HP and the Nest of Ashes

Draco looked again at Professor Snape who was conversing with Hermione and Renee, then Harry approached the group intending to talk to his friend and Snape left giving him an indifferent glance. Snape stood still for a while untill Dumbledore emerged from the throng with Professor Sprout who walked away in a few minutes leaving Dumbledore alone. Malfoy saw Snape appear by their side and take them apart whispering something in their ear. Dumbledore nodded, their brow furrowed, then told something to Snape and both of them laughed wholeheartedly, sipping out of their goblets. It was too much for Draco. He retired to the drink fountain, and started to mix together the most powerful spirits.
The babble of the room blocked out every thought, but suddenly a shadow was cast over him, he looked to the side and was surprised to see Professor Snape.
- A pain in the stomach is likely to amplify the pain in your heart. Not the best move, if it is oblivion you're seeking.
- Maybe I am looking for pleasure.
- In that case it's fine. Only, _ you came a wrong way. Do you wish to talk?
- No, I'm doing really well, thanks.
- I can see you following me, watching me, then run away distraught and attempt to  numb your senses. What do you want from me, Draco?
- I wasn't...
- What?
- Distraught.
- Okay, good: you were seeking my company. 
- It is unfair that you're leaving. You were my favorite person out there, well, altogether... I have to stay here for a couple of years, and now you're gone, I'm not sure that I will ever enjoy the Dark Arts as much as before. _ I can't believe I said that... 
- It's okay, I'm happy you did. It feels flattering but undeserved. Reach out to me directly, if you want to, no need to distress yourself. - Snape stretched out their left arm, palm up and closed. 
Draco was staring at it, bewildered. "It can't be the Message badge!" - he thought, but a second later a shining round rune web of the Badge appeared in Snape's hand. It enabled a person on either end of the communication chain to leave a message that will be read by the other when they consult it. 
Draco was looking from the message rune to Snape and back again. 
- Thank you! 
Snape made it levitate, so that the other could access it without touching their palm and Draco took the rune. 
- When it comes to the Dark Arts, I can introduce you to the new teacher, they arrived a couple of minutes ago.
- Yes, please!
Snape looked around the room and showed the way to Draco who followed.

They were heading towards a person in lacy tank-top and ample jeans, brown tattoo patterns were blending into his hairless scalp and ran over one side of his face. A bunch of heavy looking suitcases floated behind him. Dumbledore was finishing their explanation as Snape and Malfoy walked over:
- ... after that I can show you to your rooms, one of the staff members will show you around the Castle. 
As at this point Snape walked up, clearly decided to join the conversation, the new teacher turned toward them. 
- Snape, they/he, and I'm not going to give you a tour. - they said with a quick jerk of their head. 
- How do you do. Leon Shol, he/him pronouns. And I didn't expect you to give me one. 
Snape smirked appreciatively, quickly glancing at Draco, who definitely picked on a situation and was fixing a newcomer with vivid interest. 
- I am Draco Malfoy, he/him, nice to make your acquaintance. 
- Likewise. Oh, you specialize in cutting curses? - he said shaking hands with Draco. 
- Yes, actually. How do you know? 
- I see a *green arrow* scar along your index. 
- Oh, I didn't know it was such a distinct property. 
- It is. Am I right? - Shol turned to Dumbledore for backup. 
- You surely know that better than I do, my dear colleague. Technically I'm your predecessor, but I myself was filling in. 
Leon's eyes were furtively scanning Snape. Who remained silent. 
- And what is your speciality, Professor? - asked Draco. 
- Leon, please. Splitting. 
- Wow! Did you practice on humans? 
- Our friend here emerges from a rather Dark background. - Snape said quickly with a pointed nod, seeing a shadow pass over Leon's face. 
- Sorry. - Draco said, confused.
- No, I've practiced on pottery and fine dinnerware. It took me one thousand and seventy cups to arrive where I am now. 

Snape, and then Dumbledore drifted away. 

Around ten minutes after, Draco was taking leave from Shol:
- I must be going now, Leon. It was a pleasure to meet you too. Did you see where Professor Snape had gone?
- I believe I saw them over there with the Headmaster a few minutes ago... Yes, they just were with them by the door.
- Thank you!
Draco hastily walked towards the entrance, the idea that they've probably left, brooding on the back of his mind.
*Professor Snape wouldn't go to their office as they resigned, they must be with Dumbledore* - Draco thought. But when he started to climb the main stairs so as to reach the seventh floor, he run into Snape descending them.
- Professor! I wanted a quick word, if...
- Yes, Draco, what is it?
- I had a conversation with Leon, and... Leon is really sweet and professional... but I feel like all this dark stuff is holding me back. I mean... - Draco took a second to catch his breath as they were running down the stairs, heading toward the Castle front doors that were set significantly lower in the rocks than the rest of the building, Snape turning their head from time to time to show they were listening. - It was my favorite subject but maybe for a wrong reason: I don't resonate with a lot of things that were taught to me. Not there, but, you know...
- I see. 
- So, I thought, I should figure out what I actually like and, maybe change my major...
- I'm sorry, Draco, I made you follow me here, this conversation probably needs a sitting down style. 
- No, no, it's fine. But I can leave, obviously.
- I didn't mean it that way, as long as you are comfortable with speaking on the run...
- Yes, it's all right. But what are we doing here, if you don't mind me asking? 
- Brian asked me to welcome some muralists and building practitioners. 
- What are they doing here? 
- It's for a new set of dorms and some renovations. - when Draco continued to look puzzled, they added - Elves and other magical beings that were discriminated against under the Ministry regime are moving in the next season: students and councilors alike.
- But why do you need to welcome them? As long as the Gates are open they shouldn't have any difficulty coming in... 
- They'll bring along a non magical artifact, I'm going to check it on curses and such. 
Snape let a group of people pass them, nodding and taking maps from a stand. Then a strangest object Draco had ever seen... 
- Someone, hold the piano, please. Others might step back... 
Snape examined the thing carefully, put it through its paces, then allowed to carry it in. Draco followed everything open-mouthed. 
- So, what hinders you in your decision to change your major? - asked Snape as if there's been no interruption.
- Well... I don't know what to change it on, for one... I know I'm good at some other subjects, but what if I would like to start something from scratch?
- I believe Brian is rather good at accommodating this sort of thing, you will follow a program from a beginner level, or the one will suit you better, maybe even with some of the new arrivals. Don't worry about that.
- Yeah... I am worried about it from a personal perspective, though... I mean, you had this pivotal period too, Professor, but you stuck with the Dark Arts.
- I followed Death Eaters mostly because of the DA, not another way around. It's an Art of interest for me. 
- Oh_
- And... Draco, don't call me *Professor*, please, I'm not even teaching here. 
- Then, how do I address you? 
- My first name is Severus. 

[much later, when Snape is in the City of the Glen,] 

Snape saw something glimmer on their desk. It was the golden Message badge. Snape read the following text:

      Severus, 
   I can't speak about it to anyone here, and I hope you would understand. And you really don't have to answer me. 
It would probably be very intrusive of me to ask anything about your gender journey, so I'll speak. During this summer break I had a lot of time for myself as I couldn't stand people I hang out with before. I reread one book, it's about some very dark Arts, but really it's for the notes by the previous owner that I reopened it. They questioned a lot of stuff including gender stereotypes that this book perpetuated. And I found that I never really strongly identified with the idea of being a... boy... as others did, it was just the default, the only option. When I was younger I kinda thought that my peers just were dumb and all that and only later accepted it as my difference. I know how privileged I am not to target myself in such a situation, but I can't help feeling distinctly incongruous and a bit of a fraud. 
You don't want to hear all that and I shouldn't have written to you at all. 
I hope you're doing well. 
Draco 

Snape posed the badge, went to the bookshelf and returned with a thin notebook, through which they rifled before writing an answer:

     Draco, 
Feel free to write to me. I MEAN it. 
Now, I am not an expert when it comes to gender, moreover I (legally) come from a different end of the spectrum, realizing that in fact I belong to another one, but not entirely, and land in the middle-ground which frames my say. It is perfectly fine not to experience dysphoria, or not to the point of being aware of it, or not untill you start to wonder. It doesn't make you any less of a gender you are. I would like to recommend you a professional  Magus Fǔlàn Shùyè de Wèidào who assisted me in my journey. They have more knowledge than I do, are trained to help those who need it. You could visit them during the fall break, if the matter is not urgent. In the meantime, explore, try out what feels the best. 

    P. S. 
Master Fǔlàn Shùyè speaks English but resides in the area when people speak French. I happen to communicate in both. Tell, if you would like me to come with you. 
You can find them by a magical code I send with this letter. 

S

When the golden badge blinked in Draco's hands, xe hesitated to open the message. "They will probably politely tell me off". Draco paced up and down : "No, I can't! If they... make fun of me ". Xe threw the badge on the bed so forcefully that it bounced once and got stuck underneath a cushion. Xe flung xemself on the bed too, turned his head to look at the golden shimmer from the linen folds. 

This evening Snape remembered about a conversation with Draco, who didn't answer during several hours, giving that students in the Castle don't have classes that late. But the badge remained bleak. Snape prodded it with their wand, no, it was in order. They flicked the light off and closed the door behind them. 

Draco was covered in blankets, the light was out apart from the shining of the Message badge beside xem. 
"If I don't know what they wrote I won't be able to sleep. Whatever it is, I don't care anymore." 
Xe opened the message. Xir face split into an involuntary smile, xe chuckled and proceeded to read the second line...
 "What?!" - Draco jumped in bed - "Snape offers to come with me!". 

Draco appeared at the middle of the street full of people, one person collided with xem and mumbled a quick "Pardo'n". This made Draco realize that everyone around xem was actually speaking a different language. He looked around, amazed. One glance at the watch was enough to see that xe was half an hour early. "I might as well take a tour". Xe walked down the streets and around the high hill with a number of stairs leading up. Suddenly xe felt something troubling, a strange warmth in xir palms. Xe shook xir wand and instinctively checked the stairs on magical traces. "It worked! Some magician has actually been there!". Draco quickly climbed up hill. On top of it there was a little terrace with a view on the street, it was packed with people, but one glance was enough to register Snape dressed all in black, sitting at the table on the balcony. Draco saw them in mundane cloths for the first time, their vibe didn't change at all: fitting long-sleeve with a high tight collar, long pants, long obviously black cardigan resembling the cloak thrown at the back of the chair. 
Snape should have noticed someone staring at them as the next moment they turned and looked straight at Draco. 
- Wow, you have eyes on your back! - Draco approached the table. 
- That, and I have a polished teapot in front of me. - Snape retorted ironically standing up to greet xem. 
- I arrived twenty minutes ago you could've seen me from here. 
- It was my intention, but I've been here only for a quarter of an hour. We can head for the appointment or sit here for a while. 
- I 'd like to leave. 
- Okay. - Snape turned, their hand in the air - "Addition, s'il vous plaît!". 
Once they paid their bill, Draco remarked:
- I can't believe you actually understand everything they say. 
- Oh, yes, and I envy you, because you don't. 

Draco picked some food on xir fork and looked at Snape across the table, continuing xir explanation:
- I mean, I only saw a person with significant body modifications only once and it was the Dark Lord, on this meeting when...well... 
- I remember. So... 
- It was terrifying. 
- Was it? 
- What did you think? 
- Well, I've found them ingenious, and, most importantly, he seemed to be enjoying the results. He wasn't a person I would look up to, but it had nothing to do with body mods. 
- Ummm, I'm not sure that I follow... 
- There's nothing to follow, Draco. Other people's choices regarding their bodies is none of our business. What is important is how you feel about this practice in relation to yourself. 
- I'm really uncomfortable without a chest. And I've always wanted pupils-slits. 
- There we go. 
- How does one get that? 
- The first one - by special growing potion in the infirmary, the second one is a bit tricky, that's where Master de Wèidào comes along. Obviously, you'll discuss whatever you wish with them. 
- I see. Do you have any body mods? 
- I permanently changed the color of my hair at the age of seven, for one. 
- Oh, and what was the color before? 
Snape smirked, and continued to chew their salad. 
- Sorry, it's not something I should've asked. 
- Exactly. 

On their way back they had to walk down a rather long street to the spot where they could disappear again. People were speaking English there. Suddenly a group of laughing and sniggering individuals was level with them. A couple of people addressed Draco:
- Nice face, weirdo! 
- Fucking penguin! 
- Bet she has a dick. 
- Had had myself one of those. 

Snape who arrived a little after Draco, heard everything and saw the group almost block the passage, taking too much space on the street. They sped up. Draco stood unfazed, checking xir watch. 
- Coming? - Snape asked Draco without slowing down. 
- Yep. - answered the other starting as long as they became level. 
They walked confidently between people who turned around, astounded. 
Once out of sight and earshot:
- Are you okay? - Snape asked. 
- Yeah, I guess. I know they are miserable assholes and whatever their peanut brains came up with is a bunch of utter bullshit, but the tone did hurt for a second. To see people go out of their way to harrass someone, pathetic! 
- It's okay to feel down after that, just don't overindulge with self-pity: it's meant to make victims question themselves. 
- Sometimes those questions make you feel stronger because you see that they aren't valid. 
- You don't have to examine those questions to see that they are illegitimate, Draco. If they didn't manage to hurt you, you might dig something up that will debase you, trying to prove  (to yourself) how confident you are. You see, if you go deep enough you might find something to which you don't have answers, your weakest spots. Because only you know them, Draco. And if you do, it is helpful to remember that there always will be a part of the unknown about yourself and it is fine, it doesn't need to be answered with a well-worded phrase and preconceived notions, only you can explore this something by trying and living and feeling it through, or by deciding that it is irrelevant. 
- Yeah, I know what you mean : how many times I felt like, no matter how stupid I've found an insult, I shouldn't have been showing myself, as if to be was a luxury, and respect and acceptance were things that I had no right to ask from others.  
- The funniest part is that it's impossible to irrevocably prove that people should be respected and treated kindly, because it comes down to values. There always will be someone who finds a presumable say of a deity more important than real people's fulfillment, the essential *goodness* of a certain action more important than its consequences. 
- Prefer one set of beliefs rather than the other it's what society is all about. Isn't it? 
- *The terror of society*.
- What?
- Oscar Wilde. 
- Never heard of them. 
- Well, it's one of the crazy things one would know after getting an intensive course in Non-Magical Studies with Dumbledore. 
- How come you studied with them? 
- The Council skills upgrade stuff. 
- Oh. 
- The Spot is supposed to be just below that bench in the end of the alley. 
- Maybe we can jump on it and try. 
- Why not. Draco, I'm tired of walking, what would you say if we run? 
- Okay. 

They ran. They ran so fast that dust and sand formed clouds around their feet, in a matter of less than a minute they were in the end of the street and jumped on the bench disappearing at the same time. 

Snape quickly walked into Dumbledore's study.
- Sorry, Brian, I don't want to turn our friendship into one giant psychological emergency session, but... I 'm really at my wits end at the moment.
- What's the matter? - Dumbledore put something they were examining back on a shelf and walked up to Snape, who stood beside the divan, their hand squeezing the fabric on the back of it.
- Harry turned his Shape-shifter into me in the D. A. class. Into me dressed in somebody's grandma's clothes. Now, apparently some of the staff members find it hilarious to see a "masculine" presenting person in a dress as well. Just twenty years ago over again. 
- Surely, many teachers could've stood up for you. 
- It's not only me. And they did. They decided to lounge a protest when, regardless of our styles, masculine presenting professors will sport something feminine associated and vice versa and others will carry on as they always tend to bend gender norms. The problem is: I am not a binary person, but my style kind of is perceived as... 
- You don't have to wear a dress if you are uncomfortable with that.
- It will single me out. 
- Honestly, I thought we've moved on. It's down in the policy and even at the ball so many boys choose to wear a gown. 
- Well, mostly a black leather armored one... 
- Yes, It is a craze at the moment... But I know this achievement is fragile, as they always tend to be. So, what I should change into? 
- I don't know, you usually dress as a kind of a flamboyant vicar, it personally gives me "at the middle" vibes. 
- Apparently I will have to pull the leather dress on. 
Dumbledore noticed that a diversion didn't work and placed their hand upon Snape's sleeve. - Severus_
- Don't touch me. - Snape jerked their arm out.  
- Sorry. Severus, you can switch clothes with me and I with you. Like that it will be a change of style without forced binarity. Will you be comfortable if we do that? 
- Will you? 
- Yes. I'm proposing it. 
- You don't even have to participate. 
- Neither do you. 
- Fair enough. Okay, deal. 

There was a little pause, then Snape:
- So, your project flourishes then? I observed you were interested in this Dark stone when I entered. 
- How do you know about my project? 
- You briefly mentioned it a month ago. 
- I had difficulties with magical ciphers on it. 
- In my dungeon study there's more room for exploration, if you would care to carry your experiments in there... I will be out for a couple of hours anyway. 
- That would be great, thank you. 
- I'll meet you downstairs. 

When Snape returned in the evening, Dumbledore was still there. Snape started mixing some concoctions on a separate table. 
Dumbledore rifled through the shelves that covered the entire dungeon office. They approached the table, at which Snape was working, with a small bag.
- Severus, is this Thorn powder? - they asked. 
- Thorn powder is under the table.
- No, there was only Oak powder left.
- Well, is it written "Thorn powder" on it?
- Nothing is written on it.
Snape took the package and turned it around, then took another one from underneath the table, examined it and said pensively:
- Strange... There's no label "Thorn powder" on the Oak powder either...
- Do you have any Thorn powder left? 
- No. You need it? - responded Snape. 
- No, no, just didn't want to mix it with something by mistake. Never can tell thorn from other substances. 
- Okay. I'm out of thorn, so it should be fine. 
- Thank you. 

They worked in complete silence for a couple of hours. When it became distinctly dark in the room and Dumbledore's eyes started to water of strain, they approached Snape's preparation table for a little distraction. In a couple of minutes:
- I almost finished those poisons. - said Snape, concentrated on their potion. 
- I see. - said Dumbledore. 
- Of course you do... You know how it works. - muttered Snape distractedly. - Done!
- Okay. I'm going out. I left my stuff in the corner, can I return there tomorrow? 
- Of course. 
- Can I sneak here at 5 a. m.? 
- Did you mix up a waking solution while I was out? - asked Snape astonished. 
- I trust that nightly air will keep me in shape. - Dumbledore made a movement to go. 
- Wait! - Snape stretched their arm and brushed Dumbledore's hair away from their ear, leaned closer and said quietly:
- You can sneak in here at whatever time you want.
Dumbledore mirrored their gesture and said:
- Oh, believe me, I will!

They righted themself and left. 

They sat on the cool wooden floor in front of a wide-open window, letting cold morning air refresh their skin, breathing deeply. 
- Give me your wand. - said Dumbledore.
- Give you?.. - Snape asked, their eyebrow raised slowly. After a slight pause. - Honestly, you frighten me sometimes. I thought you were about to finish me off: no magician surrender their wand. Brian, I will give you my wand only when I will be willing to accept death from your hand. And I'm not quite there yet. 
Dumbledore chuckled:
- You're right. I 'm sorry, but show me the handle, please.
Snape produced their transparent black cristal wand.
- Did you ever wonder what this little velvety patch is for? - Dumbledore asked.
- No, because I know that it's completely useless. - said Snape, smiling slightly, anticipating the curiosity of whatever their friend was about to say.
- Correct. It is. In fact, it's a rudiment back from the day when wizards were hiding from non-magical folks living by their side. Wands were designed to resemble a toothbrush. The hairs on the handle were significantly longer.
- Did this disguise work? - Snape asked, concerned.
- No. A person walking around with a toothbrush was looking just as foolish as a person with a prod. Still, people kept this feature for generations because of the unfounded belief in its effectiveness.
- A dear old story. - reacted Snape with a sad smirk.
- Indeed. 

Snape stood up and Dumbledore did the same. In a few paces Snape got Dumbledore their back against the wall, without restraining their range of motion, however. Snape's concentrated gaze met no less energetic one of their friend, their kisses were quick and strong. Snape's body leaned into Dumbledore's, their chest softly squeezed against theirs. The skin of Dumbledore's arms brushed against Snape's back and sides, ever so gently tightening the embrace. Both of them felt like they were in total control of the situation, while lingering on each other's lips and melting in each other's arms. 
- So, what do you wanna do? - asked Dumbledore. - I thought you were tired of it. 
- I am, and so are you. 
- Any thoughts? 
- I have some. Do you? 
- Maybe. Go! 

They purposefully spoke at the same time:
- Slicing each other in small pieces. - said Dumbledore. 
- Painting on each other's bodies. - said Snape. 
They both smiled. 
- Painting would do. - said Dumbledore quickly. 
- Oh, no. It won't do. How about both? A rhythmic duel and then picture of the other by the victor. 
- Sounds fun. 

This time Dumbledore got to take up a brush. They proposed a special deal, however: they will wear the same outfit as their model - a pair of black chinos and a semi-transparent button-down shirt. Large windows let in so much light that despite the relatively cold weather outside it was quite hot in the middle of the room, which led Snape to unbutton the high collar and long fitting sleeves of their shirt, and Dumbledore, who did the same a long time ago — to roll up their sleeves. A few minutes into the artistic process Dumbledore's hands and forearms got covered in multi-colored splashes of paint. They unbuttoned their shirt almost completely. 
- What did you come up with? - Snape scooted closer to the easel on ther rolling stool. There was only a contour of the composition. 
- Now I have to fill it in. - Snape saw them wipe the brush on their forearm to take another color on. Dumbledore noticed their gaze: - Want to? - they held out a brush. Snape took it. 
They made a few strokes on Dumbledore's arm, while the other reached out and slowly twisted a wave of black soft hair around their fingers, their hand caressed Snape's neck. Snape stood up from their stool, abandoning the brush on the easel, and they locked their arms around each other, their heads resting on their respective shoulders. They stood almost immobile for some time, then Snape went for a kiss. Suddenly, Dumbledore broke it off and made a few steps away from Snape; with an embarrassed smile they absent-mindedly caressed the fat under their chin with the tips of their fingers. 
- Are you okay? - Snape frowned, concerned. 
- Yes. Sorry. I don't feel like it... 
- Oh, it's alright. - they quickly moved from the other and casually perched on the stool again. - So, could you give to the whole thing a metallic effect? 
- That's a nice idea! I can do that. I'm guessing you'd like it monochromatic as well? 
- And you? 
- I'm not great at inventing or at painting, so your suggestion would work perfectly. 
- Hmm, would it? Then, one color it is. 

There was a knock on the door. 
- Hi, oh, I didn't mean to interrupt... 
- Sash! Come in. You are not interrupting at all. - said Snape, swiveling on their stool. 
- Yes, Sash. Nice to see you! - Dumbledore was still absorbed in painting. 
- Nice studio you have there. 
- Thank you. - responded Dumbledore.- We are meeting at the Council tonight, am I right? 
- We would. But it's adjourned this week. 
- Oh, I see. 
- But I wanted to talk to you anyway. About the squad. 
- It will be dismissed. 
- Yes, how exactly? I'm thinking about practical spell-casting. 
- Let's go there and have a look. We can cut through the grounds. 
- Okay. Can I wait here with you? 
- Yes. - said Dumbledore. - Severus, will you come? 
- What for? I never was on this mission. - they were revolving slightly from right to left on the stool.
- We will be destroying stuff, so, some Dark magic will come in handy. 
- To hell, with it. Let us all be cooked by the sun tonight! 
- I'm not the fan of summer myself. - added Dumbledore. 
- Well, I guess, I am the only crazy person in here. - said Wonow humorously. 
- Don't tell me you like summer. - said Snape with mocking disgust. 
- I do, actually.
- That's nice. - said Dumbledore earnestly.
Snape was slowly and silently revolving on the spot. Wonow chose a nitted cotton cushion and settled on the floor, while Dumbledore's brush was making bold loud strokes against the canvas.
- Who's on the site? - Snape asked after a pause.
- No idea. - Wonow replied. 

The loan of the Castle grounds was packed with students sprawled on the grass alone or in groups. The merciless sun was shining right over them. Professors navigated between students. 

_____

- I think I'll be off first. - said Dumbledore. 
- Where to? - Snape asked, a little surprised and definitely interested. They turned on the sofa to look over their shoulder at Dumbledore who was standing by the window behind them, the cup mid-way to their mouth. 
- Far away. 
- Well, I'm sure if I happen to drop by some fancy party in the heart of the Magical World you'll be there. 
- Maybe. I need magic and movement around to properly enjoy my secluded life. _ Luckily the new Headmistress is on her way, she will handle the inclusion program better than I ever could.
- Obviously. A goblin representative. Cost me my last vote as the Head of House. No doubt, you've got the results first?
- Yes, it's not public yet, a little kindness to allow me to clear out the study. By the way, just curious: will you inhabit your Death Eater property now? What's happened to it?
- Legally nothing. I'm leaving it for good now.  It technically was already inhabited by Elves. _ D.E. orders. - they added.

- I feel like it's time. Don't you? - said Dumbledore nodding with a shadow of a smile, their eyes slightly narrowed.
- Yes. As of two weeks since today, we practically won't be seeing each other anymore, unless there's a coincidence or something. - Snape caught the subject by a particular warmth in their companion's tone.
- Exactly. 
Dumbledore approached the sofa and, inclined to the level of other's head,  placed both hands on Snape's shoulders: 
- Enjoy yourself, won't you? 
Snape couldn't keep derision out of their voice:
- Always.
Dumbledore took a long moment looking into other's face, then stepped away to pace around the study making a finishing stroke with a humorous :
- O'kaay.
______

- Brian... - Snape paused - I haven't been entirely honest with you. _ Remember you asked me when we first met about the beginning of my Death Eater path...
Dumbledore composed themself to listen, their gaze upholding other's for a second and then calmly wandering away so as not to press the confidence. Snape bit their lip as it was their habit, then continued :
- I chose to join the Death Eaters myself, I wasn't forced or anything.  You know how people often say that one should be human, follow their heart. But my first instinct is and always has been rejection and judgment. I need space and reflection in order to accept. Compassion for me is a fruit of thought and almost never comes spontaneously. It doesn't excuse me, by the way, it's not at all what I'm trying to_
- No, I know. Why are you telling me this?
Snape let the silence stretch as if waiting for Dumbledore to bite back their question. But they were waiting too - for an answer. Finally, Snape's face assumed a venomous expression that protected their ego, when they were asked to speak their mind, making out that they intended to divulge this information, obvious from the start.
- I want to hear your opinion_ I want you to hurt me.
- Ah, well, in that case... You're not gonna get that. I'm in no position to judge you, or anyone. And nobody is. By the way, I don't have moral intuition as well, but I was lucky enough to always be able to take a step back and withdraw out of action before committing myself. On the flipside, it hindered me considerably too, but it is a far lesser price compared to... Sorry, I'm blabbering. 

____

Snape and Dumbledore were reading scientific periodicals, piled in heaps on the round coffee table between two armchairs. Other Council members were working in small groups in the same vast room. Unexpectedly, someone tapped Dumbledore on the shoulder, they looked up:
- Ah, Samantha!- they said cordially. 
- Could I snatch you up for a second? 
- Yes, of course. - won't be a moment - they told to Snape. 

They moved towards the sitting area of the room that was now empty. Snape was too busy with an article to pay much attention, after ten minutes, however, they needed some help. They looked around and found Dumbledore and Samantha on the divan, talking, locked in each other's arms. The next time they looked, the two others were sharing a deeply sensual kiss, and Snape smiled almost imperceptibly, when Dumbledore's figure stretched in an all so familiar leaning position of satisfaction and pleasure.
In a couple of minutes Dumbledore returned. 
- Sorry, old friend of mine, it took longer than I anticipated ... 
- A school friend? - Snape asked ironically.
- How many school friends do you imagine I had?
- Not a popular kid, huh?
- Do you remember me?
- Not particularly...
- There we go.
- I don't understand.. How?
- I always needed a bit of notoriety to be able to assess myself. And you know... identity, coming to terms with it, coming out...
- Sorry, when? If you don't mind me asking.
- When I left the Castle as a student at 17. And went_
- Thank you, your glorious path since is well known to everyone.
Dumbledore smiled, amused, sitting themself on a table in front of the divan the central seat of which Snape now occupied.
- And you? Twelve - thirteen, I understand?
- Since when have you been researching on me?
- Since you joined our side, of course. It was for the file, strictly professional.
- I don't  doubt that. Just to make clear how important is the asymmetry of our knowledge about each other.
- I thought there's an abundance of data in the public domain.
- I don't indulge in trivia.
- And I don't keep in mind the records. I checked a few things and it left my mind. By the way, did I get the age? I just remember it was earlier than me.
- I was eleven.
- I started properly thinking only when I left school.
- And I when I left home.
- Which was for the Castle, at eleven?
- Yes. 
- I see. 
- Do you want a ride into my memories? 
- Are you sure about it? 
- Why not? The distance is too great for me to have any emotional attachment to it. It's dead, fairy tales. 
- Are you sure about me seeing it? 
- It doesn't matter. It might've been whoever. Just don't let go of my arm, I don't want you to wonder around my mind rent free. 

{ 
At one end of an empty bench sat a teenage looking person dressed in black students cloak with the pointed hood on. Two curtains of jet black middle length hair fell out of it on either side of their face. They were reading, while a group of other students approached talking loudly and occupied the same table. The first person scooted to the very end of the bench. But it was impossible to continue to concentrate on the book. The person in black left. They walked down a large corridor full of multi-colored lights sipping in through mosaic windows and sat on an empty stairs leading to a deserted wing of the Castle. They were again immersed in reading, but soon steps and voices broke the silence somewhere behind them in the Crumbled corridor. The whole place was so empty that the air carried the voices to the staircase and the person in black could hear every word of the conversation. They decided to quietly go away but at this point what they've heard made them turn around and walk upstairs instead. They hid behind a large column, being able to see a portion of the Crumbled corridor. 
- Hey, come on! It's not fair. We haven't even kissed properly yet. All girlfriends I've ever had would've been sleeping with me by now. 
- We were kissing right now...
- Well, I need to touch you as well, otherwise it's not real. 
- Let's just_
- No, Jane, I waited long enough listening to your rambling, supporting you, caring for you like a good boy, now I'm down for everything or nothing. Notice it would only be fair.
- Maybe_
- Do you want to lose me? To be a loner as before? They will walk all over you again.  
- Wait, Alan! 
- What? What Alan? Are you saying yes? Are you? - the boy cried with hopeless despair in his voice. 

- Stop it! - a third even voice resonated, amplified, in the gallery. 
Alan turned around, surprised. Without letting him utter a single word, the person in black continued:
- Stop manipulating. Anyone can see right through your petty game. 
- Who is this freak? Do you know him... her... *it*, Jane? 
A girl by the window stood taller. 
- Now you calling them a freak? That's what others always called me.
- It's different!
- No, it's not. They are not a f... Nobody deserves that. 
- Oh, yeah? Now I'm thinking you did after all. Who would've thought cheating on me with *it* the whole time! 
- Get lost! - Jane shouted. 
- Seriously? 
- Now. - said the person in black taking a few steps closer. 
- You want ME to go? - he asked staring at Jane in disbelief. 
- Now. - said Jane. 
The person in black already reached the window. 
Alan was looking from them to Jane. 
- Ooooh, I see! They were right all along! 
Jane whipped her wand and the person did the same. 
- Fuck you! - Alan ran to the stairs, his footsteps fading away quickly. 

They looked at each other. Jane appeared sad. 
- Sorry, if I've been rather indiscreet... It sounded like the matter was getting out of control. - said the other. 
- No, no, it's fine... I mean: thanks! It was kinda out of control.  Wait, I think I know you... You are R_
- No. You don't know me. I'm Severus Snape. 
- Lilian Jane Saul. Call me Jane: I prefer to go by my middle name. 
- Nice to meet you! 
- Yeah, sure... There's something you should know about me, though. I am a lesbian. 
- Oh, great! - said Snape honestly. Jane frowned. 
- You're taking it surprisingly well for a_
- A what? 
- No, nothing. Sorry.
- Yes, I'm in Slitherin... And I am nonbinary. And gay. I think. 
- Quick question: what pronouns should I use for you? I go by she/her, by the way. 
- They/them would be great, or just my last name, or he/him if you must. You can mix them too. 
- Got it. 
- Thanks. 
- Don't thank me for that!! 
- People don't ask my pronouns often and I'm not great at sharing them, people just don't give a thought to my request most of the time. 
- Well, they should. 

[...] 

Jane was talking while Snape listened wide-eyed:

We were laughing and waltzing in the middle of a sunlit grass field surrounded by woods. We made a few pas and I dropped on the carpet letting the boy take my place. I watched them turn around and she laughed again while Alan was grinning, his hands almost touching her butt, he was obviously trying to kiss her but she was too busy dancing. It was my turn again, the boy ran off into the bushes. My whole being was pressed against her, our bare arms touching, our heads on each other's shoulders. Then, my lips grazed her neck, and I started, wondering how could I have gone so far. We stopped in our tracks, looking at each other.
- Sorry, - I muttered.- Di, do you know what sex is?
Her eyes darted away from mine, but instantly came back:
- Well, I guess I do, I'm not sure, why?
- Because that's what Kevin is trying to do with you.
My tone might've been ominous enough, as she frowned:
- Wherever have you gotten this idea?
- I can tell. You are oblivious to the way he acts, you are too taken into the game.
- What do we do? - decision in her voice.
- Run!
We looked back at the place where the other had disappeared and swiftly took leave into the opposite direction. Once out of sight and out of breath, we halted behind a tree, leaning onto it, then sat down in its shadow. 
- What do people do exactly?
- Anything. Provided that no one is forced into it and wants to do this and that, that people protect themselves from diseases and stuff.  You never *have* to do it.
- Then, what was so scary with Kevin?
- Did you know what he was after?
- No.
- That was scary.

There was a pause. 
- I think I might've frightened you back there. - I said - Made out that sexuality was bad or something. You see, everybody tells that it is but it's not, it can be fun and safe and beautiful.
I felt awful. I was myself this close from kissing her and whatever else, now I could never bring it up, I couldn't betray her! Suddenly I wanted her to leave me alone too, to ditch me and go away. In that case the confession appeared to be the best way:
- You know there are girls, and non binary folks, who want to do that with girls, lesbians. - she didn't say anything - I am one. 
- So, you wanted to be with me? 
My face was on fire and I was waiting for her to smack me with something heavy and run. I swallowed. She turned to me:
- But you didn't want me to get hurt. - I felt her scoot closer - I want to have fun. 

I started on my feet and she did too. She opened her arms for a hug and I threw my melted heart in its welcoming heat. Our arms were touching again, the tip of her nose was running across my neck and got buried in my hair, this time she kissed me.
We were caressing each others arms the rest of our bodies caught in stiff dresses. 
- Do you masturbate? - I whispered in her ear. 
- What is it? 
- When you stimulate stuff down there in any way. 
She looked like she thought that she was the only person on Earth doing that, to which I could've related entirely only a year ago. 
- Yeah. 
- Sexual activity it's when you stimulate these organs on your own or with someone. You might want to touch theirs and they yours or you might just masturbate together. But it's not mandatory, of course. If you are attracted to someone, you might want to do that and decide to do it or not.
- My mum once walked in on me and said that if I touch anything down here I'll break it. 
- She lied, its only function is pleasure, you can't break it by just using it. 
- So this is it? That's the big secret of adults. 
- It is. 
- Pathetic!..

There we laughed our faces off.
- I've been doing stuff as long as I can remember. 
- Me too. 
- It's presented as a big scary thing only between men and women. As if they had sex once in a lifetime in order to have kids.  One necessarily catches something or else gets pregnant. 
- Sure, consent, communication and protection had gone down the drain. _ Do you want us to take our dresses off? - I suggested. 
- Okay. 

We helped each other to unzip them. And dropped them to our feet. 
- Run with me! - she shouted darting away and disappearing in the trees. 
I followed. We've found another sunlit stretch of grass and landed heavily on its tinkling surface. Her breasts squeezed against my chest, her body was brushing against mine, her clit in friction with my hip bone. 
- Can I touch you through the clothes? - I asked. 
- Yep, can I?
- Mmhm. - I nodded in her shoulder. 

We were working our muscles hard. She took my hand and guided me. Di started to whisper my name between kisses, and I imitated her, because I didn't want her to stop and I liked hearing her voice, so that for a while there were only hushed breaths, "Jane" and "Di" following and encouraging each other in a flowing rhythm. 
 We ended up panting, drying in the open air. 

 
Suddenly she turned to me and asked:
- Do you want to have kids? 
- No!! - I might've overreacted a bit as I'd been asked this question a lot by people who's sole purpose was to humiliate me regardless of my answer or maybe anticipating it. 
- Me neither! - said Di. 
- And you won't have any. - I said holding her slightly tighter, my hands pressed against her abs. 
- Neither will you. - she said with unquestionable certainty that I so desperately tried to put in my own voice just yet. 

[..] 
Young Snape listened wide-eyed, they could only marvel at how much they could and at the same time couldn't relate to.

}
________________________