Chapter 3
The week passed quickly and suddenly I found myself panicking over what to wear to a party. I tried half of my closet and it seems like nothing fit anymore.
Lily said to dress casual but when we had parties growing up it was all about our appearance. Expensive clothes and trying to look like a dick.
Me and Sirius used to make fun of that tradition, we would dress as they wanted and make fun of them afterwards.
Lily and I talked over the phone and I could hear she was busy ordering food and making sure everything was ready for today so I didn’t want to bother her and ask her to come here, but I needed help. Pandora came instead.
“Hey thank you for coming” I smiled at Pandora as she got into my apartment.
“Of course reg, even though you’re panicking over nothing. Everything you’re gonna wear is gonna be fine, it's just us and some of our close friends. Ohh us and the alcohol, of course” we both laughed.
Pandora came to visit Lily a couple of times during the week in the library and we got closer. Pandora has this way around her that makes you feel comfortable, just like Lily I suppose. They are both rays of sunshine.
They told me they met during highschool when they bumped into each other. Books falling and all of that, and that totally makes sense, because it’s them.
Now they live together for a couple of years now, their house is the party house of their group of friends, and every weekend they are doing something together.
“Okay so what do you think about this outfit? ” Pandora is holding a dark green shirt and black jeans. “Yeah okay, thank you”
“C'mon let’s go, it’s going to be fun” she laughed and took my hand. I kissed cat goodbye and we went to the car.
I’m feeling nervous, at least Pandora and Lily are going to be there. I know I shouldn’t be nervous, I know it’s going to be fine but I can’t help but overthink it. When you grow up alone with only your brother, you can’t help but think why can’t you have just friends for yourself. Not James who is Sirius’ best friend and not my brother that had to keep me company.
I can see their house from afar, I’ve seen it in pictures. When we got out of the car I could hear some noises from the garden and I froze. No. It couldn’t be.
“James you fucker come here”
“Padfoot stop”
There are a lot of Jameses out there right?
“Sirius James stop please you guys are making a mess”
No no no
Sirius and James. Sirius who left me alone, James who I had my first crush on, who also left. I can’t do this.
“I’m…Pandora I got to go”
And before she could even say anything, I ran.
I got into my car and I could feel my breath coming in short, My plums became sweaty and I couldn’t breath.
Sirius, my brother who I didn’t see in six whole years. My brother who showed me it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to laugh and it’s necessary to hide. To hide from the one who can hurt us. My brother who left me. I can’t see him.
I drove the fastest I could back to my apartment and went straight to bed. I could feel tears burning up in my eyes, but I won’t cry. Sirius showed me it’s okay to cry, but I won’t. Not about him. Because if I start, I won’t be able to stop.
……….
Lily(9:34pm): reg I’m so sorry I didn’t know
Lily(9:38 pm): I didn’t understand why you left, when we told Sirius and James you couldn’t come we accidentally said your name and it seems like they understood what happened. They kind of made a scene…. I’m sorry if you didn’t want to expose who you are, especially when you told me you moved from your family house.
Pandora(9:21pm): reg what’s going on
Pandora(9:35pm): I’m sorry.
………
I woke up with a headache today and I didn’t even drink anything. Great.
I know yesterday was not the girl's fault but I don’t want to go to the library today. I acted like a baby yesterday, I should have reacted differently. I don’t want to see Sirius and James, only hearing their names and voices was hard.
When I got into the library Lily was already there. She gave me a small smile and immediately hugged me.
“ i’m so so sorry I..”
“Lily it’s fine you didn’t know and it’s okay, I acted stupid and…”
“ no no don’t say that. Babe I talked to Sirius and I really think you guys should talk it out. He didn’t tell me much but I just can see that he misses you. James as well, I don’t know what your guys' connection was but I know that he and Sirius were childhood friends so you probably did know him.”
“Listen Lils, I appreciate your help and everything but I don’t know if I’m ready yet. Only hearing their voices made me think about a really dark time in my life and I miss them but they also hurt me really badly when they left and I don’t think ....” Lily stopped my rumbling and looked me in the eyes.
“Okay you take it in your own time, I will tell Sirius that you need some time.”
“Thank you Lily… for everything really”
“Don’t mention it”
We Hugged one more time and started to help customers when I heard that voice again.
“Hey mom”
James.
“Hey darling, how is my beautiful son today?”
Lily came to me and whispered “yeah I totally forgot but… Euphemia is James’ mother”
Oh
“I will come to him you can hide here if you want, I won't say anything about you being here.”
“Okay thanks Lily” I said nervously
“Sure”
I went to one of the shelves and made myself busy. Everything went alright until I heard that voice again, the voice of my first crush. The voice of the person who brought me chocolate just to make me smile. And this time the voice was closer than last time.
“Hey regulus”