i fall to pieces when i'm with you
Why did Remus Lupin have to be so bloody hot?
Sirius knew that he should be mad, or guilty, for what had happened between them. He knew he should be happy that Oliver and Remus were over. He knew that he should be angry at himself for making Remus unhappy. He knew that he should be furious that Remus was eating dinner with the Slytherins. He knew that he should feel betrayed at the hickeys displayed all over Remus’s neck. But all Sirius could about was how fucking hot his best friend was.
Remus had entered the Great Hall moments earlier, flanked by Evan and Dorcas as if he was some sort of celebrity. Sirius had expected him to keep his head down, embarrassed by his outburst earlier. After all, that was the Remus thing to do. But instead, Remus walked confidently, head held high. And he didn’t even look at Sirius. Look at me, Sirius begged in his mind, yell at me, punch me, just please look at me. But Remus didn’t. Remus walked by the Gryffindor table without a second glance, leaving James and Peter gaping at him.
They weren’t the only ones gaping. Remus looked, well, debauched. His pink lips were swollen, and Sirius willed himself to not think about how perfect they were, almost asking to be kissed. Sirius’s mouth went dry as he found Remus’s shirt unbuttoned, his collarbones peeking out from under. Sirius had an unhealthy obsession with those collarbones. He wanted to trace them with his fingers, and then his mouth. Sirius stared at the tie hanging loosely around Remus’s neck. There was something so hot about seeing Remus undone. Remus, who has always wrapped up and guarded. But then Sirius’s eyes flitted up to Remus’s neck, covering in developing hickeys. And Sirius remembered it was decidedly not hot, since it wasn’t Sirius who had done this to him. Who the fuck had touched his Moony?
Sirius craned his neck, trying to see if anyone was watching. But to his irritation, most of the Great Hall was watching Remus with a hungry expression on their faces. Who was he to blame them? Remus had been hot before, but like this, practically oozing sex? He was unstoppable. None of you have a chance, he wanted to scream, but who was he kidding? He didn’t have a chance either, especially after how he’d acted that morning.
As Remus sat down next to his brother, of all people, Sirius couldn’t take it anymore. How could Remus just sit there next to Regulus and Evan. Had it been Evan? Sirius gave him a deathly stare. Evan was fit, and quiet, and kind. Was that Remus’s type? Did Remus want somewhere more like him and less like– well, less like Sirius? But it wasn’t Evan who caught Sirius’s stare – it was Remus. Remus stared back at him, a satisfied smirk across his face. He was enjoying this.
Sirius often let his emotions get the better of him. He knew that he acted irrationally, and usually regretted it later. It’s how he got himself into this whole mess. But at that moment, he frankly didn’t care.
Sirius strode over to the Slytherin table, silencing James’s protests with a look. He pasted a smile on his face, before tapping Barty on the shoulder, asking for him to make room.
“Oh, hello Sirius.” Barty grinned mischievously, and Sirius could tell he was thoroughly enjoying this.
“Move over, Crouch.” Sirius ground out.
As Sirius settled down, he bore holes into Remus, willing for the taller boy to look at him, even in hatred. But Remus just remained engrossed in his conversation with Evan.
“Who gave you those?” Sirius interrupted.
Remus turned to him. “I thought I told you to stay out of my life?” He was infuriatingly calm. Why couldn’t he just yell at him, like he had this morning? At least that he could handle. But this - indifference? - Sirius didn’t know how to deal with this one.
“I thought you and Ollie,” he said the name with a sneer, “broke up?”
“You made sure of that, didn’t you?”
Regulus watched amusedly, looking entirely too entertained by Sirius’s torture. Sirius wanted to slap the smirk off his face.
As if he knew, right on cue, Benjy Fenwick strode past the Slytherin table, hair similarly moussed, throwing a wink at Remus.
Sirius watched incredulously. “Benjy Fenwick?”
“Oh, did you want to go scare him off, too? Don’t bother your pretty head with that one. Or any, for that matter. From now on, I’ll be seeing whoever the fuck I’d like and you have absolutely no say in the matter.”
Barty clapped him on the shoulder, leaning in. “Close your mouth, mate, you’ll catch flies.”
As Sirius stood, very much over it and not at all jealous, all he could think about was how Remus had called him pretty.
____
“What the hell did you do?” James demanded as Sirius entered the dorm that night.
“What ever could you mean, Jamie?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Sirius. This morning, Remus screamed at you in front of the entire school. Then he comes to dinner covered in hickeys, and he sits with the Slytherins. Unless I woke up in some sort of alternate reality, that’s not normal.”
Sirius sighed. “I fucked up, James.”
“What’d you do?”
“I– IkindatoldOlivertobreakupwithRemus.”
“Sirius, you didn’t.” James’s eyes widened in shock.
“I know, Prongs. I don’t know why I did it. I was drunk and he was there and I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t think.”
James smiled, a little fondly. “You never do, Padfoot. Any other reason you might’ve done it?” At this, James’s voice trailed off, and he snuck a covert glance at Sirius.
One look back and Sirius knew that James knew. Many thought James Potter was oblivious, but he was more observant than he let on.
“Do I really need to say it out loud?”
“I’d like to hear it.”
“I’m in love with Remus.”
James grinned broadly. “Finally. Pete owes me a galleon.”
“Pete bet against me?”
“Honestly, I was beginning to think I’d be down a galleon myself.”
“Thanks, Prongs.”
“Hey, at least you proved me wrong.”
“You–”
Sirius jumped onto James’s bed, tackling him down as James punched back. They often did this, tousling around like they had in first year. They really were as good as brothers. Speaking of brothers…
“Can you believe that Remus is friends with my brother and his friends?”
James cocked an eyebrow at him, “Scared that Remus is going to replace us?”
“Scared Remus is gonna start shagging my brother.”
James made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a choke. “Remus and Regulus?”
“Nauseating, right?”
“Uh-huh,” replied James, nodding fervently, though it seemed like he was no longer paying attention to what Sirius was saying.
“How am I supposed to watch Remus shag the entire castle while he won’t even speak to me? Where did these guys even come from?”
“To be fair, most of them have had their eye on Remus for years. He’s just finally looking back.”
“What? Who?”
“Are you that oblivious, Sirius? Your boyfriend is in high demand. Half the people in that bloody study group are there just to watch him. Most of the people in our year had their first crush on Remus.”
“Who?” It seemed like Sirius only had one word in his vocabulary currently, since all other coherent thoughts were failing him.
“Lily (“I’ll kill her, Sirius muttered), Mary, hell, even me.”
Sirius snapped his head up to stare at James. “You? But I didn’t even know–”
“That I liked blokes?” James finished. “Yeah, like I said, you’re a bit oblivious, Pads.”
Sirius stared at him cautiously. “You not still into Remus, right? Because you acted a little weird when I mentioned him and Regulus.”
James’s cheeks turned pink, though he turned away. “Don’t be daft. That was back in third year, I’ve long realized that Remus is yours.”
“But that’s the problem,” Sirius whined, “he’s not mine. He’s Benjy fucking Fenwick’s.”
“If it helps,” James replied, very much unhelpfully, “I heard that was a one time thing. Remus was chatting with Dave Fisher at dinner.”
“Thanks, James. That makes me feel a lot better that Remus was flirting with the hottest guy in Hufflepuff.”
James flicked Sirius on the forehead playfully. “Whatever I can do to help, Pads. Now get off my bed and go figure out how you’re going to get Remus to forgive you for being a stupid prick.”
“Hey!”
“Don’t worry, Pads. You’re my stupid prick.”
Sirius planted a slobbery kiss on James's cheek. “You too, Jamie-poo.”