Chapter 5
Wotcha Remus,
How's your summer been? I hope the full moon wasn’t too bad for ya. My summer has been nice. We just got back from a trip to France to visit my Aunt Marg. She's a crazy old bat but the south of France was cool. I missed all of you lot when I was gone though. Glad to be home, to be honest.
James said you haven’t answered an owl all summer. Not from anybody. If it is because of what Sirius did, know I still haven't forgiven him. I don’t think James has either. I really hope it is because of that though. I hope nothing else has happened that is causing you not to respond. On second thought, I hope you are getting these letters at all.
Anyways, I hope you have had a good summer even after all the shite that went down at the end of term. I’ll see you on the train at least, yeah?
Sincerely,
Pete
***
Dear Remus Lupin,
You're kinda scaring me, mate. Not one letter yet this whole summer, not even to Lily! I’m getting kinda worried the moon was a really bad one.
Summer has been pretty boring. Pete just got back from France, so it will probably start to get a little better. Marls left about half a week ago to go see the girls. So it has just been me for a little while (and Sirius but we haven’t been talking much). I owled Lily though, and she got back to me!!!!! Yeah, yeah, yeah, the owl was about you but still a win is a win, yeah! You were always the way to Lily Evans' heart weren’t you? I should’ve known! I know nothing has happened between you and nothing will or whatever, but the two of you are something else.
Well, I do really hope you're okay. We miss you. I miss you.
Best wishes,
James Fleamont Potter
***
Hiya Remus
Hope your summers treated you alright! I’ve had a pretty good one myself, but honestly anything beats studying for OWLS or worrying about them. I’ve been at Lilys for four days now and she cannot stop worrying about you. I told her you would owl us when you're ready and that you need space because honestly Remus it was pathetic how obvious it was last term that you needed space from all of us. I am still not sure what happened, but I told Lily when you were ready you would owl us first.
But Remus, Lily could really use an owl from you. She kinda has a lot going on right now with her sister and now she is going crazy worrying about you. Even just a two word letter saying shut it will calm her nerves.
Get back to me (or preferably Lily!)
Marls
***
Remus!
My god! It’s like you want me to lose all my hair worrying. I really hope something serious didn’t happen and you're hurt or sick or anything. BUT if you aren't hurt or sick or dying or whatever I am going to kill you for this worry. It's been a month, a MONTH, since school ended and not one letter to a single person. We have been giving you space cause it was obvious at the end of term something happened and you needed it. But Remus, enough is enough, okay? We are worried. I am extremely worried. Last summer we owled almost every day and now this? If I knew better (or even knew where you lived) I would come knocking at your door.
So please if not for anything else but my own sanity just write back to someone with a simple I am alive or something.
I still love you even when I want to kill you,
Lily
***
Dear Remus Lupin,
Okay enough is enough. I was trying to be a good friend and give you space and all that. But I am really worried. I am like thinking the moon was really really bad or maybe even something worse. I am hoping you're just still really upset, but honestly mate this is not the way to do it! Get back to someone, please.
Best wishes,
James Fleamont Potter
***
My Remus
Why are you making everyone worry so much, huh? Lily is a mess, however, her and James have been owling a lot back and forth. Maybe this is your big elaborate plan to get them together finally. If it is, I promise I won't tell. My lips are always sealed for your secrets xxx.
To be honest though, I am with Marls. You will owl us when you're ready. I just hope you're ready is soon because I miss you lots!
Kisses,
Mary
***
Remus!
Remus, love, I am so worried. And I know, I know it is selfish and this is your healing time or whatever. But my god, what if something really awful happened and we are all just sitting at home going on with our summers. I couldn’t live with myself. (if nothing awful happened and your just ignoring me all summer I will be upset mister)
Well please get back to me, yeah? Please.
With all my love,
Lily
***
Wotcha Remus,
The next moon is tomorrow, well I’m sure you know that, but well I guess this is me just saying good luck! I hope it's not a really bad one.
Get back to me soon!
Sincerely,
Pete
***
Dear Remus Lupin,
I was up all night last night. I couldn’t sleep. Thinking of you suffering the moon when I didn’t even know if you were okay to begin with. I hope the moon was good to you. We are worried, but I guess I kinda understand. You need space, I’m just not sure I can do it unless I know for sure that's what you need.
One letter just telling me to bugger off and that you need space is enough to get us all off your back for the rest of summer. Without that it feels like I’m giving up on you, and you have to know I would never do that.
Best wishes,
James Fleamont Potter
***
Dear Remus Lupin,
This is me letting you know I didn’t forget or give up on you. Please get back if you can. I love and miss you.
Best wishes,
James Fleamont Potter
***
Hey Remus,
I hope you are okay. I’m starting to think you really aren’t
With all my love,
Lily
***
Remus J. Lupin,
I know you really don’t want to hear from me right now and I won't waste your time with apologies (I am truly sorry) but everyone is so worried. Including myself. I hope you are okay.
I miss you We all miss you
From,
Sirius
***
Dear Remus Lupin,
Are you doing okay? I hope you are! Well, this is me checking in again. I won’t ever give up on you!
Best wishes,
James Fleamont Potter
***
Remus!
For god sake! Just answer someone okay we are all worried. The two of us know you just need space, but now we think something truly awful might’ve happened because there is just no way you read everyone's letters and just said to yourself, yes let me make them suffer thinking I’m dead or dying.
Get back to us, kisses
Marls + Mary
***
Remus was grateful. The July moon was nowhere close to as bad as the June moon had been. After only two days he was back to going into town. Leaving his house and Lyall behind.
After his bandages came off after the last moon, Remus had gone into town and met Aled, Rhys, and Gwen. They had thought his scar was cool and he had loved that they would hand over their packs of cigarettes without question.
Soon, Remus was spending all day with them. Smoking by the lake and playing stupid games. He liked watching how they interacted with each other. Aled and Gwen reminded him so much of James and Lily. Aled was an athletic lad who had a heart of gold. He was so in love with Gwen it almost hurt to watch. Gwen was tall, unlike Lily, but she was just as headstrong and oblivious. She had no idea that Aled liked her. Everytime Aled would make some sort of move or flirt in any type of way, she would just laugh it off saying he did that to everyone. Rhys and Remus would look at each other and laugh.
One day, about a week before the July full moon, Rhys showed up to their spot with more than just cigarettes. He had a bag of pot and wouldn’t tell the rest of them where he got it.
“Do you want it or not?” He said, and that shut the rest of them up. The next week was spent in a high bliss. Remus had never tried the muggle drug before. Sure it was at Hogwarts, but his friends never really tried it, sticking mostly to alcohol.
These new friends and the muggle drug was just what he needed. Everytime he showed up with a new bruise on his face the other never said a word. And when he was gone for the moon for a full 3 days, when he returned they asked him where he had been. He just shrugged and said he was sick. The three of them nodded and then passed him the spliff.
Nights with Lyall were the same old same old. The only difference is, he wasn’t afraid to use his fists anymore. So, all the argumentative nights usually turned into a new bruise on his face. He stopped caring that much. The weed helped. It dulled the pain of it all.
He got letter after letter. He opened some. Threw some straight into the drawer. He wouldn’t change his mind, no matter how much he wanted to. He didn’t want to hurt his friends. That is the reason he was doing it in the first place. It didn’t hurt as much anymore though. After the first night Lyall hit him, something in him changed. He really truly just doesn’t care anymore. He’s not sure if it is better or worse. He honestly cannot tell.