Chapter fifty-four and 1/13. I thought, maybe
-You know, I think I've never gotten my head around the fact that my parents were jerks. I'm supposed to love them, but I don't... For quite a while now I feel nothing for them but hatred and gratitude for all the support they gave me. But not to deny that they did something, a lot of good, for me it isn't fundamentally the same as to appreciate them as persons, to love them. I don't wish them any harm, and I am ready to help them, as long as their livelihood depends on it, but nothing more than that. Nothing more than that...
I don't think I've ever told this to anyone. I am isolated. Not because of them. Maybe.
How come people I know and who know me, are all like-minded assholes that consider me one of them, make, made, me one of them.
Well, I am an asshole, but at least, I know it and don't want to be it anymore.
Sounds like a narcissistic apology. Again.
Malfoy spoke with an uncharacteristic sadness, that subsided briefly to his usual hopeful tone of contempt, and switched to tired and unconvinced disgust, now directed onto himself.
Snape was turning their back on him all the while, staring out of the window. They looked at the person, sitting on the floor their back against the wall, and stepped away from the light, immediately becoming a part of the shadowy room.
They stopped about six places away from Malfoy and sat on the floor themself.
- It's okay, Draco.
Painful burning tears of fury and self pity welled in Malfoy's eyes.
- You desire to go away, am I correct?
- Yes. - the other said quietly.
- I wish I had a solution for you. My life out of the Castle will be too unpredictable to bring you along. Try to speak to Dumbledore about it : they are much more of a mentor.
- But they're a Headmaster, why would they want to do anything with me?
- Tell me about it! I was asking the same question before getting to know them. People like us will hardly understand this mindset, but, I've come to think, we don't need to.
- Frankly, I am envious: such a harmonious couple. I wish I had a lifelong partner...
- Life-long? What are you talking about? - Snape sighed, tired of having to explain again - Brian and I are not in love, there's no "life-long" engagement, no couple. Moreover, I am quite sure we will never see each other again from some time in the near future on. Neither of us resents it. It is natural and crucial for us to... move on.
- What is the point then?
Snape smirked:
- Profit while it lasts. _And also... This kind of thing is known for "changing" people. Now, people change all the time. What I am saying is that one does not necessarily need any sort of relationship to grow. I would know.
Snape picked up their bags and headed out of the dungeon study.
- You may stay here for a while, if you want to. I'm going to see Dumbledore, they will probably seal this office soon.
...
-How about the Student Vote?
-What about it, Brian? Students hate me. And only a student has the right to initiate it.
- I can persuade_
- No. Thank you.
- As you wish. The carriage?
- Waiting outside.
-Ah, well! - said Dumbledore cheerfully, stood up and walked up to Snape from behind their desk. From a side window of the round tower wall, in the distance, a crowd was visible, fidgeting by the Gates. Dumbledore followed Snape's gaze in its direction. Then added:
- An admirable day for a journey.
- *Enchantingly nasty*, as you would say.
They smiled and looked at each other.
- Any time. - said Dumbledore.
Snape reached out for Dumbledore's wrist under their loose embroidered sleeve. The other slipped their fingers under the tight black collar of Snape's cloak, tips sinking a little into suprasternal notch. They stood in silence for a while, taken into the thrilling dance under their skin. Then, Dumbledore withdrew, Snape let go of their arm, turned on their heels and left the Headmaster's office.
The sky, watery blueish, with sparse white transparent clouds, had a pale pink strips across it.
Dumbledore tore their gaze off the scenery, returned to their desk and picked up their quill. From many sheets the name *Severus Snape* sprang at them. They had to round the paperwork. They glanced at a pile on the left, on the right, a record in front of them, took a leaf out of one of the folders, read it through and started filling it out. Bands of black ink ran on the lines, sealing their friend's fait.