Chapter 8
Remus wakes up to an owl tapping at his window. Remus can't even find it in himself to doubt what he did. He finally has something to look forward to. Something to live for. Quickly he lets the owl in and rips open the letter.
Dear Remus Lupin
Of course you can come over, you are always welcome. I talked to Mum and Dad early this morning and they said it was alright with them! I cannot wait to see you! But is something wrong
I told Sirius you were coming and he promised he won't bother you so don't worry about that? Does coming Tuesday by floo work for you? That gives you two days to get ready then 7 days at mine before the full!
Cant wait to see you!
Best wishes,
James Fleamont Potter
Okay, so Remus was set to go. He was going to get out of this house. If only for a few days, it was still something. Now he just needed to figure out a way to tell his Father he would be gone. He very quickly decided that it would be best if he waited until tomorrow night to tell him, if he wasn't in a bad mood. If he was in a bad mood he would wait until right before he left. He would tell him he was spending some time at a muggles friend's house in town and would be back before the moon. Then he would simply just leave, whether or not his Father said it was okay.
He was excited and it was a weird feeling. It had been so long since he truly looked forward to anything. Yeah, he liked hanging with his muggle friends in town, but he always knew he would have to come home at the end of the night. He can hardly remember not feeling some sort of dred. It’s kinda weird to think he used to be happy to be home. Now home is the last place he wants to be. So this is a full seven days of freedom. Or at least a full seven days without having to wonder about his Fathers mood for that night.
One thing he did have to think of is Sirius. He knows James said he will leave Remus alone, but it was more than that. Does Remus want to forgive him at all? He knows, no matter how mad James is at Sirius it won't last forever. James does not have it in him to be mad at Sirius that long. Not when it's obvious Sirius feels bad about what he did. He doesn’t want to break up the Marauders, not anymore. He is just so angry. How could he do such a thing? It just hurts. The way Sirius made him doubt everything about himself. Doubt if he was a good person. How can he forgive him? The answer really should be he can’t, but Remus wants to. He wants to sit with Sirius all night talking about music, he wants to play pranks together and watch Sirius take the blame when it was all his idea, he just wants everything to be like how it was. He doesn’t know if it can ever get back to the way it was. Remus guesses if he can’t forgive him, he will always have the girls. Sirius can have James and Pete and Remus will have the girls. Of course James and Pete would still talk to him. But it would never be the same again. He wants to try.
Shaking his head to rid the thoughts, Remus gets ready for the day. He is going to have to tell them he is leaving, so they don’t worry too much. He has been getting more and more concerned looks from them with each day. He can understand why to some extent. He’s been getting more… withdrawn. But not today. He is excited about life today.
***
They have been sitting by the lake for sometime now. All four of them are happy, content passing a spliff around. Gwen looked just ecstatic when Remus showed up smiling and talking like he did in the first few weeks of summer. Rhys whispered in his ear at some point in the day that he looked happy. Remus couldn't contain his grin.
“I, uh, wanted to tell you guys something real quick,” Remus said before any of them could leave for the night. “I’m going to visit some of my school friends. Very last minute I know but I leave on Tuesday, won't be back for like 10 days.” He decided to elongate the visit for accounts of the moon.
“Tuesday, mate, that's like tomorrow! Last minute for sure.” Aled was laughing and surprisingly they all looked pretty happy. Remus felt odd, almost hurt. Had they not liked hanging out with him? He never got that feeling, not once, but this reaction felt like they had to be.
Soon, Gwen and Aled left together saying something about having to do chores. Remus was still in his head. How had he not realized? Rhys came over to him and put his hand on Remus' leg. “Penny for your thoughts?”
“Do you guys, like, enjoy hanging out with me?” Remus blurted out, he isn’t sure why he asked.
“What of course we do! Trust me if we didn’t like it you wouldn’t be hanging with us.” That confused Remus even more.
“Then why did you all look so excited that I was leaving?” Why could he not just shut up? This isn’t like him.
“Oh, Remus.” Rhys looked like he was considering what to say, and Remus just sat there watching, waiting. “Look, we love hanging with you. We really do, but we care about you. It’s obvious being here is not good for you. I know you don’t like talking about it, but we have eyes, yeah. We know your Father isn’t like the best or whatever. So you being gone for a while, it means we don’t have to worry if one day you just wont show up.” Remus was stunned. He knew they knew to some extent, but that was a lot. Almost too much for him to handle. He never wanted more people to worry about him.
“It's not like that.” He said in a small voice and Rhys just shook his head.
“Okay, Remus.” And the rest of the day went like it always did.
***
Remus was all packed and ready to go. The last thing he needed to do is tell Lyall he was leaving. He wanted to last night, but when he got home he was passed out on the couch. Knowing better than to wake him, he planned on telling him this morning.
When he walked downstairs Lyall was sitting at the table with the Daily Profit open and a glass sitting in front of him. Before he could back down, Remus went to stand on the other side of the table directly in front of him. “Dad, I have something to tell you.” He waited until Lyall looked up before continuing, “I’m going to spend a few days with one of my muggle friends in town. I’ll be back before the moon.” Lyall, surprisingly, just nodded his head.
“Yeah, okay. See you before the moon then.” Remus was stunned. Actually frozen in place for a second. He thought this was going to be a huge fight. Before Lyall could change his mind though Remus grabbed his bags and walked out the door.
Going around to the back of his small house. He opened up the window to Lyalls study, dropped his bag first and quickly followed. There he was able to floo to the Potters.
Stepping into their sitting room, Remus spots Mrs. Potter.
“Oh hello, Remus! I just sent James into the kitchen to get some tea, he will be back in no time.” She stands walking over to him and wraps him in a warm hug. It made him miss his own Mum. Mrs. Potter hugged like she used to. “How was your summer, dear?” She asks when pulling out of the hug to get a good look at him.
“Well it was-”
“Moony! Oh, I’m so glad you're here!” James comes running over throwing his arms around him, almost knocking him over with the weight of the hug.
“Now James, interrupting is rude,” Mrs Potter says with a wide smile. “Remus here was just going to tell me how his summer was.”
“It has been pretty good, Mrs. Potter. I have some muggle friends in town, so I have been hanging around with them for most of it.”
“None of this Mrs. Potter stuff, you have been here enough times to know to call me Effie, dear. But how nice. Muggle friends, what a unique experience you get. I never really had any close muggle friends. Now I heard about what happened in your Fathers Minersty Branch, I do just feel so horrible. Has he landed on his feet well?” James looked very confused during the last part of her speech, honestly Remus is too, a little. How much does Mrs. Potter, Effie, really know?
“Yeah, he has been fine. Took him about a week to get back on track, though.” Effie looked to consider this a bit.
“Well yes that does make sense, a very fast transition though. Oh my dear, what happened to your face?”
Remus had forgotten all about the bruises. He avoided looking in the mirror as much as possible. “Oh, well, you know how it is with a group of boys. I got into it with one of them. Just play fighting and what not, but he got me real good. Left this obviously. But it wasn’t like my Dad could just fix it up or they would be confused how it disappeared so quickly.”
“Well,” she said, pulling out her wand. “You are here for a good few days, they won't even wonder why it's gone the next time they see you.” She fixed it with just a simple wave of her wand. “Now, Sirius is still asleep. I swear all that boy does is sleep, but James why don’t you go get Remus settled upstairs, yeah?”
Remus follows James up the stairs and into one of their many guest bedrooms. “So this is yours for the week, but we can crash in my room if we want.” James started to scratch his head looking like he wanted to ask a question, but wasn’t sure if it was a good idea.
Remus couldn’t watch him struggle any longer. “James, if you want to say something, just go ahead. I’m not going to like to turn into a wolf or something.”
“Well obviously. So, uh, what was my Mum talking about when she mentioned that thing about your Dad?” Remus turned to fiddle with his bag, thinking of an answer, he didn’t really know. “It’s fine, pretend like I didn’t ask. I shouldn’t have anyway.”
“No, James, it's fine. I’m not made out of glass. You don’t have to tiptoe around me. He got fired or let go or something from his job. I guess your Mum knew about it.”
“Oh, sorry about that, mate. But, also, it does kinda feel like I got to tiptoe around you. One wrong word and I feel like you are gonna disappear for another two months.” James had his ‘serious talk’ face on right now and it reminded Remus a lot like Effie’s serious face.
“I’m sorry about that, James. Really. I am.”
James just shook his head, “It shouldn’t be me who you apologies to really. It should be Lily. She has been a mess. I did tell her you were coming here and that we had talked a little. Made her feel a lot better. She thought you could’ve died or something.” Remus looks down, ashamed. “Did you read all our letters?”
“No. I couldn’t get myself to.” James looks crestfallen and takes a deep breath.
“Is it because of what Sirius did?”
“I don’t know,” Remus replied honestly. “I mean in some ways yes of course it was, but in some ways it was more of me just having a realization, a wrong one at that, it stemmed from what he did, but it wasn't because of him.”
James looked confused asking, “a realization that what? You don't deserve friends?” It looked like James meant that as a joke, but Remus nodded. “Oh. Oh, Remus, no. That's not… it's not true you know that, right?”
“I do now, but the whole start of the summer I needed a bit of a break I think.” James just looked heartbroken.
“Please write to Lily, she needs to hear from you, yeah?” Remus nods. “Okay I’ll leave you to get unpacked and to write to Lily.”
***
Hey Lily
So, I guess you have heard I’m with the Potters right now. I’m really sorry for not writing to you till now. It has been a weird summer. I’m okay and I hope you are too.
How has your summer been? If you havent started the potion work (which I doubt) get on it. It is so bloody hard! I am sure you will have a breeze with it though. You and your potions skills could never be me. I really really am sorry for not getting back till now. I’m sorry if I worried you.
Remus