It was quiet in Hogwarts , all students in their chambers sleeping. The corridors swallowed by darkness . It is a peaceful night for the castle, everything is still… everything except for that one figure with quick and soundless steps.
Sirius Black.
He managed to trick the dementors and get in to the castle. Finally escaped from Azkaban to avenge his dead friends. After ending the traitor’s life he’ll explain everything to Harry and Remus. But now the most important thing is to get to a place that is safe for him to stay trough out the days. He exactly knows where to go.
Standing in front of the Room of requirement , this is the only place that he could stay at.[He thought about going to Monny’s chamber ,but he won over the temptation]
After the wall turned into a big wooden door he pushed it open and entered.Sirius didn’t expect it to take a form like that. He just stood there frozen taking the sight in.
The space in the room wasn’t really big, just enough for two people to get comfortable. It would be a nice place with a table and food that has two chairs, a comfortable bed. The walls are painted blue, decorated with a golden forest as if trees were circling around a window that sits on the ceiling as it let's trough the veil like light of the Moon. It would be nice ,if it wouldn’t be long abandoned with memories that cause more pain than the cruciatus curse.
Over time the colour of the walls faded, the chairs croaked finding it harder to support his weight, even though Sirius only got thinner by the years.
There wasn’t anything on the table other than an empty coffee cup and a paper with something scrambled on it. He can’t bring himself to look at the piano not too far from him.
The memories of him are too painful. Just by sitting in that room feels overwhelming. The only thing that Sirius wasn’t ready for is the realization of the death of his brother, Regulus.
The little boy who loved playing on the piano and the person that he owed the most. Everything in this room was made for his brother. This room was his comfort place, until Sirius found him one day…
It was in his sixth year. Sirius roamed around the castle as usual to clear his mind. He finally confessed to Monny after years of denial. Everything was going well he ran away from that house almost two years ago and his life with his family couldn’t been better.[Except that one time when he went too far and almost got Snivellus killed and rightfully lost Monny’s trust]
The castle was full of life. First year students couldn’t find their classes again, the paintings were visiting each other’s canvases and in bathrooms you could hear shagging couples. It was a normal strutting day for Sirius.
As he walked on the seventh floor a faint melody hit his ears. It was soft and gentle, like a warm hug that you were longing for. It was the sound of a piano. He let the notes guide him to an empty wall, to the entrance of the Room of requirement. Sirius was certain that the instrument was on the other side of the wall. The door appeared standing tall and wide. The young man had a feeling who’s inside the room but nevertheless he entered.
There is only one person he knows who can play this beautifully on the piano… Regulus.
He was sitting with his back faced to him. He didn’t notice Sirius, he was lost in the wave of notes and sounds. The room was filled with music, the sunlight entering by the window on the ceiling.
Regulus just played and played as the Sun bathed him in beauty. Sirius just stared, mesmerized by his little brother again. He couldn’t take his eyes off him or the warm brown wood piano. It felt like he was a kid again , when he first heard Regulus play. That song back then was sad, jet comforting, like a lullaby that you only heard once. Just again he heard him far away ,then found him play in his room. The difference is, at that time in that house, at home , they were happy together.
The music stopped, snapping Sirius back to reality. When Regulus turned he didn’t thought that he would see him or anyone. Confusion showed on his face his gaze cold and unfamiliar to his brother.
-Brother. ~What are you doing here?
- I heard the sound of the piano and got curious. ~I wanted to see you.
The Black brothers weren’t good at speaking out loud what’s in their minds. But their eyes, they told everything that was [unsaid.]
-Well now you know where it came from. [You wasn’t interested me for two years.Did the Potters got rid of you]
-Yeah, it was beautiful. I haven’t heard you for a long time… I kinda missed it. [I know I’m sorry I really do care for you. I just don’t want to loose you.]
- Uhm… thanks I guess, but it took me months to get it right. [If you care why did you left? And if you missed me why didn’t you talk to me? You think I don’t have feelings!? You’re my brother and you just threw me away!]
-You dealt with it good. [I didn’t wanted to! I just… I was a kid, dumb and reckless. I only cared about myself. I know that I don’t deserve it but, can you give me one more chance?]
-Thanks, but that’s the least I could do… If you don’t mind I want to practice… alone. [You don’t think that I forgive you that easily. Please leave me alone.]
- Regulus can I stay? [Now you’re the one who’s asking the impossible. I won’t leave you alone, not anymore. I’m your brother and I love you.]
- If you insist. [Why do you always make me believe in you. This isn’t fair, I can’t hate you if you’re like this.]
-Great, thanks.[ I know brother. If you want to cry my shoulder is always available.]
-But keep it quiet. I don’t need any distraction. [Now don’t get too cocky. I didn’t forgave you jet.]
-Yes Sir! [Yes, but I’ll make sure that you will.]
Just like that Sirius sat there listening to his brother practice. He watched Regulus shine like a star that he is. His little star. Days ,weeks went by like that. In the room together, as if there were no times when they were distant to each other. As if they were still children dangling their feet in the air.
One day when Sirius headed to the room a thought came into his mind.”Why don’t I ask him to play the song that I first heard him play? It was so long ago that I heard it and it was my favorite.”
He stepped into the room. Regulus was there like always. His brother looked at him with kind eyes and that boyish smile. Sirius returned the warm embrace, his eyes twinkling.
-Brother. What can I do for you today?.
His voice was soft, welcoming him in his private space.
-Hello Regulus. I have a request for you this time… if you don’t mind of course.
-No, not at all. Tell me, what’s the name of the music that your ears find pleasing?
He sat down to the piano like usual. Then turning to him for the asnwer.
-Do you remember what you played when we were little? That song I always asked from you. The one which felt like an old dream…
Regulus froze. For the first time in months Sirius saw sadness take over his little brother.
-Oh… yeah I don’t know it anymore…Mother took away the memories of it when you left.
- Oh… I’m sorry. Never mind then.
That day Regulus didn’t play on the piano and that was it. Sirius never asked for a song from their childhood again. He didn’t want to long for something that didn’t exist anymore.
After that they’re meetings weren’t that cheerful. The room turned colder day by day as if their were running out of time. Sirius’s graduation almost there. The brothers will have to depart again.
As the last day had come Sirius talked to Regulus for the last time. His memories blurred from that day. The only piece that he remembered was the last time he saw Regulus.
He was trembling as the tears ran down his cheeks. The room was bright and warm, just like when he found him. He was saying something … something important. He can’t recall it now. But as Regulus was speaking he was smiling. As if he’d knew that they’re never meet again in this life. Then Sirius’s mind went blank, later waking up in one of the Hogwarts train cabin whit his friends.
He thought it was a dream, feeling guilty that he didn’t say goodbye to Regulus. Now he knew it was real. Faint, but it was there with him. In the moon lighted room with no one else but him only.
Keeping his eyes on the table whit the remains of his brother. He then lifted the old paper with the writing. Trying to figure out what’s on it. In the darkness he saw almost nothing, so reading a paper was impossible right now.
He gave up, feeling exhausted. The paper slipped from his fingers. Landing near the piano. He thought about picking it up, but instead he just sank into the bed facing the wall. He dreamed about his brother that night.
It was dawn when he woke up. The sun was still down but he saw everything clearly. His eyes got used to the darkness over the years.
When he sat up last night plans came into his mind. He searched for the fallen paper finally his eyes founding it on the ground. He walked over picking it up, avoiding the instrument next to him.
It was old and smelled like coffee. Probably spilled over by his brother. That thought made Sirius smile. Finally he started reading the words left by Regulus.
”Dear Brother, Sirius.
I do not know if you’ll ever find this message since I’m leaving it in this room. But if you do come back here and find it, then I’m writing this because our last encounter didn’t go as I had planned. I want to properly say goodbye whit out my voice failing me. Though I can only hope that you’ll seek out this place again and read my words. Cause if you’ll come back, I’ll know that you came back for me. That you didn’t leave me behind like those years ago. That I matter to you enough to be remembered, to be rescued… When you found me here I despised you, and how you stayed for forgiveness.
I forgive you, Sirius. I forgive for everything, Sirius. I miss you, Sirius. I think about you every day, Sirius. I don’t know what to do without you, Sirius. I’ll play whatever you want, Sirius. Can’t we be kids again, Sirius? Can you look at me the same, Sirius? Don’t leave me behind again, Sirius. Don’t forget about me, Sirius. I love you.
See you again, Sirius.
-From Regulus.
The little brother,
who will always wait for you.
ps: If you touch the piano and think of a song, then it’ll play it. This is my last gift to you brother.”
A drop ,then another and another. Sirius was crying. Holding the letter close, as if it was Regulus that he was hugging. He couldn’t save him. He didn’t came back for him. He failed him again.
Sirius now on his knees mourning his brother. His breath ragged, his screaming loud with pain. Trembling, holding the only thing left from his brother. But no one was there. No one who’ll give comfort, to say everything will be okay. He was all alone. Caged with the pressure of guilt.
Calming down a little he finally looked at the piano. Covered with dust forgotten, like his brother. Stumbling over he placed his hand on the side of it. Only one song came into his mind.
Nothing. The piano stayed quiet as if it was punishing him. Sirius laughed, it sounded bitter like a madman’s laugh.
Giving up he sat next to the piano, his head resting on it.
The room was finally covered by light. It was sunrise. Many shades of orange, red and yellow painted the walls in new colours. Even if he was in a beautiful place it still felt empty. Suddenly a faint sound filled the void.
It was gentle and melancholic like a lullaby that you only heard once. It was familiar to Sirius. It was like treasure to Sirius. It was a lost feeling to Sirius.It was coffee to Sirius. It was a knowing look to Sirius. It was a boyish smile to Sirius. It was everything to Sirius.
It was Regulus, to Sirius.
Just like that Sirius saw him. Sitting at the piano playing, lost in the music. The sun bathing him in eternal light. Regulus playing, Sirius listening.
When he closed his eyes, Sirius felt him. He heard his laugh, he saw his soul. He smelled his breakfast and ruffled his hair. He hugged him close and wiped away his tears. Sitting there and remembering him. For one moment Sirius held Regulus tightly again, then let him go.