment about Ancient Runes and watched as the girl fumed all week. She glared at him, stomped around the castle, and slammed her books onto desks. It genuinely surprised Remus when he realized how fucking good it felt to watch her week long tantrum. His fun was cut short, as it always is, by another lonesome transformation in the Shrieking Shack. Two days later, Remus was still sporting several new cuts on his face when Belle plopped down next to him and threw his condescending words right back in his face.
That was the moment he knew that he would destroy her. As long as they were forced to occupy the same space, he would make sure that she suffered just like he did– regardless of her relation to his best friend. Remus then pinpointed each one of her buttons with precision and used this knowledge to wind her up, daily. Remus thought he had figured out each unique way to torment her, but then last year he came up with a new way.
Remus overheard Belle ranting about how Adelaide Downing had told her Professors that she cheated on all her exams. That was when the idea popped into his mind. Before the end of term, Remus had befriended Ms. Downing. When the sight of them together no longer had Belle clenching her fists or evacuating the room, he kissed the girl in front of her. She couldn’t even look at him for a month after that. Eventually Adelaide became boring and Remus broke things off. Then developed an occasional penchant for snogging pretty girls in public places.
He shakes his head to rid himself of the water droplets clinging to his hair and any lingering thought of Belle. He dresses swiftly and pushes a hand through the wet, slightly curly hair then starts making his way back to the dorm.
***
When he returned, James, Sirius, and Peter were in a heated debate concerning Quidditch teams and potential new strategies to be used. He placed an effortless smile back on his face and took his place on his bed with a book. It was always effortless with them in part because his friends were the only people in the entire world who set him at ease. They saw him at his absolute worst and stuck beside him anyway.
“I’m not sure they’ll let you try out The Feint but you might be able to use the Porskoff Ploy against Slytherin. They focus too much on the man with the Quaffle instead of where it might end up!” Peter nods enthusiastically working out the play in his head. James hops up and grips Peter, shaking him lightly.
“Wormtail, you're a genius!” James praises him and Peter beams. Then James turned thoughtfully, “It still would be nice to see some idiot Slytherin absolutely biff it. If The Feint is off the table then perhaps we should try out the Transylvanian Tackle? What do you think, Padfoot?”
Padfoot grins mischievously. “I like that, think we could knock them off their brooms?” Remus rolls his eyes at his friend's blatant show of sadism. Normally he would let them do whatever they wanted but seeing as it was literally the first day of term he interjects,
“Can’t think of a non-violent way to beat them, Pads? I’m disappointed.” Remus looks up laying the book open on his chest. Sirius narrows his eyes and scoffs at him.
“C’mon Moony, you know I was raised to favor the elegant dance of wit and charm. However, when dealing with dim-witted dolts like Rosier, a dash of violence can be quite exhilarating.”
Remus grinned, “I don’t know Pads maybe you’ve lost your touch.”
James looks at Remus and smirks. James wasn’t stupid and was just as adept at controlling Sirius’s proclivity toward mild violence. It just so happened that Remus usually ended up as Sirius’s handler because contrary to Remus, James found this side of Sirius amusing and endearing.
“Alright Moony, you know I can’t resist you when you use your ‘Prefect’ voice.” Sirius settled into bed and Remus chuckles, it had been a long day. The four of them close their curtains. Peter starts to snore, Sirius ceases his tossing and turning, James’ breathing evens out, but Remus lays awake. Eventually, even his eyes begin to droop. Once…Twice… he tries to fight it but then he succumbs to sleep.
***
Remus opens his eyes to a familiar sight. He hears garbled wailing from a girl and he follows the strangle howl. He wanders frantically until he turns abruptly to see a great tree. He’s panting by the time he runs over and it’s getting hard to breathe. Remus smells the air and is suddenly assaulted with the smell of blood in the air. It's suffocating. The howls turned to whimpers and they now sounded from behind him. Remus turns slowly and comes face to face with familiar ocean blue eyes but they’re filled with tears.
What’s wrong? Why is she crying?
Remus looks around for help but no one is around. He takes a step forward and the girl with the tear stained cheeks takes a step back. Only then does Remus notice the bloody body of a man at her feet. His face and shoulder are exposed and mangled. They’re what smells of blood. He looks up and the girl is shaking in fear.
I’m not going to hurt you. We can get help.
Remus reaches a hand out for her and instead he sees a heavy paw reach out much faster than he intended. The girl shrieks and clutches her arm; she falls backwards. Her painful howls get louder and louder. Then Remus started to move closer to the crying girl- no her mouth wasn’t moving- he was crying, screaming, trying to wake up!
No, no, no– wake up Remus– its a dream, just a dream
Remus hears his own voice shouting at him but he moves forwards in the dream anyways. He can’t watch what happens next. He squeezes his eyes shut and just as he feels his jaws starting to open he jolts awake, panting. He can’t even escape her in his dreams. Her eyes had haunted him since he was 10 years old. Isabella Clarke. Belle. B. James’ cousin whom came to live with him after her father’s unexpected death and her mother’s disappearance.