Chapter 7
It's hard to get up the next morning. He is hurting a lot. He winces when he tries to sit up and is almost out of breath when he tries to get out of bed. He really hopes he didn’t crack a rib or anything.
In the bathroom, he sees himself in the mirror and he looks horrible. The whole left side of his face is black and blue and his lip looks painfully cracked with dried blood going down his chin. He doesn’t even remember blood. As he cleans up his face, he remembers what he sent to James. The new question of his life: was it a good idea? Probably not, he thinks. However, he can’t quite regret it. He missed his friends after all. And the only reason he had been hiding away was because that's what Lyall was always saying was the right thing to do for someone like him. He thought Sirius had finally figured it out too. But now he isn’t so sure he believes in his Father. He used to look up to him when he was a kid. It's hard to even remember the good times with his Father now.
Getting back to his room, he realizes that he just really wants to stay home today. This is by far the worst he will look since he made his new friends and he really does not want them to ask questions. But then he thinks about Rhys. If he doesn’t show up today, then Rhys might think he didn’t like what they did or was mad at him or something. Remus still doesn’t know what it means, what they did. But what he does know is that he wants it to happen again and he doesn’t want Rhys to feel bad about it.
So with a great amount of pain and effort he makes his way down to their spot. On the way down he tried to make up a lie about what happened to him. Nothing seems feasible. It is so obvious that it wasn’t an accident of some sort. He thought he could tell them he got jumped, but if that was true they would already know about it by now. Small towns talk after all. He decides that if they do ask he will just shrug it off. He doesn’t think they will push. After all, they have never even asked before.
He is the last one to their spot, like usual. He is pretty late today though. Almost a full hour later than he usually comes. Gwen looks up, raising her hand to wave, but stops halfway up. Her face is frozen in shock. Well, he guesses he really does look that bad. He just pretends like nothing is happening and waves like he would any other day. He sits down next to them and the silence is palpable. He’s not sure how to break it. They sometimes sit in silence, but it is always a comfortable one. This feels like a knife could slice through the tension.
“Anyone have a cigarette?” Is how he ends up breaking the silence. He had been avoiding looking any of them in the eye, but as Rhys passes him his pack he does. He is looking at Remus with pity. If there is one thing Remus hates it would be pity. He quickly looks away mumbling a thanks as he takes the pack.
“Remus,” surprisingly it’s Aled who speaks up. “what happened?” Remus of course just shrugs.
“But, Remus darling, this isn’t right. I mean I can't stand to watch this keep happening. I-”
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Enough. Is there some weed or something?” Gwen looks on the verge of tears, but Aled puts his hand over hers as Rhys passes him a spliff.
Everything goes back to a sort of normal for the rest of the day. Everything still has a sort of awkward undertone, but thankfully everyone is ignoring it. It’s the same old same old other than the fact that Rhys is trying to catch his eye the whole day. One moment late in the day when Gwen and Aler were giggling to each other Rhys leaned over and whispered in Remus’ ear, “Stay back here with me for a little bit tonight, after they leave. I promise I won’t ask about it.” Remus turns to look at him, staring in his eyes longer than probably necessary glancing down at his lips as well. Then he nods and turns away.
As the day comes to a close and the sun is almost set Gwen stands to leave. Aled following quickly behind.
“You two coming?” He questioned.
“I think I’m going to finish this.” Rhys responses, holding up his unfinished cigarette. Aled just nods and turns to leave.
Gwen runs over to Remus before she leaves and gives him a hug. He has to fight not to wince. He does not want her to know about his ribs. “Be careful, yeah?” She looks truly sad and he just nods. She walks off with Aled.
“So, you wanted to keep me here?” Remus’ teases and Rhys, never the one for words, just leans in and presses a light kiss on his lips.
“Is this okay? I wasn’t sure yesterday, but you kissed me back and all. I wasn’t even positive you were like me.” He looked almost nervous.
“Yeah, it is okay. I liked it. Do the others know? About you I mean.” He was worried about asking but he needed to know. In the wizard img world he hadn’t even heard of a single gay person. He wanted to know if it was the same in the muggle world.
“Oh, no. I mean you know how it is for people like us. You have to be so sure about someone to not get in trouble. Aled and Gwen are good people, but still I can never be too certain.” So, it wasn’t okay in the muggle world either.
“I, uh, I don’t really know, you know. I, uh, didn’t really like know. Till yesterday I mean.”
“Wait, you didn’t know you swung? At all? Holy shit. Was I your first kiss?” Rhys looked stunned, but he was also laughing.
“No, I have kissed a few girls. No guys though. Not till now.”
“Wait so you kissed girls and still didn’t even think you swung. After my first kiss I started thinking I could be you know. I just hated it so much.” Remus did not want to talk about this. It was confusing because he had thought he liked it. So instead he just leaned in and kissed him.
They sat like that, kissing and breathing each other in until Remus broke apart saying he had to get home.
“I know we said we wouldn’t talk about it, but if you ever need anywhere to stay I have a very welcoming Mum and a comfortable couch.” Remus avoided his eyes and just nodded. Rhys leaned down for one more kiss before he walked off towards his house.
***
On the way back to his house he avoided thinking about the kissing boys thing and kissing girls thing. He liked kissing Rhys and that’s all he needed to know. Anyways, he could only handle one major life crisis at a time and right now he already had two. So he was just going to avoid thinking about it all together, it is a perfectly healthy thing to do.
As he walks into his house he is relieved to see Lyall passed out on the couch. He makes himself dinner and purposely makes sure it is only enough for one. He brings it up to his room to eat and of course there is an owl waiting for him by the window.
Dear Remus Lupin
REMUS! Oh my, thank god you responded. We were starting to really worry. I’m glad you are feeling fine though. What do you mean by a weird summer? My summers been alright. I’ve been talking to Lily quite a bit more, nothing really personal but still growth is growth.
So what have you been up to? How have the moons been? Have you gotten your summer work done yet? That Bins essay was a real pain in my arse.
I would love to hear from you again!
Best wishes,
James Fleamont Potter
***
Dear mum (james)
Wow lots of questions from you I see. I haven't been up too much. Just hanging with some muggle friends from town. The moons have been okay. And yeah I finished all the work and you're right the Bins essay was bad, but just wait till you see the potions one.
What have you been up to all summer?
Remus
***
Dear Remus Lupin
I haven't been up to all that much. I’ve hung out with Peter a lot. I’ve been flying a lot. Before Marls left to go see the girls we hung out almost everyday.
What do you mean the moons have been okay? Have you gotten hurt badly at all? Where have you been all summer, Remus? We were so worried.
Best wishes,
James Fleamont Potter
***
Dear Remus Lupin
I’m sorry if I pushed too much. You don’t have to answer my questions.
Hope you're okay!
Best wishes,
James Fleamont Potter
***
Dear James
My god I it's only been three days. But sorry. I don't want to ignore you. I just don't really want to talk about my summer all that much. Nothing bad happened, don't worry. I just really haven’t been doing anything. So not much to say on my end.
Sorry again.
Remus
***
Days with Rhys have been amazing. Remus has stopped wondering what it all means and just lets himself enjoy it. He is also pretty sure Gwen and Aled have gotten together. They always show up in the morning, but have some reason to leave together before 5 o’clock. Remus and Rhys don’t mind that much.
Nights with Lyall have only been getting worse, though. On the bad nights, reading and replying to James makes him feel a lot better. On the really bad nights though, when he feels raw and tired and he hates himself, even seeing an owl from James hurts too much. It's those nights that he wishes he was somewhere else or even someone else.
Finally after another awful night, when he feels like he ever wants to look at himself in the mirror again, one of James' owls will not stop pecking at the window. Remus had enough and let it in. But then he came to some sort of a realization and without even opening up James’ letter he wrote one of his own.
Dear James
Hey I was just wondering if I could spend some time at your house? Maybe the week before the moon? I know it is kinda short notice. It's fine if you are busy. It was just a thought.
Get back to me.
Remus
He sends it off with the owl before he can back down. He wants to be out of this house. He wants to be anywhere else. Maybe this is the way to do it. He doubts his Father will even notice really. He will tell him he’s spending a few nights at a muggle's friend's house and just leave before he can do much of anything.
For the first time in a while, Remus goes to bed with a heart filled with hope.